Archive of Our Own

The call comes in at 2 in the morning and it’s Jun who answers it. He’s still feeling somewhere between being awake and being asleep, so when he hears the news, it takes him a while to understand what just happened. 

It’s Jeonghan he tells next, who rushes downstairs to speak to Seungcheol. He, along with Jun and Seungcheol, are speaking in hushed tones in the living room. But no matter how quiet they try to be, a few of the members are starting to wake from all the commotion.

“Get the rest. They need to hear this, ” is all Seungcheol says with a grim face when everyone starts asking them what’s wrong. And they know something is wrong. Jun has his arms around himself as he stares at nothing and Jeonghan is biting his fingernails.

“A meeting? At this hour?” Seungkwan grumbles as the boys are told to gather. Chan just shrugs and yawns, following the rest of his brothers.

As soon as they’re all gathered in the living room, Seungcheol breaks the news. He breaks it to them with a deep breath and without mincing any words because they once promised that when this moment happens, they would all be honest and tell each other as soon as they can. 

“Minghao was bitten.” Seungcheol says in a quiet strangled tone that he tries to hide but is very much obvious anyway. “That’s all we know at the moment.”

Nobody speaks for a minute. The living room, which is always filled with all sorts of noise whenever they’re together, is still and quiet. It takes a while for them all to process the news. Nobody asks anything even though everyone is bursting to know more than just Minghao being bitten. Minghao, who just wanted to visit his parents for the weekend. Minghao, who was excited about going home for just three days and was supposed to come back tomorrow.

It’s Mingyu who stands first and leaves the room. Jun eyes him and makes a move to follow but Seungcheol stops him and shakes his head. Leave him be , his eyes seem to say. So Jun stays in the corner, arms coming to wrap around himself again as if he’ll fall apart if he lets go.

The managers have been alerted who in turn calls and tells them not to leave the dorms until they arrive with more news. No one heads back to bed that night. No one even leaves the 6th floor. Some are on their phones searching the Chinese news for anything they could find even though they know the government has probably hushed it all up like how their own country and the rest of the world would do so. Attacks may be common. But it’s still being kept from the public. What’s important is that there are protocols for this and all of them must follow it to protect themselves and their company.

Some are talking to each other quietly; some are staring blankly at nothing. They all just sit there not really huddled in groups but still touching one another as if keeping the other in check. Soonyoung is on the couch hugging his legs, his feet tucked under Jihoon’s thigh. Seungkwan is leaning against Joshua who has both hands rubbing up and down Chan and Seokmin’s backs. Vernon’s knees are touching against Wonwoo’s whose gaze keeps darting to Jun who's still standing there away from them.

It’s Mingyu who breaks the silence. He emerges from his room all dressed up with a bag slung over his shoulder and a passport in his hand as he makes for the door.

It doesn’t take much for anyone to know where he’s going.

Seungcheol steps in front of him, blocking his way towards the exit.

“You know that it’s impossible to head out right now-”

“I’m going.” Everyone in that room can hear how decided Mingyu is. There’s no question about it.

“Mingyu,” Seungcheol says and there’s a small plea in his tone. “Don’t make things harder.”

Mingyu takes a deep breath, hand clutching at his bag tightly. “I can’t sit here and do nothing. You said he was bitten and that’s all we know. Well, what if he’s…” He tries not to think about it. It being a dozen different things all at once - He’s alive. He’s dead. He has changed. - that sends his stomach turning. So he looks at Seungcheol, looks at his hyung who he knows will understand more than anyone why he needs to go. ”I just need to be there right now.”

Seungcheol does understand. That’s why he can’t let Mingyu leave. What will greet Mingyu when he goes there won’t be Minghao but something else, something they won’t understand, and he doesn’t want the boy to see any of it. For now.

“Hyung, I’m going.” Mingyu says again. Seungcheol is in the middle of thinking about possibly wrestling Mingyu to the ground if it comes down to that when the sound of the door unlocking cuts through the tension. Their manager has arrived.

“Minghao is stable.” He says at once when he sees everyone looking at him for answers. Half of the room is relieved while the other half catches on to what their manager isn’t saying.

With Minghao being bitten, there are only two ways that would go. One, he would stabilize and turn and there’s nothing anyone could do about it. Two, he would lose blood and eventually die. Both are horrible endings but between the two, everyone would agree they would rather have their Minghao alive even if he wouldn’t be the same anymore.

“The bad news is the obvious. There’s not much to say about that.” Their manager sighs.

“Is he conscious?” Joshua asks.

“Earlier, yes. Just long enough for his parents to see him. If he was able to hear them and understand what they were saying, we don’t know. They placed him under observation again though. The transformation has made him so…”

Mingyu, who had been strangely calm earlier, is starting to feel delirious. Minghao has already turned. It’s all happening so fast. And he’s still way over here!

“The good news is that he’s alive and his parents would like for him to come back here at once for his safety.” Their manager continues. “The company agrees, and besides, there has always been a contingency plan for this so we know how to handle it. Also, his parents believe it might do Minghao some good to be with friends this early rather than being cooped up at home with nothing to do. His parents want him to return to some sense of normalcy despite everything that happened.”

Somehow, this makes everyone feel relieved. Everyone will take anything for now if it means Minghao coming home to them.

“I am to take him back as part of the management that’s handling him.” Their manager explains. “And since we’re following protocol, the name Minghao listed under who is supposed to look after him is to come with me to pick him up.”

A donor. It was called that. They were to become a donor to people like Minghao who will be in charge of feeding him and keeping him in check. Everyone of them wrote names who their donors would be in their contracts should this happen.

Mingyu picks up his bag that he dropped to the floor earlier, ready to leave with the manager.

“Jun, I’ll pick you up at 8 in the morning sharp.”

Mingyu almost drops his stuff once more. He looks at Jun who has his eyes widening at what their manager just said.

“We leave for the airport tomorrow.” Their manager looks at their watch and sighs. “Or later. The rest of you, please get some sleep.”

Stunned doesn’t even begin to explain how Mingyu feels. Had he heard their manager right? Why wasn’t he requested to go?

Everyone starts moving. There’s the sound of feet shuffling and chairs scraping. But Mingyu doesn’t move. He can feel Jun’s eyes on him so Mingyu looks. He holds his gaze and Jun looks like he wants to say something. But in the end, he doesn’t and turns around to leave with the rest.

It takes a while for Mingyu to move. He’s still in the living room just thinking about Minghao, his condition, and the fact that he wasn’t even chosen to pick him up. 

He remembers a time when they used to talk about this. There’s always a scare going around the industry whenever news of an attack comes up. Mingyu remembers talking about it to Minghao one night while they were all alone in his room. Getting bitten was something they never want to experience in their lives. But Mingyu always made it clear that should the uneventful happen, he always wanted Minghao to be his donor.

It suddenly dawns on him that during all those conversations, Minghao never asked him to be his.

Mingyu rubs his face. He has the urge to claw at the tiredness in his eyes. The living room is quiet now but there are low voices coming from the kitchen.

“I never expected it would happen to us.”

Mingyu looks up and his curiosity gets the better of him as he walks to the kitchen quietly. He sees Seungcheol sitting on a chair with his hands on his face while Jeonghan is across from him, leaning against the kitchen counter with his gaze to the ground. It’s a rare sight to see the two of them like this. One is afraid; the other one is a little lost.

“He’s alive. That’s all that matters.” Jeonghan says under his breath.

“I know.” Seungcheol’s hands slide down his face as he looks up at Jeonghan. He looks frustrated now. “It’s just that I’ve always kept us safe. And the one time I let one of us go out without the other…”

“It’s not your fault.” Jeonghan says, approaching him and dropping to his knees to cup his face in his hands. “Seungcheol, none of this was your fault.”

But Mingyu can see that Seungcheol doesn’t believe that.

“I talked to hyung,” he says. Mingyu could only guess that he’s referring to their manager. “He said I could come. Minghao needs coaxing anyway if he refuses. I’m leaving with Jun tomorrow.”

Mingyu sees Jeonghan take a deep breath before saying anything.

“Seungcheol, shouldn’t you be the one to stay here?”

“What do you mean? I’m picking him up.” Seungcheol sounds adamant at that.

“Have you seen Seokmin?” Jeonghan asks. This has Seungcheol look at him in confusion.

“No. Why?”

“He’s in the bathroom crying.”

Seungcheol makes a move to get up from his seat to go check on him but Jeonghan stops him.

“Joshua’s tending to him now. Just…” Jeonghan sighs. “What I’m trying to say is, you need to be here. It makes them feel safe at a time like this.”

“I can’t let Jun go alone even if he’s with a manager.” Seungcheol says in frustration. “I’m never letting any of you leave this dorm alone or without me.” 

“Why not let Mingyu go?” Jeonghan suggests and Mingyu feels grateful that he thought of him.

“Let’s not make things difficult for all three of them right now.” Seungcheol says. Mingyu knows he’s talking about him and Jun.

Jeonghan then shrugs. “I’ll go.”

Seungcheol’s face falls at that.

“No.” He says at once. “I… I need you here too.”

Jeonghan smiles at that.

“You’re going to do just fine here. I’ll pick up Minghao with Jun. If there’s any trouble, I'll handle it.”

Utter frustration passes over Seungcheol’s face until resignation does. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Even Mingyu would agree that Seungcheol needs to stay here for all of them to be assured everything is going to be alright. That’s what he’s always good at doing and he’s going to be doing that a lot after what just happened.

“Call me every day. Twice if you can. Not a single call is to be missed.” Seungcheol says to which Jeonghan nods.

“I will. Hey,” Jeonghan ducks lower to make Seungcheol look at him. “Other groups are dealing with this as well and they’re doing fine. We can do this. You have me. You have all of us.”

Seungcheol nods and leans in to bury his face in the crook of Jeonghan’s neck. Mingyu looks away then, giving them both their privacy.

It’s unfair, he thinks. It should be him. He should be the one on that flight tomorrow. But if Minghao wanted Jun, for whatever reason he wrote down his name instead of his, Mingyu decides he’ll have to go with it for now. The important thing is to get Minghao back home. Back here. Back safely in his arms.

He goes to the living room and opens the bag which he hastily just packed all his stuff earlier. He takes out Minghao’s favorite sweatshirt which he shoved in there. Minghao gave him the clothing on the day he left for the airport, teasing Mingyu how it’ll help him from missing him too much. It’s just a sweatshirt. But if what they say about these things being unable to feel human, maybe when Minghao wears it, he’ll remember how it feels to be one.

He heads upstairs to hand it to Jun. The door to their unit is slightly open. Before Mingyu can make his way inside, he hears voices discussing things.

“Hyung is going to be fine, right?” He hears Chan ask.

“He will. He’s tough.” Vernon answers.

“Who do you think his donor will be?” Soonyoung asks.

“Mingyu hyung, of course.” Vernon says to them.

“Then why did Minghao ask for Jun?” Soonyoung responds.

Mingyu decides to make his presence known as he knocks on the door and then pushes it slowly open. All three faces on the dining area look up at him in greeting. 

“Is Jun hyung here?” He asks. Vernon motions to the direction of his room. Mingyu gives him a small thanks as he passes by.

He knocks on the door, listens to the footsteps behind it and the jiggle of the doorknob. Jun’s face greets him and a look of surprise flits through his features before he opens the door wider. Behind him are clothes folded on the bed with an open duffel bag that’s filled half-way through.

Mingyu tears his gaze away from all the packing and hands Jun the sweatshirt.

“This is Hao’s.” He says. “You know how he likes it so much.”

“I know.” Jun says but doesn’t take it. “Do you want to switch with me?” He asks instead. “You could come in my place, you know.”

The temptation to accept it eats at him. But Mingyu shakes his head.

“He asked for you.” He says, making sure his voice doesn’t show any hint of bitterness at that. 

Jun nods, finally taking the sweatshirt. “Okay.”

“Hyung,” Mingyu says to him before he leaves. “Bring him home. Safely.”

Jun nods. “I will.” Mingyu can trust him to do that.

Back at his room, Mingyu can’t sleep. The lights are already off. He stares at the ceiling, unable to think about anything else besides Minghao. On the corner of the room, he hears Jihoon turning in his bed.

“You alright?” He asks him in the dark.

Mingyu takes a deep breath. “I would be lying if I said I was.”

“Hey. It’s Minghao.” Jihoon says. “He’s going to be fine.”

Mingyu knows that. He has to believe in it even though his insides are twisting and turning, making him want to throw up at how awful this whole thing is but even more so for Minghao and for his parents at the moment. He cannot help but think about the entire ordeal, how Minghao went through it alone, if he suffered or not, if it was painful for him to deal. Mingyu wonders what Minghao is feeling now, if he’s awake or asleep, if he’s dreaming or if his thoughts are even sensible. Mingyu wants to slip away from the dorms, book a ticket, and fly there by himself and bring him back.

It takes a long while, an awful long time, for sleep to finally come for him.

Minghao arrives in three days.

Nobody picks him up at the airport. It wasn’t advisable to do so. A private car picks them up in the VIP section. He arrives at the crack of dawn with two bodyguards, the manager, Jeonghan, and Jun, and they all head directly to the dorms.

It’s five in the morning when he arrives. Everyone is up to greet him. They’re all seated in the living room waiting for him. Except for Mingyu. Mingyu finds he cannot sit still and has opted to stand by the window waiting.

They’re briefed about his condition. Minghao is still getting accustomed to his new self so no one should try to crowd around him. They also said something about Minghao unable to speak for now and to let him be. This confused them all, even Mingyu, but they were patient enough to wait for them to arrive to get all the details.

Minghao arrives and the sight of him is a relief to everyone. He’s covered from head to foot, a face mask on and a pair of sunglasses even if the sun isn’t bright out. He may be in all black, a color that makes one look even thinner and smaller. But Minghao looks even more so in his sweatshirt and baggy pants that Mingyu wonders just what the hell did the doctors do to him in those three days.

And then Mingyu sees something peeking around his neck. Something black. Something thick. A collar of sorts with a small red light blinking.

Mingyu looks up at their manager when he raises a hand. He knows there are so many questions. But he tells them all to make way for Minghao, give him space, let him rest, let him sleep since he’s tired from the ride, and then he’ll answer all their questions.

Minghao walks like he’s so frail . Mingyu makes a move to help him out when Seungcheol stops him. And it’s reminiscent of that night when he stopped him from leaving too that Mingyu can’t help but snap at him now.

“Hyung-”

“Later.” He says. “Just leave him be for now. The bodyguards will handle him.”

Mingyu is so confused, frustrated, and annoyed. Handle him? They’re dealing with Minghao as if he’s a ticking time bomb. He grits his teeth as Seungcheol doesn’t move away from his path but Mingyu doesn’t push him away either.

Minghao passes by all of them, walking quietly towards the end of the room. Mingyu is so close to him that he can just side step around Seungcheol, take Minghao’s face in his hands and look at him, because he missed him and he wants to see him, and he wants him to know everything is going to be okay. 

“Hao…” He can’t help but breathe out as Minghao nears. Minghao pauses in his steps at that, hand just barely touching the doorknob. He doesn’t look at Mingyu. But Mingyu knows he heard him.

Mingyu opens his mouth but no words come. A quiet stillness envelopes the room and it’s so tense . It’s not supposed to be. This is Minghao. This is their friend. This is the man who pranced around the dance studio laughing and throwing smiles at everyone just last week. This is the man who kissed him under the snow as he pelted snowballs at him afterward. This is Minghao - this is their Minghao! - so why is everyone treating him like he’s someone to be wary of?

Jun is suddenly there by his side, opening the door to Minghao’s room.

“It’s okay,” He says quietly in Mandarin and the tone is gentle and affectionate and everything Mingyu wants to sound like. Not angry, like the way he feels right now.

“It’s okay,” Jun says again in the same language that they share and if it was any other day and in any other situation, Mingyu would not feel so envious and so left out just to hear this. “Just head inside. Get some rest. You can call me anytime. You know how to, right? On your phone?”

Minghao nods. He then slips inside his room and without a single word, without a single glance around them, closes the door.

Mingyu watches as Jun locks it.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Is that even necessary?” Jihoon speaks, eyeing the locked doors as well.

“He’s not a danger to us … Is he?” Seungkwan adds.

“Guys-“ Seungcheol speaks and this time, Mingyu cuts him off.

“Don’t tell me you’re okay with this?” Mingyu motions to the locked door.

“I’m not.” Seungcheol says. “But there’s a reason for it so if you could all just sit down so hyung can tell us about it?”

They all face their manager now who sighs and dismisses the two bodyguards by telling them to wait downstairs. He then closes the door and turns to face all twelve of them, all their faces a mixture of bewilderment, fear, and annoyance.

He starts by saying Minghao is not Minghao. Mingyu listens as their manager tells them what they already know: Minghao has been bitten, has transformed into whatever it is they still don’t have a name for, is currently still feeling the effects of the transformation and is sensitive to light, sound, and scent. Especially the latter. He is not supposed to travel yet. But seeing as they needed to get him here, the doctors have given him some kind of anaesthetic to lower down his senses. He can’t smell anything mostly, not for now. But the effects will wear off in a few hours and he’ll be back to being a -

Mingyu turns away and glares at the windows when they call Minghao a monster.

“There’s also one other thing…” The manager says. “Or two things.”

Mingyu feels his lungs close in on him when their manager says that Minghao can’t seem to be able to speak. The whole ordeal has caused him to go into some sort of shock. Traumatic mutism, their manager says. 

“He’ll speak again. But not for a while. Not until he learns to get over it. We’re going to schedule several therapies for him to take which will involve you all. So your cooperation is highly appreciated.” He says. “And there’s also his collar.”

Since Minghao is under heavy anaesthetic, the doctors weren’t so sure what the effects of the bite would be for him. Some have reported people going feral and rabid. Others were quiet and closed off. Minghao is under observation until they know which one he shows signs of, and the collar around his neck is a security of sorts to protect the rest of them.

Their manager lifts a small device and tosses it to Seungcheol. “Only use it in case of emergencies.”

“What does it do?” Seungcheol asks as he turns the device around in his hands to inspect it.

“It… Well… They say it stuns him for a little while, enough for everyone to stay a safe distance away from him.”

The living room is suddenly quiet.

“Like… Do you mean… Like a taser?” Vernon speaks. There’s a small gasp from Seokmin at that.

Mingyu cannot believe what he is hearing.

“You are treating him like some kind of animal.” He spits out and points to the room where Minghao is. “Take it off of him. Now!”

“Mingyu, calm down.” Seungcheol holds a palm to his chest and then turns to their manager. “Hyung, this is not right.”

Finally! Mingyu thinks. Finally Seungcheol is speaking some sense.

“There are others just like him.” Soonyoung adds. “Jungkook once told us Taehyung hyung was only stuck in his room for a week. And Yugyeom told us Jackson hyung only got over it with a bunch of nose plugs on all the time. The other seniors in this industry have gone through it naturally.”

Seungcheol nods. “Heechul hyung was participating in album promotions while he was going through his own transformation. The collar is...” 

Unnecessary? Cruel? Inhumane?

“Since his parents want him to adjust to this new life quicker, it will be best if we are able to control him to some degree.” Their manager answers.

Joshua is shaking his head. “That’s not… We should take it off.”

The room is filled with heads nodding in agreement.

“I’m afraid you can’t.” Their manager sighs. “That collar is also government property. Minghao is still considered a working foreigner here. If he puts others in danger, it reflects badly on them. Hence, the collar. He won’t have it on for too long though. Once he gets accustomed to his surroundings, he’ll be free from it. But until then, the collar stays on.”

Their manager’s phone ringing cuts through the silence of the room. He checks it and waves it in front of them.

“It’s the office. They want an update on Minghao’s condition. I have to go.” He then motions to Jun and Jeonghan. “You two can brief the rest. Call me if anything comes up. Security is stationed downstairs for the time being in case something… Well, happens. Other than that,” the manager looks at all of them, “keep a safe distance from him.”

They all watch him leave and it takes a moment for anyone else to speak.

“This whole thing sucks.” Jihoon points out the obvious.

“Is hyung really… You know…” Chan looks at Jun who shakes his head.

“We don’t know. He’s been groggy the entire time. He doesn’t say anything either. We don’t really know what he's like for now.”

Mingyu turns to him.

“Give me the keys.”

Jun blinks at him. “I… Mingyu, I can’t do that.”

“Give me the keys so I can take that collar off of him.” 

“You can’t.” Jeonghan says. “Only manager hyung can take that off and he was advised not to until we actually know what’s going on with him.”

“Nothing is going on with him!” Mingyu insists. He hates that he’s raising his voice at his hyungs but they’re talking about Minghao like he’s not human.

“Okay, you know what,” Seungcheol raises the remote for everyone to see and then heads to the bookcase where he places it on the top shelf. “We’re just not going to use it. No one is going to press that button. No one is going to hurt Minghao. Understood?”

All of them agree without any further discussion and Mingyu, despite wanting more than just words, despite him wanting the rest to agree to just take that goddamn collar off, resigns and nods.

“There’s one other thing though,” Wonwoo speaks up, a first since the whole meeting started. “Who’s going to be Minghao’s donor?” Mingyu notes the way Wonwoo’s eyes linger on Jun.

That answer should be obvious enough. And yet everyone isn’t looking at Mingyu. It’s somehow divided with some of them looking at him and some of them looking at Jun.

It stings. A whole lot. Donors are someone whom the recipient trusts more than anyone in the world. Mingyu has been with Minghao for years. Half of it may not have been in a romantic sense. But they’ve gone through things together and they’re both in a place in their lives where they’re comfortable enough with each other. They’ve done more than just kiss under the stars and sit beside each other as they enjoy sunsets. They’ve travelled the world together. They’ve seen and dealt things together. They’ve bruised themselves from working too hard in the dance studios and had seen each other in their worst states. It should be him. It should be Mingyu, no questions asked.

But then there’s also Jun. Jun, who everyone knows, was there before him. Jun who knows Minghao inside and out. Jun, who has possibly spent his entire life taking care of him, leaving their homes together, and watching over him even until now. Jun, whom Minghao already chose, to come pick him up in this kind of trouble.

Jun, who Mingyu can never seem to compete with and whom Minghao seems to trust with his whole life too.

It should be Mingyu. But it isn’t. 

“No one is going to be Minghao’s donor.” Jeonghan speaks. “Minghao wrote Jun’s name to come pick him up for sensible reasons like being the only one who can speak the same language as him in case he gets delirious and forgets how to communicate properly. But as a donor, Minghao left it blank.”

For some reason, that calms Mingyu’s heart. But not quite.

“It’s Minghao’s choice who he picks to be his donor and he’ll get to choose when he’s coherent enough.” Jeonghan continues.

“Well, who is going to feed him?” Seokmin asks.

“The company has ordered blood bags for him to feed on. That way, he doesn’t form any connections with a possible donor by feeding on several sources.” Jeonghan explains.

Mingyu does not like the idea of Minghao feeding on a lot of people they don’t even know. But Jeonghan is right. This is so Minghao can choose a donor for himself when he’s sensible enough.

The whole dorm turns quiet again as they all turn their attention to where Minghao’s room is.

“He’s going to be okay.” Seungcheol speaks up. “For now, let’s just give him some space. Jun, you and Jeonghan just arrived and you two need some sleep. The rest of you, check your schedules. Some of you are due for a recording in the studio.”

Everyone starts standing up to leave. Meanwhile, Mingyu stays. He sits on the ground with his back to Minghao’s door. Mingyu sees Jun look at him before turning around and following Wonwoo out the dorm.

“Mingyu,”

Mingyu looks up as Seungcheol and Jeonghan linger by the doorway, waiting for him.

“I’m staying.” Mingyu simply says. “I don’t have anything for today.”

“You know you’re not supposed to go in.” Jeonghan says.

“I know. I wasn’t going to. I just want to stay. I can still do that right? Or am I not allowed to anymore?” Mingyu says, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

Seungcheol looks like he’s about to argue when Jeonghan links his hand in his.

“Come on. We still have to discuss feeding schedules.” He says to him. Seungcheol sighs and leaves the room with Jeonghan closing the door and leaving Mingyu alone.

Mingyu takes a deep breath as he leans his head back unto the door. This whole situation is driving them all apart. Some of them are afraid. Others are angry. Mingyu knows Seungcheol is just trying to hold the entire group together until they get to have Minghao back normally again. It’s a horrible situation that Mingyu wishes would be over with soon.

He turns his head to the side to look at the door. He can’t see Minghao. But it does make him feel better to have him be close to him than be a country apart.

“Hey,” Mingyu speaks to the door softly. “I’m not going to leave you.” He swallows hard, remembering the way Minghao looked, so small and frail. “You’re going to get better. You’re going to speak again.” Mingyu swallows down the lump in his throat as he continues. “You’re going to be able to control it. And I’m going to be here. All the way. Just like always.” Mingyu promises. 

“Hao, I’ll be here… I...”

Mingyu wishes he can just say those three words out easily. They’ve never exchanged it before. They’ve never spoken it out loud. It’s not because they’re afraid to. But Mingyu never said it out loud because there wasn’t a need for it. Minghao just knows. And likewise, Mingyu always felt it. They’ve both communicated well through the years without those obvious three words anyway.

But the only reason he wants to say them out loud at the moment is because he’s doubting things. It’s awful to feel that at a time like this.

So he whispers those three words under his breath hoping that Minghao would tell him he feels the same way too.

There is no reply. There is no sound from behind those doors. There is none of the childlike laughter and Minghao’s warm presence that Mingyu is used to.

There is only the thick wood of the door behind his back and the deafening silence that accompanies Mingyu in the empty dorm.

They report it as a back injury.

Minghao is to sit out any group activities for the meantime due to a back injury he got from practice. That was the official news and that’s what the company wants them to go with. It’s a lie that fans easily buy but the whole entertainment scene knows just what exactly happened and sends their support.

“There’s been so many reports of back injuries in this industry just to cover this up that the fans might think we’re getting beaten up in here.” Jihoon had grumbled.

They can’t tell the truth. It would cause panic among the fans and they all know some of them can get a little wild. They’d start sending out petitions, flood the office’s email, and start rallying on the premises. It was always best to keep it quiet.

It’s been a week since Minghao was bitten but he doesn’t seem to be any different. He’s very calm. Unlike the rest of their friends’ experiences where they all had to be restrained, Minghao’s case is different. They’ve unlocked his room door and allowed him to go in and out as he pleases. When he wants to eat, he tugs at Jeonghan’s sleeve and they give him a blood bag with a straw on it to which he quietly brings inside his room to drink. He watches television with Seokmin. He lets Soonyoung play with his hair. He watches quietly beside Wonwoo as he plays a game on his phone. He even sits beside Jihoon when the latter plays piano. When he wants to sleep, he just retreats to his room and closes the door. He’s still not allowed to leave the dorms so he doesn’t practice with them. But they let him be when he’s indoors. And so far, Minghao hasn’t hurt anyone.

Mingyu believes he never will.

It’s ridiculous to even think Minghao is going to hurt anyone. They’re all his brothers. His family . He would remember that, Mingyu believes, even in whatever state he’s in. The anaesthetic Minghao was in subsided already and he could already smell their scents. Yet he isn’t going crazy like the stories they’ve heard from the rest of their friends. Mingyu is quite proud of Minghao for that. Because he always knew Minghao was different.

But if there’s one thing that grates on his nerves, the one thing that Mingyu could pinpoint and couldn’t pretend to avoid, it’s that Minghao has a slight aversion to him. He avoids Mingyu. At first, Mingyu thought it wasn’t just him. But whenever Mingyu joins him on the couch as he watches a show, Minghao would quietly pad to his room and close the door. When he hands him a blood bag, Minghao would not take it unless Jeonghan offered it to him. When he needs any help, he goes to anyone else who's not Mingyu. In fact, when Mingyu is in the living room with everyone else, Minghao doesn’t join them and keeps to himself in the kitchen or in his room.

“Don’t let it get to you, hyung,” Chan once said to him when he saw how Minghao’s actions seemed to hurt Mingyu’s feelings. “He might just be shy?”

Shy? Mingyu wonders. That never seemed to be the case when Jun was around. Mingyu always watches the way Minghao pauses in his steps when he crosses paths with Jun as if to acknowledge him. How it’s Jun who is the only one allowed in his room whenever he feeds. Mingyu also saw Minghao fast asleep in Jun’s arms on the couch once. It took every ounce of his willpower to turn around and pretend he never saw it. 

“Does that not bother you?” Mingyu asked Wonwoo once when they both saw Jun and Minghao go in the room and close the door behind them.

Wonwoo looks up from where he’s scrolling through new music in his phone to add to his playlist. “What does?”

“The fact that Jun hyung is with Minghao all the time?” Mingyu points out. He had to ask. He always knew Wonwoo and Jun were… Well, nobody puts labels on these things. But Mingyu knew. And he wanted to know what Wonwoo thought of it.

Wonwoo looks at the closed door to Minghao’s room and back at his phone. “Minghao needs him. Jun helps. It makes Minghao feel better, I think. Besides, who am I to say anything about that?”

Wonwoo then plugs in his earphones and Mingyu sits there weighing his hyung’s answer.

It eats up at him. He wants to know just how is Jun making Minghao feel better? He wants to be able to do something too. He wants to be useful. So one day, while Minghao goes up to Jeonghan for his usual blood bag and returns to his room, Mingyu follows him. Minghao doesn’t look back so he doesn’t see Mingyu behind him. He’s too busy getting the straw in his blood bag and only notices there’s another presence in his room when the door closes and he turns around to find Mingyu there.

His eyes widen. That makes Mingyu feel better. Now there’s a reaction from him when he has been ignoring him for so long.

“Are we okay?” Mingyu starts. No casual introductions. No side stories. Just speaking things out up front. “I just… I just want to know… If you could show me I mean. It’s been a week and you… You don’t seem to want to have anything to do with me.”

It sounds so stupid now that he’s saying it out loud. It sounds needy . Petty even. Mingyu hates it. He’s never like this with him. But he wants to know and he takes a step closer to Minghao who seems to have plastered himself on the farthest corner of the wall.

“If I’ve done anything, I’m sorry. I… I miss you.” Mingyu feels his voice crack. “Hao, I miss you.” He says it with such desperation that Mingyu’s eyes burn and he blinks away the tears he never even knew could come.

“It’s awful, what happened to you.” Mingyu continues. “If you’re angry at me for not being there, then I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. But I’m here now. I’m going to take care of you - I want to take care of you - if you’ll let me.”

He takes another step forward slowly. There’s a small sound Mingyu belatedly realizes is coming from Minghao. It doesn’t sound like anything he has ever heard from him before. It sounds like he’s whimpering, like he’s wounded, and it pierces Mingyu’s heart. 

“Hao?” Mingyu is suddenly alarmed. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Mingyu closes the last of the gap between them and reaches for him. He cups Minghao’s face and this is the first time since that day he arrived that Mingyu has ever touched him. Minghao squeezes his eyes shut, like Mingyu’s very touch does things to him. But Mingyu doesn’t want to let go, not now, not when he’s this close to getting a reaction from him.

“What is it?” Mingyu coaxes. “Minghao, tell me-”

Minghao’s eyes snap open and Mingyu can see his gaze is filled with red.

He’s startled as Minghao wraps his fingers around his neck, pushing him back and slamming him against the wall. Mingyu wheezes at his strength and chokes on his hold. Minghao was never this strong and heavy. Mingyu has nowhere to back into anymore so his legs give way and he slides down to the floor. Minghao straddles him, red eyes locked on his in a seemingly strange trance.

“M-Minghao,” Mingyu struggles to say. He tries to push him off but Minghao is just suddenly stronger than him. Mingyu swipes at him, his hands coming to accidentally slap away the blood bag on Minghao’s side instead. It spills on the floor and the rusty smell of it fills his senses. 

Minghao’s pupils dilate at that as he inches his face closer to his. He releases his hold on Mingyu but as soon as the latter’s arms come up, Mingyu easily takes his wrists in just one hand and pins them above his head. Mingyu watches as he seems to smirk, his other hand tipping Mingyu’s chin forcefully. Mingyu then sees his lips part as he bares his teeth. But before anything else can happen, the door to the room flies open and Jun is there with Seungcheol behind him looking at the both of them on the ground with horrified looks on their faces.

Minghao lets out a sound that’s a lot like a snarl coming from him. Mingyu is about to pull him back in case Minghao rushes at them and does the same thing to Jun and Seungcheol with what he did to him, when Seungcheol fumbles on something he’s holding and shakily points it at Minghao.

Mingyu belatedly realizes what it is when Seungcheol already presses it.

“No!” Mingyu yells but it’s too late. Minghao gasps as he clutches at his collar, his back going ramrod straight. He claws at it as he starts staggering backwards away from Mingyu’s lap. Mingyu reaches to help him when arms start pulling him away from there.

“No! Stop it!” Mingyu exclaims as he watches Minghao choke uncontrollably. “Stop- Hyung! Stop it!”

The buzzing stops when Minghao is a few meters away from Mingyu. Minghao is breathing heavily grasping at nothing until the red in his eyes slowly disappear. His eyes then roll upward as he passes out on the floor. Mingyu is watching all this, distraught as he sees Minghao slump on the ground, and he quickly crawls towards him.

He suddenly feels hands - Wonwoo’s and Chan’s hands - holding him back. 

“Holy shit,” Jeonghan stares as he rushes inside the room and sees blood pooling on the floor. “Is this…?”

“It’s not mine!” Mingyu exclaims, eyes still trained on Minghao on the floor with Jun and Seungcheol already there checking on him. “It’s not mine! He didn’t hurt me! Minghao would never- Hyung, you have to believe me!”

He’s sobbing but he can’t seem to hear himself. He keeps calling Minghao’s name. The commotion has led everyone to the room where they all stop by the doorway, eyes round as orbs as they all stare at the sight in front of them. They all sport frightened looks and Mingyu hates it. He hates the way they’re all looking at this. Like this is all Minghao’s doing.

“Minghao would never hurt anyone! He’d never!” Mingyu exclaims as Wonwoo’s arms come to wrap around him to hold him securely. But he’s not even fighting back anymore. All he does is shout the same words over and over again.

And no one, not a single person in that room seemed to have heard him.

When Minghao’s room is cleaned with Jun in there watching over him and everyone else has calmed down enough to retreat back to whatever they’re doing, Jeonghan bursts inside Mingyu’s room with an accusatory look on his face that has Jihoon packing up his laptop at once and leaving them both alone.

“What did you do in there?” He demands.

“I went in to talk to him.” Mingyu simply answers, his voice quiet and unbothered.

“Well, what did you say?”

“Nothing threatening, if that’s what you’re assuming.”

“Don’t act smart with me.” Jeonghan snaps. “Did he bite you?”

“What? No!”

“Was he about to?”

Mingyu remembers the way Minghao’s hands wrapped around his neck and how he can still feel him choking him. He has red rings around his wrists where he held him too. He also remembers the way Minghao gripped his chin and forced him to look up, exposing Mingyu’s neck to him while Minghao’s face inched closer and closer.

Mingyu cannot answer that question.

“Mingyu,” Jeonghan starts. “You need to realize that Minghao is not who he is anymore.”

That has Mingyu glare at him. “You talk about him like he’s a monster.”

“He is!” Jeonghan exclaims as he points a finger at him. “You need to wrap your head around the fact that Minghao is not human and he will hurt us! He will hurt you - especially you!”

Jeonghan’s sudden outburst rings in Mingyu’s ears and he watches as his hyung takes a deep breath to compose himself and rubs at his face. Silence fills the room and Mingyu doesn’t dare speak until Jeonghan finally drops his hands and slowly takes a seat on the edge of his bed.

“We know what Minghao is to you. We know what you mean to him too. We’re not blind here. We’ve known for awhile.” Jeonghan says quietly. “And it’s because you two have something going on is the reason he went berserk.”

Mingyu doesn’t understand this and it must have shown in his face as Jeonghan takes his hand and squeezes.

“You’re special to him. And that’s usually a candidate for becoming someone’s donor. How your presence, your scent, it makes them… They drink on that, you know. It drives them even crazy.” 

Mingyu shakes his head. “Minghao is different.”

“We thought that too.” Jeonghan says. “But today just proved that it comes out when it wants to when you’re around. That’s how special you are to him. That’s why you have to be careful. You wouldn’t want Minghao to come to his senses and see how much he hurt you, would you? How do you think that would make him feel if he bit you and turned you too?”

Mingyu looks down at the ground. Jeonghan is right. He got carried away by his own selfishness.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu says. “I just wanted to know why he was avoiding me. I’m sorry for causing trouble.”

Arms come to wrap around his shoulders as Jeonghan pulls him in a tight embrace.

“I know things are difficult right now. It’s hard enough for me and I can’t imagine how it is for you.” Jeonghan says under his breath. “But give him time, okay? Things will get better.”

“How long?” Mingyu asks and he hates that he sounds impatient.

“I don’t know.” Jeonghan admits. “But wait for him, okay?”

Mingyu nods.

Later, much later, he visits Seungcheol in his room whom he knows hadn’t left after the commotion earlier. Mingyu heard from Seungkwan that he skipped dinner and brought a bowl of soup for him. Seungcheol is on the floor with his back to the bed, a hardened look on his face when Mingyu enters his room.

Mingyu doesn’t say anything but places the bowl on the bedside table and sits beside him. He notes the way Seungcheol’s eyes linger on the red rings around his wrist.

“Thank you.” Mingyu says to him. “If you hadn’t been there in time…”

Seungcheol nods.

“You were only looking out for us.” Mingyu adds.

Seungcheol gives out a sad laugh. “I hurt him. I said I wouldn’t and I did.”

Mingyu takes his hyung’s hand and laces their fingers together. “I’m sorry I made you do that. I promise to be careful next time.”

Seungcheol nods. “I’d appreciate it.”

Mingyu stays there. He sits there with him, side by side, letting his hyung’s head rest on his shoulder and waits for him to fall asleep.

Mingyu waits. For the longest time, he waits for Minghao.

Nobody tells their manager what happened and they all keep quiet about it. Nobody brings it up. Instead, they all work around to make things easier for Minghao. They took up tips from some of their friends to spray the room with air freshener from time to time so Minghao doesn’t have to keep smelling their scents. They include him in their normal activities that don’t seem to push him such as watching shows, playing games on their phone, letting him listen to compositions. They make sure to give him space, but not enough that Minghao might feel like they’re terrified of him. Which they aren’t. But the incident has taught them all not to let their guard down either.

Mingyu has learned his lesson. And because of that, he behaves. He keeps his distance from Minghao and is the first one to leave when he joins them in the living room. He doesn’t linger at night when he knows that’s the hour Minghao gets hungry and quietly pads to the kitchen where Jeonghan or Seungcheol is ready to hand him a blood bag. When Minghao is around, Mingyu just hangs out somewhere else where Minghao can’t smell his scent. 

Mingyu stays away. He doesn’t look at Minghao either because he doesn’t want the ache in his chest to consume him.

He said he’d wait. And that’s what he’ll do.

Minghao’s collar gets taken off two weeks later. Minghao doesn’t show any signs of aggressive behavior. They don’t test it either.  Everyone plays it safe in the dorms. Mingyu is glad to know Minghao is no longer wearing that damned collar and the door to his room remains unlocked. At least they’re treating him less and less like a caged animal.

Minghao starts his therapy sessions. Mingyu knows a therapist comes every week to help Minghao overcome his mutism. They’re not allowed to join these sessions unless specifically called. But Mingyu took a peak one time to see what they’re doing. One of these sessions has Minghao paint so he can communicate his feelings. These paintings are then shown to their manager and Seungcheol for now to better understand his situation. Seungcheol does not share it with them, but Mingyu knows there isn’t any progress with these things as of the moment.

Meanwhile the company has started to give a few of them some schedules. There have been rumors floating around the fanbase of their absence. And to quell those rumors, they must show their faces on stage once in a while or do something live. Some are in the recording booth a lot. Others are in the dance studios. Minghao is to sit out of any of these promotions so he’s stuck in the dorms by himself at times. 

Mingyu never catches him alone. But he does one night when Jeonghan, who is responsible for his feeding but has a scheduled recording, gives the responsibility to Seokmin, who hastily passes off the instruction to Mingyu when he realizes he’s late for a radio guesting. Mingyu stands there by the doorway wondering what to do or if he should pass off the instruction to whoever else is available, when the door to Minghao’s room opens and he emerges at his usual time to feed.

They look at each other for what Mingyu thinks is the longest time in a while. Minghao is wearing the sweatshirt he likes, the one he deems a security blanket by now, the hems of it covering up to his knuckles. He looks small and pale. There used to be a time when they’d go out in the middle of the night for some pork belly. And if human food still enticed him and if Mingyu wasn’t such a danger to him, he’d take him out for it, let him eat all he wants or treat him to whatever place he liked.

Mingyu just tears his gaze away from him and reaches inside the fridge for a blood bag. He then takes a washcloth, sprays it with the air freshener they use, and wipes it along the edges of the blood bag where he touched it so Minghao won’t smell himself on it. He then places it on the table where Minghao can just reach for it without getting too close to him.

“There’s one left but we’re restocking tomorrow.” Mingyu says, just filling the air with some random conversation. “Some of them are also pulling an all nighter at the studio so you don’t have to wait up for them.”

He then turns around to leave. He doesn’t have anything to say to him anyway. But before he can do so, a slight tug at the back of his shirt makes Mingyu look over his shoulder.

He hadn’t expected Minghao would cross the kitchen and stand so close to him, let alone even touch him. But he’s there, still an arm’s reach from him, his hand holding on to the end of his shirt. Minghao is looking at him, eyes boring into his, and Mingyu has a small feeling he wants to thank him for this little gesture. But he doesn’t get way too ahead of himself for that and squashes down that thought quick.

Mingyu just gives him a small smile. “You should rest.” He only says. He then feels Minghao slowly let go of his shirt. He then backs away, takes the blood bag on the table and retreats to his room.

Mingyu doesn’t leave. Instead, he turns around and stares at the closed door, wondering if that small interaction was considered an improvement to the way things are going between them.

“He says thank you.”

Mingyu looks up from his lyric sheet to find Jun standing by the doorway of his room. It takes him a while to figure out who he meant.

“Did he…?” Mingyu asks. Jun shakes his head.

“He still can’t speak.” He says as he makes his way to Mingyu’s bed to sit down beside him. “But I talk to him a lot. Give him updates about you guys. And when I mentioned how your unit was working on something, he squeezed my hand.” Jun smiles. “Whatever it is that you did, he said thank you.”

Mingyu lowers the lyric sheet and faces him. “Hyung, how do you know?”

Jun blinks at him. “Know what?”

“What Minghao means,” Mingyu says. “How do you talk to him?”

Jun shakes his head, giving him an amused smile. “It’s not how you talk to him. It’s how you should listen to him. That boy is loud, you know. He just doesn’t say it in words.”

Jun pats his thigh before he gets up. “You have dishwashing duties tonight. Seungcheol hyung told me to remind you.”

He continues to think about what Jun meant. How he should listen to Minghao. But how does he even do that when he doesn’t say anything?

He scrubs furiously at the plates when a presence stands by his side. Thinking it’s Seokmin, he looks at him to ask about his radio guesting when he blinks in surprise to find Minghao there.

Minghao doesn’t look at him though. He just takes a dish from the dirty pile and joins him in washing them beside him. Mingyu is too dumbstruck to even panic. Panic in a way that he’s not supposed to be in the same room as him, let alone stand this close to him. Mingyu rinses his hands quickly to drop his dishwashing duties and get back to it later when Minghao holds his hand under the spray of the water. 

It should be safe. They’re both wearing gloves. But Mingyu is too frozen as he stares at Minghao in disbelief. 

He wonders if Minghao being… something… has heightened his senses a bit. Because if he is, he wonders if he can hear his pulse quickening as he holds his hand. Can Minghao hear the frantic way his heart is beating at having him this close to him?

He doesn’t know how long it takes, but Minghao picks up another plate and shoves it in his hands. This startles Mingyu for a second before he realizes Minghao is urging him to wash the plates while he’ll be the one to rinse them.

The confusion doesn’t die down. It’s still there even as they stand side by side and go through this routine they used to do before this all happened. Before Minghao was bitten. Before Minghao flew home to his parents. He used to do this with him and it feels normal, only for a few minutes, and Mingyu takes what he can, imagining it’s like everything is back to the way it was.

Mingyu realizes what Jun meant. He’s listening to Minghao now and maybe this is his way of patching things up with him.

They’re finished with the dishes in a few minutes. Everything is clean. Minghao then simply turns and walks quietly back to his room, closing the door behind him.

Mingyu looks at the door, still in disbelief. The only people in the room are Chan and Vernon and they all witnessed the same thing, their eyes widening at the entire interaction. Or lack thereof.

“Did that just happen?” Vernon points out and Mingyu nods his head dumbly.

“Maybe hyung’s not too shy anymore.” Chan says at him with a wide smile that’s infectious enough for Mingyu to break out into one, too.

Minghao is well-behaved enough for him to leave the dorms.

The manager makes sure there is extra security on the day he leaves for the studios. Mingyu thinks it’s ridiculous how there are so many bodyguards for just a simple ride to the company. But he doesn’t say anything against it.

Minghao is wary of his surroundings and Mingyu doesn’t even ask to know how afraid he is. Minghao is well aware of the things he can do. If a fan tries to get too close and she smells delicious to him, Minghao might just reach for her neck. So Mingyu knows just how anxious he is as he seemingly hides himself behind a guard as they walk inside the company.

In his haste, he nearly trips on his own two feet. Mingyu is there in an instant, grabbing him by the waist as he steadies him.

“Careful,” Mingyu breathes behind his ear. He feels Minghao stiffen under his touch. He also sees the way Minghao swallows hard and he instantly lets go of him.

“Sorry,” He says as he gives him his space. Mingyu curses himself for allowing himself to act too comfortable around him again. But Minghao casually touches his arm and shakes his head, and somehow Mingyu knows all is forgiven.

They’re separated for a while, with Minghao hanging out with the performance team and Mingyu with his unit. He welcomes the distraction for now, going over his lines and doing a few takes. It feels normal and Mingyu lets go of his inhibitions as he immerses himself in their song.

Seungcheol takes them out for a break later in the afternoon. They head over to where the performance unit is. Mingyu is laughing at what Vernon is telling him when they enter the room to find chaos. And by chaos, all four members of the dance team are in a tangled mess, laughing and yelling at each other to get their moves right.

“Well, good to know they got work done.” Seungcheol chuckles as he excuses himself to go grab coffee. 

Mingyu can’t help but notice the way Minghao is smiling so wide. He hasn’t seen the boy do so in a while. He looks relaxed and at ease and he settles by the corner to just watch him come alive, his eyes almost sparkling at how happy he is. He watches Soonyoung grab Chan’s leg to drag him around the studio. Chan yells but also grabs on to Jun who in turn holds on to Minghao for dear life.

Minghao holds Jun close, his arms around the older one’s waist. Jun leans back against him comfortably, laughing at how Soonyoung just pulled down Chan’s pants, revealing his briefs. Mingyu watches, the air around him seemingly getting thinner, as Jun tips his head up to whisper something in Minghao’s ear, and Minghao smiles even wider at him as he holds Jun in his arms.

Mingyu catches Minghao noticing him just for a split second before Mingyu slips out of the dance studio, muttering to Vernon and Wonwoo how he needs to go to the bathroom. He can’t watch anymore. His heart is starting to ache. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way but he can’t help it. It’s been a month now and though there has been progress, it’s not enough. Because Mingyu still has this awful taste at the back of his throat at the sight of Minghao being so comfortable - so at ease - with someone else that’s not him.

It doesn’t matter if there’s any progress between them. Mingyu can never be Jun.

And they both fit. Minghao and Jun. They fit like two puzzle pieces meant for each other. And it’s also the way they know they belong in each other’s arms that has Mingyu hole himself up in an empty studio just to drown in his misery.

The sadness and jealousy consumes him enough for him to fall asleep on the couch. When he wakes, he has a ton of missed calls and messages from Seungcheol, Vernon, and Wonwoo asking where he is with Seungcheol’s call count going as high as twenty. Mingyu presses his name on his phone screen to call him and Seungcheol’s voice demanding where he is fills his ears.

“I’m still at the studio.” Mingyu says. “I fell asleep. I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.”

He hears Seungcheol sigh and Mingyu apologizes again for causing him to worry. He knew how uneasy Seungcheol still was ever since the attack.

“I had to accompany the rest home so you head back with Minghao.” Seungcheol says.

“He’s still here?”

“Yeah. He has therapy there. Make sure you board the same van with him.”

“Alright, hyung.”

“Mingyu, no detours.”

Mingyu whines. “We won’t. I promise.”

He gets up to find Minghao so they could leave together. Mingyu asks around where Minghao’s therapy sessions are only to find that it has already ended. He passes by the therapist who says Minghao is in a dance studio and Mingyu heads to where he is to come pick him up.

He spots Minghao in the middle of the floor when he arrives, setting something on his phone. 

“Hao?” Mingyu pops his head in. Minghao looks up at him at that. “Are you done? We’re supposed to go home.”

Minghao’s face brightens up at him and it tugs at Mingyu’s heartstrings. He cannot deal with this Minghao, the one that seems happy to see him when he knows he's not the person he's the most comfortable with. Mingyu is about to leave him and just wait for him in the van when Minghao bounds over to him and takes his arm.

“What is it?” Mingyu asks gently, a little surprised at this gesture that’s so easy for Minghao to do so suddenly. Though he notes the way Minghao lets go of his arm too quick, probably still holding himself back from touching him. But he manages to pull him for just a few seconds inside the studio and motions for Mingyu to sit on the floor.

He plops himself down on the ground and watches as Minghao holds up a hand for him to wait. He then plays a song on his phone and Mingyu watches as he heads to the center of the room and dances.

But that’s the thing about Minghao. He doesn’t just dance. He tells a story. He gives whoever is watching him emotions he’d like to convey. And Mingyu knows all this. He has seen Minghao dance countless times before. Mingyu watches as Minghao moves gracefully yet with a strong intent to show him how he feels.

Mingyu feels awful then, for entertaining those thoughts about him and Jun earlier. The way Minghao moves, he's clearly telling him how much he cares for him, how much he thinks about him, how much he longs and yearns for him too. Not anyone can depict these emotions so well. It's innately Minghao's, and Mingyu is in awe. Even though he knows so well just how amazing Minghao always is when it comes to using his talents, he's still blown away as he sits there watching him.

Guilt fills him then. Mingyu feels awful at the doubts he had in his mind throughout this rollercoaster of a month. 

He should really start listening to everything Minghao isn’t telling him.

When the song ends, when Minghao lands in a polished move on his own two feet, Mingyu gets up to give him a standing ovation to which Minghao beams and bows.

“That was beautiful.” Mingyu says. “You were very beautiful.”

Minghao approaches him but as soon as they’re a meter apart, his whole body freezes. Mingyu does not miss the way Minghao's jaw tightens and a look of pain passes through Minghao’s face. Mingyu is the one taking a step back to give him room.

This seems to help but it does make Minghao’s face fall and apology is written all over it. He doesn’t mean it. Mingyu can tell. And Mingyu offers him a soft reassuring smile.

“It’s okay.” He says. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m always just a few steps away from you if you need me.”

Minghao doesn’t seem convinced by that which has Mingyu giving a small laugh.

“Just when have I ever ran away from you, Xu Minghao?”

Minghao motions to the door and for some reason, Mingyu knows what he meant. He saw it earlier. He saw him walk away from him earlier.

“It’s difficult,” Mingyu admits. “Sometimes there are days where I don't know how to deal with things. With us. I’m sorry if you had to see that.”

Minghao nods, letting Mingyu know he understands very well.

“But I mean it. I’ll be here. Just this close. I'm an arm's length away from you, see. It's not too far, is it?" Mingyu tries to joke. But his voice cracks and Minghao smiles sadly at him. But he nods. He understands. He always does.

"I’ll wait for you.” Mingyu breathes as he looks at Minghao’s eyes. “I promise.”

And even though Minghao doesn’t say anything, Mingyu is sure with his whole being, that Minghao believes him.

Things gradually change. 

Minghao learns to travel without getting too anxious. He gets as far as grocery shopping with some of them, hanging out at the Han river, walking around parks, and having casual photoshoots by the side of the road. Minghao goes with them for boba and barbecue nights even though he doesn’t eat. The tension in Minghao's shoulders gradually loosens up wherein he allows people other than Jun to sling an arm around his shoulder, poke him by his ribs or wrestle him playfully in the middle of the living room. They still put their guard up, just in case. But Minghao is learning to get used to whatever is controlling him and coming to terms with it.

He's still an arm's length away from Mingyu. But Mingyu learns not to take it to heart so much. He promised him he'll wait so he stays within reach of him so Minghao can close that gap when he's ready.

One movie night has them all curled up in the 8th floor living room watching a horror movie when in one scene, Jihoon accidentally elbows Soonyoung which causes him to yell, spilling popcorn all over Joshua. Seokmin and Seungkwan burst out in laughter.

There's one other sound that joins them. Someone is laughing along with them. They all turn to Minghao, who is sitting in between Jun's legs, laughing, his eyes crinkling in delight. The sound of his laughter is always familiar, but at that moment, it’s also new to them. It makes them all stare wide eyed at him.

"Hyung, are you...?" Chan looks at him, smiling. "You're laughing! Hyung is laughing!"

That's the first sound Minghao has uttered in a very long while and everyone jumps on him to celebrate. Minghao's laughs are very much missed that they all can't stop encouraging him. Seungcheol is ruffling his hair and Wonwoo is shoving Minghao playfully. Everyone hasn't been this happy in a long while.

And throughout it all, Mingyu is on the side, just smiling at the way Minghao's face brightens up, pleased to know that the man he loves is starting to feel safe around them again.

It takes another few weeks for the laughs to turn into verbal affirmations and then small conversations. They don't try to make a big deal out of it lest it scares Minghao back to being quiet. But they're so so happy to finally hear Minghao's voice again.

Then the small conversations evolve to the usual jabs Minghao always reserves for them, and then to yells, and then eventually blending into the chaos that is uniquely Seventeen's.

And his first words to Mingyu?

"Thank you." Minghao says to him one night as Mingyu hands him a blood bag to feed him. He says it to him in this breathless and quiet voice yet Mingyu hears him loud and clear. He thanks him, not just for the food he's handing him at that moment, but for everything Mingyu did. For the long wait. For the agonizing space. For listening not to his words but to his actions. Mingyu doesn’t need to ask him if that’s what his thanks meant. He just knows.

"I..." Minghao takes a deep breath and takes one step closer to him. "I want to try something."

Mingyu does not move. He lets Minghao close the gap, sucking in his breath as he anticipates him. Minghao reaches, slowly cupping his face. And the touch has Mingyu sighing as he closes his eyes to feel the very familiar warmth of Minghao’s touch that he desperately missed for so long.

"You don't have to." Mingyu says, opening his eyes when he notes the way Minghao is trembling. "Let's not rush..."

Minghao does not stop though. He just holds his face and swipes a thumb over his cheek. The corners of his mouth tug into a small smile.

“It’s better.” Minghao says as he drops his hands and takes a step back now to breathe. “I think.”

Mingyu nods. “That’s good to hear.”

“Will you still wait?” Minghao asks. Mingyu notes how nervous he sounds and if he could just take Minghao in his arms and crush him in a hug, he would.

“Of course,” Mingyu just says instead. “Always, for you.

Mingyu is just glad things are gradually changing for the better.

It’s a normal night for them when it happens.

Joshua and Seokmin are on the couch when Mingyu arrives from his run. He’s flushed, cheeks burning from the activity he just did. He walks in and heads towards the kitchen for a drink, not knowing Minghao is also there hungry for a blood bag.

It happens so fast that Joshua and Seokmin are startled, their hands scrambling to find their phones to call security downstairs which is something they’ve been taught to do if this happens. Mingyu is shoved against the refrigerator, with Minghao holding him down by his shoulders. The red in his eyes are back again as he leans in, nose almost grazing his skin. Mingyu is hyper aware of everything at that moment, the sweat still dripping down his neck, the way his heart is hammering from the adrenaline from his run, and from Minghao suddenly pouncing on him. 

He doesn’t move. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Joshua on the phone now and Mingyu gives a small shake of his head. Joshua ends the call but his thumb still hovers over the screen to redial just in case.

“Minghao,” Mingyu says carefully. “It’s me.”

The tiniest sound of a snarl is heard. Mingyu feels Minghao’s fingers dig painfully into his shoulders but he grits his teeth so he doesn’t make any reaction for now.

“Hao, look at me.” Mingyu says under his breath. “You don’t want to do this. Look. At. Me.”

Minghao’s red eyes bore into his. But instead of flinching from it, Mingyu holds his gaze unafraid. He watches as the red slowly dissipates, giving way to the natural color of Minghao’s eyes.

And then he’s back.

Minghao gasps as he takes a step backwards.

“Did I just… What happened?” He says, panic filling his voice.

“It’s okay.” Mingyu says at once. “Nothing happened. Right, hyung?” Mingyu calls out for Joshua who nods.

“You controlled it, Hao.” Joshua encourages. 

“Yeah!” Seokmin chimes in. “That was awesome, Minghao! You did so well-”

Minghao just quickly turns around and runs back to his room, the locks clicking loudly for them all to hear.

Mingyu sighs. Before he can move, Joshua is then all up on his face, checking his neck that Mingyu backs away from him.

“Hyung, what the-”

“Seungcheol once told us that if this happens, we need to check if there are any marks-”

“He didn’t bite me.” Mingyu says and Joshua nods.

“He almost did. Maybe you should go talk to Minghao about this once his head clears.”

“That he almost hurt me?” Mingyu thinks that would make things difficult. “For the last time, he didn’t bite me.”

“Not that,” Seokmin joins. “What hyung meant was that maybe you should go talk to Minghao about becoming his donor. Then he doesn’t have to keep shoving you through walls and stuff. Poor fridge.”

Joshua chuckles as he and Seokmin head out of there.

Mingyu thinks about it while he showers. He thinks about becoming Minghao’s donor. He wonders what that would feel like, being the only person Minghao will feed on for the rest of his life. He’s ready for such a commitment since day one. But that’s not his decision to make alone. It’s Minghao’s too.

When he’s done, he heads back to the kitchen to take a blood bag from the fridge. He then proceeds to Minghao’s room and knocks. 

“Hao?” He calls out. “I have a blood bag for you. I know you’re still hungry.”

There is silence for a minute before Minghao replies.

“Can you just… Leave it there? And then walk away?”

Mingyu frowns. “Xu Minghao.”

“I mean it, Mingyu. Just leave it on the floor. I’ll get it when you’re gone.”

Mingyu rests his forehead on the door. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“I was about to.”

“Well, you didn’t. I talked you out of it.”

There is silence once more and the door finally opens revealing Minghao’s face that looks equal parts distraught and exhausted.

Mingyu eyes him all over. “Shit, are you okay?”

“No. I’m so tired from holding it back.” Minghao sighs. “Can I…?”

Mingyu hands the blood bag to him quickly. “Yeah, yeah. Go on. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“I’m sorry.” Minghao says again before he takes the bag and retreats to his room.

The sound of the locks clicking has Mingyu sighing as well before turning around and heading to bed.

“Hungry?”

They’re on the rooftop of their dorm building. Mingyu did say they’d talk in the morning. And since everyone has no schedule and the dorms are crowded, the only privacy they can get is on the rooftop.

It’s also outdoors with fresh air so Minghao can’t have Mingyu’s scent swirl around him.

Minghao shakes his head at Mingyu’s question. “No. But I do want to talk to you about that.” He looks at Mingyu. “Have you forgiven me?”

Mingyu raises an eye at him. “We never fought?”

“I made you feel like shit though.” Minghao says.

“You didn’t. If you’re talking about last night, hey, it happens. But if you’re talking about the things before…” Mingyu knows they’re both recalling the days when Minghao couldn’t speak and Mingyu was second guessing everything. “That was my fault. I wasn’t listening to you very well. I became overdramatic. I’m an idiot.”

Minghao chuckles. This makes Mingyu smile.

“We still have a lot to work on. On us I mean.” Minghao says. Mingyu likes that. To hear Minghao acknowledge whatever this is they have.

“I discussed some things with the company regarding the shipment of blood bags. Tonight’s delivery was my last order.” Minghao says. “I’m thinking of getting a donor.”

Mingyu’s eyes widen at this before he composes himself. “That’s great! A donor would be nice. I mean, someone to keep you in check. Someone to take care of you.” 

And then after a beat, Mingyu adds, “Jun hyung would be okay with it.”

Minghao looks at him all funny. “I don’t want it to be hyung.”

Mingyu weighs the look Minghao is giving him and then groans. Minghao laughs at how ridiculous he’s being - at how absurd the thought of Jun becoming his donor is - and laces his fingers with his as he holds his hand. That’s how far they could go these days. Just simply holding hands. 

Mingyu likes it.

“I have asked so much from you, haven’t I?” Minghao says quietly.

“Minghao, you know I'd say yes in a heartbeat.”

“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of. You don’t understand.”

Mingyu squeezes his hand to make him look at him. “Then how does it feel? Make me understand.”

Minghao inhales deeply. “Your scent makes my mouth water to the point where my teeth hurt just wanting to sink down on your skin. And it’s not just to drink. It’s to drain. It makes me want to finish every last drop until there’s nothing left from you.”

Mingyu sees the look of exhaustion fill Minghao’s face again. Like he’s controlling something within him.

“And it’s not just the taste. There are things… Things I want to do to you.”

Mingyu shivers at that. “Things we’ve done?”

“Yes,” Minghao replies. “But in a more… Awful way.”

Minghao’s gaze drops to the floor. “I want you to understand that being a donor isn't just letting me feed on you. Being a donor means getting hurt over and over again. It means having this connection with you for life. You’ll know when I crave for you. You’ll know when I want you. You’ll know if I’m happy and sad. I’ll feel the same things you’ll feel too. We’ll be bound together. Imagine having your emotions go crazy all the time because of me.”

“You make it sound so horrifying.” Mingyu says.

“Because it is. It’s horrible being like this.” Minghao replies. “It’s horrible to think of the things I want to do to you.”

Mingyu takes in this information as rationally as he can.

“I talked to Jungkook.” He starts as he quickly tips Minghao’s chin to make him look at him. “I talked to Yugyeom and Bambam. I asked them how their hyungs were dealing with it. They didn't sugarcoat. At first they said it was awful. Their hyungs would have to take long breaks and would be confined in bed for days. But when they got used to it, it got better. Through time.” Mingyu smiles at him. “I want you to know I'm willing to go through it for us.”

“I don't… I don’t want to hurt you.” Minghao says and his voice is so small, so helpless.

Mingyu slowly reaches to wrap him in an embrace. He leaves his hold on him a little loose so Minghao can still back away if he wants to. But Minghao doesn’t seem to mind.

“Is this okay?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Minghao nods. “I’m not hungry so it’s not- It’s tolerable.”

Mingyu wishes he can kiss the sides of his head like he’d always do. But he doesn’t push it.

“Everything is going to be fine. We can make this work.” Mingyu promises. “And Hao?”

“Hm?”

Mingyu pulls back to look at him.

“I do. I do want to be your donor.”

It takes another few weeks for Minghao to finally warm up to the idea of trying to feed off of Mingyu.

All of their brothers were alerted of their decision. They’re aware of what’s about to happen should Minghao decide to feed on Mingyu. They’re briefed about the aftermath of it and how it’ll affect things. Like how to take care of Minghao and Mingyu right after or how being Minghao’s donor means Mingyu can never be far apart from Minghao for long periods at a time because it’ll make him feel delirious and out of control to be apart from his donor.

Mingyu is also talked into what might happen during feeding. It’s clear Seungcheol doesn’t want it to happen. But Mingyu assures him he understands the repercussions of the whole thing.

They have the whole 8th floor to themselves when it’s time. Minghao and Mingyu appreciate the privacy given to them for this moment. 

What Mingyu doesn’t like about this though is that Minghao has taken it upon himself to fasten the collar he used to wear around him once more.

“Just a precaution.” Minghao says, nibbling the bottom of his lip as he hands Mingyu the remote.

Mingyu just frowns. “I am not using this.” But Minghao places the remote in his hands anyway and closes Mingyu’s fist around it.

Minghao is to bite on Mingyu’s neck. It’s easiest. Minghao has already drank two blood bags, the last of it, just to get his fill so he doesn’t drink too much of Mingyu’s. He’s straddling Mingyu on the couch and the position isn’t something new to them. But Mingyu can feel Minghao so tense as if this is their first time.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Mingyu says.

He always thought he would be prepared for it. Mingyu has asked around and read up on it. But words and stories from other people were not enough for when Minghao finally leans in close and bites, Mingyu nearly blacks out from the pain.

It doesn’t just sting. It burns. Mingyu’s hold on the remote slips as he grips at the edges of the couch instead. He has to hold on to something otherwise he’ll claw at Minghao to stop. And he doesn’t want him to stop. Because this is progress. Because this is his duty as a donor. And because he wants this. He wants to be Minghao’s-

Mingyu eventually passes out.

He wakes up the next day with bruises on his hip and bite marks in his wrist and shoulder.

He wakes up the next day with sore muscles like he just went for a dozen rounds of weightlifting at the gym.

He wakes up unable to move, with Jeonghan and Vernon tending to his bruises and feeding him soft food.

He wakes up without Minghao, without any memory of what just happened.

He asks Jeonghan about it when he feels a little better.

“Well, he fed on you.” He simply says.

“And?” Mingyu asks. There’s something Jeonghan isn’t telling him.

He finds out later when he tries to get up from bed and his lower half is in pain.

He remembers this feeling. It’s not foreign. Mingyu is not some innocent virgin. They’ve done it before. Mingyu knew it was bound to happen. They’ve talked about it. Mingyu gave his consent and all.

Minghao however has punished himself by locking himself inside his room for a week.

“This is ridiculous.” Mingyu grumbles as he sits outside Minghao’s door on the 5th night still talking Minghao out of his punishment. 

“Is it?” Seungkwan points out at the bite marks that have yet to heal on his neck and the bruises peeking out of his sleeves. “You have to admit those look really painful.”

“You’re not helping.” Mingyu says to him.

“I’m just saying you should place yourself in Minghao hyung’s shoes. How would you feel if you gave him bruises?”

Mingyu knows Seungkwan is right. He’d have a hard time forgiving himself too. So he patiently waits for Minghao to come out of his room. And when he does on the seventh day, Mingyu is there with open arms for him to climb into and accept his string of apologies.

That doesn’t stop them from trying again when his wounds and bruises heal, even if it takes a few coaxing from Mingyu. And honestly, the succeeding feeding sessions aren’t so bad. 

Mainly because Mingyu has prepared himself for it now. He braces himself for the pain when Minghao’s teeth pierces his skin. He doesn’t pass out this time when he feels Mingao drinking from him. He’s able to stroke Mingjao’s back, coaxing him to relax as he feels him sucking wantonly.

He’s also awake long enough to feel Minghao start moving his hips and panting at his neck. 

Minghao is delirious from the pain and the way Minghao’s hands are tearing at his clothes. He stays in his hold, letting him do as he pleases. Mingyu wants him just as badly too and he bares his neck, arches his back, and lets Minghao take what he wants from him.

Mingyu learns what being a donor truly is. It is having his emotions shared with Minghao every single second. He can tell when Minghao is hungry so it only takes a look from him to swoop him out of the couch and into his room where they close the door behind them and have Mingyu feed him. He can tell when Minghao wants him, his fingers ready to stretch him open so he can take him just how he wants. He can feel Minghao frustrated about something, which makes Mingyu easily slide next to him and hold him in his arms to whisper sweet nothings to calm him down.

And likewise, Minghao can feel every little thing Mingyu feels as well. He feels the jolt of pain Mingyu goes through every time he bites so Minghao makes sure to always pleasure the spot on his neck with kisses and treats Mingyu gently before he sinks his teeth. He feels when the pain turns into pleasure for Mingyu so Minghao knows when to stop feeding and to actually shower him with touches, when to wrap his fingers around him, and how Mingyu likes it fast and slow at the same time. There are no more shoves, no more hurtful grips and bruises except for ones in pleasure. There is only trust from the bond that they share.

Things still get too complicated for the both of them. There are things that Minghao still can’t say. It frustrates him to the point that they sometimes fight. And when that happens, Minghao has learned to express himself to him in the best way he can. He paints for him. He dances for him. Hums him a song that has Mingyu listen to the things that he’s not saying.

“Do you still love me?” Minghao asks him one night as they lie in bed after a round of feeding. The air smells like sex and rust but Mingyu can’t seem to move and clean them up. He’s exhausted but Minghao all spent by his side as well is something he likes to bask in.

“Of course.” Mingyu replies. “That never changed.”

“I was afraid it did.”

“Because you turned into… This?”

“Yes, and…” Mingyu traces a finger on his chest. “Because there’s just so much I can’t tell you all the time. How I feel. How I used to feel. Before. Why I couldn’t touch you so easily. Why I couldn’t be near to you. I wanted to tell you so badly.”

Mingyu takes his finger and presses a kiss to the tip. “We never used to, you know. We never said such words to each other how we felt. Not all the time.”

Minghao nods. “I know. But it was different while I was…” Mingyu knows he meant from the time he couldn’t speak. “I wanted so much to tell you. But I couldn’t. I don’t know why.”

“It’s okay.” Mingyu assures. “I think you and I both know words aren’t that important.”

“Sometimes it is. And now that I can say it, I love you.” Minghao rises on his elbows to look at him. “I love you, Kim Mingyu. Please don’t ever forget that. Because if it happens again-”

“It won’t.” Mingyu says firmly because Minghao’s voice is cracking again from the fear of it all. “It’s not going to happen again. You’re braver. Stronger.”

“But what if it will?”

Mingyu watches the way he nibbles on his bottom lip.

“If it will, we’ll just go back to this.” Mingyu smiles as he reaches to pull down his lip so Minghao stops biting on it. “To me telling you everything and to you listening. I've also learned how to listen to you now too.”

Minghao looks at him and then nods. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. You don’t have to say it.” 

Minghao gives a small smile and leans forward to kiss him on the lips. Mingyu sighs in contentment and kisses him back.

“Mingyu?”

“Hmmm,” Mingyu runs a hand through Minghao’s hair.

“I really do. Love you.”

Mingyu kisses his nose. “And I do too.”

“I owe you an apology.”

Jun looks at Mingyu a bit confused by his words. It’s three in the afternoon and they’re in the dance studio preparing for their new song. It was random for Mingyu to apologize in the middle of the day.

“For?” Jun asks him.

“For thinking it was Minghao when it never was.”

It registers on Jun’s face then and Mingyu watches as he smiles.

“He’s my best friend. I’d do anything for him.”

“I understand that now.” Mingyu nods. “I’m sorry I got so…”

“Jealous?” Jun says.

“Yeah.” Mingyu doesn’t deny.

A round of laughter fills the studio and they look at Seungkwan, Soonyoung, and Minghao laughing at some prank they pulled on Jihoon.

“I love him.” Jun says. “Not the same way you do but it’s love all the same.”

Mingyu knows this so well now. In fact, what happened with Minghao and how they all came together to take care of him just proved that they all love each other in so many different ways but it’s love all the same.

“Have you learned how to listen now?”

Mingyu looks at Jun. He nods.

“Good. It helps, you know. Just to listen.” Jun says, giving his shoulder a gentle comforting squeeze before he heads over to the corner where Wonwoo is listening to a song on his phone. Mingyu watches as Wonwoo doesn’t even say anything. He just looks at Jun, cocks his head to the side and Jun is there, casually wrapping his arms around his waist.

They fit too. Just how Minghao and Jun fit. 

But then again, as Mingyu looks at all of them, everyone slotting next to each other perfectly in the middle of that studio, he realizes they’re just like that - all of the; like puzzle pieces that will naturally fit when placed next to the other.

It may have taken a while for Mingyu to learn all this, but he’s glad he eventually did.