Chapter Text
Ah, another day at PK Academy. And of course, a new day means a new opportunity for Saiki's newfound favorite hobby: as he himself calls it, Satouwatching.
It's not stalking. Saiki does most definitely not stalk Satou. He's merely admiring his master of the ordinary. It's all a valuable learning experience. Therefore, not stalking.
Although, he has been doing it rather often lately. By a normal person's standards, it might count as stalking at this point. If it does, it's absolutely not what you think it is. Not at all. Normal people might stalk their crushes, but lucky for Saiki, he's not normal, so it doesn't apply to him. Ha!
Wait, that completely beats the purpose of watching Satou, damn it! Get it together Saiki, be normal. Like Satou.
Ah, Satou...
Satou?
He's gone.
Right, so Saiki may have gotten lost in his head for a bit, but he definitely didn't lose sight of Satou. Nu-uh, no way. He'll just use clairvoyance to find his location again, and then he can continue his watching. Not stalking!
As Saiki was crossing his eyes and getting lost in Satou's perfectly normal life through his power, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"You should stop crossing your eyes like that, they'll get stuck"
At that Saiki jumps. Someone saw? Shit! He was too enamored in Satou's beauty to even notice anyone walking up to him! Not that he'll ever admit it, not to himself or anyone else for that matter. He was observing!
Saiki quickly turned around, ready to give whoever was there a good chop and a nice erasure in memory, but as he did he realized it wasn't necessary.
The person behind him was Mr. Abnormal himself.
Good grief.
'Leave me alone, Toritsuka. I'm busy.'
"Doing what? Staring at a wall? Seriously, all you do these days is sit around and stalk that guy from before, I mean, don't you ever at least peek at a girl's panties or- WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING I WASN'T FINISHED"
As Saiki stated before, good grief. He had already started walking away to find Satou before that nuisance got to the part about staring at walls. That's not what he was doing, thank you very much!
Forget that, the task at hand is much more important. Saiki continued walking, his legs turning towards the stairs leading up to the roof of the school. Ah, so that's where Satou and his group are. Of course! The cherry blossoms are almost in full bloom so it's perfectly logical to eat lunch on the roof. That's so normal!
But the moment was ruined once again.
"Dude, why do you keep following that guy around? That's hella creepy!!"
'You have no right to call me creepy, perv. Besides, it's not at all what you think. I'm not stalking.'
They made it to the roof, opening the door and stepping outside, a breeze of fresh air hitting Saiki's face as he breathed it in.
"Right, you're following someone around all day and observing every little detail of what they're doing, but not stalking. Got it. Great."
Saiki didn't hear him though. He was already distracted. Satou and his friends were gathered in a small circle, as the first tiny cherry blossom petals fell off the trees and danced around the air, perfectly framing Satou's face, his smile...so cliche, yet so perfect. Wait, what?
"Mmmh, not stalking."
'Would you please leave and take a swan dive off the roof?'
"Nah, I'm gonna stay here until you admit it."
'Admit what?'
"You can read my mind! Do I seriously have to spell it out for you?"
It's true, Saiki could read his mind. And he did. But all that he found there were dirty thoughts of some girls from the swim team. Gross...
A moment of silence passed, and another...
Toritsuka sighed. "Admit that you're gay as hell and have a massive crush on that guy?"
'...'
So, you have chosen death, huh? Saiki turned around, giving Toritsuka the most intimidating death glare he could muster. And knowing the psychic, it was a terrifying glare.
'I already told you it's not like that! I don't want romance in my life, it's too much of a pain, and attracts attention! You don't get it at all do you??'
Toritsuka was shaking, any more and he'd pee himself. Of course, he knew Saiki wouldn't ACTUALLY hurt him; Despite how he seems he actually does care about the people around him. Doesn't mean it's not trauma-inducing, though.
"Y-y-you like him because he's normal, r-right? You wanted to be his friend to blend in! What happened to that, h-huh? You know, stalking another guy like this is only gonna make you stand out more. Better to come out yourself instead of through some over the top newspaper club scoop!" PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!
'I'm not gay! I'm not anything!! And I do NOT like Satou like that. He's my master, not some cliche love interest!'
"Hehe, I thought you liked the cliches tho"
'...'
What are you supposed to reply to that? Seriously, does this idiot not know when to give up. This is nowhere near worth sacrificing precious lunchtime for, so Saiki left without another word.
Saiki picked a spot from the roof. One that ensured an uninterrupted view of Satou's face, not too close to be weird but not too far either. Great.
This is good, right? Perhaps Satou will notice him for his normalcy. Or wait, it's ten times more likely he doesn't even notice Saiki sitting there. (Yes, he counted, it was easy what with him being psychic and all.) Argh, the struggle of being normal.
As Saiki sat down and opened his bag, he heard Satou's thoughts in his head.
'Oh, it's that Saiki guy again. So he likes the roof too? Maybe I should talk to him after all...'
Saiki's brain stopped working. He'd been noticed! Wow, this is incredible!! Yes, Satou, you should talk to him, you'd be great friends! You can live a peaceful and meaningless life together at school. Saiki can watch you at baseball practice and walk you home afterward. You can borrow his copy of the most recent Jump, read it together while sharing a can of peach tea, go to a coffee shop or a park to enjoy time alone with just the two of you, gaze into each other's eyes at sunset before leaning in and-
'Wait, what? Just a second ago he was wearing his normal deadpan face, but now he's smiling at his food? That's...a bit creepy...' Satou wondered for a bit longer but ultimately shrugged it off and turned his attention back to his friends. Saiki could tell he had made a bad impression.
Shit!!! This is not going according to plan at all! Alright, calm down. This can still be saved. Let's see..aha! As suspected, Saiki has seen this situation from a mile away and has prepared accordingly.
He pulled out of his bag the newest Jump and a carton of peach tea to drink along with his meal. Great job, Saiki, this will surely make you two friends! Granted, it didn't work the first time, but there was a good reason! The school gate is a weird spot for listening to music while reading and casually sipping tea like nobody's business. This is way different! Or so he hopes, Saiki's not completely sure about it. That's why he needs his master, see?
Now we play the waiting game. Any moment now, Satou will glance his eyes to Saiki's general direction, and then it's all over. His attention will have permanently been directed to Saiki, fully decked out in accessories ideal for Satou seduction- NOTICING! Um... friendship? Yeah, ideal for Satou's friendship.
Just a few more seconds and that friendship will be yours. Or so Saiki thought.
"Yo! Mind if I sit with you guys today? I was totally dumped by that chick I was with earlier, so now I got nowhere to go, aha!"
That. Bastard.
That evil, plotting, Satou's perfect normalcy ruining bastard!!
How dare he interrupt such a moment? He calls himself Saiki's friend, but friends don't ruin each other's lunch breaks by disrupting the peace of their master.
"Do you guys know Saiki from class 3? You know, he's been wanting to talk to you all for a while but he's too much of a pussy to do it himself. haha!"
?!?!??
How can he just say that??? How dare he?? What does that idiot think he's doing? No, he's not just an idiot anymore, he's a full-on asshole. Only an asshole would call someone a pussy in front of their cru- MASTER!! Shit, they're all looking at Saiki now. He’s panicking, what is he supposed to do in a situation like this? Oh, god, have mercy!
He sees Toritsuka wave him over and, haha, that sure helps with his state of mind. Thanks, psychic medium! You are so dead.
Seriously, how does he think Saiki could just come over there after being embarrassed like that? There’s no way. But...he doesn’t want to turn them down either. He heard from Satou’s thoughts that he would be welcome to sit with them.
He just has to do this he decides. No matter the consequence, he’ll prove that he’s not the pussy Toritsuka says him to be. He gets up, gathers his stuff, and begins to walk over. He’s not sweating, your eyes are tricking you. And if he seems like he’s shaking on his feet, well that’s just the wind blowing on his clothes! Saiki is not nervous about this, because he can’t be. Satou’s not his crush, so Saiki isn’t nervous!
All that confidence seemed to have been thrown out the window by the second Saiki steps within point five meters of the group.
'Um, Toritsuka. Someone sent me a text saying you forgot your phone in class. Want to come get it? I’ll show you where it is.'
Damn it! So close, yet he still managed to come up with an excuse not to talk to Satou. It’s pathetic, he gets that, but he just can’t right now. Plus, he needs to give Toritsuka one hell of a beating for being so stupid like that!
Saiki glances at Satou and locks eyes with him for a brief second before feeling his face heat up and turning his gaze back to Toritsuka. Shit!! This is no way to act around one’s master, he’s messed everything up!
“Dude, what are you talking about? I’ve got my phone right here.”
You IDIOT! Take the hint! Can’t you see how much stress this poor boy is under?
'No! That’s not yours. Uh, the message was sent from your number, so that’s someone else’s phone.' To Toritsuka’s head alone he said: 'You dirty bastard better come with me this instant or I’m teleporting you straight to the Sun’s core!'
Toritsuka’s face lost all color as he heard those words. He immediately jumped up and panicked. “Oh! Y-You’re right! Hahaha, better go return this to its rightful owner!!” His arm is then grabbed by Saiki and before he has time to process it he’s being dragged away just enough to not be seen by anyone and teleported to the edge of the schoolyard.
And oh boy, Saiki is angry.
This is it, huh? Toritsuka’s life is officially over. He might as well have pulled all those girls’ skirts down after all, as none of it would have mattered anyway. Thank you, whoever is up there, for this opportunity at life! Tell all Toritsuka’s ghost friends thank you, and that he will be joining them soon enough in the paradise of panty peeking and-
'Can’t you shut your brain up for a single second?'
Wait, Saiki can still see him? And he’s talking to him telepathically even though he’s not projecting himself? Is he still alive!?
'Yes, you’re alive. Not for long though if you keep that up. What the hell is wrong with you?!'
“I’M SORRY!! PLEASE LET ME LIVE!!! I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR I-”
Saiki was not having any of it. He was tired of this guy’s bullshit. He put on another one of his famous death glares, perhaps scary enough to push Toritsuka into actually peeing himself this time.
'Answer the question.'
Toritsuka froze. With a shaky breath, he stuttered “I-I was just trying to hook you two up...you know? I mean, it’s obvious how much you like him, it’s getting painful to watch. You should appreciate the effort at least!”
'You want me to appreciate you calling me a pussy in front of my master?'
“Uh...yeah. Sorry about that.” Toritsuka was not the least bit sorry. Why should he be? He should be allowed to be a bit of a jerk to the guy who always ruins his plans with the ladies!
Saiki lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding and sighs in defeat. What’s the point anymore? There’s no way Satou’d ever see him as anything else than a freak after this. He sat down on a bench and covered his face with his eyes.
Toritsuka slowed down. Shit, looks like he finally messed up for real. He thinks for a second, not coming up with anything good to say. He sits down beside Saiki and ultimately settles on “Look, I’m sorry, ok?”
'Not forgiven'
Alright, that’s fair. Still, he couldn’t help himself and asked: “But why do you try so hard to deny it?”
Saiki turned to him, 'I’m not denying anything. Can you just quit with it already?'
Geez, this man is seriously depressed! And Toritsuka is probably the furthest you can get from a therapist. How can he cheer Saiki up? Can he even be cheered? “Um...I’ve noticed many girls trying to pursue you, don’t you think any of them could be to your liking?”
'Seriously? They're all so annoying, such nuisances. And you expect me to date any of them?'
Ouch, that hurt. “Well, what if a girl was nice? Not too clingy or loud or whatever it is you find annoying. She’d bring you coffee jelly for your birthday! Still no?”
'Hmm, maybe. That coffee jelly part sounds nice, and maybe if I dated her I might blend in a bit... Actually no, romance just gets attention.'
“Dude, is that all that goes around in your head? Coffee jelly? Don’t you ever think about anyone like that?”
'Like what?'
“You know, like, that chick’s hot? I wanna kiss her?”
'I don't see the appeal.'
“What about sex? Don’t you ever think about those things?”
'...This conversation is over.'
“Hey, wait! Don’t you ever even jack off to a hot swimsuit model?”
'I don't! now quit it!'
They both sat still for a moment, Toritsuka’s thoughts running wild as to how someone could possibly not like hot swimsuits! To say Saiki’s disgusted would be an understatement.
“Um..well what about men? Do you find any of the guys in our school attractive?”
'I don’t know, Hairo’s pretty strong and nice, I suppose.'
“Ha! See?!?! I knew you were gay!”
'Shut up! That doesn’t mean I’ll do your weird perv things with him!'
“What about Satou?”
Silence fell between the two as Saiki’s eyes slowly widened. He could feel his face grow hotter, though he had no idea why that was. 'No, geez, I said it already I don't like him like that…' He trailed off. Where to? only God knows.
“You're blushing.”
'I’m- what?'
“You're blushing. That’s, like, the most obvious sign you like someone. Where do you live? In isolation from the rest of humanity?”
'No, but that would be nice.'
"Well anyway, would you fuck him?"
'I- No! I told you to stop that, there's no way I'd-"
"You're right, that may be a bad idea. I mean, you'd probably kill him by accident"
'That's not the point, the point is I don't like him.'
"So maybe you should let him fuck you instead? You do seem like a bottom tho so that might actually work."
'.... I look like a what now?'
"Ah, here, let me visualize it for you, look in my brain."
'I would really rather not-'
But it was too late. As you know, Saiki can't turn off his telepathy, so he was suddenly forced to witness the lewd imagery being created in Toritsuka's brain. And holy fuck what an image it was.
The first thing he saw was himself lying down, Satou on top of him, fully nude, sweating and panting, the perfectly average amount of muscle and strength on his beautiful chest, framed by his arms supporting his weight on either side of Saiki's head as he moved his hips in a practiced rhythm. Satou moved one of his hands to caress Saiki's cheek before leaning down for a sloppy kiss, the other wrapping his arms around his lover's neck and shoulders, holding on as if his life depended on it as he spread his legs even further.
The kiss was short-lived, as Satou pulled back and spoke. "Ah, I'm close, Ku, fuuck..." Hearing Satou curse did something to Saiki (the real one, not the one in Toritsuka's shared daydream), a strange warmth spreading throughout his body. "Do you, hah, want it inside?" Imaginary Satou breathed out, hot breath ghosting against Saiki's lips as he answered: "Yes, fill me up, please-"
"SAIKI YOU'RE ON FIRE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ARE YOU OK??!"
Wait, what? That's why it's hot in here? Fuck-! Saiki snapped out of it and panickedly began cooling the fire down, freezing himself in the process and falling from the bench to the ground with a loud 'thud'.
Saiki lay on the ground, face flushed in a way that rivaled his hair in sheer brightness. Small parts of his hair would still occasionally flare up as he thought about what had just happened. And to top it all off, there was very much something weird going on in his pants.
Toritsuka came over, towering over him with a wide smirk on his face. "Heh, sorry. I thought that sappy stuff might be what you're into, guess I was a bit too right"
That. Bastard.
Jesus Christ, to think that such an image would get such a reaction out of him, it's unheard of. Saiki simply sighed out in defeat, too exhausted to shoot anything back.
Good grief, looks like our favorite psychic has got some serious gay panicking to do when he gets home.