Work Text:
It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. - Alice, Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
Jyn stands in front of her bedroom mirror, eyeing her outfit critically. Most days she could care less about what she was wearing, just hoping whatever she grabbed was clean. But tonight, she is nervous.
And she hates that feeling.
“It looks good, Jyn. Really nice.” Bodhi, her roommate and best friend, is sprawled on Jyn’s bed reading a magazine. He doesn’t glance up before speaking, just idly turning the pages. He is already dressed in a simple shirt and nice trousers, patiently waiting for Jyn to finish up.
“You don’t think I should put a dress on?” Jyn purses her lips before bringing a black dress in front of her. The last time she wore this dress was at her mother’s funeral and on that morbid thought, she tosses it behind her onto the bed.
“No, Jyn. You look really pretty and the red top is all sparkly, exactly what you would expect for a Christmas party. I don’t get why you are so nervous. How many of these holiday parties have you been to anyway?”
Too many. But this year is going to be different; this year Cassian is going to be there. Jyn grimaces at her face in the mirror and wonders if she was making too much of this. She has been trying to get to know Cassian ever since he started but between her inability to socialize properly and his reticence, they haven’t really exchanged more than a few words beyond work related conversations. She hopes she can push herself to try at the company holiday dinner.
Cassian joined their small research company almost six months ago. He was a noted computer scientist that helped companies identify insider breaches and had been hired to boost their presence in this sector. Jyn, having spent the last few years pushing her way to take lead on the security research projects, had been profoundly disappointed when Cassian had been hired from the outside to manage it. It felt like at every turn she had to prove herself over and over again and it still wasn’t enough. She had requested a move to the security testing team and her request had been granted.
Bodhi had been thrilled since he worked on the projects that were submitted to be tested, so he could spend more time with Jyn. She found that she really enjoyed testing despite the repetitive nature of the job. She enjoyed the quiet time and found she didn't miss the constant anxiety she suffered while fighting with management.
There was a moment, a few weeks after her move to testing, that forced her to admit there was something about Cassian that interested her. A typical joint staff meeting where she had spent most of the time doodling in her notebook, prior history having proven out that no one would bother talking to her nor ask for her opinion. She doesn’t think she will forget the moment Cassian had turned to her, having been asked a question, and said in his raspy, distinct voice, “What do you think, Jyn?”
Startled, she had raised her head to stare at Cassian and watched as eleven heads turned to look at her, including the sour-faced Scott who had asked the initial question. She knew she could not wipe the astonishment off her face, but she did have thoughts and proceeded to lay out her opinion. Cassian had nodded and had seemed thoughtful and sincere in his responses to her. It was almost like he knew about her previous struggles to be heard in the staff meetings. She had always assumed the reason her opinions and suggestions were often ignored or shot down were due to the fact that she was the lone female in their group so his interest in her ideas was exciting but she expected it to be a one time deal.
But Cassian continued to include her in discussions and supported her suggestions on occasion. She almost regretted transferring from his team, wondering if she would have had the opportunity to get to know him better if she was working for him, but ultimately she liked the role she was and in her boss, Han, was as laid back as she was.
Jyn wanted to learn more about Cassian; he was reclusive and made an effort to be alone. She never saw him in the lunchrooms or the halls; no accidental run-ins at the copy machine. Bodhi said that he usually ate in his office and was there long after the last person had left for the night. Friday nights, a group of them would make their way to the local bar but Cassian never joined them. She had no idea if he had any family (ok, a girlfriend or even a wife, she was still trying to kid herself) or what type of activities he was into.
Jyn figured she could use the company’s annual holiday dinner party to start a conversation with him, get to know him just a little bit more. The party was usually a lavish affair, lavish for such a small company, but she enjoyed herself every year. It was usually dinner and dancing and she felt comfortable with her group of co-workers, despite the fact there were very few women at the company. It was the perfect opportunity for her to try and use the social setting to talk to Cassian.
She can’t remember when she had it this bad before.
Sighing, she motions for Bodhi to button up the back of the red blouse she is wearing. Bodhi stands behind her after the blouse is buttoned and pats her on the shoulders.
“You look stunning. He is not even going to know what hit him.” Bodhi laughes. “Just be prepared, Jyn. He may not even show; this doesn’t seem like his usual scene. I mean, it’s a lot and-”
Jyn raises an eyebrow in the mirror, “And?”
Bodhi shrugs and steps back as Jyn turns to face him, “He’s not exactly known to be social. Half the time, he never says a word and it’s almost impossible to get a read on what he’s thinking, it’s a bit intimidating. He might not show, love, and you have to be ready for that and even if he does, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy looking for romance.”
“He’ll be there.”
++
When Jyn and Bodhi walk into the venue, they are hit by a blast of warm air and the sounds of Christmas music playing softly. White lights sparkle from every corner of the room which is already covered in red poinsettias and beautiful flowers. Bodhi taps Jyn on the shoulder to indicate he is going to head to the bar and she nods, “I just want to drop my coat off.”
Jyn hands her coat to the coat check and is waiting for her ticket when she hears Cassian call her name. She turns to see Cassian standing next to her and smiles warmly at him, watching as his eyes light up.
“Hello. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Liar.
He looks wonderful, dark suit coat with a beautiful sweater over a white button down. She turns back to the coat check to receive her ticket and steps aside to let the person behind her up to the counter.
Cassian steps with her and says, “I usually don’t like these things but I thought I should make a showing, new guy and all. I don’t plan on staying very long, just enough to make the rounds and say hello.”
Jyn feels her heart sink, “So no, dancing for you?” She tries to play it lighthearted but can not keep the disappointment from showing on her face.
Before he can respond, Scott and Kes, two of her former teammates slide up next to her and Scott places his hand around her elbow. “Jyn, save a dance for me, yeah?”
Jyn shifts uncomfortably pulling her elbow away from his grasp, casting an exasperated eye over to Kes. Kes gets the hint and drags Scott with him, “We’ll catch up with you later. Shara wants you to come say hi.”
Jyn smiles gratefully at Kes and turns back to Cassian. The look on his face is a mix of emotions that flashes quickly before settling into a neutral expression that Jyn can not decipher, though she can sense him retreating. She tries to hold onto the moment before it slips away entirely.
“So…if you stay…don’t have a dinner partner… would you care to sit with me?” For the first time, Jyn feels insecure and unsure. She nervously twists her mother’s crystal which she wears on her neck, as she waits for his response.
He seems surprised by her question and hesitates before he responds, “That would be nice but I don’t expect to stay that long. Thank you.” He nods at her before turning and leaving her standing there alone.
His rejection stings and Jyn takes a deep breath as she watches his retreating back. He did not even say good-bye or bother making polite excuses, he just said no and left. It hurt.
Jyn looks down at her hands and decides she might as well enjoy herself. Bodhi is right, he must not be looking for romance.
Not from her, she guesses.
++
Having made the decision to enjoy herself, Jyn does. She dances with a few co-workers, lets the wine flow freely and when it comes time to eat, she finds herself paired with Kes and his wife Shara, whom she adores. Kes is pulling her chair out and she starts to sit when she notices three tables over, Cassian pulling a chair out for his partner. She stumbles slightly and Kes has to catch her arm. Turning to him, she smiles her thanks and quickly faces the plate on her table.
So he hasn’t left after all, he just isn’t interested in dining with her. Cassian’s partner is a Director, like Cassian. Leia is the head of Marketing and Jyn can see why he is a bit more interested in spending the holiday dinner with her. Leia is pretty great; smart, hardworking but funny and Jyn enjoys the chances she gets to talk with Leia.
She feels like an idiot, like a first class fool and she risks glancing up at Cassian and locks eyes with him. He’s watching her carefully, brown eyes cautious and she’s hurt also a bit angry. He must think her so foolish, to have this ridiculous crush on him. He probably sees right through her and Jyn has never felt so exposed.
Blinking back sudden tears, she dismisses Cassian with a turn of her head and engages Kes in a lively discussion of everything and nothing. She misses Cassian’s wistful smile and quiet yearning as he watches her laugh at Kes’s terrible jokes.
After dinner, she watches covertly as Cassian makes conversation with fellow co-workers. He nods a few times and she watches as he places a glass down and turns to leave. So that’s it then. He’s going. She huffs to herself before finally agreeing to dance once with Scott. Scott pretends he is interested in her but she knows he really is just interested in annoying her. She wishes it were Kes or Bodhi but she’s a little hurt and figures one dance won’t kill her.
“I watched you tonight.”
Jyn rolls her eyes but Scott continues, “I watched you watching Cassian. I didn’t realize how interested you were.”
Jyn leans away from him, “I’m not. I watched a lot of people tonight.”
Scott smiles, “Sure. I promise I’ll keep your secret.”
Jyn sighs, and steps away from him. “Scott, I’m not interested in anyone here.”
Scott nods down at her, “Okay, yeah. Still want to finish the dance?”
“Nah, find another partner, I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
“Are you all right?” he asks her, face shifting to concern.
“Sure,” Jyn said, as she straightens up. “It’s hot though, maybe I will get some fresh air.”
“I’ll come with you.”
Jyn protests but he will not take no for an answer. He follows her outside and watches from the doorway as she steps out into the garden. She shivers at the change in temperature but breathes deeply for a second.
“I’m fine, really, I just need a minute alone ok?”
Scott nods and turns to leave, “Okay, I’ll send Bodhi out to check on you in a bit.”
“Fine,” Jyn mutters, forever tired with these overbearing men. She regrets coming outside without her coat since the winter air is brisk and the heels that Bodhi insisted that she wear are probably not the best choice.
She makes her way to a bench over on the far side and as she crosses the patio her heel catches on the uneven stones tripping her up. She tries to pull back and stay upright, but overcorrects sending her down onto the ground, hard. She hears a seam in her pants rip as she slams her elbow and knee painfully, enough so that she does give a tiny scream.
A voice says quietly but with force, “What the hell…?”
Jyn starts to sit up and feels strong hands lifting her to her feet. She turns to find Cassian at her side, with a look of surprise on his face. Oh, this is perfect.
“Are you all right?” he asks.
“Yes. No.” She inspects her elbow, which is stinging, and realizes it is bleeding, a couple drops falling onto her pants. “Damn!”
“What happened?”
“I came out here to sit and I tripped on my way to the bench.” She can feel the flush of embarrassment creep up her face at the way that sounded, like she was the world's biggest klutz who couldn’t walk across a patio without going down. She smiles weakly, “It’s the heels.”
Cassian whips a cloth out of his pocket and ties it around Jyn’s elbow. As he jerks the knot close he said, “What are you doing out here? Where did Scott go?”
“Scott went to get Bodhi, I’m not sure where he is actually. We didn’t come out here together. Even if we had, he is someone I’ve known for ages.” Had he been watching her? She is a little taken aback by how annoyed he seems.
He gives her a withering look, “You can’t be that naïve.”
Jyn huffs out a breath, crossing her arms. Well, that explains why he is so mad. “I came out for a breath of fresh air and basically stumbled. It’s quite ridiculous and embarrassing, actually, and I don’t really like what you are insinuating.“
She is trying to decide if he realizes the insinuation he is making about her comfort level in sneaking off at a party is truly what he believes or if it’s that he doesn’t realize he is insulting her. She’s not entirely sure which is better.
“All I know is I saw you come out here with Scott and the next thing I hear is you yelling.” The look on Cassian’s face is a mix of annoyance and something else Jyn can not identify. Disappointment? Jealousy? Nope, not jealousy. You have to like someone in order to be jealous of them and he couldn’t even be bothered to have a meal with her so they didn’t qualify.
Jyn is silent for a moment before speaking. “Thank you for coming to help me. As you can see, I am fine.”
He looks her over in eloquent silence.
She looks down at her outfit and sighs. The ground hadn’t been too clean so now she is dirty, bloodstained, and has a tear in the front where the seam has ripped. She’s scraped her knee too, she realizes, since she can see her knee through the tear in the fabric. Perfect.
“Look, I’m sorry I misunderstood. I just thought that, well… it doesn’t matter what I thought.” He hesitates.
Jyn takes a breath. “I can take care of myself, I have been for a long time.”
She is done, this is not how she wants to get to know Cassian. They have spoken more tonight than in the past six months that she has known him and it is a crushing disappointment to her that THIS awkward moment is how that came about.
“Look…Cassian.” She puts up a hand. “I’m leaving, it’s cold out and I didn’t bring my coat. Thank you for your help.”
She turns to walk back through the building. Maybe there she can see where Bodhi is and if he wants to stay she can call for a cab easily enough. Cassian calls after her, “Wait, wait, just wait. I can take you. Just sit for a sec and I will grab your coat for you. Unless...”
He starts to shrug out his coat to try and hand it to her. She shakes her head and raises her arm, “Don’t bother, Bodhi is around somewhere.”
“Why can’t you just accept my offer?” Cassian sighs, before replacing his arm back into the coat. “Bodhi’s probably enjoying himself and why make him leave early?”
Nothing has gone right this whole evening. She had wanted Cassian to notice her and he had, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s silly, really. He thought she went out with Scott and instead she stupidly lost her balance in a moment she knows will be burned into her memory forever.
He gives her a look, “I think you can trust me to see you home safe.”
Jyn continues to look at him, his words settling heavy on her chest, disappointment coursing through her. Of course she can. Cassian doesn’t even like her, clearly.
“Give me a minute to find Bodhi and grab my coat. Thank you.” She says, quietly while she turns to make her way back inside. She finds Bodhi and shows him her trousers while she indicates that she is going to go home.
“Hey, are you alright? Do you want me to come with you?” Bodhi eyes her curiously.
“No, Cassian is taking me home.”
Ugh, the way that sounds. Bodhi will be insufferable.
Bodhi breaks out into a huge smile, “You guys hit it off? That’s great! I can go over to Luke’s after this if you prefer.”
Jyn looks wryly at her roommate, “It’s not like that at all, not even close. See you soon.”
She makes her way out to the front door and looks around before spotting Cassian waiting for her.
“Come on,” he says. “My car is parked on the other side of the building. We can go this way.”
He points ahead and she follows.
As they drive he hardly says a word, and Jyn, still smarting from his disparaging opinions, doesn't want to talk, either. She gives short, brief directions and when they reach her building he says, “Keys all set?”
She nods her head. “All set.”
“Sure you’ll be okay?”
“Yes, thank you,” she adds with some difficulty. Her head is starting to pound and she feels a wave of unhappiness wash over. All she had wanted for this evening was to try and get to know Cassian a bit more, maybe talk to him and be clever. Instead, he rejects her dinner invitation and thinks she’s too friendly with everyone.
Right. Better just leave and let this one go down in the books with all the others.
“I’ll get your handkerchief washed and returned soon.”
“Don’t bother.” He starts to open his car door, presumably to come around to open hers. He can not wait to get rid of her.
She places a hand on his arm to stop him and winces when he flinches. She pulls back her hand, resting it in her lap. “Look, things did not quite turn out the way I thought it would tonight. I thought…I guess…” She doesn’t know why she is speaking, she should just get out of the car but her unhappiness pours out, “I don’t know what I thought, to be honest. I like you and I just wanted to get to know you but you made it clear that you are not interested so I am just sorry.”
The words just tumble out of her mouth and she shuts her mouth, lips compressing into a tight line as she stares at him in shock.
What has she done?
Did she just say that she liked him? Oh my God, can this night get any worse? She panics and starts to turn towards the door, pulls desperately on the handle to let herself out.
Cassian leans back away from her, eyes wide. He opens his mouth to say something but Jyn doesn’t wait. She manages to open the door and shuts it soundly and is making a break for it.
She ignores Cassian’s calls to her and runs as quickly as she can into her building, slamming the door shut behind her. She leans against the door and covers her face with her hands. She can feel the heat from embarrassment as she breathes deeply into her palms.
She is definitely going to have to find a new job.
++
Jyn groans as the sun filters through her bedroom window. Who was the idiot that forgot to close the curtains? She turns onto her side while pulling her blanket up over her head, praying that someone will grant mercy on her and close the curtains.
“I bring presents.” Bodhi says from the bedroom doorway. He waves a bottle of aspirin in one hand; the other holds a mug of coffee that she can smell from her bed and it’s divine.
Bodhi places the bottle down on the bedside table and takes a seat on Jyn’s bed.
Jyn groans again before she lifts the blanket away from her face. She brightens considerably when she sees the coffee and makes a “give me” motion with her free hand. Bodhi laughs and brings the mug over to Jyn. “So? How was it?”
“We are not talking about last night. We are never going to mention last night again. I am currently waiting for my grave to open at my feet so I can hurl myself in. My cause of death will be listed as utter and complete mortification.”
Just thinking about last night makes her queasy all over again. How is she ever going to step foot in her office and face him again? Yup, she is going to have to quit. She can probably get work at the local big box store fixing broken down laptops. Pay, not so great but upside will be no daily mortification.
“That bad?”
“Let’s see; rejected as a dinner companion by Cassian, told Scott to leave me alone again , tripped in my stupid heels so I ended up falling down hard on pavement, was saved by Cassian, who didn’t seem all that impressed with me, and yup, might have told him that I was really into him.”
“You...he...what?” Bodhi stares at Jyn. “No, no, no, back up. Wait. Back up. Back up. What the hell happened?”
Jyn sits up a bit more and reaches for the bottle of aspirin. She shakes out two tablets and takes them with a sip of her coffee. “God, where to even begin? I am not sure I will be able to live through the story again, it was that tragic.”
“Nope, I need all the deets and you better not leave a single thing out.” Bodhi leans forward; elbow on his knees.
With a sigh, Jyn lays out everything that had happened last night; starting at her encounter with Cassian in the coat check to his “saving her” from her stupid fall then on to his misunderstanding that she was yelling for help. She tells Bodhi how Cassian insisted on driving her home and how she just blurted out the things she had said. It got a bit hazy but she was pretty sure she could recall the look of horror on Cassian’s face after she spoke.
Bodhi leans back as Jyn buries her face in her free hand, the heat rising from her cheeks as she relives the nightmare from yesterday. God.
“Okay. Look, I don’t think it was horror-“
“It was!”
“It wasn’t horror, I am sure it was...surprise,” Bodhi repeats. “Look, you’ve said that the two of you haven’t had a chance to really talk so it was probably just surprise on his face. I mean, he seems a bit of a loner so it could have just been shock. It would be the last thing he would expect to hear from you.”
“Yes, but now I can’t unsay it. It’s out there, the words just hanging over me and every time I see him, I am going to be reminded of what a complete idiot I was. He’s going to be reminded of what a complete idiot I was.” Jyn waves her hand in frustration, nearly tipping her mug over.
Bodhi grabs the mug from her and places it down. “So maybe instead of avoiding it, just face it head on. Go talk to him.”
“Avoiding sounds good, avoiding sounds real good. I think that’s the best plan.” Jyn says, nodding her head. “I will just pretend like it never happened. Will just go to work and we’ll all pretend it never happened.”
Bodhi says, “So you’re not going to talk to him anymore, just gonna ignore him?”
Jyn sighs, “I bet he is just going to ignore me anyway. I mean, it’s not as if we are friends. He is going to pretend nothing happened and then I won’t have to.”
Bodhi stands up, “Hey, I think this could be a good thing. You’ve liked him for a while and now he knows how you feel. This could be as good an excuse as any to talk to him. Talk to him about something more than just work.”
Jyn lays back down as Bodhi leaves, pulling the blanket over her head again.
Yeah, she is going to have to quit. No way is she stepping foot in that building ever again.
++
Jyn spent the entire day agonizing over what to do. Her gut is telling her that he will likely avoid her, going out of his way to make sure they minimize any contact. She convinces herself that she need not go out of her way to avoid Cassian, he will do that for her.
So why does the thought of never speaking to him again fill her with so much unhappiness?
Monday morning is a disaster; it starts to rain a few minutes before she arrives at her building, her legs soaked and as she races to catch the lift, she slides on a puddle of water causing her to reach out and grab at the nearest body to keep herself upright.
Of course, it’s Cassian. Of course it is. Her humiliation is now complete.
She closes her eyes for a second before removing her hand away from his arm.
“Are you all right?” His voice expresses concern. He reaches his hand to grasp her elbow to help steady her but hesitates, hovering around her instead.
She watches the doors to the lift they have now missed close before turning to him. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t know it was going to rain today. Thanks for the catch.” She leaned over and pressed the button to recall the lift.
“No problem.” He hesitates, “Did you have a nice weekend?”
Really? Small talk. Can’t he just let her die in peace?
She opens her mouth to reply but before she can say anything, he turns to face her fully, leaning down close. “Can I…can you….coffee with me this afternoon?” He stumbles over the words and she watches a flush creep up his neck. “If… that’s ok.”
“Uh…” She knows she must look like a walking tragedy, eyes wide open but she can’t seem to get the words out. Before she can even gather another breath, the lift arrives, doors sliding open with a soft ping. He steps into the empty lift and calls back to her, “Never mind, sorry. Sorry.”
That catches her attention, “Wait, yes. Yes, Cassian.” She rushes the lift and manages to squeeze in next to him before the doors close. Looking up at him, she smiles, “Yes, I would like that very much.”
++
They have agreed to meet at the coffee shop two blocks down from the office. Jyn understands that to mean that he is not interested in having the others in the office speculate why they would be leaving the building together.
The day seems to last forever until finally, she makes her escape. Putting on her coat as she steps outside, she realizes it has stopped raining and the sun is desperately trying to peek through the clouds.
She decides to take that as a good sign.
The coffee shop is just ahead and Jyn slows down, doubtful thoughts starting to creep in. What if he decided not to show? What if she misunderstood why he wanted to talk to her and simply was using this as an excuse to tell her he wasn’t interested? Ugh, what if he saw her as someone with a silly crush and was trying to let her down gently?
She hesitates on the doorstep of the shop, letting the wave of insecurity and embarrassment overwhelm her for a moment.
What if this is a huge mistake?
She almost decides to leave when she sees Cassian sitting in the corner of the shop, eyes watching her steadily through the window. As if he knew her internal debate. She sighs and then pushes open the door and makes her way over to his table.
“I thought you were going to leave.”
She shrugs, “I almost did.” She nervously grabs her necklace, worrying it between her fingers, watching him carefully. He asks if she wants anything to drink and she shakes her head. She isn’t really interested in drinks right now.
“Look, I am s-“
“About Saturd-“
They both start speaking at the same time. He smiles at her, gesturing for her to continue. Her heart gives a little flutter at the smile and she knows she is in deep.
“I just want to say that I was really hopeful that I could get to know you at the party and I am sorry that it just did not end up working that way at all.” She continues before he can speak up, “It’s been a long time since someone recognized me...my contributions that I thought….but when you said no to dinner and then stayed anyway…well, I guess I should have known then.”
He starts at her last sentence and leans back, running a hand over his face. “I really wasn’t going to stay, Jyn. I want you to know that. I-I would have liked to…you know…stay. With you. At dinner.”
She smiles and he only stares at her, calm. She feels herself relaxing for the first time in days, maybe even weeks.
“I was worried about you,” he says. “I mean, I didn’t want you to think that I was so brusque with you after…after you fell because I thought you weren’t capable of taking care of yourself.”
She nods and busies herself with a paper napkin on the table, pulling at the ends lightly. In contrast, he is very still and watches her, warmth in his gaze and she is enthralled. She leans closer without realizing it.
She watches as he flexes his hand on the table, curling his fingers into his palm. “I want to get to know you as well,” he tells her.
If she’s surprised, she doesn’t show it. She turns her gaze away and looks out towards the busy street, watching the people pass by on their way to whatever calls to them. She counts the minutes that the silence stretches between them.
“Why?” She fidgets and blushes. “I mean, you never really seem that interested in talking with me and…”
The silence stretches between them, not quite comfortable but it’s not heavy.
She sighs, out loud and drops her hands onto her lap, keeping her gaze on them.
“I guess I just am wondering why?” She asks again and doesn’t mean too. She’s blushing again when she looks up and takes a tiny peek at him, watching him carefully.
“I-” Cassian clears his throat and starts again, “I wasn’t sure about you when I started. I was told that you wanted to leave since you were...upset. Upset that I had gotten the job you wanted.”
Jyn feels anger rising in her and starts to interrupt but Cassian keeps talking,” I could see right away that you would have done an excellent job in the role and that there may have been some politics at play.”
Jyn sighs, saying, “I deserve it and yes, maybe I did react to not getting the job by moving mainly so I wouldn’t have to help you onboard but honestly, I like testing so much better.”
Cassian nods, “I know. I wish you had stayed but I think you are where you need to be for you.”
Jyn feels a warmth spreading over her that she hasn’t felt in years. She watches Cassian and understands that this man seems to understand her, doesn’t have to say much to convey that he just...gets her.
“So why?” Cassian repeats her question, “You are interesting to me. You keep to yourself but still manage to create this family around you. You don’t say very much but when you say something, it's always worth listening to. I hear some of the conversations you have with Kes, you love theatre and it’s something I like. And-”
Jyn leans even closer, tries to absorb every word. “And?”
“And I think you’re quite lovely.” Cassian averts his eyes and stares at the table, almost as if he said too much.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
He’s quiet then, after. She’s briefly reminded of the party and everything that went wrong that evening and can feel the wave of embarrassment curl through her again. Will she ever stop remembering that evening with trepidation? But he is here, telling her, in his own quiet way, that he likes her as well.
And, she can live with that.
“Yeah, maybe we can go to a show some time together. My mother loved theatre, she made me go with her to all the shows and I guess I got hooked.”
He looks at her, genuinely concerned. As if the thought of them doing something together is a concept he was not entirely prepared for.
“Or,” she says quickly. “Not. It’s just that if you want to, together. We can and, well.”
He looks at her then, a soft smile curving around his mouth so she smiles back. He reaches his hand forward, hesitates as if asking for permission, before placing them softly over her hands. He wraps his fingers around hers, gently.
The moment stretches between them, long and a bit unsure.
“What?” she looks up at him then, and grabs his wrist gently, prying her fingers away from his. His hand pulls back but she pauses and takes his hand in hers.
He doesn’t pull away.
“What?” she asks again.
His mouth opens slowly. It closes. There is this look that she catches from him that speaks to shyness and uncertainty. He leans towards her though, and around them, the shop slows to a murmur and she’s almost wistful, waiting for what’s next.
“Hold still,” he says, and quickly, as if to catch her. He leans closer but she’s confused, watching him.
“What?” A third time.
He says nothing more. It happens so slowly, catching her off guard as he lifts a hand and presses it softly against her cheek, and his fingers start to pull themselves into her hair. He tugs once and twice, and there’s something so utterly genuine about the gesture. Her lips part and he leans in, ever so carefully, and closes the last gap between them. Jyn scarcely has a moment to pull in a breath before his lips touched hers. A whisper of a kiss. So soft and warm and fleeting but then his mouth touches hers again and her eyelids flutter close. They could have been anywhere in the world instead of a quiet coffee shop, that was how quickly the world receded away.
Cassian’s lips press to hers for another heartbeat and the hand against her cheek trails lightly over the skin, sending shivers up and down her spine. She reaches out to clasp at his shirt, literally clutches at him, trying to hold him to her but he pulls back slowly and blinks at her.
“We can start with dinner, if you want?”
She smiles, breathless and hopeful; they can work through all the details later but this is all she really wanted. A chance to get to know Cassian better.
“Yes, I would like that.”