Work Text:
Jihoon considers himself pretty level-headed when it comes to making big decisions. No, scratch that, he knows for a fact that he is a level-headed person.
He has never regretted a decision in his entire life. Dropping his business degree in Busan to become a music producer in Seoul? Best decision Jihoon has ever made. Buying a mattress hundreds over his price range instead of a cheaper option? He’s never slept better and his back is forever grateful. Filing a formal complaint with his landlord against his neighbours for having sex too loud? They moved out. Getting a cat? He named it Bruno and he loves her to death!
So really, Jihoon is perfectly capable when it comes to handling his life.
But when it comes to Kwon Soonyoung? The man he met by chance when Bruno somehow escaped his apartment and Soonyoung was there to catch her, Soonyoung? The man who was his neighbour and he befriended when they found out they coincidentally went to the same gym, Soonyoung? The man who has a weird and borderline obsessive affixation with tigers, Soonyoung? The man he subsequently fell in love with in the mere span of a week, Soonyoung? That Kwon Soonyoung?
When it comes to him ? He regrets everything.
Now, sipping this 600$ champagne, in the best suit he could materialise from his dusty closet, glaring at seemingly nothing and making everyone in his vicinity fairly uncomfortable, trying his damndest to ignore his ex, Kwon Soonyoung.
Soonyoung, who he dated for 4 years and broke up with not 6 months ago. Soonyoung who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. Soonyoung, who has an arm around a pretty boy with brown hair, who was leaning on him and laughing at whatever it was Mingyu was saying from across the reception hall.
“You should stop frowning, hyung. Makes you age faster,” Vernon, his saving grace from whatever awkward interaction that would inevitably follow, chirps from his side.
Jihoon frowns harder, “Yah! Where did the respect for your elders go, huh?”
He shrugs, “Just stating facts, hyungs.”
Jihoon slaps his shoulder, twice for good measure, before sighing and turning back to where Soonyoung was now animatedly chatting with the brunette.
He really should’ve known Soonyoung would be here, it’s Seokmin’s wedding after all, and Seokmin was one of Soonyoung’s best friends. But alas, past Jihoon wasn’t smart enough to ask Vernon who Joshua was getting married to when he invi†ed him to be his plus one. He just knew that they were both flying to Korea to visit his family since it was long overdue, and Vernon had tagged along to do the same and the both of them hit Joshua’s wedding along the way before flying back to America.
Imagine his surprise when he spots Soonyoung, of all people, next to Seokmin in the wedding hall, looking as dashing as ever in his expensive dark blue suit, black hair styled up and pushed back from his forehead. Jihoon had felt his heart melt at the sight, had felt himself falling in love all over again when Soonyoung gave his best man speech and couldn’t stop crying and had to cut it half way through. But his stomach dropped when he saw a brunette make his way over to Soonyoung, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and whispered comforting words in his ear, all the while Soonyoung buried his head in his shoulder and merely hugged back.
He was yours , a voice whispers somewhere in his mind. And you let him go .
As if sensing his gaze, Soonyoung looks up at Jihoon, his smile faltering and recognition flashing in his eyes. Jihoon feels like fainting. It’s the first time that night Soonyoung had looked directly at him. Jihoon imagines he barely had the time to let his gaze wander, what with his best man duties and entertaining his date. But now, their eyes locked on each other, Jihoon can’t look away. He sees Soonyoung’s fill with so many emotions, things he can’t quite decipher but it makes Jihoon feel all warm and fuzzy and like he can’t breathe at the same time.
Vernon says something about greeting the grooms, efficiently knocking some sense into Jihoon that he looks away from Soonyoung and agrees quickly.
He still feels Soonyoungs heavy gaze on him as he walks away. He doesn’t dare look back.
******
Hours pass and Jihoon hasn’t seen Soonyoung since their stare down from across the reception.
The wedding has now lulled, a comfortable haze falling over all of them, including Jihoon. He’s now on his 5th glass of champagne, the contents of which are almost gone if not for a few drops left, and he’s feeling more than tipsy.
Some part of him wonders if Soonyoung already went home. Went home with his date who he learns is named Seungkwan from Joshua. Who didn’t seem all that aware that Soonyoung was Jihoon’s ex.
Which he had to emphasize in his mind whenever he thought of Soonyoung. That they’re over . That chapter in their lives had been read and Soonyoung had moved on to another with someone new. That Kwon Soonyoung isn’t his anymore. His heart clenches at the thought.
One would think that Jihoon would’ve moved one already since he was the one who initiated the breakup in the first place. And it’s been months , he should already move on and stop wallowing and mourning the lack of Soonyoung’s presence in his life. But the truth was, he’s never taken romantic interest in anyone since they broke up. And it definitely wasn’t for the lack of trying.
There had been an abundance of people in America he tried to move on with, he had tried to sleep with. But the spark wasn’t there. They didn’t cuddle him awake every morning and pressed kisses all over his face to wake him up. They didn’t make him breakfast or dinner the way he liked, nor his coffee. They didn’t play or spend time with Bruno, or babysit her while he was away. They didn’t visit him in his studio late and night and forced him to take a break. Neither did they stay with him when he resisted until he was too tired to move and slept in their laps. They didn’t whisper sweet nothings in his ear, told him how much they loved him and pounded him into the mattress. They didn’t like tigers.
None of them were Kwon Soonyoung.
And it hurts . Jihoon realizes maybe some part of him had been suppressing any and all thought associated with Soonyoung when he moved to America. That he had been taking all the pain and regret when it comes Soonyoung and putting them aside in a box at the back of his mind. Some part of him briefly wonders if that was the reason he couldn’t move on.
And it hurts him, knowing all those things Soonyoung once did for him, he’s now doing it to Seungkwan. It pains him knowing he found someone new, knowing he doesn’t love him anymore.
He quickly blinks away the tears brimming his eyes, wiping them on his sleeve as if anyone would notice. The chilly night air from the balcony makes him shiver, making him long to go back inside, but he can’t. Not like this, all vulnerable and emotional. God forbid someone notices it.
He quickly composes himself, taking deep breaths and deems himself presentable enough and turns around to head back inside. If he had looked where he was going, he would’ve noticed the person at the doorway, too busy thinking up excuses to Vernon so they can leave.
Jihoon bumps into someone’s chest, yelps and almost falls on the floor if not for the arm that catches him around the waist. His arms instinctively rests on the man's chest so their bodies don’t collide, but finds himself pulling away when he looks up to find Soonyoung staring down on him.
Soonyoung lets him go when he pulls away but he finds himself regretting that decision when the cold night air makes him shiver, finding himself wanting to be in Sooyoung's warm embrace again.
“Soonyoung…” He breaths.
“Jihoon.” Soonyoung says carefully in the same velvety voice Jihoon oh so missed, “Can we talk?”
The words ‘About what?’ dies on his tongue and he finds himself merely nodding, gesturing to the staircase that leads to the garden below.
“Let’s talk.”
******
“It’s great that you’ve moved on,” Jihoon states, trying to come off as casual but doesn’t miss the way his voice trembles. He just hopes Soonyoung doesn’t notice. He clears his throat, “Seungkwan seems great.”
“What?” Soonyoung asks in a confused tone, “Seungkwan? Yeah he’s great, but I’m not dating him.”
Jihoons surprised gaze finds his, “You’re- you’re not?”
“No? What makes you think that?”
“I just...you guys just look so close you know? I just assumed…”
“I mean, yeah sure, we’re close. But I think of him as more of a brother than a potential boyfriend.”
Jihoon nods, “Right. Sorry…” and averts his eyes from Soonyoung’s piercing gaze.
Silence settles on them, and they stand there, in front of the fountain, Jihoon trying his hardest not to stare at Soonyoung’s moonlit features. Jihoon hates it. The tension, the awkwardness, the restless tiptoeing.
It makes his stomach settle a little better knowing Soonyoung wasn’t dating Seungkwan, but that still doesn’t mean he hasn’t moved on from Jihoon.
“I’m not seeing anyone, for that matter.” Then he looks at Jihoon, straight in the eye, “Not since you.”
It makes Jihoon’s stomach twist and heart flutter, and it’s honestly so messed up how that simple statement makes Jihoon want to say fuck it and run back into Soonyoungs arms, pride be damned.
“Me neither.” He whispers, so quiet that he worries Soonyoung had not heard him. But he does. And it’s like a fire had been lit inside him, his gaze burning as he stares at Jihoon.
Jihoon’s heart pounds loudly in his chest, blood rushing in his ears, making him deaf to anything that isn’t Soonyoung. The tension between them is thick and heavy, the air around them getting warmer despite the cold air.
Then, as if breaking out of his trance, Soonyoung looks away and sighs. Then he asks a question that makes Jihoon’s stomach drop, “Why did we break up, Jihoon?”
It’s as if the entire world is staring at him now, waiting to be answered, searching his eyes for any trace of dishonesty, making want to run away and hide in a cave like a coward. He could lie, to Soonyoung and to himself. Tell him he never loved him, that he stopped loving him. Tell him he meant nothing to Jihoon, that all those years of being together was merely an experiment, that he wasn’t even gay to begin with.
But this was Soonyoung they’re talking about. Soonyoung who he was irrevocably and unapologetically in love with for years, Soonyoung who knows what he’s thinking without him even needing to say it, Soonyoung who knows him inside and out. Soonyoung, who he regrets ever walking away from. Soonyoung who knows he’s thinking all of this and patiently waits for his answer.
“Because…That’s what I thought you wanted,” he murmurs.
There’s a moment where Soonyoung stares at him in disbelief, “How do you figure that, Jihoon?” He scoffs, “What made you think I wanted you to break my heart in pieces and move away the next day? What makes you think I wanted you to leave as if our years together meant nothing to you? I wondered everyday what the hell I did wrong to make you leave, I still do! And now you’re telling me it’s because you thought I wanted you to go?!” Then his voice trembles, “I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, and I fucked up on so many occasions but if you could just tell me what I did wrong-”
“No! Soonyoung it wasn’t your fault! It was mine! None of it was your fault, you….” he pauses, “you were perfect.”
“Then why!” he shouts, “Why the fuck did you leave us all behind? Do you know how fucked up it is for me to hear you say you wanted to leave? It shattered my world! You’re my everything Jihoon, and I thought I was nothing to you. I knew you were trying to pull away from me the weeks leading up to if but I thought you would want to talk it out like you usually do but this-!”
“Do you remember when we went to that Italian restaurant a few weeks before we broke up?”
Soonyoung pauses, frowning, but nods in confirmation.
“We saw your ex, right? And she- she got proposed to by her boyfriend and you were looking at her in such longing and- and I remembered you told me you had been together since high school and broke up when you went to college, and I thought-”
“You thought I wanted her back?” Soonyoung finishes. Jihoon nods, not having the stomach to look at Soonyoung.
Jihoon waits for it, waits for Soonyoung to say that it was true, that he did want her back and that Jihoon had every right to break up with him. Waits for him to break his heart like Jihoon deserves. Tears well in his eyes at the thought and he sniffs them away.
Then suddenly a hand was on his chin, forcing him to look up and meet Soonyoung’s eyes. His gaze is soft, tender and he gently wipes away the tears on his cheeks, “Lee Jihoon, you idiot,” he mutters, a small smile reaching his lips, “I wanted to propose to you.”
Jihoon’s eyes widened, “W-what?”
Soonyoung nods, chuckling lowly, “I was going to propose to you, but then we saw her and I figured you didn’t want to be proposed to on the same night as my ex. So I didn’t. But then you were avoiding me and I never got the chance to do it, then we broke up and you left for America and…” he smiles gently, “Now will you please tell me why we broke up, not just half the truth, baby?”
Jihoon sniffles, heart clenching at Soonyoung’s gentle gaze, “Be- Because, I- Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what, baby?’
“Afraid that you’d leave me too.” The tears welling up in his eyes fell before he would stop them, “You told me you had been with her for so long that I was afraid that no matter how long we’ll be together, you’ll eventually leave me.”
“Oh, baby,” he says gently, before pulling him into a hug, rubbing a soothing hand down his back, “I’ll tell you right here, right now, okay Jihoonie? I love you. I always have, always did, always will. And even though we broke up, I never stopped loving you. And I still want to marry you, Jihoonie.” Then he pulls away, cupping Jihoon’s face in between both hands, “If you will have me?”
Not being able to form a coherent response between crying, Jihoon just frantically nods and pulls Soonyoung down by his collar, kissing him with fervor.
Soonyoung is quick to respond, hands previously cupping his face now winding down to his waist, tugging him closer by the hips.
Soonyoung’s lips are just as Jihoon remembers, soft and plush, but despite that his kisses are full and hard, the kind that leaves you breathless and makes you want more. Jihoon revels in the feeling.
It’s not long before Soonyoung pushes his tongue in between Jihoon’s lips, Jihoon welcomes his warmth openly, making their kisses heated and full of want. Soonyoung’s hand makes moves from Jihoon’s waist, to his hip, then finally coming down and squeezing his ass roughly, making Jihoon gasp and tug on his hair.
Soonyoung uses the opportunity to leave kisses down his jaw, sucking marks into his unblemished skin, making Jihoon whine and moan. Soonyoung pulls him even closer than before, guiding him against a garden wall, pushing his thigh in between Jihoon’s legs, rubbing his hard on. The action pulls a moan from Jihoon’s throat, which only spurs Soonyoung on even more.
“Soonyoung, Soonyoung, Soonyoung,” He pants, tugging on Soonyoung’s hair to make him look down at him. Soonyoung’s eyes stare at him hungrily, his breathing harsh as he stares at Jihoon. Jihoon smiles at him, before pulling him down for a gentle peck, “Take me home.” He mutters against his lips.
Soonyoung doesn’t need to be told twice.
******
“Youngie~” Jihoon whines, high and desperate.
Soonyoung was in between his legs, licking bold stripes across his hole, sucking marks into his thighs, nipping at his cheeks, just teasing him. It’s an endless routine they’ve been sporting for the last half hour now, Jihoon begging for more and Soonyoung ignoring his pleas for release.
Jihoon’s hand winds down to Soonyoung’s head in between his legs, tugging his hair harshly to get him to move up. Soonyoung thankfully complies, and he places kisses and kitten licks as he moves up his chest, sucking on a nipple as he goes roughly, making Jihoon moan loudly. Soonyoung finally meets his lips, their tongues dance and explore each other's mouths with much enthusiasm, as if each movement would explain how much they missed each other’s bodies.
Jihoon’s hand moves down Soonyoungs chest, grabbing hold of his cock and rubbing it up and down fervently, making Soonyoung groan into his mouth.
“Baby,” Soonyoung groans, grabbing Jihoon’s wrist to stop his movements. Jihoon meets his gaze, “I’m gonna prep you now, okay?” Jihoon only answers with a moan.
Prepping quickly turns into teasing as Soonyoung’s now got three fingers up his ass, a hand squeezing his thigh and his mouth attached to a nipple, sucking as if hoping Jihoon would by some miracle, produce milk. But it only makes Jihoon’s body vibrate with need, his whines and moans falling on deaf ears everytime Soonyoung’s fingers brush against his sweet spot, which makes him abuse it ruthlessly.
And with tears welling his eyes, the need for release rising higher, Soonyoung finally stops teasing.
“I’m gonna go in now. Okay, baby?” he asks, kissing his tears away.
Jihoon nods desperately, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, please.”
Soonyoung smiles, leaning over Jihoon, watching as the blunt head of his cock passes through the tight ring of muscle of the smaller boy's body. Jihoon sobs in relief, ignoring the pain as Soonyoung finally bottoms out, hot, heavy and big. Just the size makes him feel a little delirious as the head of Soonyoung’s cock brushes against his bundle of nerves minutely, making him keen.
“Harder, Youngie. Faster, please.”
And who was Soonyoung to say no?
Soonyoung arches over Jihoon, working his hips faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin resonating through the room. Jihoon moans loudly, thighs wrapping around Soonyoung waist, heels digging against his back, arms around Soonyoung’s neck, clinging to him for dear life as Soonyoung thrust against him harder.
Soonyoung groaned in Jihoon’s hair when he felt the younger one tighten around his cock, signalling he was close. Soonyoung wraps an arm around Jihoon’s waist, and sits up, thrusting into him insistently , making Jihoon’s eyes roll at the new position. Then Jihoon screams, mouth latching onto Soonyoung’s neck as he feels his orgasm shake through him.
And Soonyoung doesn’t stop. He only goes harder, trying to find his release all the while Jihoon can only squeeze his eyes shut at the overstimulation.
Then Soonyoung groans loudly, gently laying Jihoon back down onto the mattress, kissing him gently as they both let the tiredness wash over them, even with the stickiness of Jihoon’s come between them and Soonyoung’s cock and come in his ass.
Even with all that they’d been through, Jihoon is still irrevocably and unapologetically in love with Kwon Soonyoung. And that is one thing that he will never regret.
******
“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung calls from their bedroom.
Jihoon, who had been playing with Bruno and Horangi in the living room, only hums as an answer. Seconds pass and Jihoon frowns at the lack of response from his boyfriend. Worried something might have happened, he gets up, walking quickly.
It’s been 5 months since they’ve gotten back together, 3 since Jihoon’s moved back in with Soonyoung in Korea.
It was tough at first, trying to navigate through the awkward limbo they’d accidentally landed into, trying not to overstep any boundaries. In retrospect, sleeping together before they fully talked about their issues may not have been the wisest decision, but they eventually moved past it. Once they did, settling into old habits and routines became less and less difficult and the pass four months have been pure bliss for the both of them.
Jihoon had never been happier.
Their friends were only mildly surprised when they told them they had gotten back together, Joshua even more so since he hadn’t even known they dated. What came more as a surprise, however, was Vernon and Seungkwan admitted they had been seeing each other since the wedding. Soonyoung had been delighted at the news since he didn’t have to listen to Seungkwan whine about being single anymore, but he masked it by putting a protective big brother act, and ‘lectured’ Vernon to not hurt Seungkwan in any way, shape or form.
To which Vernon calmly listened without an ounce of fear, which only irritated Soonyoung at the lack of reaction. Jihoon had to calm him down later when they had gotten home.
Jihoon pushes their bedroom door open slowly, surprised when he finds the room littered with candles and rose petals. The aroma was slightly overwhelming and dizzying but Jihoon just shrugs it off. He briefly wonders if Soonyoung was currently performing a satanic summon and he needed a blood sacrifice, hence why he had called Jihoon into the room. Jihoon would barely put it past his boyfriend to do such a thing, especially if his request for the devil was to have a pet tiger.
“Youngie?” He calls quietly, confused at the obvious lack of Soonyoung in the room, “Babe?”
Someone clears their throat behind him, and Jihoon turns around, breath catching in his throat when he finds Soonyoung on one knee, a blue velvet box in one hand. He beams widely at Jihoon, eyes turning into slits as he stares at him with adoration.
“Jihoonie-”
“Yes.” Jihoon cuts off.
Soonyoung pouts, “That’s not fair, Jihoonie. I didn’t even ask the question yet.”
Jihoon rolls his eyes, wiping the tears from his face as he nods for Soonyoung to continue.
Soonyoung takes a deep breath and smiles, taking one of Jihoons shaking hands in his, rubbing it with his thumb soothingly. “Lee Jihoon, I love you more than anything in the world. Even tigers. And everyday I think about how lucky I am to be able to call you mine.” He brings Jihoon’s hands to his lips, kissing each knuckle between his words, “And I know we’ve been through many things together, but I believe we got out stronger than ever. You are the most talented, caring, funny and hardworking person I know. I can’t ever imagine loving someone else and I was stupid to ever let you go. I’ll learn from my mistakes. I know now that if you ever run away from me, I’ll come after you-”
“You sound like a serial killer.” Jihoon laughs, trying to mask his sobs.
Soonyoung smiles, getting up from his kneeling position and taking both of Jihoon’s hands in his, gently laying the velvet box in between their intertwined fingers. He presses a gentle kiss to Jihoon’s forehead, “I love you more than anything, Lee Jihoon. And it would make me the happiest man in the world if you would do me the honors of marrying me-”
“Kwon Soonyoung, you idiot.” Jihoon mutters from his place buried in Soonyoung’s neck, “of course I’ll marry you.”
Soonyoung grins, taking the ring out from the box and slipping it on Jihoon’s finger. Then, he picks jIhoon up in his arms, making the younger man yelp and laugh as he spins them across the room.
“Put me down, you cretin!” Jihoon laughs.
Soonyoung obliges, cheeks hurting from smiling too long and he stares fondly at his soon to be husband. He brushes the hair out of Jihoon’s eyes, leans down for a gentle kiss, trying to convey how much he loves him in a single peck. They kiss for a while, teeth clashing with how much their smiling but Jihoon refuses to stop.
Suddenly, he laughs, effectively stopping their impromptu makeout session.
“I thought you were performing a satanic cult and was going to sacrifice me to satan or something,” He mutters, gesturing towards the candles when he meets Soonyoungs confused gaze.
His boyfri- fiance laughs. “Believe me, baby. If I was going to sacrifice someone, the last person I would do it to is you.”
“Because you love me?”
“No. Because you’re too impure to be sacrificed. No satan or devil would want you there.”
Jihoon promptly smacks him over the head, “You’re an ass. I don’t even know why I love you.”
“Because, baby. Where else are you gonna find someone who can fuck you as good as me?”
“Pervert!” Then he pushes the older man off of him, walking out of the bedroom.
“I love you too, Jihoonie!”
Jihoon tries to hide the small smile that reaches his face.
Yes, there are many things he regrets when it comes to Kwon Soonyoung.
But falling in love with him? That was one thing he will never want take back.