Archive of Our Own

The office is closed this week.

A spirit exploded! I didn’t realize that could happen? There was ectoplasm everywhere, all over the walls and ceiling. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear that suit again.

Reigen said that we should take the week off while the office is cleaned. It took me a while to realize why the prospect made me nervous.

I guess I’m realizing that I still don’t really know what to do with myself? When I was in Claw I was always so focused on the Pre Suzuki that I never had to think about anything else. And now between the office and school, I haven’t had much time to figure out who I am and what I like to do.

Now I have a vacation from both. Maybe it’s a good time to find out?

It might not be very exciting, but today I went to buy clothes.

The suit that got ruined in the, um, ectoplasm incident needed replacing. I decided to get a couple of other things as well. The store clerk was very kind in helping me pick things out.

It was strange. I’ve never really felt good in any of the things I’ve worn before. They were just clothes. But when I was in the changing room trying things on I just felt… at ease. I was looking forward to wearing them out. I didn't mind the thought of being noticed and seen.

It was a nice change.

I decided to do something a bit adventurous today!

I took the train to Cuticle City and rented a bicycle. It was still pretty cold for spring, but the cherry blossoms were beautiful! To be honest, I was a little nervous starting out. But that fell away after I made it to the top of the first hill and saw the view down across the city. The sunlight on the top of the buildings turned everything a rich, clear yellow. It was breathtaking.

I like being outside. That’s something new, something that I’m really happy to learn about myself. I never used to like wide open spaces, but this felt almost freeing. I could go anywhere, do anything I wanted to try. The possibilities are both exciting and a little terrifying.

I definitely want to do this again sometime!

Tome called with an emergency today. It turns out the “emergency” was that someone saw strange lights in the woods behind her house. She wanted to investigate, but she didn’t want to go alone. Apparently her parents work really late?

We didn’t see any lights, but there were some walking trails and when the stars came out, the whole forest was bright enough that we didn’t need flashlights.

It was a lot of fun! Tome said that next year when they go to see the aliens, I should come with them because anyone who spends more than three hours trekking through a dark forest should get some kind of payoff. It’s something to look forward to for next year!

She gave me the UFO keychain she had on her bag. So that when we see the aliens, I'll have something to trade. I didn't get the chance to ask her what she meant, but I'll cherish it anyway! It seemed important to her.

I signed up for a weekly cooking class! And learned that I’m not very good at baking.

We were making anpan today. It’s hard to figure out how much you’re supposed to stretch the dough, and I, well. I got it wrong a few times. It was a bit embarrassing. Knowing that people were watching me make mistakes was hard - the lady next to me tried to give me pointers, and I think it just made me more flustered.

But in a way, seeing what everyone else made was encouraging. I know what it’s supposed to look like! I just need to keep trying, and I know I can get there too.

I hope I can keep up with the class once work starts again. Thankfully I don’t have school Thursday evenings - I’ll just have to be more disciplined with doing my homework to make up for it.

PS: I might try making something for my mom, later. After a little more practice.

Today was… difficult. But also not? Less difficult than I was expecting. I don’t know.

I went to see my mom today. While we were talking, she mentioned that she never cleared out my old room. And I felt like it was time.

It seemed smaller than I remember. Smaller and a bit colder. I’m not even sure that makes sense.

We worked for most of the afternoon, sorting through my old things. Some of them had been there since middle school: old notes and textbooks. We threw most of it out, and decided to give some of it away, but mom suggested I choose a box of things I wanted to take home with me. And I’m glad she did. It felt almost wrong to throw it all away, like pretending it never happened. And then there were things that got me through some of the loneliness there: books and games and some of my old hobby stuff. There were some good memories too.

It felt good to close that chapter of my life. Even if I’ll always carry it with me, I kind of feel like it’s easier to move forward.

I went for a walk today. No real direction, but my feet ended up taking me close to the office. I wonder if they’re done cleaning it yet - I hope Reigen is paying them a lot, because it was pretty gross.

I ended up going past this ramen place, and since it was close to lunchtime: why not?

It’s the place that Reigen brought me after my first day of work. I remember what I was like then - I was so terrified of making a mistake that I barely looked up from the table. I still don’t know what we talked about, or if I even said anything at all.

We’ve gone there a few times since then. The chef recognized me, and even knew my usual order! We struck up a conversation. It turns out he has a sibling attending the same night school! If I ever see them, I might say hello.

It was so easy. Talking to him, and eating without worrying about people looking at me. And enjoying the food - it’s really good! I should go there more often.

This was a really good week!

Work is starting up again tomorrow, and I’m ready to go back. I miss seeing everyone, and working alongside them (even with the risk of exploding slime spirits). But it’s good to know that there are other things waiting for me outside of my responsibilities.

I’m not sure I figured out who I am, exactly. But I had fun trying things out! And there is so much more out there for me to explore and discover.

I like the me I am now, and look forward to who I will become.