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“Hey, Em.” She hears the sound of his voice from just behind the nest of blankets she has herself in. She’s been here for anywhere between two and thirty-eight hours with no plans to leave anytime soon. She’s not sure she could even if she tried.
She pathetically kicks her ankle up to show him she’s alive - he knows, but she knows he worries. It’s all she can do right now.
“Time?” She borderline growls at him and then feels terribly bad because he’s only there to help her. His response doesn’t seem to hold any grudge though, “almost eleven in the evening,” he says because he knows she won’t know how long she’s been out, and won’t have the energy to ask another question.
“Tuesday.” He adds on quickly. She’s grateful for him - but she’s only further pushed into her pit because she knows he’s leaving soon. It’s unfair to place this on him, she never would outwardly. He has a city to save, people to help - so she understands that he can’t take an evening off just to sit around while she mopes.
“Can I come on the bed?” He asks quietly and she adores him. She can also hear the crackling of something and she’s intrigued. She makes a noise that means yes in her head and she knows he’ll know. He always knows.
She feels the bed on her left dip down as she sits with his head against the headboard. He won’t be able to see her, she’s hidden under too many blankets. She could invite him in but that seems pathetic so she doesn’t.
“You know, today I saved four different cats from trees. One of them twice!” He says with enthusiasm she desperately wants to match. She loves to listen to him talk about anything and everything - even when she can’t reply.
“Mmmm - you know I thought about having a sandwich from Delmar’s that wasn’t a number five today. Can you believe that, Em? I’m crazy over here.” She loves how hard he tries with her - even when she makes it difficult. She breathes out a small laugh.
“You’re my best friend - you know that right?” He says to a bundle of blankets and she feels herself well up, attempting to regulate her breathing but the lump in her throat makes it difficult. A pained noise leaves her throat and she can feel his battle with himself over whether or not to pull her out of the nest. He doesn’t - she’s thankful.
“You had a cry yet?” He says with the tone that means he’s trying really hard to act calm. He knows so much about her that it should make her run for the hills - the only reason she isn’t is that he’s spent so long learning all these things - how she likes her coffee, how she can’t bear to speak before 8 am, how when she’s in a depressive episode she doesn’t like to talk and she really needs to cry, how she hates to cry. And that she can't get out of the bed. She shakes her head.
“Okay - want me to read to you? Let me grab my kindle - don’t get mad I don’t have space for the paper ones-” she feels him laugh against her and she misses him. “Let me grab it and then I can pull up my MJ list.”
She makes a noise because she didn’t know he had an MJ list and she needs to know what’s on it but she can’t bring herself to ask.
“As if I wouldn’t have a list. Wanna hear it? Pick one.” She moves her head a minuscule amount knowing he’ll pick up on it. Her questioning what the lists are and why he has them.
“The MJ is happy list, the MJ is sad list, the MJ is depressed list because they’re very different, the MJ wants to cook and read at the same time -”
“Peter.” She says and it comes out broken and she doesn’t mean for it too.
“It’s okay, it’s okay - I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”
“You didn’t, God - you’re like… you’re like sunshine and I’m just - I dunno -”
“Starlight.” He responds as if he’s had that tucked away for a while - like he’s thought about her in various settings. Tilting her head slightly she sees him come into view - watches as his eyes widen with awe like he wasn’t actually sure she was under all these blankets.
“Starlight?”
“Yeah - you know how magnificent the night sky is? Like -” he shifts slightly to face her duvet like form “-everyone knows the night sky is beautiful, it’s a fact. It’s vast, it’s beauty never-ending and it’s always there. But then you look a little closer, spend some time trying to figure out exactly what’s out there and you notice hundreds of bright lights, and then they turn into thousands and before you know it -” he starts dropping his fingertip in different places on the blankets so she can feel “-your entire universe is full of millions of bright lights and you’re not entirely sure how you ever missed them in the first place.”
He shifts further down the bed to match her, lifting one of her blankets trying to find his way into the nest. When he reaches something that feels like skin he beams at her and then drops something on the sheet and retreats.
Frowning she searches for what it is, mildly upset that his hand wasn’t reaching for her - not recognising that it’s the first emotion she’s felt in hours, not realising that the bottomless pit she found herself in this morning is slowly rising like she might be able to see the light. But then she finds a small square-shaped object that feels like it’s wrapped and just knows his face is showing far too many emotions and she feels herself smile for the first time in days.
“Starburst?”
“Pink, of course.”
I love you, she thinks.
“Of course, nerd.” And she feels him try to hold back a gasp like he’s incandescently happy that she’s joking with him.
“You know what else I love about the night sky?” He asks in a soft voice as if he’s just behind the blanket near her head. He doesn’t give her time to respond.
“There’s always more to learn. Sunlight is sunlight. We know all about sunlight. But the night sky?-” he says with so much awe she heart can barely take it “-one day you learn that they like their coffee with creamer even though they pretend otherwise. The next day you learn that they pretended because that’s how their Dad has it -” she moves her hand around to try and find it’s way too him, she’ll always find her way to him so she’s not worried “-in 9th grade you learn that they can draw people in crisis really well. In 10th grade, you learn that they like to draw you, but you don’t tell them that.”
“You knew?” She says breathless, arm stock-still behind the barricade of the blanket.
“Yeah, Em - I was always in crisis so I don’t blame you.” She can feel the warmth of his hand between the threads of the blanket she stole from his bed. Desperately wants to reach for it. But does he know ?
“Do you know the rest?” She feels her heart about to pummel its way out of her chest, he can hear it too. She watches as his hand snakes under the confines of her fort and reaches for her. She holds on.
“I know they like to steal the blanket from my bed when they’re sad because it smells like me. I know what I’m hoping for -” He says with a squeeze to her fingers “-I know that I’ve been in love with you since I was 15. But the universe scared me then, and I didn’t know how to do anything about it. I was terrified of losing you and we were barely even friends… I know I could have said something sooner but - it’s you MJ. How do you compete where you don’t compare?” He says so quietly she can barely hear him over the sound of the blood rushing through her ears.
So she pulls back the blankets to uncover her face and meet his eyes properly for the first time in hours. He’s right, she misses him.
“Hey, starlight.” He says looking at her like she hung the moon for him - maybe he thinks she truly did.
“You can only call me that when I’m sad.” She whispers at him as his hand comes to rest against her cheek.
“Okay.” He says with a smile just for her. She moves the bundles of blankets out of the way so she can properly touch him, and pulls him so his entire body is flush to her the second she has the energy to move. He doesn’t rush her.
She feels safe when he wraps his arms around her and places a kiss to her forehead.
“Can I call you sunshine when I’m sad?” she asks against his neck - feeling his vibrate as he laughs.
“You can call me sunshine whenever you like, MJ.” She hums against him and settles back into bed. It’s better with him here - it always is.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine-” she hums to partly mess with him and partly because it’s true and she loves him. He hugs her tighter to his chest and she can feel the love he has pouring into her - the way he’s trying his best without forcing her to do anything she doesn’t want too.
“You make me happy when skies are grey-” she says quietly in between peppering featherlight kisses to his neck and under his jaw. She wishes she had the energy for a monumental first kiss knowing that’s what all great loves have but she’s happy and content and he’s here - and it’s enough.
“You’ll never know dear-” she pulls back so she can see him and he’s looking at her like he never wants to stop “-how much I love you.” He leans in first, but in her defence, she was still humming at him. The kiss is soft and tender and everything she needs from him right now. It wouldn’t make the final cut of a movie but that’s okay. Her life isn’t a movie, it’s real - and it’s right now and she loves it.
“I love you,” he breathes down her throat. “I’ll love you forever.” He presses his lips against hers again and she deepens it this time, desperate to feel him - scared that the second they pull away she’s going to go back. She doesn’t want to go back. Her hands go to the back of his head grasping at his curls and she pulls him on top of her.
“Em -” he says against her mouth and she swallows his moan as she rakes her fingers down the back of his neck.
“What’s up, sunshine?” She says hoping to distract him - it partially works. He groans against her for a few more seconds until he pulls back completely, hands still resting on her waist as he attempts to regulate his breathing.
“Fuck - you’re really good at that. Another thing I learnt about the stars today.” She rolls her eyes at him but she loves him.
“I love you-” he moves his hand to pull her hand close to his face and presses a kiss to her palm “- I love you when you’re dark and I love you when you battle me for the sunshine. I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow. I know you’re secretly super romantic and corny because I live to know everything about you-” his eyes are swimming with unshed happiness and it makes her chest feel light - as if she can do this. She can get through this - he’s right there guiding her. “- but that counts as a Hollywood first kiss for me. I’m not going to be upset, I’d never be upset with anything I got from you. Okay? So if you want, we can do all the dirty things I know you have planned for me-” she bites her lip to stop herself smiling because he knows her “-or we can lie here in blankets you definitely stole from me and I’ll feed you all the pink Starbursts. I’ll love either of them because I get to do them with you.”
There are times when she can’t believe Peter is real. Like the world truly lucked out with him. This is one of those times.
“I can’t believe you called me corny and then said that.” She says looking at the duvet because she loves him but her emotions are not in check right now - he just laughs with her.
“I love you.” She says looking at him like he’s the sun because he is. “I really want the orange ones as well though,” she says settling back against him as he encloses her in his arms. “We can discuss the dirty things if you want.”
He laughs and reaches to cover her with the blankets again, and grabs the bag of Starbursts. He unwraps and gives her all the pink and orange ones and shares half the green ones with her. She watches as he sends a text to the group chat asking for someone to cover his patrol and only contact him if something from outer space is coming - there’s somewhere he needs to be.
She knows there are times when he can’t choose her - when he has to leave. But she knows that whenever it’s his choice, he’ll be here with her.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.