Chapter Text
Friday, August 20th
Josh stuck his hand out the car window and felt the cool wind blow across his face. Music played quietly through the speakers of the car. It was warm today: the entire East Coast had been hit with record temperatures over the past few weeks and it had only just begun to cool down. He turned to the side and watched Sam, who was curled up on the passenger seat, head in a book, his hair falling in front of his eyes, and smiled.
"What?" Sam asked, looking up. Josh turned his eyes back to the road.
"Nothing." They returned to their comfortable silence, only broken by the sound of the radio and the turning of pages in Sam's book.
Josh and Sam had spent the last few days of the summer together in Josh's family home in Westport and were now making the 5-hour return journey to Washington D.C to make it back for the first day of college after the summer break. The tiny car was crammed with suitcases and cardboard boxes: it seemed like almost everything the two 19-year olds owned was packed into the trunk and backseat.
The summer break had been great: Sam and Josh, who had become inseparable over their freshman year, had spent most of it together, whether in California with Sam's family, Connecticut with Josh's or occasionally with Toby and CJ in random spots across the country. But most of it had been spent just the two of them, sitting like they were now in Josh's car. Josh was devastated that it was already over. In the moment, it had felt like it would last forever. But now it was coming to an end and he hated the idea of going back to school, where he and Sam couldn't just be Josh and Sam.
They crossed from Delaware into Maryland, marking the beginning of the end of their journey. It was just after midday and Josh could feel the heat bouncing off the highway below him. The temptation to drive slower, to drag the summer out if only by a few minutes, was strong but he restrained himself. In some ways, he was looking forward to going back to school. He and Sam shared a dorm and took their classes together (Sam was an English major whilst Josh was studying political science but they were both pre-law so shared a lot of classes). So they'd see a lot of each other. But the thought of it not just being the two of them made Josh sad in ways he couldn't properly understand. And he loved his other friends; over the summer he'd missed CJ's Jackal impression and Toby's dark sense of humour and Donna's habit of changing her major every few months. But none of them were Sam.
After driving for what only felt like a few minutes, they had made it to DC. Sam started excitedly pointing out all the spots from last year, all the places they'd smoked and drank and hung out at. DC was busy for a Friday afternoon: seemingly everyone had streamed onto the streets to enjoy the sun. Occasionally they'd pass someone they knew and Josh would toot the car horn and Sam would lean out the window and wave. There was something exciting in the air, something that made Josh's heart race in a really good way. Maybe this year wouldn't be so bad.
*
It was later that evening and Josh was sitting on CJ and Donna’s bedroom floor, beer bottle in hand.
"Ya know, soon, Toby will be able to buy these for us without a fake ID," he said to the group, gesturing towards his beer. It was just after 7 pm and the group of five were hanging out in Donna and CJ's dorm room. They'd spent the afternoon chatting and catching up, which mostly included mocking Toby's newly grown beard and teasing Donna for her new choice in major (which was Drama). And now it was evening and, although the light was still floating in through the open window, all five of them were exhausted.
"It's still illegal for me to supply minors with alcohol," Toby replied from where he'd perched on Donna's desk. It was a small room but they'd all managed to cram inside; CJ and Donna lying on their beds and Josh and Sam on the floor.
There was a pause for a second before Donna asked, "Is it sad if I go to bed at 8 pm on the first night of sophomore year?" Josh and Sam exchanged looks and snorted.
"Yes."
"But I'm tired!"
"We gotta do something tonight," CJ said and Toby nodded. Josh ran his hands through his hair. If he was honest, he would quite happily go and pass out in his dorm right now too.
"We could go out. Like to one of the parties," Toby suggested and everyone groaned. They were popular within the school paper and all, but really, the five of them were pretty introverted and stayed within their group of friends. Josh had attended multiple parties over his freshman year and didn't wish to repeat any of his experiences. They were overwhelming and always had too many people in a too-small space. It was easier just to avoid them in general.
Just then, Josh had a brilliant idea.
"Guys, I know what we should do!"
*
"Lyman, if we get arrested because of you-" Toby began.
"Live a little, Toby!" Josh shouted in reply. It was just after 9 pm, the sun was beginning to set and Josh, CJ, Donna, Sam and Toby were breaking onto the dorm room's roof. Josh had come up with the brilliant idea: in his freshman year, a senior had told him about a backdoor that led up to the roof and from up there you could get a great view of the sunset. If only he could actually unlock the door: as much as Josh rattled the handle, it wouldn't budge.
"Move out the way," Donna said, pushing him to the side and attempting the door herself. It opened first try.
"I...loosened it up for ya," Josh rebuked, as they made their way up a flight of stairs and onto the roof. Josh could've gasped when they reached the top. The sky looked like a painting: it was an incredible tangerine orange, the type you only get in late August when the heat is beginning to fade. It was warm, but a cool breeze ran over his face, rustling his hair. There were people below them on the street but the sound was faded and distant up here. Everything felt surreal. He turned to Sam, who was knelt on the floor beside Toby, as the two opened up a case of beers. Donna and CJ had walked ahead and were sat with their legs hanging off the roof. Everything was still except for the gentle breaths of wind. Josh didn't dare move, in case he broke it. It was so incredibly beautiful, so perfect. He didn't think the sky could look this beautiful. The sky hadn't looked this beautiful since he was little, since Joanie. But, he realised, looking over at his friends, he'd found something to fill the deep hole of grief inside of him. As cliche as it sounded, he'd found the people who made him feel okay.
He grabbed a beer from Toby and Sam, and went and sat next to the girls. Josh quietly watched the people below them, as Donna and CJ animatedly discussed something next to him. And then he had the overwhelming realisation that it would never be like this again. It would never be the first night of his sophomore year of college and the sky would never look the same way again. He'd never be the same age as he was now. He'd never look or sound the same way. He took deep breaths and tried to remember it didn't matter too much. He was here now, he was living the way he wanted to and it was brilliant. He was becoming the person he'd always wanted to become and he'd never felt so good.