Chapter Text
It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn’t matter much to me.
The elevator doors swished closed and carried Misty and distraction away. V huffed quietly from his hunched position in the hard plastic chair overlooking the city. The air, he found, was no cleaner this high up then it had been at ground level. Oil, exhaust, chemicals and the savory smells of garlic and onion all wafted up even this high. Before him lay the luminous, colourful and hopeful facade that was Night City. A remarkable view, one he’d love to share with... He shook his head, doesn’t matter , the view was deceiving and the city was draining.
NC had birthed him, beat him, chewed him up and spit him out and now he sat staring at her guts, trying to decide how he was gonna let her finally finish him off. Fuck.
Who woulda thought? V, the merc who had been around forever and hadn’t even hit his 30s yet. Fixers across the city knew who he was, he had jobs lined up before he even returned from his venture in Atlanta, all he had to do was ask and he’d be directed to the best of the best. It had always been that way.
A punk kid born illegally to some fucked up, high up Militech corpo and his underaged, drug addicted doll. From the very beginning V was given to the streets, Militech giving his father the choice to exterminate or disappear the newborn and at his mothers request (or so he was told) the baby was allowed to live. But his story was well known, Rogue, Padre and Wakako kept their crews clear of the boy, no one wanted to fuck with the guy and then have him go cry to daddy, but neither did they befriend him because fuck corpos.
So V raised himself. By the time he was six he had figured out a way to hack the vending machines into dispensing a weeks worth of food at once (usually a dozen or so protein or soy pastes). Vik Vector let him start sleeping in the attic of his Ripper Den after the kid saved him from a group of scavs by setting off a grenade in the scavs inventory. The Joytoys on Jig-jig were bringing him their broken holos, computers and even cyberdecks to fix by the time he was eight and when he was twelve Padre gave him an apprenticeship at his garage. That little boy had never let anything stop him and the Fixers of NC had noticed.
At 14 his father came back. He thought he would swoop in and save V from the poverty he had been abandoned too and sculpt the perfect son and soldier. Alone and yet surrounded for 2 years, V was trained in physical combat, shooting and cyber warfare, he was subjected to cyberware installations and had brushes with cyberpsychosis. But V was quiet, angry and determined, he began sabotaging Militech Ops. within the city using information gained from his fathers computer. The damage to Militech had not been insignificant and an internal investigation had taken place. V had been shipped back to NC stripped of all implants.
Padre, Pepe and Vik took him in, set him up and repaired what damage they could. Padre got him jobs and contacts, Pepe helped with finding him a place to stay and Vik replaced all his implants at no charge. A few months later he met a gangbanger named Jackie and the girl he was pining over, Misty. Nearly 10 years after that Jackie came to him with a job that could finally put us on the map cabron. Legends.
Almost 20 years V had gone alone, no friends, just fixers and rippers. Then Jackie and Misty showed up and he finally had… People. A family of sorts. But Jackie was gone and Misty was drifting and it looked like after 10 years of having a family he would have to get used to being alone again. Until a literal fucking rockstar shacked up in his brain and a wild child queen in his heart. Johnny & Panam. Now, whether he wanted to or not he had to leave them.
One may be a little harder to do than the other, but surprisingly not by much. Johnny was a narcissistic asshole who was obsessed with his vendetta against Araska. But he had grown on V, like a rash, his interjections, snide comments and even arguments had V questioning his decisions. Who were the heroes in this? Choom cared about people too, in his weird insultingly backhanded way. V trusted him enough to give him control of the ship and Johnny kept his word for the most part, new tattoos and hangovers aside. Even dragged Vs ass to Viks while he was flatlining. Leaving Johnny felt like he would be losing a part of himself. They were so entangled.
Panam though. I think I woulda been more ok with this dying thing if it didn’t mean leaving her behind. The Aldecaldos even. Panam had introduced him to a world where family actually meant something. Mitch, Saul, Carole, Cassidy, the other vets and even Taco had become regular contacts in his life, just as much as Panam. People who died for each other, who laughed and cried with each other, who could get angry and argue and still love each other regardless. Panam taught him sex was more then just physical pleasure but an emotional connection, that feelings shouldn’t be rushed and he taught her that sometimes impulses are worth following through. He thought of her face when he told her about the relic, the fear for him and the love, he remembered thinking that he never should have gotten involved with her. That he could have avoided hurting her like this if he had just stayed away. But he couldn’t.
The badlands called for him like no place ever had before, the cot in the tent he shared with Mitch had felt safer and more comforting than the bed in his own apartment (and the cot in Panams tent was even better). V had never been to a place where you could not hear anything but the wind and the occasional creak or howl. NC was noisy, even in Pacifica he can hear the advertisements blaringly out from Kabuki and Japantown. Those horrendously, hilarious Milfguard ads were unavoidable in the city no matter where you were, there were screens everywhere. There were no smells in the badlands either, except maybe the occasional whiff of roadkill or burning rubber. Vs apartment smells like death, old joytoy and regurgitated booze. The ‘caldos camp smelled of earth and rain and Panam. He let out a half laugh, half sob.
How pathetic he thought to himself. Crying and shivering and reminiscing, meanwhile his brain was actively being turned into a puddle of goo. Should be doing something! But his body is so tired, his heart ached something fierce, and his vision was beginning to blur entirely. He had mere hours left.
Even then, sitting at deaths door, he only saw her. Panam . His gaze shifted skyward, hoping to find some stars maybe the constellation she had pointed out to him once upon a time. Nothing. The city was far too bright for any stars to be seen. He found himself smiling thinking that she would hate this view. She would find it too bright, too loud, and too smelly just like the rest of the city. A true nomad.
“You fuckin’ scared me ya know that? Thought you were on your way out.” His companion spoke from within his own head. The physical manifestation of the voice sat across from him seated on the roof edge, Johnny Silverhand. Even with the lines of code breaking his sight and his vision beginning to blacken in spots the concern on Silverhands face was clear. The rocker shifted on his perch looking mildly uncomfortable for a moment. “Forget the pills, forget Arasaka and forget me for a second V. Call anyone you need to call. Say your goodbyes.” V glanced at the older man.
“Worst case scenario, that what you except?”
“No. But whatever you decide, the risk’s gonna be high.” Johnny acted unaffected and unbothered but after months sharing a brain Silverhand could no longer fool V. The rocker was anxious.
“I’m gonna call Panam.” He had spoken before he even realised his mouth was open.
“Just remember what I told ya kid, it’s her and her clans lives on your soul.” Johnny leaned further into his seat, looking off into the city to keep from looking at V.
“I’m not gonna put her in danger Johnny, I just want to hear her voice.” V sighed. “No one else dies for me. No one.” He looked straight at Johnny daring him to argue. The rocker frowned and turned back to the mercenary.
“Rogue could he-”
“No one Johnny!” V cut across whatever his friend was going to say. His chest was heaving and now he was all out glaring at Johnny. “We both had our time, we fucked up and we died. All of this is just extra time!” He threw his arms out to the sides loosely gesturing to everything. “Neither of us deserve this, but here we are. I’m not gonna have someone else die for time that I am not owed!” The dark haired man stared at V for a long moment before he nodded.
“Just call your Nomad Queen then V, then you become a legend.” He grunted approvingly at the kid. The merc just nodded and and pulled up his contacts, her name topped the list. The holo rang a little longer than he expected but she answered. Silverhand made himself scarce.
“Mm. Hey.” Her voice was scratchy with sleep, V found himself smiling and committing the sound to his memory. Fuck he wanted to hear her sound like that every morning for the rest of his life. Simp Johnnys teasing voice responded to his innermost thoughts. Fuck off Johnny was his intellectual thought response. He focused back on the holo, he could hear rustling in the background. “Do you have any idea what time it is?” He actually didn’t, but a quick check told him it was well after 2AM.
“Shit. Sorry, Panam. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He cussed. He hadn’t really taken the time into account of course she’d be sleeping. “I… I just needed to hear your voice.” His chest felt tight, his eyes began to water, and his throat began to swell. There was a very real possibility that this would be the last time he spoke to her, this fearless, genius, vulnerable, wild woman. “Do you know how...How much I hate… You are making this so hard… I was ready you know, had accepted it all and now.. With you I can’t.. Jesus” he was rambling and needed to stop, he forcefully cleared his throat.
“What is happening? Are you drunk? Are you mad at me for something?” Now she sounded annoyed and a lot more awake.
“No… I just dunno if we’re gonna see each other again-” He croaked sadly.
“What?!” came her outraged reply “No, you know what? Fine! Fuck off!” Fear swept through him, she can’t hang up!
“No, no, no, no! Not like that!” God did he really sound that desperate, just then? Yes, Johnny consciousness answered.
“Then what? What is going on V?” Her volume had increased and her tone tinged with exasperation, a good friend of his.
“I-” he paused to gather his thoughts. Spilling his guts overs comms was not something he should be doing right now, just get to the point V . “There’s something I have to do. Big time.” he gulped. “High risk. Unavoidable.”
“What is it?” She had gotten quiet, not a normal trait for Panam even half asleep.
“It’s not for comms. Not really.” Goro had him tracked, it wouldn’t be beyond him to bug Vs phone and there was no way the merc was going to give Arasaka anything.
“Then shut up and tell me where you are.” There was a franticness to her voice now and more rustling in the background. “Are you in the city?” He hummed in affirmation. “Then stay there. I will be there soon, just wait for me. I’m on my way.” More rustling and voices now.
“Panam.”
“Send me the geoloc. Now.” A woman on a mission.
“Panam that’s just it. I can’t wait. Not anymore.” He heard the sound of a car door slamming, but no engine started.
“This have something to do with before? When you damn near flatlined on me?” The way her voice cracked was what finally broke him. His head dropped and he let out two quick sobs before pulling himself together.
“I.. Uh.. I damn near did it again tonight. Johnny got me to the Rippers in time. But.. Panam, I… I’m dyin’.” He heard her take a stuttering breath. “Soon. An- And.. I just wanted to hear your voice one more time before I…”
“V.” Panam all but growled into the holo “Geoloc, now. Please.” she sounded angry but also pleading. He hears the engine start and rev a few times before going quiet again.
“I’m doing this Panam and I’m not risking you or your family.” He was tired, but his mind was made up. He knew exactly what his plan was.
“Our! Our family! Dammit V! So help me…” There was a pause, he could hear her trying to calm her breathing. “I am on my way to the city now. Just tell me where you are and we can do this together.”
“I’m sorry, Panam. Talk later. Maybe.” He paused. Should he say it… They had only been together a short time and were they even ‘together’? Might be your only chance choom, Johnnys voice warned him. Gonna be eating a lot of bullets soon enough, may as well bite one too. “I love you.” He hung up and turned off the holo. No more calls.
“So, we just gonna walk up Arasakas front steps and start blasting?” Johnny smirked, flashing into existence once again, this time leaning against the edge of the roof his arms crossed over his chest.
“That’s about it. But I wanna shower first. Blaze o’ glory, smelling like posies.” V grunted as he pushed himself to standing and tossed the Silverhand suppressant pills over the edge of the roof. He pocketed the gun “Should stock up too.”
“Should jack off too, one last time, you know just in case.” The rocker nodded wisely as V walked passed him toward the elevator.
“You’re a fucking perv Johnny.” V punched in the call key, waiting for the elevator to ascend and get him away from the old man.
“Best hurry too, especially if you don't want your girl to catch you with your pants down.” he advised ignoring Vs venom.
“I know.” V entered the elevator and keyed in the ground floor. He wanted to slip out without Misty or Vik knowing, but that’ll be difficult.
“Blaze of glory. Smellin’ o’ posies. Pfft.” Johnny mocked, couldn’t help himself. “Blaze o’ glory, smellin’ like pussy!” He stuck his tongue out at the younger merc.
“Shut the fuck up Johnny.” V groaned. “Fucking disgusting.”
Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about.