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Kairi knocked on the white, looming doors in front of her. The sound of her fist hitting the door was little more than a pathetic thud of flesh against metal.
The door opened wide anyway.
“Hello, Kairi,” Aqua said with a warm smile. She wore a cleaning apron and had tucked her hair under a bandana. Her Keyblade had been replaced by a broom. “Yen Sid told me you’d be here. Please, come in.”
Kairi stepped inside. The interior was gold and bright, the floors were shiny enough to show her reflection, and stained glass windows dappled light across each of the rooms.
“Sorry about the mess,” Aqua said as she led her through long halls and rooms that counted more as caverns. “We’ve been cleaning since we heard the news.”
“There’s no need for the trouble,” Kairi said.
“Nonsense,” Aqua said. “You have no idea how happy we are to see you. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
“Is that Kairi?”
A whirlwind jumped onto a bannister with a gray bundle in his arms, slid down, and leapt perfectly in front of Kairi to reveal himself to be Ven. Chirithy squirmed in his arms until his eyes caught on Kairi.
“Kairi! It’s nice to see you again!”
Kairi smiled. “It’s nice to see you, too.”
Ven grinned. “I’m so excited to have someone to train with! Now that-” the smile faded, replaced with a flash of grief before brightening into a stretched imitation “now that Aqua’s a master, I train by myself now. It’s no fun!”
Aqua was looking back at the railing with a frown. “I just polished that. I hope it didn’t stain your pants.”
“So what? Kairi’s here! I can clean them off later.”
“We still have to clean the rest of the castle. I don’t want to add your pants to the list.”
“Aw, come on,” Ven groaned. “Why’d you make us clean, anyway? It’s been spotless since I woke up.”
“Is Kairi here?”
Terra emerged from the other side of the hallway. He was wearing a cooking apron that was a bit too small for him.
“Hello, Terra,” Kairi said. “It’s good to see you again.”
Terra smiled. “I heard you were going to be training with us.”
“Yes, if that’s alright with you.”
“Of course it is. We’re happy to have you. Now, are you hungry? I just made lunch.”
Kairi blinked. She hadn’t eaten since before she had gone to sleep. She had gone a whole year without food, but she was only peckish.
“That would be nice,” she said. “Thank you.”
Lunch was a simple affair that clashed with the elegant table they ate it on. It was long, elegant, and clearly designed to seat a dozen people rather than a few. Aqua, Terra, Ven, and Chirithy were clustered at one end of the table. Terra sat down first, at the chair to the left of the head. Aqua sat across from him, and Ven sat next to him. Chirithy jumped onto the table next to Ven’s place.
The chair at the head of the table looked no different than the others, but its emptiness was striking. Even Chirithy had avoided it, or maybe he just preferred to sit next to Ven.
After a moment of hesitation, Kairi sat down next to Aqua, who greeted her with a smile.
“Donald and Goofy told us that you learned something about where Sora is,” Aqua said, “but they didn’t provide any details.”
“Oh, of course,” Kairi said.
She did her best to explain what they had seen and learned: the Final World, her memories, and a not-quite-real universe.
“Wow,” Ven mumbled.
“That’s a lot,” Aqua said flatly.
“I don’t know, it makes sense to me,” Terra said.
“Maybe you could explain it,” Kairi said. “I’m not quite sure I get everything.”
Terra paused. “I can’t explain it, but the theory makes sense. We travel and guard all sorts of worlds and realms. What’s another boundary to travel through?”
“I guess that does make sense,” Ven said.
“Like Worldlines!” Chirithy chirped.
“Like what?” Ven asked.
Chirithy drooped. “Nothing.”
“I’m still lost,” Aqua said.
“I think we all are,” Kairi said. “The important thing is that we might know where Sora is, and Riku is looking for him as we speak.”
“That’s great!” Ven’s face lit up just like Sora’s did- or was it the other way around? “I bet he’ll find him in no time.”
Especially without me slowing him down.
“Well, we won’t be waiting idly,” Aqua said. “After lunch, do you want to meet in the training yard? We could go over what you know so I can make a lesson plan.”
“That sounds good,” Kairi said.
The floating towers hovered above the training courtyard, casting shadows from the bright sun. Hesitantly, Kairi followed Ven, imitating him as he stopped and stood at attention.
Ven’s stance melted from excitement as he saw Terra stand next to him in attention.
“You’re training with us?”
“Yeah,” Terra said, not moving from attention. “Master-” he paused. “Master said that the Mark of Mastery was just the beginning, in a way, and that once you get it, you start your training all over again. I’m not a master yet, but I figured it would be good to get back to the basics anyway.”
“I’ll do the basics, too! We can all do them together!”
“If only the Master could see you get excited about the basics,” Aqua said with a sad smile as she stepped in front of them all. “Well, once you get bored, I have a special plan with you. I want to see what you learned.”
“Yes, Master,” Ven said, snapping back into attention.
“Now, summon your Keyblades.”
Kairi did. Aqua’s eyes landed on her immediately, and she visibly frowned.
“Well, I know what to start with, at least.”
Kairi looked around
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Aqua pointed to her legs.
“Your stance is unbalanced and your knees are too close together. Try holding your Keyblade with one hand. Here, like this.”
Kairi tried to copy Aqua’s stance as best as she could, but the Keyblade was heavy. Her right arm started aching almost immediately.
Her heart twinged, too. She had learned how to stand by watching Sora…
Well, Sora wasn’t there, and that was her fault, anyway. That was why she was there.
“Very good,” Aqua said. “We’ll start with a basic warmup…”
Kairi stretched her arms. It was hard work, getting her feet right and making sure the grip on her Keyblade was steady, but it was nice to know the endurance she gained while training with Axel didn't fade during her year asleep.
"Let's spar!" Ven shouted. Kairi supposed it was even easier for him, despite his ten years asleep, due to the fact that he probably did exercises like these every day for years at a time. Still, the excitement in his eyes was just like Sora's. He was always looking to Riku-
"You just sparred with Aqua," Terra said.
"I meant for fun," Ven said. "Besides, I haven't sparred Kairi yet."
"None of us have," Aqua said. "But she'll be here a while. Be patient, Ven. We don't want to wear her out on her first day."
"No, I can spar," Kairi said. "I think it’ll be fun!"
"Alright, who do you want to spar first?" Ven asked.
"Well," Kairi said. "You and Aqua just went, so I guess I'll fight Terra."
Terra smiled. "Sounds good to me."
Kairi took a deep breath and summoned her Keyblade, ensuring to keep it in one hand and keep her weight balanced. Terra was balanced on his feet with his giant Keyblade at the ready.
"Begin!" Aqua shouted.
Kairi dashed in without hesitation. She threw her Keyblade and let it pull her forward, refusing to let up until it was clear Terra would block everything she threw. Terra threw a few strikes. She danced out of the way. After a short pause, Kairi ran back in, and Terra raised his Keyblade-
she froze under the cruel path of a black Keyblade-
she froze under the reaching arm of the strange man-
IT’S HIM.
Kairi didn’t scream, she never had. Her glass body solidified under the crushing force of her fear.
“Stop!”
Aqua’s shout shattered the binds of her limbs. Kairi jumped back, back, back, never dropping her Keyblade, never letting him leave her sight.
Terra had dismissed his Keyblade even before Aqua had finished shouting. He wouldn’t look at her.
He knew.
She hated the old man, the one who had ruined them all, the one who had shattered her like glass just to see Sora scream, but she hadn’t been afraid to face him, either in her memories or with Sora at her side.
He wasn’t the one she was afraid of.
It didn’t make sense! She had been scared of Axel in the beginning, too, but even he didn’t make her freeze up like a doll. What was going on?
“Are you okay?”
Aqua’s gentle question made her relax a little, but she didn’t take her eyes off Terra.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. Reluctantly, she dismissed her Keyblade.
“Maybe you should spar Ven instead,” Terra said. His voice was quiet.
Ven looked up at Terra with sad puppy eyes before looking back at Kairi.
“You down to fight me instead?”
“I-I’ll try,” Kairi said.
Terra walked out of the ring and back inside the castle. Kairi didn’t let her eyes leave him until the giant doors had shut fast behind him.
Kairi crept through the cavernous hallways that stretched through the castle. At night, the shadows cast by starlight made it feel even emptier. Even a search for a cup of water felt more adventurous than a midnight trip to the Secret Place.
The Land of Departure was so big that Kairi didn’t know if it would be the best place ever or the worst place ever to play hide-and-seek. It would be something Sora would love to test, and he’d drag her and Riku along with just a look of those ecstatic eyes, ready to turn anything into a game. And maybe they would be there with her if she hadn’t-
Kairi forced herself to think about something else. Cool air from outside brushed her skin in a quiet invitation. She followed it, more curious than scared, to a side door left ajar. She slowly peeked out and saw Ven sitting on the cobblestone steps, gazing up at the stars with a pensive expression. As she stepped out, he glanced over with a smile.
“Hi, Kairi. Looking for something?”
“Just some water. But I wouldn’t mind looking at the stars for a while instead.”
“I’d be happy to have you.”
They sat together and looked at the stars. It was cooler than it was at the islands, but the stars seemed brighter, as if the quiet of their world polished the firmament above.
It felt wrong to stargaze alone with Ven. All she could think about was how nice it would be to look at the stars with Sora and Riku. Besides, stargazing was what Ven did with Aqua and Terra. It was their thing. Kairi was just a temporary intruder.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Ven asked suddenly.
Kairi blinked. “No, actually. I just woke up feeling a little thirsty. How about you? Why are you up?”
“Nightmares,” Ven said bluntly before hesitating. “Well… not nightmares, or else Chirithy would keep them away, but weird dreams. Memories I can’t remember.”
“Naminé might be able to help,” Kairi said automatically. She knew that she would jump at the chance to use her memory powers to help someone.
“I don’t know if I want to remember them.” Ven’s voice was slow and measured. “Something tells me they’re going to catch up to me sooner or later. I’m happy now, I really am. I get to be with Terra and Aqua again, and it’s great, but I keep feeling like something’s missing, and the answer is out there.”
“Are you going to run away again?” Kairi asked.
Ven blinked. “Huh? How’d you know about that?”
“I dreamed about it,” Kairi said sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Ven said with a relaxed smile. “It helped you find Sora, right?”
“Yeah. Xehanort left a message, deep in my memories.”
“Huh,” Ven said, letting his fingers drum on his knee like Sora did. “Maybe the answers are in my memories. But if that’s the case, I want to find them myself.”
“Don’t… don’t leave Aqua and Terra behind when you do,” Kairi said.
“I can’t promise that,” he said simply.
Kairi whipped her head to face Ven straight on. “Why not?”
“Because they don’t need to come with me.” Ven’s fingers tightened and his eyes grew a little distant. “I know they care about me, but they’re so protective. And every time, someone got hurt because of it.”
“But don’t you get it?” Kairi almost shouted. “It hurts more to be left behind!”
“I know what you mean,” Ven said with a wry twitch of his lips. “The Master would always take Terra and Aqua to train on different worlds and leave me behind. But I don’t want to be protected anymore. You get what that’s like, right? I know you do.”
Kairi nodded. He had a point.
Ven relaxed a little and faced her. “Anyway, that’s why I’m training so hard now! I want to get stronger so Terra and Aqua don’t have to worry about me anymore. And we can help each other, too! Deal?”
There was that smile, the one Sora had offered to so many with his hand stretched out like Ven’s was to her now. It was almost like having Sora back, but at the same time, nothing like it, because Ven wasn’t Sora, he was Ven.
Still, it was nice to see even a facsimile of his smile again. Kairi returned it and took his hand.
“Deal. We’re friends now, right?”
“Wait, you mean sharing Sora’s heart didn’t make us friends before?”
Kairi laughed, and Ven joined her. When their laughter subsided, they both looked back up at the stars. Ven quietly pointed out constellations Sora had found. After they had looked at every constellation in the sky, they stewed in silence.
“You know,” Kairi finally said, “I think they’ll worry anyway. Aqua and Terra.”
Ven’s face fell.
“I know,” he said quietly.
Kairi was walking to the dining room for breakfast when she noticed someone sitting in the empty chair at the head of the table. No, not just anyone, the last person Kairi expected to see there.
“Naminé?”
Naminé smiled. “Good morning, Kairi.”
She rushed to her Nobody and grabbed her hands. “Naminé! That’s right! You have your own body now!”
Naminé nodded. “Mm-hm, I’ve been using it for a year now. I’m glad to see you’re awake, Kairi. Did you find something in your memories?”
“I did, actually. Riku’s using the hint to look for Sora now.”
“So my powers were useful, then?”
“Your- I was using your powers?”
“We used to be the same person, after all,” Naminé said casually. “Roxas can use Sora’s Keyblade- why shouldn’t you be able to use my power to access the chain of memories between us?”
“Oh. I guess I never asked myself how I could see everyone’s memories, and not just mine. Well then, thank- or, um, I’m very grateful.”
Naminé’s eyes grew distant. “I’m just glad they could be used to help Sora this time.”
“I know he’d appreciate it,” Kairi said. She cleared her throat and readjusted herself. “Well, I’m happy to see you again. What brings you to the Land of Departure?”
Kairi’s heart twinged with a small pang of guilt. Her Nobody, the one who she had reabsorbed for no good reason, had been walking around for a year, but she hadn’t made the effort to reach out. That didn’t feel right.
“Terra asked for a favor,” Naminé said. “We’re friends.”
Kairi blinked. “You are?” She couldn’t even be in the same room as Terra without her heart racing. “But… that’s great, I’m just surprised.”
Before Naminé could say anything in response, a rhythm of new footsteps interrupted them.
“Good morning, Kairi,” Aqua said. Her eyes slid over to the used-to-be-empty chair. “Oh! Good… good morning, Naminé.”
“Is it alright if I sit in this chair?” she asked. “I know it was Eraqus’s.”
It was a big chair. Scrawny Naminé’s feet barely touched the floor, but somehow, it fit her.
Aqua must have seen it too, because she nodded.
“Of course you can. It’s been empty for too long, anyway. Besides” her smile saddened “for some reason, I think he would have liked you.”
Naminé smiled, thanked Aqua, and turned back to her sketchbook, where a black-haired boy smiled up at them all.
“Axel?”
Axel smiled at Kairi through the screen of her Gummiphone.
“Hey, Kairi. It’s good to hear from you. How’s training with Master Aqua?”
His voice was so gentle with her. It always had been, ever since he was Lea and they were training together in the timeless forest. Was his attitude towards her something borrowed from his feelings and interactions with Xion? Had Kairi just been a copy in his heart?
Now she understood how Naminé felt. Being an imitation of someone else wasn’t fun.
“Uh, Kairi? Is everything alright?”
“Oh, sorry. Master Aqua is great! She’s surprisingly stern, but she’s a good teacher. Ven is fun to train with, too. He reminds me of Sora, but in a good way.”
“Are you still writing letters?”
“No,” Kairi said, “but now that you mention it, it might help.”
“Is that why you called? I mean, it’s great to hear from you- glad to see you awake, by the way- but the look on your face tells me it wasn’t just to catch up.”
Kairi paused. “Master Aqua is wonderful. Ven is a lot of fun. Terra…”
“Ah,” Axel said. “Now I get why you called me.”
“When we first started training, I was scared of you, too. I mean, you tried to kidnap me-” Axel opened his mouth, but Kairi was faster “no more apologies! You promised! Anyway, once I understood why you did it, I wasn’t afraid of you anymore. I understood you. But with Terra…” Kairi scowled. “It doesn’t make any sense! He’s not the one who hurt me! It was Xehanort. Xehanort was controlling him. Xehanort was the one who… but I’m not afraid of the old man, I’m afraid of Terra! It’s not fair! If he moves too fast all of the sudden, I think he’s going to attack me, but that’s stupid!”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Axel said in a soothing voice. “One thing I learned pretty quickly once I got my heart back was that hearts don’t make sense. Logic really isn’t their strong suit. You know Terra doesn’t want to hurt you, and you don’t want to be afraid of him, but the memories in your heart are trying to protect you. You’ve been through a lot. Have you thought about visiting Naminé?”
“I don’t want to erase those memories,” Kairi said. “It’d feel like running away. Besides, it’d be like blaming Terra for this, and that’s not fair.”
“True,” Axel said. He paused. “Look, you were afraid of me until you understood me, right? Maybe that’s what you need. Maybe if you talk to Terra, you’ll stop being afraid of him. I mean, how much do you know him?”
Kairi paused.
“Too much and not enough,” she said.
“Well, I don’t know how much good it’ll do, but it couldn’t hurt, right?”
She nodded. “Thanks, Axel.”
He smiled softly. “Anytime. And hey, don’t be a stranger, got it memorized?”
Kairi returned it. “Right!”
One evening, after training had finished for the day and Kairi’s muscles were numb from exercise, she heard voices from Terra’s cracked door.
“...I mean, Kairi is afraid of me. It’s like she knows his influence isn’t gone completely. I don’t know if this could help that, but…”
It was Terra. Kairi froze. She didn’t want to hear the conversation, she really didn’t, but the only other option was to keep walking and be spotted through the door.
And what did Terra mean by his influence not being gone completely?
“I’ll do my best,” Naminé said. “You said it’s not memories, though, right?’
"Not quite," Terra said. "I know things I have no memory of learning. I know where these things come from. I know who they come from. But I have no memory of learning them." He paused. "Is my chain of memories still connected to Xehanort?"
"I don't know yet," Naminé said. "I need some time to take a look. You won't have to go to sleep like Sora did, but I can't make any promises on what I can find or do."
"I want him gone," Terra said. "All of him. I’d be happy if you could do anything to make sure it happens."
Naminé paused.
"I can erase your memories of him," she said. "You will still know things, and the memories won't be gone, but-"
"No," Terra said. "That's not what I meant. Erasing the memories would be running away from what happened. I don't want that. It wouldn't be fair to Aqua, or Ven, or the Master" his voice cracked slightly and he took a deep breath before continuing. "Or Kairi."
"Do you remember what happened?" Naminé asked.
"No," Terra said. "This is what I mean. I don't remember what Xehanort did to Kairi in my body. I don't know how bad it was. But I know too much about her for it to be a coincidence." He paused. "Do you know what happened?"
"Ask her yourself," Naminé said. "It's not my story to tell."
"I understand," Terra said. "Do you know if there's anything I could do to not startle her in the meantime?"
"You've already been trying. And I know she appreciates it." Kairi could hear a smile in Naminé's voice when she said, "Don't take it too hard. When you're as short as we are, everyone taller than Sora is intimidating."
"Well, it sounds like you should grow a little."
"That's not how it works!" Naminé laughed.
"Why not?" Terra's grin was audible. "All the Nobodies I know of are at least a little taller than their original selves. Maybe you just need to stre-e-etch!"
Kairi finally succumbed to the urge to poke her head into the room. Terra was on his tip-toes, touching the ceiling of his room with one hand and gesturing for Naminé to do the same with the other, but she was too busy laughing to join him.
Kairi smiled as she walked back to her room. At least one of them could be friends with Terra.
Kairi couldn't sleep.
Her eyes had flown open in the middle of the night, but the dream floated away too fast for her to grasp it. It probably wasn't anything good, anyway.
Then she tried to close her eyes and go back to sleep.
For an hour.
She grumbled as she turned over for what felt like the hundredth time. She knew she needed sleep for training the next day, and she wanted to sleep, but for some reason, sleep wouldn't come.
With a final sigh, Kairi pushed herself out of bed. After a moment's hesitation, she checked the time on her Gummiphone.
Well, she would have woken up in an hour anyway. Maybe she could cook everyone breakfast.
On the way down the stairs to the kitchen, Kairi inhaled and thought she detected something sweet and yeasty. It had to be her imagination, but her imagination was onto something. Maybe she could whip up some kind of pastry. Sweets weren’t the best way to start a day of hard training, but they would taste so good. She did have more time than she normally would… Maybe malasadas? She doubted that the other would have ever had the chance to have them. Hopefully they had the right ingredients…
Kairi frowned as she noticed that the kitchen lights were already on. Had someone forgotten to turn them off?
She stepped inside the kitchen, and suddenly, the pieces fit together. Aqua was standing next to the oven, stirring some icing in a large mixing bowl.
When she saw Kairi, the bowl clattered to the floor as it was displaced by Aqua's Keyblade. Kairi yelped.
"It's me!"
Aqua forcibly relaxed and dismissed her Keyblade. Luckily, the frosting was thick enough that most of it had stayed in the bowl. Aqua frowned down at it anyway.
"I'm sorry," Kairi said.
"Don't worry about it," Aqua said. Her scowl deepened. "I even heard you coming... oh, well." She picked the bowl off the floor and examined its contents. "I only need enough for three, anyway."
"Three?"
"Terra doesn't like sweets, so I put rosemary in his roll. I hope you don't mind cinnamon rolls."
"I don't mind at all," Kairi said with a grin. "In fact, that sounds delicious!"
"I'm glad to hear it. Now, what are you doing up at this hour?"
Kairi grabbed a paper towel to clean up the spilled frosting. Aqua tried to stop her, but Kairi was faster.
"I got it,” she insisted. “I'm the reason you spilled, anyway. And, to answer your question, nothing much. Just woke up and had trouble getting back to sleep."
"You and me both," Aqua said.
Kairi looked up at her. She always looked so put-together during training, but under the pale kitchen lights and the dark gray of the dawn sky, she just looked tired.
"Does that happen often?" Aqua asked.
"Thankfully, no," Kairi said. 'How about you?" she almost continued, but the circles under Aqua's eyes answered Kairi's question for her.
Silence filled the kitchen as Kairi wiped up the last of the icing.
"Is there anything else I can do?" Kairi asked.
Aqua shook her head.
"All we need to do now is wait. The rolls should be ready soon. I might send you to wake up everyone else when that happens. Telling them there's cinnamon rolls waiting for them might help them get ready faster."
"Any special occasion?" Kairi asked.
"No, I just had the time," Aqua said. She looked outside at the pre-dawn sky. “Maybe I had too much time.”
Looking at the sky, her face looked even more vulnerable. It suddenly struck Kairi how young Aqua was. She couldn’t have been more than a few years older than Kairi herself, but her eyes held the weight of someone almost twice her age. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, but she wasn’t a full adult, either. The realm of darkness had frozen her in time somewhere between eighteen and thirty and unable to settle at either precipice.
“Thank you again for training me,” Kairi said.
“It really is my pleasure,” Aqua said. “It’s nice to be worrying about small things, like training, again. Are you enjoying it?”
Kairi blinked. She wasn’t expecting that question at all.
Did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy the aching muscles, the endless repetitive movements, the endless frustration because she wasn’t good enough? Did she enjoy the constant worry gnawing at her heart that she would always be weak?
“No,” Kairi said quietly.
Aqua was taken aback. “I’m sorry. Is there something-”
“Nonononono, it’s not your fault. You guys are great, really, but this isn’t where I want to be. Sora and Riku were always more excited about the idea of leaving the islands than I was. I just played along because I liked them, y’know? And now that we’re off the islands, I have to be strong just to be at their side. Otherwise, I’ll just get in the way.” Kairi sighed. “Maybe I’d like it better if Sora and Riku were here, but it’s my fault they’re not.”
“None of this is your fault,” Aqua said in a voice of steel. “The worlds shouldn’t be a place where you have to be strong just to be with your friends.” She looked away. Her voice crumpled into a quiet murmur. “I didn’t want this for you. I never wanted this for any of you. But you three had to pay for our mistakes, our failure to keep the worlds safe. I’m sorry.” Aqua smiled bitterly. “The least I could do is train you.”
“My weakness isn’t your fault-” Kairi began.
“Weakness? You shouldn’t have to worry about weakness. You should be worrying about… boys?” Aqua paused. “I don’t know what most people worry about. I’ve been training to protect the worlds for a long time.”
“Do you want to be normal?” Kairi asked.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
Kairi nodded solemnly.
“I don’t think I know how to be normal,” Aqua said. “I don’t think any of us here do. Protecting the worlds is supposed to be our normal so the rest of you don’t have to worry about it.”
No wonder Aqua looked so tired. She didn’t just have the weight of the world on her shoulders, she had the weight of all the worlds.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself either,” Kairi said.
Aqua smiled thinly. “That’s very nice of you, but Xehanort’s rise to power was my fault. If I hadn’t-”
“You saved Ven.” Kairi was surprised at the solidity of her own voice. “Xehanort was after him the entire time, but you kept him safe. And do you regret diving after Terra?”
“Never,” Aqua said. “But Ven should have never fallen asleep in the first place, and Xehanort should have never been able to take Terra’s body.”
The oven beeped, and Aqua moved to take the cinnamon rolls from the oven. Kairi opened her mouth to retort to her comment, but then closed it. The guilt, the regret, the grief, and the darkness tormenting Aqua weren’t things Kairi could fix.
Aqua poured the icing on all the cinnamon rolls save one. The icing reflected the dawn light finally peeking over the horizon.
“I’ll wake Terra and Ven,” Kairi said.
The morning sun lit up Aqua’s face.
“Thank you.”
The metal thrashed and squeaked beneath the blows of her Keyblade, but it wasn’t enough. Her technique was still incredibly sloppy and her strikes weren’t even strong enough to move the whirligig.
“You know, you have the right idea,” a familiar voice said. “It takes most people a long time to learn to let their Keyblade move them, but you guys picked it up naturally.”
Kairi had turned and moved her Keyblade to an attack position before Terra had finished the first word of his sentence. If he were startled or offended, his smile didn’t show it.
“Your form is better already, too,” he said.
“Why are you here?” Kairi tried to make her voice as friendly and diplomatic as possible, but the shake in it probably ruined it, because Terra’s smile dropped.
“Master used to say that training at night was a bad idea because it makes it hard to sleep, but if I’m already having trouble sleeping… well, training couldn’t hurt.” For someone so big, his voice was so quiet. That was new for him, too, but Kairi hated that she knew that because she didn’t really have the right to. How did Naminé tolerate this all the time? “Aqua and Ven are asleep, so I thought I’d be alone. Can’t sleep yourself?”
“No. I’m having a bad night.”
“Me, too. There must be something in the water.”
Terra’s joke dissipated uneventfully into the quiet night. It was warm, or maybe that was just because Kairi had worked herself into a sweat. Should she go back inside? Maybe she could sleep now, and it wasn’t like she’d be able to train with Terra around. But maybe that was something she could try to fix. Maybe little bursts of exposure-
“What did I do to you? Would you mind telling me?”
“ You didn’t do anything.” Kairi was relieved at how fast and natural her response was. It felt genuine, too, which was a weight off her shoulders. She didn’t want to deal with the guilt of irrational blame along with everything else. “It was him.”
“What did he do in my body?” Terra asked. “I know a bit, I think, but not enough.”
Kairi took a deep breath and forced herself to dismiss her Keyblade.
“When I was four, he kidnapped me, studied me, lectured at me, and sent me away. In a way, he saved me, but…” Kairi tightened her fists. “I didn’t ask for that! I never wanted to be saved!”
“He really never stopped lecturing,” Terra muttered. Louder, he said, “Yeah, that sounds about right. Anything else?”
“Well, he attacked us at the Keyblade Graveyard. How much do you remember?”
“Not much,” Terra admitted. “My memories are fragmented. I saved Aqua and Ven, and then we were together. That’s all I remember. Oh, and Sora… I think I remember Sora.”
Kairi’s heart leapt. “Really?”
“Yeah. He was not-Ven, but he felt like him, so I let him into my heart. I wanted to keep him safe. It wasn’t for very long, but he had a very kind heart. I can see why everyone loves him. His light is almost as bright as Ven’s.”
Kairi was smiling. “Yeah. It is. He-” her smile faded “he’s the one that deserves to be here right now. Not me.” Frustration welled within her for the thousandth time. “If I had just been stronger-”
A short, bitter laugh erupted from Terra. It sounded so wrong busting from his throat that it almost made Kairi reach for her Keyblade.
“Strength isn’t everything. Please, Kairi, don’t go blindly looking for it. Don’t repeat my mistakes.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Kairi almost spat. “You’re the strongest of all of us. Only Master Aqua is your equal. Even Riku looks up to you, and he never used to look up to anyone besides himself. Do you even remember what it’s like to feel weak?”
Terra looked at her and Kairi remembered who she was talking to.
“Let me ask you something, one weakling to another,” Terra said gently. “When do you think you’ll become strong?”
Kairi faltered. “What?”
“At what moment will you change from weak to strong? When you get the Mark of Mastery? When you’re as fast as Ven? When you’re as good at spellcasting as Aqua? When you can lift and use Riku’s Keyblade?”
Kairi’s words came straight from her heart. “When I stop getting in the way and start being useful. When Sora and Riku can finally see me as an equal.”
Terra paused. Kairi could see him consider her answer.
“So they’re your idea of strength,” he said. “I see.”
“What’s yours?” Kairi asked.
Terra smiled. “Strength to protect what matters. That’s what Riku taught me all of those years ago. I don’t think strength is as simple as my skills with a Keyblade.” His smile faded. “That strength isn’t what finally allowed me to protect my friends. I think I need a different kind of strength. Strength of heart. But I don’t know what that means anymore. I don’t think I ever did.” Terra looked back up at Kairi, and the smile reappeared on his face. “You don’t need to worry about that, though. You’re plenty strong in that department.”
Kairi looked up at him.
“You really think I’m strong?” she asked quietly.
“Of course you are,” he said, as if he were simply stating that there were stars in the sky. “I can feel the strength of your heart. I bet Ven and Aqua can, too.”
To her surprise, she believed him. Tears started welling up in Kairi’s eyes. She didn’t know how much she needed to hear that until she had.
“Thank you,” she said as she wiped the tears away.
Terra looked a little frazzled once she noticed her tears, but he didn’t move.
“Of course,” he said.
“And that goes for you, too.” Kairi held out her hand. “Xehanort hurt both of us, but we’re both here, and he’s not. If I’m strong, that means you’re strong, too.”
Terra looked wearily at her hand. “Do you want me to take it, or-”
Kairi giggled and nodded. “Let’s be friends. It’ll only make us stronger.”
Terra took her hand and shook it.
“Alright. You have yourself a deal.”