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It had just been a little fun trick, just a tiny bit of magic when he thought Arthur wouldn’t be back for a while yet. It was never supposed to lead to this, Arthur standing in front of him looking both blank and sad at the same time.
“Any other lies left to tell me?” Arthur asked softly, voice pushing the feeling of betrayal out into the room.
Merlin stood there silently, feeling like he was swaying on the precipice of their relationship. He knew this never would never have gone well, but it was easier to think about it than to have it actually be happening. Merlin’s heart felt broken while Arthur looked as if his heart had been ripped out, leaving Arthur with nothing.
“No sire,” Merlin lied, choosing deference for once and bowing his head. There were still so many lies, so many things Arthur didn’t want to hear no matter how many times he asked. Some things were better left unsaid.
Silence reigned for a few moments, the new king in the reluctance of the old one. Arthur just stood there, and Merlin could feel his eyes on him, but he kept his head down. Things were changing fast, too fast, and neither were prepared even after all these years. Lies had weaved themselves into the foundation of their relationship, their lives, and now they were standing on shaky ground. Nothing could be predicted anymore.
Merlin looked up again, cautiously, and found Arthur looking back at him, seeming undecided about something. Merlin felt that one of them was going to give, Merlin giving in to be executed or Arthur letting go of his hate for magic. There was a feeling about the room, a feeling of curious hope, but Merlin never dared to hope anymore. He had been through far too much destiny for optimism.
“Merlin…” Arthur said in the same voice, undertones of uncertainty echoing in the quiet room.
Merlin waited patiently, watching his king struggle with a solution to this. Merlin didn’t know if he could go gracefully to his execution, but he might try anyways.
“Merlin, I want you to leave,” Arthur said finally, and continued before Merlin could say anything, “I want you to leave Camelot, but I don't want you to go far. If you still want, I will send for you when I’m ready.”
Arthur looked up at him carefully, seeming hesitant, as if Merlin wouldn’t want to come back to Camelot anymore.
“I’ll wait for it, sire. I’m sure you know where I will be staying.” Merlin replied, turning to leave the room before anymore could be said to hurt each other.
“Merlin, be safe,” Arthur said softly, a different kind of feeling filling the room. One of real hope, and promise.
Merlin nodded at him, and left the room to gather his things. Even as he was leaving Arthur, he felt that he had not lied when he said he would send after Merlin one day. His chest still ached with the look on Arthur’s face, but something else was there too. He had a feeling that this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.