Work Text:
It’s a beautiful day in Konoha’s Uchiha Compound.
A beautiful, normal day.
So naturally, Uchiha Izuna is yelling at his brother.
Today, however, the yelling is rather warranted. (Izuna will never admit it but their screaming matches are how he and Madara show their affection. Well, that and Madara insisting on regularly throwing him into the koi pond that, suspiciously enough, followed him even into this brand-new compound.)
“NIISAN! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!”
Izuna is being very calm and rational about this.
Both Madara and Hikaku – looking like he’d rather be somewhere else, so nothing new there – have the gall to wince at his slightly raised indoor voice.
Neither answers his question.
“I miss one meeting – thanks for not waking me up, Niisan, so nice of you – and suddenly the entire council decides to raise money via an Uchiha-exclusive pin up calendar?!”
“…There were a few who abstained from voting,” says Hikaku at the same time as Madara grumbles something that suspiciously sounds like ‘You punched me in the throat when I tried to wake you up.’
Alright. Izuna had been rather opposed to opening his eyes this morning.
But! More importantly!
“I can’t believe this got decided without me,” Izuna huffs, “I didn’t even get to vote!”
There’s only one thing to do. He draws in a deep breath and-
Madara clears his throat. “Izuna, if you don’t want to participate, you don’t have to-“
“I absolutely have to!” Izuna interrupts him, “This calendar needs to have some beauty in it or the only person who will buy one is Hashirama! And that’s just sad.”
His brother blinks. Blinks again, opens his mouth, and then closes it.
Izuna glances at Hikaku. “Sorry, cousin, no offense.”
Hikaku inclines his head. His lips are suspiciously twitching upwards. “None taken.”
…Izuna has a favorite cousin and it’s definitely not just because Hikaku is his only surviving cousin.
So. Logistics!
“Have you considered which artists to commission? Because I know some in the capital with stellar work, especially in this subject area-“
“That’s the amazing thing, Izuna. We won’t need painters,” Madara interjects.
…Huh?
His brother pulls something out of the stack of papers on the desk and holds it out to him. “Tobirama invented an, uh, apparatus? To capture moments instantly.” He grimaces. “I don’t know how it works exactly, but it will apparently really lower the production costs.”
Tobirama did what?!
Izuna snatches the square pieces of rather firm… paper? out of his brother’s hand and looks down.
Huh.
It’s clearly an admirable - and very cute - attempt at replicating the Sharingan’s perfect memory.
On paper.
In black and white.
“It’s called a photograph, taken by Tobirama’s camera,” Hikaku helpfully shares the terminology while Izuna thoughtfully runs a finger along the photographs in his hands.
“I’ll be the project leader on our side,” Izuna says absentmindedly, still staring at the photographs.
“Eh, Hashirama said he and I could coordinate together, with Tobirama taking… the photos…?“ His brother trails off as Izuna snorts and very emphatically shakes his head.
“No offense, Niisan, but the only Uchiha who will not run screaming into the other direction when Senju Tobirama points a strange new invention at them are currently in this room.” Yes, they've made peace now, but every Uchiha remembers that there was a reason it was only ever Izuna who fought Tobirama, and that reason was of course that anyone else immediately died.
“Not to mention that watching you and Hashirama ‘work together’ is a very... unique experience,” he adds, finally looking up. So unique in fact that just this month Izuna had to console three of his clansmen - and one very traumatized Yamanaka, poor thing - and transfer them to duties that wouldn’t include daily reporting to the Hokages’ office. They were crying.
As expected, his brother has nothing to say to that. In fact- is he blushing?
Ugh.
Izuna is not acknowledging that right now.
In fact, he has things to do.
Like breaking into Tobirama’s lab to fix the tragically black and white issue of these photographs.
Izuna has some experience at dismantling Tobirama’s warding seals, even if the Senju has added a whole host of new ones this time.
Oh! Now there’s even one specifically aimed at Uchiha chakra!
Delightful.
Today is the first time he breaks into Tobirama’s lab – as opposed to his kitchen, because damn, the man can bake – but the seals here are only slightly more complex.
The lab is notably less tidy than the rest of the house. Or well, the kitchen and the hallway, since Izuna has the distinct impression Tobirama would actually murder him if he ever set foot into any other room.
Like the lab.
Anyhow, he’s already in here. Might as well make the coming murder attempt worth it.
Most of the workbenches are covered with schematics and half-built cameras, but Izuna can see an interestingly well-stocked chemistry corner as well as several shelves full of hand-written notes along with reference scrolls.
…And what are these papers? Shoved to the side, looking slightly abandoned, full of irate – or frustrated? - comments.
Prerequisites for Hypothetical Temporal Displacement Using Fuuinjutsu.
Huh.
That’s- actually rather interesting.
Though it does have an extremely pretentious name.
Izuna gets to work.
Approximately sometime between five hours and three days later, he becomes rather abruptly aware of another person in the same room as him.
Specifically, the person is Senju Tobirama, his chakra cold-edged in anger, and the room is his living room, in which Izuna has just staged a dramatic scene for a final test of the improved camera, using himself and two of Tobirama’s backup furs he found in a locked chest in the lab as props.
… The temptation to go break that lock had been a bit too much, Izuna has to admit.
“Tobirama! Hi! Perfect. Here, take my picture? I’m quite flexible, but I really want to get the whole shot in-“
Tobirama all but rips the camera from his outstretched hand.
“Hey, careful! I went through all of this trouble to get the colors working, don’t drop it-“
Tobirama stills, his free hand lowering from where he has half drawn his sword. “…Colors?”
Izuna leans forward and smirks. “Yes! You were almost right in your experiments, but there were a few chemicals you hadn’t tried yet.”
The Senju bows his head over his camera – well, more like Izuna’s now since he had to fiddle with it for ages to get it to work – and frowns. “…I didn’t know you were familiar with chemistry,” he says absentmindedly, squinting at the open back of the camera, presumably trying to figure out what exactly Izuna did there.
Izuna snorts. “Of course I am!”
Tobirama looks up at his confident tone, narrowing his eyes. “…Really.”
“Yes?! The evidence is right there in your hands?!” The Senju still doesn’t look very convinced, which is rather rude. Izuna sighs. “Listen, I’m very good at setting things on fire – as you know – and what sort of Uchiha Heir would I be if I couldn’t set things on fire in all the different ways? Like, say, with chemicals.”
Tobirama’s eyebrows can’t actually go up any further or they would disappear in his admittedly glorious silver hair.
Rude.
The other man hums skeptically and carefully closes the back of the camera again. “Well, I guess there’s one way to find out,” he says, and then, without warning, snaps a picture of Izuna.
“Hey, wait, I wasn’t ready-“ He had, in fact, been making rather exaggerated faces into the Senju’s general direction.
Tobirama ignores him in favor of studying the photograph he just took. “…While the subject is extremely questionable-”
“Hey!”
“-the colors look pretty good, actually. Did you take notes?” he asks, voice turning sharp.
“Maybe I did, Senju,” Izuna snaps back, pouting about the missed opportunity for a good picture, “and if you ask nicely, I might even share!”
They stare at each other for several tense moments.
“…I also added some corrections to your time travel theory!” he says, smug since he actually managed to address most of the issues that Tobirama had with it. “A few of your basic assumptions weren’t quite right according to Uchiha Lore, but I rewrote the relevant formulas, and I think we might need to mix chakra for this to work but it will work now-“
“What?!”
Hah. As if Izuna would let something like the tragic lack of beauty in his contemporary clan stop him from making the best calendar.
“…Tobirama.”
“Yes, Izuna?”
“Allowing Hashirama to be here at Niisan’s photo shooting might not have been your smartest decision.”
Tobirama elbows him, making a face. “You were the one who said it ‘would help with the mood’.”
Well. There’s definitely a mood going on here right in front of them.
…
“…Izuna.”
“Yes, Tobirama?”
“Why are you still watching?”
…
“Why are you still watching?!”
They do get some really good pictures in the end.
(But at what cost?!)
Hikaku, somehow, proves himself both Izuna’s favorite cousin once again and also possibly not an Uchiha, because his photo shooting is blessedly disaster- and tree man-free.
Now, if everyone else takes after Hikaku instead of Niisan, this is going to be a breeze.
The very first stop having finally convinced Tobirama that we’re not really messing up time completely, Tobirama, or at least not our time, live a little is, of course, Otsutsuki Indra, Izuna’s fourth-favorite Uchiha.
(His list obviously goes something like this: his brother; himself; Kagami when he isn’t being a brat; and then Indra, who technically isn’t an Uchiha but definitely counts.)
“…Let me get this clear,” the technically-not-an-Uchiha says slowly, “you are from a future in which, after centuries of war, me and my brother’s descendants have finally made peace and are now raising money to pay for that peace by… selling pictures… of my descendants’ naked bodies.”
Izuna beams. “Exactly!”
“Mostly naked in a tasteful way,” interjects Tobirama.
Izuna rolls his eyes and mouths boring.
He feels rather vindicated when Indra snorts.
“And then you decided that inventing time travel was a reasonable course of action to support this endeavor?”
Izuna nods, sighing a bit. “Tragically, this calendar was in dire need of some beautiful faces besides my own. Our village really needs this money, after all.”
“And your time travel will not, ah, effect anything with regards to my future or, well, your present?”
Izuna hums and jerks his thumb over his shoulder towards Tobirama. “So this one thinks that our mere presence here will change the timeline for you, meaning that I might actually not be your new favorite descendant and you might actually not be my favorite ancestor anymore, except in a more transcendent way?” He pauses and then shrugs. “Of course, we might also just have destroyed our own present irrevocably.” Tobirama had said there was only an infinitesimally small chance of that happening but, you know, it was still there.
Indra tilts his head. “If the latter holds true, you’re welcome to stay. But now, let’s talk more about this calendar of yours.” He leans forward. “Do you think I should have my hair up or down?”
Hah. There was a reason Izuna always liked the stories about Indra and that’s of course because he always seemed really down for a lot of things.
He ignores the sound of Tobirama audibly facepalming somewhere behind them.
The Senju is very welcome to worry about all of his cute temporal stability theories while Izuna and his favorite great-granddad get down to business.
Izuna clasps elegant hands in his, staring deeply into the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. Other than his own, of course.
“I have a really important question to ask you, Mikoto-chan,” he starts, his voice going low and a bit hoarse with anticipation, “… How closely related are we, exactly?”
There’s the sound of someone choking to their left – ah, the sour-faced husband was listening to their conversation – and surprisingly, a flare of angry chakra from Tobirama that’s quickly suppressed, but Izuna takes note.
For future reference.
Uchiha Mikoto meets his smirk with a glorious one of her own before firmly withdrawing her hands from his. “Considering that my youngest son looks like the spitting image of what I imagine you looked like at his age, Izuna-sama, it’s definitely too close.”
Well, damn.
She has to get it from someone, he supposes.
At least the pictures will turn out really well.
“My man. Cousin. Friend,” Izuna says, slinging an arm over Obito’s shoulders, “if you want this look to work for you, you have to take better care of your hair.”
The man tries to squint angrily at him from beneath his uneven bangs. Ugh. Yeah, that might work for Madara some of the time, but it really doesn’t work for this specific Uchiha. The scrappy-mysterious-vengeful look with the scar and the mask and all that has potential, definitely, but not with this hair.
“I’ll recommend you some products that occasionally even work for Niisan!” he adds cheerfully.
Huh. Funny. Why would the other Uchiha not-quite-flinch when Izuna mentions Madara?
He narrows his eyes.
Izuna checks his mental list and stops. “… There’s a problem.”
Tobirama looks up from where he’s fiddling with their camera and frowns. “What is it?”
“The consensus of the Uchiha Elders was that Otousama should definitely be included in our project now that our jutsu made that possible.”
“And?”
Izuna huffs. “Tobirama, if we show up in front of Tajima, he will think I’m an impostor and he will also definitely try to kill you.” He shakes his head. “Father was- is not someone who will stop to listen to any explanations.”
“...That is a problem,” Tobirama agrees after a long pause.
Izuna can’t believe he didn’t stop to consider this at any point.
Probably because he’d still been weirded out by solid three-quarters of the Uchiha Elders sighing over the thought of his late father in an advanced stage of undress.
Ew.
EW.
Izuna turns to stare at Tobirama, because that at least makes for a much nicer picture.
Tobirama stares back.
“…”
“Tobirama.”
“Hm?”
“Tobirama. We’re both shinobi!” He pauses to let that incredibly important statement properly sink in.
Tobirama raises an eyebrow. “Technically, you’re still on medical leave-“
Izuna makes a noise not unlike an angry teakettle.
Tobirama smirks.
Bastard.
“…Are you suggesting we utilize our shinobi skills and secretly take erotic pictures of your father?”
Izuna flushes and elbows him. “Don’t say it like- like that! We’re doing a regular intelligence mission, and our target just happens to be my father.” There. Easy!
There’s absolutely no reason for Tobirama’s face to be doing that thing it’s currently doing.
It turns out that yes, Uchiha Tajima is a creature of habit and still leaves for his weekly solo mission of a destination that Izuna, for all his bratty attempts, had never been able to quite figure out. Now, however, he’s aided by several years additional experience and also Tobirama, who, admittedly, might be a bit better at tracking than Izuna himself.
Only because of his sensing, of course. Which basically amounts to cheating.
“...Was my father leaving the Clan Compound every two weeks to go have some uninterrupted sleep?!” Izuna hisses directly into Tobirama’s ear from where they’re both perched on a narrow rooftop, hiding behind a genjutsu. “How selfish! … He could’ve brought me!”
They’re currently watching Tajima lazily charm the servants of an inn catering to the upper middle class.
“…You do realize there are other things to spend time on in an establishment like this, right,” Tobirama says, voice dry.
Izuna feels his face heat. He is in fact actively avoiding realizing that right now.
He considers the situation. “Alright. You go take the pictures; I’ll be the lookout.”
There is absolutely no way Izuna would willingly get anywhere close to his father in a private room at an inn.
“We can’t risk getting caught here, as you said. I have some ideas for that,” Tobirama says after a moment, sounding suspiciously… smug?
…His mission setup somehow requires Izuna to dress up as a worker of the inn. Specifically, one of the female workers.
He will admit that the role does allow him to keep a very close look on any comings and goings in the building. But- “Tobirama, if that was the camera I just heard, I will end you and then bring back your rotting corpse just to do it again.”
When he turns around, fiddling with some of the clothes he just changed into, the camera is nowhere in sight and Tobirama looks thoughtful. “…Do you have some more outrageous but surprisingly effective Uchiha ideas on the topic of bringing back corpses?”
Izuna stares.
“For science. In theory,” Tobirama belatedly adds. Then he looks Izuna up and down, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose this will have to do.”
Izuna doesn’t bother with an answer and instead lets a subtle genjutsu settle on his skin, softening his features and rounding out some of his muscles.
This time the eyebrow raise is distinctly surprised. Some might even call it appreciative.
Hah. There’s a reason Izuna has been voted Most Beautiful Uchiha for every single one of the last seven years and part of that reason is that he can make just about every look work for him.
(The year in between when a certain brother succeeded in an extremely involuntary haircut-via-prank doesn’t count. Everyone was in mourning about Izuna’s hair. They had to pause the voting.)
“Good luck. Don’t die,” Izuna says, and then goes off to charm some patrons and keep an eye out for disruptions.
… Izuna isn’t going to mention that Tobirama looks a bit flushed when they meet up two hours later at the discussed place outside. Although-
“See something you like, Tobirama?”
The Senju blushes even more, which is both hilarious and also slightly horrifying now that Izuna thinks about it, and presses his lips together.
Alright, it seems he’s not going to talk about this.
Just like Izuna is definitely never going to talk or even think about the person he’s absolutely sure was Senju Butsuma heading towards the room his father was in.
Nope.
Never.
In fact, he’s going to genjutsu himself into forgetting the entire last two hours.
Their next victi- Well, their next model is a bit harder to track down.
He does, however, immediately stop attacking them as soon as he gets a good look at Izuna’s face.
Ten minutes later and Itachi is still staring at his face in a rather unsettling way. At this point it has gotten way past creepy even to Izuna, who’s - of course - used to people staring at his beautiful face. Preferably not with an active Mangekyo Sharingan and distinctly mad glint to their eyes though.
“…What did you say your name was again?”
“Izuna. I’m Uchiha Izuna,” he repeats for what feels like the fourth time.
“Are you sure?” Itachi hesitates. “…Not Sasuke?” he finally adds, sounding a bit lost. As well as suspicious.
He’s also suddenly a lot closer.
“No?!” Great. They may have found the one Uchiha going above and beyond the usual Uchiha Creepy Scale.
He’s unfortunately too good-looking for them to write him off as calendar model just yet.
“Your brother is safe where you left him,” Tobirama interjects smoothly, stepping up besides Izuna because he correctly divined that otherwise he is about to start throwing hands – or fireballs –, “and we’re merely here to ask your help with a little project to Konoha’s benefit.”
Well, Tobirama might have paid more attention to the timelines they jumped into, keeping track of common names and events and such, but Izuna is pretty sure that an Uchiha with a scratched-through Konoha hitai-ate won’t react very well to any mention of the village-
“Oh?”
-or for such an Uchiha might be surprisingly on board.
Huh.
Izuna has questions but the look Tobirama keeps shooting him prevents him from asking any. For now.
He really should ask Tobirama privately later. There’s something the Senju isn’t telling him.
“Do you have any preference for a background?”
Izuna would prefer to get this over and done with but apparently Tobirama has this appalling thing called manners and they’re doing it the nice way.
Itachi stares at them long enough to make Izuna’s fingers twitch towards his sword again.
“… Kisame said he wanted a vacation.”
At their dubious glances, he adds, “My partner. Somewhere with a beach would be appreciated.”
… Sure, they can do that. Anything to get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
“Well, that worked out rather well!”
“… Izuna. He hugged you for thirty-eight minutes.”
Izuna smirks. “Yes! And those were thirty minutes in which he wasn’t actively trying to kill you, so yes, you’re very welcome!” Also, his Niisan’s hugs were always the best. Even if this particular version of Madara had apparently gained a century’s worth of mild to moderate insanity along with a shock of white hair that worked unfairly well for him.
“…”
“And it gave you time to convince Fake Izuna to pose for some pictures, too.”
“… I’m pretty sure Fake Izuna was actually the elusive Sasuke we’ve been hearing about.”
Excuse me- “Have you looked at his face?!” Izuna snorts. “It’s clearly a poor attempt at the perfection that is mine. I wonder, was someone doing Uchiha cloning experiments using the perfect template that’s me-”
He stops suddenly and turns around to stare at Tobirama. “… Were you?!”
Tobirama is looking into the other direction. Rather pointedly, if you ask Izuna.
“… Anyway, how did you convince Fake Izuna? I only caught some arguing in the beginning, but he seemed to have changed his mind rather quickly.”
Tobirama clears his throat. “He’s certainly more gullible than you.”
Is that… a smirk on the Senju’s face?
“After listening to his complaints about that future’s village system – which have some merit, I took notes - I told him the profits from the calendar would all go to the Uchiha For Next Hokage Project… which immediately brought him on board.”
Yup, he’s definitely smirking now.
Izuna silently mouths Uchiha For Next Hokage Project. That’s- brilliant!
He celebrates this by throwing his arms around the other man. “Tobirama! I’m so proud! You came so far!” They’re saved from toppling over only by Tobirama’s reflexes and considerable arm strength, which does actually feel rather nice from where Izuna is clutching at his biceps.
“And that project is a fantastic idea and I can’t wait to run the meetings! I’m sure Niisan will join immediately. We might be able to get Hashirama, too!”
“Wait-“
“And maybe I was wrong about the cloning. No clone of mine would be that gullible.”
He ignores Tobirama’s poorly concealed eyeroll. The Senju’s still smiling, so it’s all good.
Then the other man promptly ruins it by frowning. “I still maintain we shouldn’t have told your brother- well, that Madara as much about time travel and timelines as we did.”
Izuna shrugs. “The alternative was to let him kill you while he kept hugging me, if you remember?” That might’ve been highly entertaining – not to mention educational – to watch but Izuna has grown rather invested in Tobirama’s continued wellbeing and would like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
“…That timeline was pretty fucked anyway,” he adds when Tobirama just hums questioningly. The entire Uchiha Clan, gone? Now that was just insulting! “And what’s the worst that could happen?”
Their next temporal jump using the modified Hiraishin takes them right into the middle of a fight.
And Izuna can’t help himself. He sees some who’s clearly an Uchiha gripping his bleeding face where he apparently just now became a victim of fucking bloodline theft, he sees an old man with bloody hands and a self-satisfied smirk, he senses the aggressive chakra of further assailants all around them, and he- reacts.
Violently.
With extreme prejudice.
And copious amounts of setting all the things - including several people - on fire until they stop moving.
Tobirama doesn’t step in until the old man is on the ground, screaming, with his hand including the eye he stole just now safely disconnected from the rest of him and in Izuna’s grasp.
“Izuna,” Tobirama says, staring down at the fucking bastard with a weirdly fixed look on his face, “tend to your… cousin for a bit, will you? I have something to discuss here.” He tosses the bag with the camera into his direction.
…Izuna really needs to get Tobirama to finally share his notes on the things that apparently went wrong in all these futures - currently titled Avoidable Obstacles To Konoha’s Future Peace Prospects, which is all Izuna could glimpse that one time and honestly, what’s with this man and pretentious titles – because Tobirama looks like he knows that old man.
Oh well. Izuna takes another quick glance around to make sure there are no more weirdly masked attackers in the vicinity - there aren’t, if you don’t count the ones who are still twitching a bit - , and then turns towards the Uchiha they just saved.
He smiles. “Hi!” Now that he properly sees the younger man, he looks an awful lot like Kagami.
Huh.
Izuna sends a quick prayer for whoever managed to get along with Kagami, little hellion that he is, long enough to have a child with him. Poor soul.
He nods towards the severed hand he’s holding, completely with the stolen eye and all. Ugh. Izuna doesn’t want to think about how unsanitary that is. “You’re getting your eye back in a bit, as soon as Tobirama finishes his talk.”
The talk behind them seems to have escalated a bit, judging by how pissed Tobirama’s chakra feels, but it’s honestly rather endearing when it’s not aimed at Izuna himself.
“In the meantime, can I interest you in our little project for the good of Konoha?”
The teenager shifts a bit, glancing behind Izuna for a moment before looking back at him. “... You know what,” he finally starts, sounding exhausted, “whatever this project is, it can’t be worse than the day I just had.”
Izuna smiles a little wider. “Perfect! I’m Izuna, by the way.”
“...I thought you might be, since that is definitely the Nidaime Hokage over there. I’m Shisui.”
Smart boy.
But also- Nidaime Hokage? That’s it, Izuna is stealing Tobirama’s notes. He has thoughts.
In the end, they get back home only slightly mentally scarred to find their own timeline blessedly intact.
Well.
Mostly intact?
Izuna stares at the beautiful Uchiha woman he has never seen before in his life.
The purple-haired kunoichi is flirting with both Mito and Touka at the same time, making that look incredibly easy when Izuna knows for a fact that flirting with either is like trying to pet a giant hungry tiger.
Izuna would rather pet an actual tiger.
Hikaku leans in to whisper into Izuna’s ear. “She showed up a few hours ago to join the project. We… didn’t see a reason for her not to…?” His cousin trails off.
Izuna huffs. Yes, obviously, their calendar will benefit immensely from her inclusion – he thinks they might be able to raise the sale price again now – but shouldn’t the Clan as a whole be concerned about the fact that no one has ever seen her before?
He looks at her again.
…
Hm.
Going by the way Mito and Touka are looking at- at Naori, right, that was her name, maybe the Clan should be more concerned about having to potentially host three-way marriage negotiations soon.
Well.
Definitely a problem for Niisan then!
Actually doing Izuna’s own photo shooting proves to be rather difficult. If only because Tobirama is quite probably the densest man in the entire village.
“… I can also do less clothing, hm?”
“How many times do I have to tell you, it’s not that kind of calendar, Izuna-“
Tobirama’s words trail off when he looks up to meet Izuna’s heated gaze and finally, finally seems to get the fucking hint.
Izuna smirks and lets the rest of his kimono slip off his shoulders.
Tobirama sets the camera aside very carefully.
(And Izuna finally learns what Tobirama‘s bedroom looks like without having to break another lock. Or well, how the bed feels, at least. He’s rather busy with more important things.)
THE END