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Clint was running through the hallways, bow and arrow at the ready.
The plan had been to stay undercover for a week, but now - only two days in- he had been discovered. And yes, he couldn’t believe he lasted only two fucking days. He just knew Nat and Coulson weren't going to let him forget it. But he decided he didn’t have the time to dwell on it. He had to find the control room, take all the data he could get his hands on and put down as many of the weapons dealers as he could.
What picked his interest and made him tense as he got closer to the room, was the trail of bodies leading up to the door. Most of them were unconscious and a few just too hurt to get up.
What the hell?
When he opened the door he noticed someone - a man - with his back to him, typing fast on one of the computers.
Calmly, he aimed an arrow to his head and said, “Hands in the air and two steps back.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Simple, I’ll shoot you and you end up with an arrow through your skull.”
The man let out an annoyed huff but turned all the same. He rolled his eyes and said, “I’m so tired of being threatened with being shot at. Really, can’t you criminals be a little more creative? Threaten me with something that’ll actually scare me, you know? Something that’ll make me wanna do what you need me to do.”
Clint was shocked. So much that he lowered the bow and just frowned at the man, not taking his eyes off him.
“What? Do I have something in my face?” The man let his eyes roam over his person and got a glint in his eyes. “Oh. I see. You’re not with the bunch of idiots that kidnapped me.”
Surprised that he figured it out so quickly, he said, “No I’m not.”
“Huh,” and with just that sound he went back to what he had been doing before Clint interrupted him.
“Wait, what are you doing? Never mind, I don’t care. Just stay away so that I can do my job, got it?”
“Ha, It’s funny you say that, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I’m doing your job for you, agent.”
“Wha-”
“You’re with SHIELD, right? I saw the mini logo in your carcaj. Anyway, I hacked their files, copied them to this USB, and I’m now wiping their servers. I also disabled all the security measures and stole the contracts that state the other dealers they are doing business with.” He took the USB out of the computer, threw it at him and smirked. “So, how ‘bout that?”
Clint blinked. “This has to be the most stupid mision I’ve ever been in.” The man snorted. “You’re Tony Stark.”
“Jeez, your deduction skills blow my mind. Now I understand why you are an agent.”
Narrowing his eyes, the blond took a good look at the billionaire. He was battered, with a bruise on his left cheek, blood trailing down his temple and a busted lip. He had handcuffs dangling from one wrist, his clothes were filthy and he was barefoot.
“It doesn’t make any sense. How long have you been in here?”
“Uh, about four- no, five days?”
“How come nobody noticed?”
“It’s not unusual to disappear for a few days. I tend to lock the workshop and stay there until I finish whatever project I’m working on. Besides, if they did realize they’re probably keeping it on the down low.”
Tony then proceeded to snatch the boots from one of the men lying on the ground, making him shake his head in amusement. This man is something else.
Once he had his feet covered, he marched to the door. At least until Clint grabbed him by the arm to stop him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t just go out there. I’m 87% sure we triggered a silent alarm. This place will be swarming with people in no time.”
“What you mean is that we’re gonna get caught and I’m gonna get my face smashed again. Fucking great.”
“Chill, man. I didn’t say that. We won’t get caught, you just follow my lead and you’re gonna be fine.”
“Why should I trust you? I just met you, Legolas.”
His lips twitched at the nickname. “I’m your best and only option, Stark. Do with that what you will.”
“Fine, but I need a gun.”
“Okay, do you know how to use it?” That earned him an ‘ are you kidding me?’ kind of look. “What? I don’t know how involved you are with the manufacture and testing of your weapons, it’s a valid question,” he shrugged.
“Yes, I do know how to use a gun,” he answered irritated. “I’m not stupid, you know? I know the press makes it seem like all I can do is get drunk and say stupid shit, but I’m more than that.”
And he sounded so defensive - like it wasn’t the first time he was having this conversation- that Clint’s heart clenched.
He knew exactly what it was to have people tell you you’re nothing. He just never imagined Tony Stark would be one to relate.
Nodding, he held out a gun in his direction. The man cringed. “I don’t like being handed things.”
Without questioning the other man’s motives, he left the gun on a table for him to grab, which made Tony smile in approval. “C’mon. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
As they were running through the corridors they heard heavy footsteps and voices shouting. “Shit,” he turned to look at his escape partner and said, “I have an idea.”
Minutes later, they were both crawling through the vents.
“You know my name, are you ever gonna tell me yours?”
“I’m Bond, James Bond.”
Tony chuckled. “If you were, I would’ve noticed.”
“Hey, I could be. I got the looks, I just need a fancy suit and an expensive watch.”
“Hmn, I can get you those. I can’t say that I can fix your face though. you’ll have to check with a plastic surgeon for that.”
“Oh really? Well, I was thinking we could go out for drinks after this whole debacle is done but if that’s how you think of me then-”
“We definitely can. Go out for drinks, I mean. Don’t get me wrong, you’re clearly hot. It’s just that you can’t compare yourself to James Bond. It’s like a rule.”
“A rule? Really?” They reached the exit and dropped to the ground. “I’ve never heard of it.”
Two men approached them from different sides, but soon one of them found himself with an arrow on his leg and the other with a bullet on the shoulder.
“You never heard of it? Shame on you, Legolas. Shame on you, shame on your family and shame on your cow.”
Clint grinned, “You like Mulan?”
“Duh, she’s a badass,” they shot another guy and then opened the back door.
“I feel like this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”
They looked around and remembered that they were in the middle of nowhere. “Oh, this is fantastic. What are we supposed to do now? Teleport to safety?” Said Tony to no one in particular.
On cue, five black blinded cars appeared surrounding the place. At least a dozen agents got out, all of them armed, and with them, Coulson.
“This is not what I meant when I said ‘try to finish the mission quietly’. I swear, Barton, I’m gonna make you do paperwork for a month if you don’t learn to be subtle.”
“I was in a literal circus for years, how can I ever be subtle?”
He heard Tony gasp at that. There was a glint of mischief in his eyes when he said, “Were you really? Did you have a costume? I bet you did.”
“That’s classified,” he answered with a scowl.
“It’s not. He did have a costume, it was purple. He even had a mask to go with it,” Tony smiles at the agent. “Mr. Stark, Obadiah Stane put the news of your disappearance out. I assume you were captive here?” He nodded. “Alright. We’re gonna need to debrief you.”
“Okay, but can someone lend me a phone? I need to make a few calls first. Then I can tell you how Legolas saved me and completed his mission while at it.” Frowning, Clint eyed the billionaire with suspicion.
Twenty minutes later, the archer was dragging Tony away from the agents.
“You lied. It wasn’t me who extracted the information and it wasn’t me who shot down all the enemies, you helped both times.”
The genius smiled. “Yeah well, consider it a 'thank you for helping me get out of that hell hole' gift. Plus, it benefits both of us. Your colleagues are happy because you carried out the mission achieving what they ordered and they continue to underestimate me. We both win. "
Clint stared at him like he was a riddle he was trying to figure out. That was until his mouth worked faster than his brain and he blurted, "You have any plans this weekend?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"Would you like to go out for a drink on Saturday? I know a bar in the middle of nowhere where no one is going to recognize you and even if they do, they’re going to pretend they didn't."
Tony's mouth fell open as he blinked in confusion. "Wait, you were serious? You really want to hang out with me?"
"Of course I was serious. Why would I joke about that?"
The genius bit his lip nervously. "Those who hang out with me usually want something. Money, tickets for something, for me to introduce them to someone else... what is it that you want?"
"First of all, that sucks, and I'm sorry people are assholes. But I swear I'm more decent than those vultures you've encountered." Tony let out a quiet laugh. "I just wanna hang out with you. Not because of how rich you are, or how famous, but because I think you're a cool guy. Period."
After thinking about it for a few seconds, he nodded. "I'd like that. Saturday then? Send me a message with the time and place and I'll see you there."
"Great!" They both beamed at each other.
"You never told me your name."
"The name is Barton. Clint Barton." This made Tony cackle and he could swear his eyes twinkled at the joke.
"Very well, Barton. See you on Saturday. If you stand me up I’ll hunt you."
Walking still shaking with soft laughter, Tony opened the back door of a black car that had just arrived, but before he could get in, the archer remembered something. Whistling to get his attention, he managed to stop him.
"How am I going to send you a message when you didn't give me your number?"
"I don't know, you're the spy. Figure it out."
And with a smirk, he left, leaving a dumbfounded Clint behind.
Coulson, who had witnessed the whole scene from afar and heard that last part, patted him on the back and said, "Agent Barton, I think you already know what your next mission is."
"Yeah, I think I do."