Chapter Text
She swears the air breathes better when they’re outside the hospital. She gulps it in, feels like she’s drowning in it before she realizes it’s because she’s free. Her ears pop and the world is muffled. It reminds her of drops of sweet oil and cotton balls her father used to make ear aches better when she was little. Then the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.
She doesn’t hear Maggie’s voice but she sees her sister’s mouth move when she pulls her against her chest in a bone crushing hug. The world tilts under Beth’s feet and she diagnoses herself with shock right before she faints.
***
She comes to in darkness, the sound of wheels rolling over asphalt humming through her legs and up her spine.
“Beth? Bethy? You okay?” Maggie shakes her and touches her forehead. “You passed out.”
Beth blinks up at her sister, her eyes adjusting to the lack of light. “Did Noah make it out?” Her mouth is dry and her voice cracks with the effort it takes to speak.
“Yeah, he’s here. Not back here with us-” Maggie hands her a water bottle before continuing. “You didn’t hit your head, what do you remember?”
Beth closes her eyes and she’s back in the hospital corridor, Dawn’s cops on one side and her people, her family, Daryl is on the other. Dawn asked for Noah back and Rick had refused, threatened to cut Dawn’s people in half with gunfire. Beth was no longer paying attention because Noah stood in front of her and beside him was Daryl. He’d whispered her name when he touched her shoulder. It was as quiet as a breath, meant only for her to hear.
“Beth, are you listening to me?” Maggie grabs her hand and feels her wrist for a pulse. “Are you sick, did they give you something?”
“Shock, I think.” She has to concentrate on what she’s saying, forcing the words out. “I’m fine.”
She fights the urge to cover her ears when Maggie bangs on the side of the truck. Maggie was already looking at her like she had lost her mind and the last thing she wants to do is confirm that suspicion. The truck slows to a stop and within a few moments the back rolls up letting in the watery light of late evening.
“What’s up?” Glenn jumps up and joins Maggie, wrapping an arm around her waist.
“Beth, she’s-”
“Fine. I’m fine, Maggie.” She stands on shaking legs and takes several deep breaths before walking to the edge and jumping down. “Just needed some air.” She watches silently as Tyreese and Sasha help Carol step down between them, realizing that it was so dark she didn’t know it wasn’t just her and Maggie riding back there.
Daryl and Noah emerge from the cab of the truck and she tries not to flinch when they slam the doors.
“Good a place to stop as any.” Daryl’s eyes dart to each of them before he turns and stalks towards a red fire truck that was slowing to a stop behind them. “I’ll tell Rick.”
“We could all use a rest.” Tyreese nods once and Sasha glances at him with a half-smile. Carol stands between them, leaning on his shoulder. Beth eyes her critically for a moment before she looks away. Her color is good and she doesn’t appear to be in any pain.
Beth starts to send out a prayer of thanks for the medicine the doctor gave her to help Carol before she remembers that Dr. Edwards had killed some patients as easily as he saved others.
***
They make camp in the space between the road and the woods that run along it. With the two trucks offering some cover and a campfire in the center the group settles in for the night.
Maggie stays by Beth’s side almost constantly, giving her water and food, eventually wrapping a blanket across their shoulders and offering to braid her hair.
“I’m not lying. I’m okay, Maggie.” She tries to sound confident, sure of herself, and bites her tongue when her voice cracks.
Her sister touches her hair and looked into her eyes. “I believe you. I’m just worried.”
Beth endures her sister’s attention and focuses on the warmth from the fire. Glenn joins them and lays his head in Maggie’s lap. The others sit and stand in smaller groups, their murmured conversations fading in and out on the soft night breeze.
She listens as Glenn and Maggie discuss what happened with Abraham, Rosita, Tara, and Gene. Unable to connect the new names to the new faces she is still able to piece together why they were on their way to Washington D.C. A giggle threatens to erupt when they discuss the lie that Gene had been telling everyone because a cure for the zombie apocalypse sounds as absurd to her as the dead walking around eating the living.
Maybe she is going crazy. Did mental illness run in the family? Aside from Maggie there was no one left to ask.
“I’ll take first watch.” Daryl’s voice snaps her out of her reverie and she focuses on where he’s standing a few feet away.
Her eyes widen when he looks right back at her, unblinking and with an intensity she remembers from their time alone after the prison fell. He hadn’t spoken to her since the hospital corridor, or if he had she couldn’t recall it. Everything after he whispered her name is a blur, and she decides that it doesn’t matter because the hospital and all that happened there is something she’d rather forget.
“I’ll go with you.” Michonne speaks up, handing the baby over to Carl while dropping a kiss on her head.
Daryl doesn’t respond at first, keeping his eyes locked on Beth’s and then grunting in assent as he turns away.
“Everyone else try and get some sleep, we’ll figure something out in the morning.” Rick is leaning against the fire truck when he tilts his head and smiles. “Welcome home, Beth.”
***
They camp at the roadside for a few days, discussing their current situation and making plans for their immediate future. Not knowing all that had happened while she was away from them, she keeps quiet and tries to help everyone out as much as she can.
It becomes awkward when Rick puts Judith in her care. Within a few minutes of being held by Beth the baby begins to whine and cry, reaching her hands out for her brother. She had missed the little girl in her time away but it felt different holding her now, like Beth had forgotten how and the baby sensed her unease. It’s a relief to pass her to Carl and busy herself with something else.
Everything is different. There are people Beth didn’t know who have relationships with those she did, leaving her to feel like an outsider amongst all of them. She fetched water, tended to the fire, and worried over Carol’s injuries, but she was operating on auto pilot. She moved amongst them ghostlike, numb to her bones.
Any sense of belonging, the camaraderie that usually came naturally to her is missing. She tries not to dwell on it, ignoring the niggling doubts that nibble at her mind, distracting her from the fact that she survived. She should be happy.
She sticks close to Noah, likes that he doesn’t ask any questions about what happened to her, doesn’t look at her with worry, like a strong wind will knock her over. It’s from him that she gleans information about Terminus, Father Gabriel and the church, Gene and his giant lie. It’s a trait that serves him well, gathering information. Beth is grateful he’s willing to share.
“He’s staring at you again.” Noah raises his chin, his arms immobile from holding the large sticks Beth has been handing him.
She doesn’t have to turn her head to know who he is talking about. Daryl stands a few feet away, deep in conversation with Rick and the new guy with the bright red hair.
“Yeah, so?” She shrugs her shoulders, not wanting to invite any speculations.
“He’s a pretty intense guy.” Noah straightens up, adjusting the kindling with his hands. “There something between you two?”
“We were together before I was kidnapped.” She bites her lip; the taste of moonshine is quick to surface in a flood of memories.
“Oh, it’s like that huh?” They walk to the gathering wood pile and stack what they’ve carried.
Beth figures it should be enough to keep the fire burning through the night. Even so, she’s prepared to gather more. Anything to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied.
She shrugs again, not sure of the answer herself. “No.”
But there is a yes waiting on the back of her tongue because there had been something growing between them in the time they had to themselves, or maybe it was wishful thinking on her part and forced intimacy on his.
“Does he know that?” Noah’s tone has a teasing lilt to it and Beth can’t help but return his quick smile.
“We got separated from everyone back at the prison.” She doesn’t want to go into a deep explanation about her and Daryl, and she knows Noah doesn’t expect her to. “We didn’t know if anyone else had survived and he-” Beth swallows the lump forming in her throat, “he saved me.”
Noah nods in understanding and returns to their task. They both look up when Daryl approaches and clears his throat.
“Going hunting. Try and bag something to cook over the fire.” He adjusts the strap of the crossbow across his shoulder, “Wanna come?”
The question is directed to both her and Noah, but Daryl’s eyes don’t leave Beth’s face. “Yeah.”
Without another word he hands over his crossbow, nodding in approval when she adjusts her stance to carry it in front of her, exactly like he taught her to and only having to compensate a little for the cast on her wrist. She leads the way into the trees, not stopping when Maggie calls out her name and asks where she’s going.
They walk in silence for what feels like miles, occasionally slowing when they hear a walker moaning in the distance or the crunch of leaves under stumbling feet. Eventually one crosses their path and Beth aims the crossbow, finger on the trigger ready to fire.
“Hold up.” Daryl’s breath whispers on the back of her neck, his words low and barely discernable above the snarling noise the walker is making as it gets closer. “I got it.”
He steps in front of her and in one efficient move stabs it in the head with his knife. They both stop for a moment after it falls to the ground to look over what was once a woman in a housedress.
“Gotta save the bolts.” He wipes the knife across the leg of his pants, leaving a trail of gore behind to stain the denim.
“How many do you have,” Beth asks as they move forward, Daryl taking the lead.
“Not enough.” He keeps the knife at hand, ready for anything that might cross their path. “There’s a creek. Let’s head that way.”
They can hear the water moving before they reach it. Its several feet across and cuts through the woods in a wide meandering path. She hands the crossbow to him before traversing the muddy bank, taking careful steps until she finds a rock large and dry enough to sit on. Cold immediately seeps through the seat of her jeans and she shivers involuntarily, wrapping her arms across her middle.
“What are we hunting? Deer?” Beth watches as he places the crossbow at her feet and crouches down beside her.
“Nah. There’s nothing worth shooting for miles round here.” He plucks a weed from the ground and starts shredding it with his fingers. “Tara, Glenn and one of the others were out here earlier. Caught enough carp to feed everyone.”
She leans back, trying to find a more comfortable position. “Then why are we here?”
He glances at her and then away, brushing his hands together and then shrugging.
“It’s nice here. Quiet.” She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, wishing the filtered sunlight was warmer on her skin. “Thanks for bringing me.”
Daryl nods once and stands up, his moves uneasy and restless. “Could tell you needed a break.”
“So much has changed. And Maggie- I love her you know, she’s my sister- but she’s all over me. Clingy. Keeps asking me if I’m alright and what happened to me. And I just can’t.”
He stoops and picks up a small stone, palming it before sending it skipping across the surface of the water. He gathers a few more, repeating the process and then offering her one.
“Everyone still has me in all these boxes.” Beth takes the stone, her fingers skimming across his. She doesn’t throw it, instead holding it and marveling how cold it is compared to the heat of his skin where their hands had touched.
“Boxes?” He crouches down again, so that they are eye level and stays motionless while he listens.
“Yeah, I mean. I’m the girl who watches the baby, or the one who cooks and does the dishes. And I don’t feel like that person anymore.” She throws the stone into the water and it disappears beneath the surface with a little splash. “I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Who’d you want to be?”
She doesn’t know, not really. But she tries to answer anyway. “Don’t know. Just not who I was.”
“Hm.” He hums and narrows his eyes. “Then don’t be. They’ll figure it out.”
They sit in companionable silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the water and leaves rustling in the wind. Beth enjoys the moment; here there is no farm, no prison, and no hospital. Just them and a level of peace she hasn’t experienced in far too long.
“Do they hurt?” He’s closer than she realized, his face inches from hers while he studies her wounds, his fingers tracing the path of the cuts without touching them.
“Not anymore.” His concern makes her heart speed up, or maybe it’s that he’s close enough to kiss. She can’t tell which it is and decides it doesn’t matter. If she were a braver person she would lean into him and see what happens. “Do they look horrible?”
He shakes his head and frowns before answering, “No.”
Beth hopes that he doesn’t notice her blushing or the way her hands shake when she moves to stand up. Her butt has gone numb but she ignores it and uses a tree to support her weight until she’s steady on her feet.
“We best head back.” He hands her the knife watching as she grips it in her good hand before he shoulders the crossbow and takes the lead.
Beth falls into step behind him, embarrassed when her stomach rumbles in hunger. The last filling meal she ate was days ago and she almost forgot what real hunger feels like.
“I’ve never been a fan of fish.” With Daryl there’s no need to make conversation, but she wants to anyway. “And carp tastes terrible.”
He slows their pace and glances back at her. “Pickiest eater I’ve ever met.”
“Probably better than snake, though.” She manages to keep a straight face. Barely.
“See if I ever cook for you again.” He stops and they stand still for a moment, listening for movement in the trees around them. Beth rests her injured hand on his back, the embroidery of an angel’s wing rough against her fingers.
Daryl lips quirk into not quite a smile when he takes her hand and entwines their fingers. “You were right, Green.”
“About what?” Her thoughts collide and her pulse beats in her ears. His hand is calloused where they touch and her palm is sweaty under the cast, but it’s the best thing she’s experienced in recent memory and she doesn’t let go.
“I did miss you when you were gone.” He squints at her from under the fringe of his hair.
For the first time since leaving the hospital she feels grounded and real. “Told you.” And she almost sounds like her old self when she says it.
***
That night she volunteers to take watch with Daryl and tries to ignore Maggie’s disapproval.
“It’s not necessary. You should be sleeping in one of the trucks with Carl and Judith.” Her sister stands in front of her blocking her path, as if Beth can’t turn around and go the other way.
“I’m not a kid, Maggie. I want to do this.” Beth keeps her voice down, not wanting to air their dirty laundry in front of everyone, but it’s too late.
Daryl is nearby watching, his face unreadable. Noah covers his mouth with his hand and averts his eyes and everyone else pretends to ignore them.
“I just want you safe. I don’t think you’re cut out for it.” Maggie raises her hands in front of her, almost begging. “Please.”
Beth tries to calm down, and fails miserably. “There is no ‘safe’ anymore! Not for me, not for anyone. We have all been through hell and worse and you’re still trying to control things that can’t be controlled.” She takes a breath and lowers her voice. “Any one of us can die at any time and I’ll be damned if I spend my life cowering and being scared.”
It’s Glenn who defuses the situation, offering Beth his gun and then wrapping Maggie in a hug and pulling her away.
Everyone’s watching as she checks to make sure it’s loaded and thumbs the safety on. She holds her head up and walks over to Daryl who points the way up to where he is sitting on top of the fire truck. It’s windier than she expected once she’s up there and she sits close to him, hoping to steal some of his warmth.
“Should cut your sister some slack.” His words rumble from his chest, pitched low so only she can hear.
They watch as everyone settles in for the night. The baby cries for a few minutes before Michonne’s crooning voice soothes her to sleep. Some move closer to the fire, using the blankets for bedding while others pile into the back of the truck.
“Enjoy the show?” She doesn’t want to fight with him but can’t believe he’s taking Maggie’s side. “I’m sure we made a nice spectacle for everyone. A Greene bedtime story for the ages.”
Daryl huffs out a breath that could be mistaken for a laugh. “Better n’ late night tv.” He puts his arm across her shoulders and it soothes her anger while making her body hum. “Give her some time, Beth. You’ll always be her little sister. That won’t ever change.”
Beth recognizes the sadness in his voice and knows he’s thinking about his brother. How he can make her feel all hot and bothered and like a jerk all at once is a mystery she can’t solve.
“I’ll try.” She sighs and leans into him, seeking the comfort that only he can offer.
“That’s my girl.” His voice is gruff and his face is hidden in shadow, but she can guess what it costs him to say such a thing.
She presses closer, enveloped in the scent of leather and cigarettes and him. “Good to know I got you on my side.”
“Who else am I gonna drink shine and burn down houses with?” This time he laughs for real and she joins in, unable to stop herself.
“I think my drinking days are behind me.” She hiccups and wipes her eyes.
He rests his head against her shoulder and she can feel his chest move when he breathes in. “Probably a good idea. I heard that stuff can make you blind.”
“Yeah.” They watch as night falls around them and the sky goes dark.
“Yeah.” He stands up and offers her a hand up. “Time to get to work.”
***
The next day the group sets out for the closest town they can find. Everyone is more than ready to eat something besides carp cooked over a camp fire and sleep somewhere that isn’t out in the open. Beth sits in the cab of the truck between Daryl and Noah, listening as they debate the merits of going to a place called The Alexandria Safe Zone.
“I’m telling you, it’s a real place. My dad and I talked to people that had been there, that had people that lived there.” Noah pointed to the road ahead. “My uncle could be there. That’s where I’m heading; I don’t care what anyone else decides.”
“Terminus was supposed to be a safe place too, and it turned out to be full of fuckin’ cannibals.” Beth watched transfixed as Daryl drives the truck, his eyes scanning ahead, searching for trouble. “If it wasn’t for Carol we wouldn’t have made it out alive.”
Noah’s silence is his only answer. Beth glances from one to the other. “What do you think Rick will do?”
“Don’t know.” Daryl doesn’t stop watching the road. “But we can’t stay out in the open for much longer, not with winter comin’ on.”
Conversation stalls after that, and Beth busies herself flipping through the presets on the radio until the static gives her a headache.
“I miss music too.” Noah puts his feet up on the dash and crosses his arms behind his head. “What I wouldn’t give for my iPod. Four hundred and fifty-two songs all gone.”
The corner of Daryl’s mouth quirks up and he glances at her quickly. “Sing something, Beth.”
“You can sing?” Noah sits up straighter, his interest piqued and smiles at her. “You take requests?”
“No.” Her response is too quick and she realizes too late that she’s giving herself away.
“You can’t sing or you don’t take requests?”
“Both. Neither.” Beth rubs her forehead and closes her mouth, not daring to say another word.
“She can sing.” Daryl nods to Noah, “real pretty, too.”
Noah spends the next five minutes begging her to sing; when she relents it’s mostly to shut him up.
If you ever change your mind about leaving
Leaving me behind
Baby bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring it on home to me
It’s pitchy as hell and the acoustics in the cab aren’t doing her any favors but she continues anyway because her father always used to say that once you started something you damned well better finish it.
I know I laughed when you left but now I know I only hurt myself
Baby bring it to me
Bring your sweet loving
Bring on home to me
By the time she finishes the second verse and starts on the chorus of ‘yeah’s Noah joins in, his deep voice in harmony with hers and together they don’t sound half bad.
“My dad had that record, you know the little ones they called forty-fives?” Noah’s smile is contagious and Beth knows she’s blushing when she grins back at him.
“Yeah, my mom had a record collection too.” Unexpected tears fill her eyes when she thinks about being a little girl dancing around the living room with her mom, shouting along to ‘Jessie’s Girl’ and ‘Working for the Weekend’.
Daryl taps his fingers on the steering wheel in a restless tattoo and says, “Told ya she can sing.”
She and Noah spend the rest of the ride talking about their favorite songs and debate back and forth over who were the best bands and singers. Eventually the discussion devolves into a rap battle and Beth concedes victory to Noah after she forgets the words to Eminem’s ‘Slim Shady’.
***