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“Have you noticed anything?”
The question rang in Artemis’ ears as she focused on the spiral of steam pouring from the mug of tea Hades had served her. The herbal lemongrass scent prickled her nostrils, reminding her of the spring goddess who was now missing, and she leaned slowly over the table to take a tiny, miserable sip.
The conversation wound on around her, her vision tunnelling into that tiny mug of tea. It looked small in her hands, it looked ridiculous in the enormous paw of the king of the underworld. She took another slurp and tried to bring her mind back to the conversation at hand. They had to find Persephone, and they had to do it soon.
Besides the fact that her ass was 100%, whole grain, organically sourced and grown grass once Demeter found out her daughter was missing, Persephone was her best friend. Her roommate. She loved her, and didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.
Her heart clenched at the thought of Persephone feeling the need to go off alone, of not feeling safe to tell Artemis where she was headed, of not feeling happy. She thought Persephone was always happy, wasn’t she?
Eros shook his head slightly, and she realized she had asked that last question out loud.
Well then. Apparently she didn’t know her roomie as well as she thought. The realization tasted slightly bitter in her throat. Or maybe it was just the tea.
The remainder of the evening passed by in a strange blur. She argued with Eros, she argued with Hades, she glared at Ampelus whenever she looked like she was flirting with Eros, and she glared at Eros whenever he got overly touchy with Ampelus or even Hades. But inside herself, she felt empty. Sick, even.
The drive back to Olympus at the end of the night had Artemis feeling borderline nauseated. She always got like this when she worried about something. And at this precise moment, she was very, very worried.
She stretched out along the back seat of Eros’ coupe, staring up at the starry night of the underworld as it slowly faded to dawn in the presence of the ever nearing checkpoint. Fragments of the night played back in her mind, swirling as she tried to sort out her tumultuous feelings.
Guilt, certainly. Fear. Check. Anger, to be expected.
But there was a twinge in her breastbone that wasn’t something she could put a name on. It ached, almost like grief. She’d had huntresses die before, lost in the field of service, bleeding out and beyond help. Those deaths, though few, had been bitterly painful, and she and her acolytes had wept for the loss of life. But this feeling, while a kind of sorrow, was different somehow. More, melancholy, perhaps. She clawed at her chest in annoyance. What was this?
The laughter carrying from the front of the car broke her from her reverie. The last twenty four hours had been exhausting, but now, cocooned in the velvet darkness of the underworld, curled in the backseat of Eros’ car, she felt the high that had built from her anxiety and panic begin to drain away. The peace came at a price-- unbidden, the conversation at Hades’ kitchen table came to mind.
“You’re her friend…”
“She told me she wasn’t doing very well…”
“You live together…”
"?She’s always happy, right"
“Have you noticed anything?”
Hades’ last comment had stung, his accusation clear between the lines.
“Have you noticed anything?”
The ache intensified.
Why had her best friend chosen to trust two men with her problems, but not her?? Why would Perse turn to Eros? Or Hades, for that matter? Why did she have to have a crush on Hades anyways? Everything was so much simpler before the Panathaea. When it had only been the two of them.
Wait.
Her eyes widened as she recalled another conversation, this one in her own kitchen, weeks ago.
“Haven’t you ever had a crush on anyone before?”
“Nope! Never--”
“I might have, an itty, bitty crush… on Hades.”
“Well, they do call it a crush for a reason…”
“I was planning on shoving the feelings deep down and letting them wither…”
Artemis’ heart leapt into her throat at her realization. A crush. That was the reason for this ache in her chest.
As if to prove itself, her heart pounded harder and harder in recognition of the truth of her thoughts. How could she have been so blind? She had a crush on her best friend, had for ages now. Ever since she had first started running in the same circles as Persephone, occasionally sighting her when Demeter invited her over to hunt on their property. Artemis had taken one look at the pink goddess and known there was no one else she wanted to spend her outing with.
At the time, she had claimed there was something about Persephone that drew her in. Her sharp wit, her easy laughter. She had wanted a friend, and Persephone seemed like a good fit. But looking back, it was easy to see the other pieces of herself that she had kept hidden.
Snuggling together in the meadow grasses as they stargazed after a night of skinny dipping. Drinking fresh pressed apple juice as they celebrated a successful harvest. Laughing together as they snuck through the orchard late at night, the taste of summer on their tongues as peach juice dribbled down their chins, cool in the summer starlight.
When she invited Persephone to move in, it had seemed impulsive, but she had claimed it was because she didn’t want her to feel babied. And maybe a little bit because she needed to justify that Persephone wasn’t a baby. Then there was that first night Persephone had moved in, they stayed up dreaming about the Eternal Maidens, and all the good they could do together for the cause. Persephone had made a special blend of lemongrass tea, and the two girls, now roommates, had fallen asleep together on the couch, their mugs empty and cold, Retsina cuddled on top of Persephone’s tummy like a space heater, and Artemis passed out with Persephone’s head in her lap. Regardless of the weird positioning, Artemis couldn’t recall a night she had received better sleep.
Tears welled, unbidden, in her eyes. The panic that had momentarily subsided began its slow crawl back into her throat, threatening to burst through the knot that had formed, and with a gasp Artemis came back to the laughter and flirting that was going back and forth in the front of the car.
Other memories of their time living together bubbled through her subconscious.
“One drink, and then we can go right?”
“I thought boys weren’t allowed”
“Let me tell you something about your brother!”
What had she done? She had ignored so many of Persephone’s boundaries, until she felt she had no options but to lie and flee. Was that it?
Maybe it was the spiral of self loathing, or the feelings of her heart shattering over and over again as she realized, only too late, exactly how much her roommate meant to her, but suddenly the atmosphere of the car changed.
Eros had noticed.
Of course Eros had noticed. This entire thing was rooted in the heart of his godhead. Hellhounds, he had directly impacted it, getting Persephone drunk and putting her in the back of Hades’ car in the first place! It was his fault, she thought to herself. His fault she felt this way.
“Are you okay? You haven’t spoken since we left.”
Artemis rolled over, squinting at him as the light of the upcoming checkpoint began to blaze up ahead.
“Is Persephone really unhappy?” It was the first thing she could think to say. After his knowing little head shake back at Hades, she knew there was more to the story than what he’d shared. Gods, men are annoying.
“I--” He stuttered, then launched into some bogus explanation for why she shouldn’t feel bad.
It only succeeded in making her feel worse.
Ampelus took in the moment, her large eyes luminous as she weighed and measured the tension between Eros and Artemis, a bit too knowing as she met the goddess’ gaze gaze. Artemis shifted uncomfortably. Looking at the nymph hurt. She wondered if Persephone was looking at someone with her wide eyes right now. If she’d found help, comfort, shelter, something to make her feel a little better, since supposedly she wasn’t feeling good recently.
I hope she isn’t alone, wherever she is.
She doesn’t deserve to be alone. I should know.