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Throughout your short time on Earth, you find it hard to choose a memory that’s worth holding close to your heart. Sure, there were the golden days of your youth up until you started expanding your guileless horizon at the tender age of seven, but when the best moments of your life were the ones you don’t remember, it just didn’t make sense to count them.
You doubt that anyone in their right mind would think fondly back to their days of youth, and if they did, those greatest memories definitely didn’t take place in school. Who would want to look back at the time that their classmate bullied them out of taking the last swing on the playground, or that one embarrassing thing they did in fifth grade, or when the popular kids would make fun of an aspect of someone that was out of their control?
During your first moments as a new teenager, you wholeheartedly believe that despite your elementary teachers reassuring you that all of your classmates will mature with time, it didn’t really get any better. You suppose that’s the price that came with being a part of a generation where popularity and the boyfriend/girlfriend title seemed to matter more than your GPA. You’ve definitely come a long way from being the quiet child for much of your primary school years, but could you say that high school was any better? That was questionable.
Too many times, you felt like your mind and soul were far beyond the confinement that was your physical age.
It was hopeless to try and find a genuine connection with the people you’ve spent the entirety of your youth with. You humorlessly laugh at the irony of being surrounded by so many familiar faces yet still managing to feel like a foreign entity. But what did it matter? By the time the tassel moves from right to left, you’ll be saying farewell to the place you’ve called your comfort zone and finally reach the bittersweet independence that you desperately need.
Hilariously enough, one of the most memorable connections you’ve made was a face among the populous blur of your classmates, the crowd that you grew to secretly detest.
“Can you show me how to solve this problem?” is the first thing your high school’s star athlete, Jeon Jungkook, ever says to you.
And for the first time, you’re happy to help a fellow classmate out. Not necessarily because puberty was doing wonders for Jungkook and you thought he looked dashing, or the limitations of assigned seating was forcing this man to ask the nearest person in his vicinity for help, and you just happened to be there. Somehow, it warmed your heart that instead of following the stereotype of most careless students that only aim to get this assignment done and learn nothing, his willingness to learn made you stop and look past the physical being of Jungkook, finding a heart that was as beautiful and pure as his looks carry him out to be.
When your selflessness renders a high score on the next exam, Jungkook always makes sure to give credit where it’s due.
“You’re literally a life-saver!” Jungkook exclaims when he finds you at your locker, grabbing your materials for the next period. You can’t help but smile to yourself as he gushes to you about his grade, and you’ve miraculously picked up through his ramble that this was especially important to him, as he would have had to leave the basketball team if he didn’t improve his GPA.
“I’m happy I could help,” you beam. “See, I knew you had it in you. Soon enough, you’ll be able to put those study skills in good use and you won’t have to worry about getting kicked out of the team.”
“Are you kidding? It’s because of you that I was able to get through this hellish exam.” Jungkook reaches up to lightly pinch your cheek, earning a disgruntled sigh from you. “You know, I’m convinced you might be my good luck charm. You should totally come to tonight’s game and test that theory.”
You snicker at Jungkook’s failed attempt at remaining subtle. “Nice try, but I’m not sure. I have to study for my history exam tomorrow,” After gathering the last of your materials into your backpack, you close the locker behind you. “And good luck charm? That’s a bit cliche, don’t you think? I think I’d prefer ‘the ace up your sleeve’.”
Jungkook walks beside you on your way to the aforementioned history class, feigning his dive into deeper thought. “But that would imply that you’re a secret, and I don’t want you to be a secret.”
You curse the charisma that glows out of Jungkook, because you can’t help but feel your heart skip at his unintentional flirting.
“Fine. Then I’ll just be your ace.” You successfully play it off, just on time to reach your destination right before the one-minute warning bell rings. “Anyways, I’ll think about it, okay? Maybe if I’m lucky, Mr. Lee will push the exam back, or we’ll spend the whole period reviewing and I won’t need to use my own time to study.”
“Great!” Jungkook grins, turning on his heel to speed walk to his next class, which was hopelessly on the other side of the building. Getting there on time isn’t of essence to him though, as he stops on his tracks to get one last word in, shooting you a wink for added effect. “Hope to see you there, my ace.”
You’re quick to dismiss his words with a laugh and a shake of your head, finding it hard to believe that your presence in the room and Jungkook’s successful endeavors that follow were anything but pure coincidences.
What’s enough to convince you is when you finish your studying early and you do end up in the bleachers among the sea of overly excited teenagers, just five minutes before Jungkook scores the winning throw.
In the last week of April during your senior year, you’ve made a home in the corner of the school library, gradually watching the empty seats filling more as the seniors approach the last stretch of finals week.
With your AP classes packing the last onslaught of readings and assignments, you’re left using the entirety of your lunch periods to catch up. As opposed to your daydreaming self, Jungkook was one that paid close attention, and by day three, he finds himself levitating to this corner automatically, knowing you’d be here. You have Jungkook to thank for always snatching up the seat and the one beside him before anyone else could, even when you get so immersed in your paperwork that he may as well not have come at all.
Just as you reach the concluding paragraph on what felt like the fourth essay of the week, you catch sight of the boy sliding a slip of paper from the corner of your eye. “What’s this?” You pose, directing your attention away from your laptop screen and setting your aching hands down on the table.
“Just read it.” Jungkook’s tone is hush but firm. He doesn’t add anything after that, forcing you to follow through while his curious gaze burns into you.
You don’t know what else to expect other than a corny joke or a funny drawing that Jungkook makes for you when he knows that you’re in need of cheering up. When neither of those are what sits on the slip of paper but instead a singular word hitting straight to the point, your eyebrows raise.
“Prom?” You read the word aloud, as if to confirm that he actually meant to write this down and give this to you.
“Yup,” Jungkook says this so casually. He sits tall and poised, not once acknowledging the fact that he just took a giant step that could more or less affect your friendship from here on out.
“Jungkook…” You draw his name out on your lips, and had it not been for the somber expression that followed this, Jungkook’s chest wouldn’t have tightened, preparing for the impending rejection. But it doesn’t come in the way he thought it would. “I wasn’t planning on going to prom.”
Jungkook blinks and his mouth gapes in genuine surprise. “Why not?”
“Because.” You fall silent, and you regret ever saying anything without having thought your response through. “I just don’t want to go. It’s not my cup of tea.”
“Since when did you start drinking tea in the first place, you coffee bean addict?” Jungkook teases, and he flinches following the threat of you throwing your pen at him. “Sorry, sorry. Anyways, if you’re worried you won’t have a good time, you shouldn’t. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
“Well,” you begin with a shrug. “It’s pretty bold of you to assume that I wouldn’t enjoy myself unless you were there.”
“Okay. Ouch. I was just trying to help,” Jungkook scoffs at the petty insult, but he’s more happy than anything to see the smile on your face again after having your nose buried in your avalanche of papers these past few weeks. “But seriously. It would be awesome to have my ace there with me. Please?”
He wears a pleading look on his face, one that’s nearly impossible to say no to — courtesy of his puppy eyes, the pink pout of his lips, and just the overall heart-racing handsomeness that he effortlessly shows the world. His use of your established pet name doesn’t help you either.
You take another look at the slip of paper in your hand, the proposal that’s so quick and to the point where you’re certain he’s asking you to be his plus two because you’re his friend and not because he’s interested in being anything more than friends. It couldn’t be, otherwise he would probably have done a little more than just a simple word of ‘prom?’ on a piece of notebook paper, right?
“Okay,” you cave in the end, watching the boy’s eyes light up and his lips curl to a grin. You take this moment to add in, “But only as friends.”
“Oh.” There’s a bit of edge to Jungkook’s tone as if this wasn’t the answer he was expecting, but he doesn’t let that show. “Okay. As friends.”
Understandably, Jungkook’s smile falls a little, and you can’t help but mirror that. There’s a twinge of guilt lingering in your gut, but you don’t know why. You shouldn’t feel guilty. You two were just friends, and all he was doing was asking you to go with him to a dance. There wasn’t anything significant with that, and he should have known that you weren’t going to see past the surface unless he were to put them right in front of your face, that if he even had any feelings for you, you weren’t going to know unless he lays it all out.
He doesn’t.
The night is young and full of life, bustling with flashing multicolored lights, the loud boom of the DJ’s censored contemporary hits through the speakers, and the dance floor that’s overcrowded with questionably rebellious seniors that are just trying to destress after weeks of gravelling for finals.
It was quite a sight to behold, and it was most definitely too chaotic for your liking.
“Something on your mind?” Surprisingly, it’s Jungkook’s gentle voice that pulls you out of your daydream and not the thundering tunes echoing throughout the banquet hall. If you weren’t so caught up in trying to find your happy place outside of this social chaos, you might have noticed the way Jungkook looks at you like you’re the only girl in the room.
Your mind is only capable of drawing blanks after your descent back to reality. “Not really,” You choose to lie instead of trying to explain the abstract thoughts that have crossed you.
“Say… if I go up to the DJ and request Cotton-Eyed Joe, you think we’ll get to see the girls go on a stampede and tumble over their heels?” Jungkook proposes so casually before he brings the ring of his red cup of sparkling juice to his lips, letting out a cough immediately after you nudge him in the waist. “Fuck, I’m kidding.” A laugh follows when he sees you beam that smile he never knew he missed. “Let’s get out of here?”
You grin when your best friend finally speaks your love language, dragging him out of the suffocating environment and into the night before he can even think about it.
The sun is just about to disappear over the horizon by the time you get comfortable in Jungkook’s black convertible. Not another word has been exchanged ever since he offered to take you out of the banquet hall, but it wasn’t like it was necessary. He knows you, and he knows what your tender heart is craving right now.
You don’t question Jungkook when he misses a turn that could have led you home, nor do you question the destination he has in mind that seems to be far from home, or at least what you had called home these past few years. You’re too enamored by the passing and going of the city lights that get further away from your reach, replaced by the dizzying array of the stars above.
You’re on a hilltop just outside the outskirts of the city by the time Jungkook shuts off the engine. You’ve tuned out most of what’s happening around you, awed by the sight of the sleepless city and the clear blue night sky above. You find yourself enchanted by the stars that you don’t see the ones in Jungkook’s eyes when he looks at you.
“Do you ever think about the future?” Your pondering thoughts are pulled to the surface after three swigs of soju, which to this moment you’re still surprised Jungkook was able to smuggle out of his parents’ house.
Jungkook isn’t far behind from inebriation, allowing the liquor to sit on his taste buds before he lowers the bottle onto his lap, holding it by the neck. “Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of being forced down our throats when you think about it. Especially now.”
“I know.” The wave of turmoil starts to wash over you, and you cradle your head in your hands, sensing the incoming headache that isn’t necessarily from the alcohol itself. “Fuck. Jungkook, I’m… I’m terrified.”
In a matter of seconds, the calming mood of the night takes a turn, and now Jungkook has to figure out his next course of action when you start to break into tears beside him.
“I— Are you okay?” Jungkook bites his tongue right after that. Is he blind? Of course you’re not okay. It doesn’t take much to connect the dots, much less see you fall apart when the topic of the future comes into play.
“I just feel… lost,” you cower, wiping the tears with the back of your hand helplessly. “I mean, I know it’s really important to always think about what I want to do with my life, and I’ve definitely thought about it. But it stresses me out. Pressures me in a way that isn’t motivating me at all.” One hand folds over the other on your lap, dancing on top of the deep red dress that has since been stained with droplets of your tears. “I’ve just been so focused on the here and now, that when the time came where we had to think about what career we wanted to pursue, the school we want to go to, how we’re going to pay for it… fuck. It just came all at once, and it wasn’t like I didn’t expect it, because I knew it was coming. I should know what I want to do. I should have a plan in place, but I don’t.”
“____,” Jungkook shakes out of his drunken haze for one second, turning in his seat until he’s fully facing you. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay to not have it figured out yet. We’re young, you know? We have all the time in the world to find ourselves.”
“And what about five years from now, Jungkook? Or ten? When all of our classmates get their dream job, get married, go on their dream vacation, whatever the hell they decide to do… and I’m their age, still figuring things out? And better yet, what if I don’t even find someone to love? What if I die alone?” It’s only when you meet Jungkook’s worrying gaze that you snap out of it. Yes, you trusted him and you had no problem expressing your worries, but this was far beyond that. You laugh bitterly, embarrassed to have let out this deeper side of you that you kept hidden away all these years. “I’m sorry. I got too carried away.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for having feelings,” Jungkook doesn’t hesitate, but when he still sees the distress on your features, he pushes forward, reaching over to clasp a hand over yours. “Look at me.”
Helplessly, you do. Your form remains hard and shaky, your face scrunched up while you blindly follow the man’s orders, not knowing what to expect. When you’re met with the face of a beautiful man, his eyes clouded with sadness and pity from witnessing you break before him, you soften immediately.
“I may not understand what you’re going through or the battles you may have, but you’re doing an amazing job sticking up through it all. I have no doubt that you’ll find your passion when it’s time, and I’ll be here to support you no matter what.” His tone is comforting and soft, adding to the words of advice he gives you, flashing a small smile for good measure. While he still has your attention, he adds in. “And if by chance, we’re both twenty five and we haven’t found someone to fully commit to…”
You quirk your head. “Then?”
“Let’s get married.”
Even through the haze of the soju, the words hit you loud and clear. Instinctively, your body veers away from him with the limited space in his car, and you stare at him incredulously. “Wh-What?”
“If neither of us have found someone to love, and when the time is right,” Jungkook draws out, and surprisingly he’s more confident in expressing himself this time around. “Then why not?”
You fret, gnawing at the corner of your lips. “Jungkook, I don’t know…”
“Okay, I know it’s a lot, but think about it. Seven years is a long time, ____. Anything can happen between now and then. You’ll be free to live your best life and do whatever you want, love whoever you want, find something you’re passionate about and do it, all that jumbo...” Jungkook’s hands glide through the air as if he’s mapping out life’s most ideal milestones while you’re sitting beside him, trying to gauge whether or not accepting this was a good idea. “And if things don’t go as planned, well… wouldn’t you like to have something, or someone , to fall back on?”
You pout your lips, eyeing the man with uncertainty. “I just don’t want you to have to tie yourself down to me.”
“That won’t be an issue.” He doesn’t elaborate, and he dismisses it right away like he knew that would be the one thing you refute with. “So, what do you think?”
You stutter for a moment, your barely-sober mind trying to find the right words, if there were even any. It isn’t any better with your best friend staring longingly at you as he awaits your response, knowing that your silence is the one thing that’s unsettling him right now.
If you had to be honest, this may not have been the craziest idea you’ve ever heard. Not only was Jungkook strikingly handsome, but he was your best friend. He was someone that has stuck by you since the first day you became friends, and he was someone that you could trust with practically anything, especially after tonight. Then again, this was not guaranteed. This was only a theory that was highly dependent on what happens in the next seven years, that of which you weren’t even sure about yourself.
You suppose there was no harm in entertaining this thought.
“Okay.” You break the silence after a long moment of wishful thinking. “Why not, right?”
Hearing his words come back full circle makes Jungkook break in the biggest grin he’s had tonight. For a moment, he ponders over whether it was appropriate to pull you in for an embrace, but in the end he settles for a squeeze of your hand, affectionate enough to express his feelings while remaining platonic.
Meanwhile, you’re stuck in a state of confusion, masked by the gentle smile that glows as you try to find solace in the stars once more. It’s hard to gauge whether or not Jungkook was being serious, and even more so when the soju has influenced his mind one way or another.
All worries aside, you’re comforted to know that nothing had to change between you and Jungkook after this pact. It’s not like you established a relationship, yet you don’t know why your heart flutters like it did.
During your first year of college, the long awaited Thanksgiving break guides you and Jungkook back to your hometown, bringing you together just on time for your own impromptu Thanksgiving celebration around the city. Though, when autumn gives you only a measly thirty minutes of sunlight before the night falls, its chilling winds find you and the man scrambling for warmth, and luckily, your favorite bubble tea shop is just a short walking distance away.
Your complaints about the cold and Jungkook’s gloating laughter fills the air every five seconds, though you can never really think of his teasing as something that was ill-mannered. Sometimes, you wonder how Jungkook is able to gracefully handle your moments of negativity, whether the circumstances deem it serious or not.
“I’ll take the mango lychee tea with light ice, and she’ll take a strawberry milk tea with boba.” He orders for you right away when your grumbling is within earshot, gently pushing you behind him with a smile. “That’s all.”
And that isn’t to say that Jungkook was embarrassed to be around you during those moments, because he knew just how to defuse you. He does this with a cheerful grin and a happy-go-lucky attitude with the funds in his bank, all of that just to see you light up again. He always does.
That’s just a few of the many reasons why your heart races for him, why your heart yearns for him.
It was a classic love story, falling in love with your best friend. You would always laugh at the thought of that ever happening to you, but never in a million years would you have thought it would actually happen. Never in a million years would you have thought it would feel like this.
It’s the bloom of the first sunflower in a field of sprouts, and the beauty that follows with each wave of sprouts unfolding intermittently, gradually bringing color to the black and white world. It’s the gravitational pull that keeps the Earth and the Moon together, never once allowing the other to get lost in the unnerving darkness that lies ahead. It’s the flint that starts the campfire just before the sun falls, and the blanket of warmth that comforts those around it, protective from the bitter cold of Mother Nature.
On the other hand, you’ve learned the hard way that nothing good ever came out of holding those comfort items close to your heart. You run the risk of no longer seeing the beauty in something that was once beautiful. You run the risk of no longer enjoying the things you love because you outgrew it.
And for that reason, you worry that the time between now and age twenty-five might be too much time. You worry that Jungkook might no longer see the beauty in having a future with you. You worry that Jungkook might no longer have the joy in spending his days with you because he might outgrow you. You worry that Jungkook might look back at that marriage pact he made with his best friend after prom and laugh, thinking that was the craziest thing he’s ever done.
No matter what, it doesn’t change the fact that falling in love with Jeon Jungkook was everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more, but maybe it was exactly that: a dream so blissful and comforting that it was too good to be true, something that could all disappear when the night changes to day, and your eyes open again.
“I’m just saying. I know it sounds crazy, but when you think about the meaning of the dreams we have, the idea of them being visions of our futures isn’t that far-fetched.” Speaking of dreams, you playfully shake your head in overexaggerated disapproval, listening to Jungkook conduct a presentation on why dreams should be held on a higher regard. For the millionth time. “Come on. Just think. Is it just a coincidence that people you know in real life can show up in your dreams? Is it a coincidence that the things you think about during the day are the things you do in your dreams? And what do you think about more than the goals you hope to achieve one day? Tell me this isn’t the craziest theory you’ve ever heard.”
Jungkook expresses himself as if this is one of the many unsolved wonders of the world, all while you sit across from him without a care in the world, mindlessly playing with the tapioca pearls of your milk tea.
“How’s that dream journal coming along, Kook?” You implore, eyeing the man with sincere curiosity. Only when he gives you a look mixed with disappointment and annoyance do you place your thoughts out there. “Listen. I don’t mean to debunk your ideas because I know they’re not entirely false, but unless you can create a bucket list out of your dreams without hitting an impasse, I won’t be convinced.”
“Okay. Fair.” Jungkook shrugs, taking the final sips of his tea before an idea strikes him, his eyes lighting up. “Actually, while we’re talking about it, can I tell you about a dream I had the other day? I promise I’ll keep it short and get straight to the point.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Awesome. Okay, so it jumps around a lot, but it basically went like this. I’m on campus, right? I’m either sitting in the lecture hall, walking to my next class, or studying in the library. The entire time, I’m being chased by Lina — wait, you remember Lina, right?” It takes a moment of digging into the many stories that Jungkook has told you, and then you nod. Lina, the talkative girl that sits two rows away from him in English. “Well, then I find out that the only reason why she’s chasing me in the first place is because she wants me to go out with her. She’s persistent, but I say no every time. You wanna know why?”
“Tell me why.” You play along, bringing the straw to your lips.
“I tell her that it’s because I’m already engaged,” he reveals, and his tone gets softer when he elaborates, “to you.”
It takes a great amount of effort to suppress your coughs, having choked on the tea after hearing those words come out of his mouth. Not because it entertained your fantasy of finally seeing a future where you and Jungkook were more than friends, but because this hits too close to home.
By the time you catch your breath, you need him to repeat himself, feeling like your ears are betraying you. “Pardon?”
“I tell Lina that I’m not interested in going on a date with her because I’m engaged to marry you.” Jungkook rephrases this in a simpler way, making sure you don’t miss a single syllable. “Pretty crazy, right?”
Your mouth is sealed tight, and your chest feels tighter. You may very well be thinking too deeply about this, and maybe Jungkook is actually doing this out of good nature and sharing a dream he had about you. When you search for his gaze and find him staring expectantly back at you, void of any jovial essence, something tells you it’s a little more complex than that.
But what was the right answer to this? Or maybe you should ask yourself: was this even the appropriate time to talk about something as profound as marrying Jungkook? At this age? At this turbulent period of your life?
When you break the silence, you prove that your mindset is just as turbulent as the life you’re currently trying to live.
“Yeah,” you breathe with an empty laugh, finding solace in playing with your drink once again. “That’s really far-fetched.”
You hope that your downcast eyes give Jungkook the hint that you don’t want to talk about this anymore, and for the most part, it does. What you don’t see is the surprise that crosses Jungkook, or the sadness that quickly fills his eyes before he’s mirroring your actions, albeit with his shoulders shrunk. “Yeah… definitely.”
An unsettling guilt looms over you when you register your words, the words that are so far into the universe to the point where you can’t take it back. You almost want to push past your refusal to meet his gaze. You want to tell him that this reminds you of the marriage pact that you made that night after prom, that you haven’t forgotten about the promise ever since it was made, that you don’t think you’ll be able to forget.
In the end, you say nothing. It’s better this way.
Christmas Eve feels a little more unusual this year, and you’re sure it isn’t necessarily from the lack of snow in your hometown or from your household being this year’s designated party host among the rest of your family and their friend groups, forcing you out of your inner bubble for a long period of time.
Could you say it was a bad thing? Not entirely. In fact, you’re feeling optimistic about the night going well. You’ll get to reunite with the companions that you don’t have the opportunity to see everyday, you’ll get to spend the holiday forgetting about the troubles that weigh you down, and maybe you’ll finally tell Jungkook about the feelings that have been eating you up, and that’s if you decide to take up the advice of your roommate whose love life is just as confusing as yours.
“Do you have your present for Jungkook ready?” Your mother asks you while she’s placing the big bowl of spaghetti down on the dining table, just over the festive plate mat.
You nod uselessly as you’re putting the paper plates down, forgetting for a second that she too is preoccupied with getting the main courses ready for your guests to feast on as soon as they arrive in an hour. “All wrapped, bow-tied, and sitting under the tree.”
“And the card?”
Ah, right. You’ve already forgotten about that card, much less the fact that she knew. “Yes, Mom,” you murmur when she calls out your name to catch your attention, jumping out of your momentary daze. “I’ve decided I would personally give it to him.”
She smiles encouragingly at that. “Good.”
Presents have been a tradition for you and Jungkook ever since you were young, becoming even more exciting once you’ve both reached the age and the point in life where you were able to buy gifts for each other. It was an added touch to the closeness you two shared, and maybe even a subtle and effective way to express your appreciation with the excuse of it being Christmas.
Normally, you’d be excited to share your Christmas cheer with your best friend, as it’s always been throughout the previous years. You and Jungkook have expressed your excitement to celebrate with each other this year in particular, dedicated to using this time to catch up in ways that couldn’t be done through text messaging. But knowing the contents of the aforementioned letter, you were highly strung.
It’s something that makes your stomach turn. It makes you want to forget about handing that letter to him and putting the beauty of your friendship on the line. You hide behind the cheerful facade that your relatives and family friends have gotten to know all your life, until the arrival of Jungkook and his family makes your happiness genuine again.
“Merry Christmas, ____!” Jungkook beams, handing you a small gift box sealed with a red ribbon. He looks almost amused at the surprise that crosses your features, his present to you contrasting greatly in size from the pullover you gifted him that’s now hugging his figure snugly.
Your eyes bulge when you remove the top of the box, finding a sterling silver necklace with a shining ruby staring back at you. “Jungkook, you didn’t.”
“Oh, but I did.” His heart warms at the sight of you staring at the jewelry in awe, cradling the ruby delicately in your hands. “A necklace for you, because our friendship is priceless and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything in the world,” he elucidates, filling the air as if he already knows what’ll come out of you next. “And a ruby, because you’ve always looked good in red.”
Your eyes have been welling up from the start, bewildered that he went out of his way to gift you the most expensive thing he could ever give you. But now you’re smiling tearfully at him, and your heart races for all the reasons that should feel right, but to you, it feels wrong.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” When you lean into Jungkook for an embrace, you can see your mother staring at you from a distance as she’s talking to Mrs. Jeon, speaking those forbidden words through her eyes. When you pull away from Jungkook, he notices your change in demeanor and asks what’s wrong. “Nothing. Uh… Kook, I have something else for you.”
Your heart beats as fast as those words leave your lips. This is it. Jungkook would soon learn about the way your heart beats for him, how you become even happier to see your phone light up with messages from him or to see him light up in that smile you’ve loved all these years, and how you’ve never stopped thinking about the marriage pact that he proposed on that fateful night. Because it was him that brought up the pact in the first place, you think you have nothing to worry about.
You also think you didn’t consider the fact that you two weren’t sober at the time, or the possibility of him not remembering those promises he made.
“Oh? What is it?” Jungkook questions, and you’re about to sprint to your room before you could change your mind until the shrill sound of his message ringtone rings in the air. You’re clueless to the contents of the message that makes his eyes sparkle and his smile wider. “Actually, give me a moment. Lina just arrived!”
A disheartened echo of her name escapes your lips, but Jungkook doesn’t catch that, turning on his heel to run to your front door. He leaves you hanging, allowing the doubts to stampede over every last feeling of love you had for him.
The last thing you expected was to be in the presence of a young woman who’s just around the same age as you. She was stunning, and her vivacious energy lights up the room even more than the glow of your Christmas tree. She was everything you were insecure about, and she had everything you could ever want, including the heart of your best friend that had slipped from your hands before you even knew it.
With your breaking heart stuck in your throat, you try to look for comfort in your mother, whose eyes are already glossed with pity. Neither of you have to say anything. It’s heart-wrenchingly clear that Jeon Jungkook was never yours, and you don’t know how a silly marriage pact made during your drunken distress was able to convince you any different.
Jungkook leaves the party early with her, and unsurprisingly, your letter to him is far beyond his concerns tonight. You’re just barely able to make it through the rest of the night, waiting for the rest of the guests to leave and your mother to grant you your much needed alone time to wallow in your misery. Your heart mourns knowing that he’s with her, wearing the sweater you gave him.
Your letter gets shoved into an old shoe box along with the polaroids of him that you’ve ripped off of your string of fairy lights. You just wished that forgetting your love for him was as easy as pushing all of your memories of him in the back of your closet. Yet, at the same time, you can’t help but wonder what would happen if you did take the chance, if you gave this card to him and spill all of your feelings even when his heart belonged to someone else, in the sick hopes that he would change his mind.
In the end, you say nothing. It’s better this way.
When you start to pull away from Jungkook, it’s with a heavy heart.
It happens gradually, slowing down the rate of your responses to him just when the spring semester starts to pick up. It’s easy to fall back on the excuse of keeping up with the onslaught of assignments or studying for an important exam that you just need to pass the first time, and for the most part, you’re telling the truth. As the days come and go, your excuses get thinner until eventually, nothing comes from you.
You swear that by taking the slower route, it would ease your aching heart a little. You would move on faster than if you were to quit this habit cold turkey. But it seems like no matter what you did, losing your best friend was going to leave a permanent wound one way or another.
Having him continually try to reach out to you didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Hey! It’s been a while. I hope school’s not kicking your butt too badly. I was at the mall and saw this Pusheen cat plush holding a book and it reminded me of when we first met in Algebra and how I annoyed the shit out of you, haha. To this day I don’t know how you deal with me. Hope you’re doing well!”
“Happy birthday! Wow, I can’t believe I’ve spent five birthdays with you. Can you believe it? I wish I could be there with you to celebrate it, but maybe I can treat you to Chinese takeout and boba when we’re home for spring break!”
“Hey, ____. I listened to this song the other day and I wanted to add it to our playlist, but I couldn’t find it. Maybe Spotify’s glitching on me, or was it deleted? Idk. Either way, it’s called ‘Lost Stars’ by Adam Levine if you wanna listen :)”
“Is everything okay? I understand if you need your space but I can’t help but worry. I called your mom too and she told me you were going through a rough time. I won’t force anything if you don’t want to talk about it, but you know I’m always here for you.”
“When you have the time, can we call? Please?”
You end up blocking Jungkook’s number, hating how his string of messages and the time stamps on your message thread remind you that it’s been three months since your last response.
Summer break comes faster than you would have liked, and instead of enjoying the freedom like you should be, you spend it dodging Jungkook every chance you get. You struggle for two long weeks until you get a call from a representative at your school, breaking you the good news that you’ve been selected for the mid-summer research internship on campus. You sigh of relief, not because you’ve been rewarded another opportunity to advance in your career, but because you can finally stop playing this cat and mouse game you’ve dug yourself into.
When you call your mother to tell her you’ve arrived safely on campus, she tells you that Jungkook and Mrs. Jeon stopped by with pastries shortly after your departure, hoping to gift them to you as a late birthday gift. You ask if she told him where you’re staying in the meantime, worrying that he’ll go as far as to visit you now that he has the time. She reassures you that he has no clue.
What your mother doesn’t tell you is how Jungkook broke into tears because he felt like he’s done something to make you pull away from him, or how she pitied him so much that she gave him the shoe box of memories that you kept in your closet, that she happened to have found while she was cleaning out your room.
Jungkook finds himself behind the wheel, his attention to the road a little more focused and his grip on the steering wheel just a tad tighter. He refuses to look at the passenger’s seat beside him — not just because he knows that instead of finding you beside him, he’ll find his clueless mother, awing at each polaroid she pulls out of your shoe box. He refuses to look because those polaroids are the last memorabilia that he has of you.
It takes the second polaroid that Mrs. Jeon shows him for Jungkook to recognize these were the ones that used to hang up on your wall. The cracks in his heart break just a little deeper.
“Look at this! I remember taking this picture of you two!” She shows him the memento with a grin on her face, missing the way Jungkook only spares a quick glance and a forced smile before she’s moving onto the next. “Wow, it really has been a while since I’ve seen ____ around. You should tell her that I’d love to have her drop by when she gets back.”
Jungkook almost fails to hold in a bitter laugh. He wishes it were that easy for him to get a hold of you. Then he remembers that she has no idea that you’ve distanced yourself from him without an explanation, that he would rather not crush his sweet mother’s angelic image of you. He finds it easier to keep this friendship alive in her eyes rather than draw a map to explain how it all faded to dust when he doesn’t even have a clue himself.
“Yeah.” Jungkook’s gaze shifts lower. “I will.”
Tonight, when the stars twinkle prominently in the night sky, Jungkook’s heart mourns for you a little more. In the comfort of his own bedroom, he finds himself enamored by the constellations just as you used to be, and a part of him wonders if you’re seeing the same sky too.
Jungkook feels lonelier when he stares at the framed picture of you and him wearing each other’s presents at the Christmas party, even more so now that he knows you’ve deliberately taken down all of your memories together and stowed them away in this box in front of him. He doesn’t know why you’ve pulled away from him so suddenly. He doesn’t know why he’s hopeful that things will change.
Jungkook misses his best friend. He misses you, but he takes the hint. He takes it with a heavy heart.
But for now, he’s limited to the box of memories that your mother had blessed him with, knowing that he can no longer go back to your collaborative playlist for some good tunes or shoot you a text talking about something completely random. He goes through the polaroids with a tearful smile, remembering the simplicity of the past.
Then, he finds it — a red envelope sitting at the bottom of the box, marked with his name between two hearts.
Jungkook doesn’t think much of its significance until the design of the card tells him that this letter was a Christmas gift to him, a Christmas gift that never got delivered. It has your magic touch all over it; from the sticker-adorned envelope to the layout of this handwritten letter, he’s hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia. For a moment, he remembers that one sunny afternoon in August, just a week before your freshman year of college. He remembers getting comfortable in your computer chair, hunched over your desk and admiring your latest spread of the first concert you ever attended while you hover over him, pointing at each detail and making sure he never misses a single one. Instead of smiling at the happy memory, his heart aches more, if that were even possible.
When he reads the words you couldn’t speak out loud and the emotions you’ve spilled onto this piece of paper, he finally understands.
He learns about the way your heart once beat for him, how you were even happier to see your phone light up with messages from him or to see him light up in that smile you’ve loved all these years, and how you’ve never stopped thinking about the marriage pact that he proposed on that fateful night.
And Jungkook sighs. Sighs because he knows when you were supposed to give him this letter, because he knows exactly what stopped you from giving him this letter.
When school wasn’t enough of a distraction for you, you tried other things. There were some alliances on campus that looked promising. They worked for a while and you met some pretty amazing people along the way, but with how quickly your mind changes and how carefree your spirit was, you don’t stay for the long run. You couldn’t.
The one thing you do stay for is the vice president of one of the clubs you had the pleasure of joining and leaving a few weeks later — what was his name? Seokho? Seokju... Seokjin. He’s a kind man, two years your senior and passionate about both his organization and his major, the complete opposite of who you were. You don’t know what led him to fancy you in the first place, and your first instinct after he asks you out on a date is nowhere near the possibility of saying yes, but he was a gorgeous man and one hell of a charmer.
And yes, you had to admit that you had nothing but good things to say about Seokjin. He was everything you were insecure about, everything you could ever want in a man. He loved you genuinely in a generation where lust was more favorable than love. He made you feel special in a way no one else ever did.
No one else but Jungkook.
You think that’s the reason why even after the time you’ve spent with Seokjin, your heart still feels hollow. It’s like it’s missing something that no one, not even the most perfect partner that you were blessed to meet in this lifetime, could ever fix.
It’s a shame that it took you two years of dating, a lot of shying away from moments of intimacy without any plausible explanation, and just one night of emotional vulnerability for you to figure it out.
You break things off with Seokjin that same night, and even when it seems that way, it’s not just from the heat of the moment. You’ve managed to spill all of your life’s secrets out to the unsuspecting man in the comfort of your shared home, including your marriage pact with your estranged best friend which, now that you think about it, sounded even more ridiculous when you hear it out loud. Even after facing your hurricane of emotions head on, Seokjin is more understanding than you deserve.
You still fall apart when Seokjin gathers the last of his belongings and walks out of your door for the last time, because no matter how messy your love life seems to be, you truly loved him for all those years. It’s ironic, actually. All this time, you tried so hard to love Seokjin the way he loved you, even when your heart was incomplete beyond repair. You still end up shattering when he walks out of your life for good, as he takes with him the rest of your heart that you gave him.
You’ve done a decently good job at repressing the hurt to get through the rest of the week, gravelling through your full-time job and faking a smile long enough that when you finally get a grasp at Saturday, all your pent-up turmoil breaks loose.
You were never one to think straight during your moments, but when it’s obvious that you need someone’s company, the first contact you look for is Jungkook.
Sitting on your screen as his profile picture is an old selfie of you two, taken during the Christmas party of your freshman year of college just before the opening of presents. You looked so happy here; it was almost unrecognizable, and you could probably go as far as to say you were jealous of this Jungkook and ____, but you don’t, remembering that those were the last moments of happiness before the integrity of your friendship was put to test.
Your thumb hovers over the call button, hesitating one too many times. You wonder if Jungkook still has the same number after all this time.
It takes a ring and a half for him to pick up, and the first thing that leaves his lips is a gasp of your name, like he’s been waiting for your call.
“Hey…” Jungkook’s voice is as gentle as you remembered it, and even more so now that he hears you trying to hold back your choked sobs. “Is everything okay? Can… Can I come over?”
You say yes, fed up of the years you’ve spent beating around the bush.
You’re caught off guard when Jungkook shows up at your door just five minutes after you text him your new address, having had no time to wash away the remnants of your pandemonium. “J-Jungkook,” you croak. “I— Sorry. I wasn’t… expecting you here so soon.”
He looks like he came here in a hurry, dressed in his home clothing as if all he did was throw on a jacket and his shoes before speeding straight here. His appearance is not a concern for him right now, nor is his uncertainty of expressing himself as your best friend after years of not speaking.
“I know,” Jungkook breathes. “I just really missed my best friend. I missed you.”
The words tug at your heartstrings, breaking the last wire of the bomb within you, and you’re set off. For the first time since that fateful night, you crumble before him, the overwhelming emotions eating you up once again.
“Oh fuck. Hey...” Jungkook’s brows crease in worry, eyes bulging while he witnesses you unfold. He reaches for you, unsure if this was the right thing to do at first until he sees the first tear escape your eye. “Hey, no… Don’t cry.”
He pulls you into his arms without a single doubt in his mind, soothing you into the crook of his neck. His hush whispers flow through your hair, meant to comfort you in your time of hurting, but this only makes you cry harder. It makes you remember why you pulled away in the first place, why you’ve been hurting for all this time, what you’d be coming back to.
You don’t know which ending you’d rather have, but you’re sure neither of them are supposed to hurt like this.
“I’m here now,” Jungkook murmurs into your ear, brushing his fingers through your locks. “It’s okay.”
And instead of calming down, you become even more distraught. It feels like your entire system is filled with intense guilt, falling apart in the arms of the man you were hopelessly in love with, the man that you pushed away but is still here to support you just the same.
Jungkook decides it’s best for him to take charge for the rest of the evening, knowing your mind is not where it needs to be. When the tears no longer blur your vision, you see that he’s kept the sweater you gifted him all those years ago, hugging his figure snugly.
Your mind runs on autopilot for a good portion of the night, following Jungkook’s lead wherever he decides to take you. It takes the cool, sweet touch of your strawberry milk tea for you to grasp at reality again, and the low glow of the clock in Jungkook’s convertible reminds you that it’s twelve minutes behind eight PM.
Jungkook pays no mind to the silence that sits between you while he’s driving to your destination, humming to the comforting sound of Adam Levine’s “Lost Stars” through the aux cord. He knows you’re captivated by the stars adorning the summer sky, shining bright even through the sun setting over the horizon. He too couldn’t help but appreciate its beauty now that it reminds him of something else that was significant to him.
You find an odd sense of peace when you find that he’s brought you back to the familiar setting of the hilltop in the outskirts of the city. No matter how many times you’re flooded with memories you’d rather keep repressed, the beautiful sight of the sleepless city and the constellations are well worth it.
“How have you been?” Jungkook is the first to break the ice, just as he’s always done since the day you met. “Your mom told me you recently landed a job as a… research analyst, right? Congrats, by the way! How’s that going for you?”
A word of thanks escapes through your empty laughter. You’re amused that the only way he was able to keep up with your milestones was through your mother. You should feel a sense of betrayal from your mother for doing this despite the hurt in your heart as far as Jungkook is concerned, but it never comes.
“It’s going well. Um, nothing new from what I’ve learned in uni, so there weren’t any surprises. That’s reassuring, I guess.” You set your half-finished dessert in the cupholder beside his, completely missing the way Jungkook’s grip on the gear shift tightens when your hand lightly brushes over his. “It pays really well, too. I was able to save up enough money to move out within a year, but I have my parents to thank for helping me pay off my debt and for making this transition as smooth as possible.”
“I’m really happy to hear that.” Jungkook tries to smile at that, but the waver in his voice and your refusal to look at him makes it much harder to pull it off. “Like, genuinely happy. Even if you don’t want me to be a part of your life anymore, I’ll always support you, you know. Cheer you on from the sidelines even if it hurts me that I can’t be there to celebrate these successes with you, because you deserve to be happy.”
You let out a heavy sigh, hating the way he speaks only kindness to you with every fiber of your being. You hate the guilt that drops in the pit of your stomach, its weight equivalent to an anvil. How could he go through so much pain from you disappearing from his life out of nowhere, from never being able to hear about your greatest milestones unless it’s your own mother telling him, from being here to comfort you without having a clue as to what’s bothering you while you’re still refusing to open back up to him? How could he do all of this with only your happiness and wellbeing in mind, and you couldn’t even be bothered to give him the time of day?
And the worst part of it is that at the end of the day, you’re still not happy. You would think that after getting your life together, figuring out what you want your future to look like, and finding stability through it all, you’d finally find your peace and comfort. You still haven’t found it.
Limited to only the good side of your life that your mother tells him, Jungkook has no clue of your detrimental dilemmas.
“It looks like you’re doing well, too. Man, you grew so much from that night when you told me you were uncertain about your future, and look at you now, doing great things. I knew you could do it.” Jungkook’s smile is evident through his tone as he speaks these words of affirmations to you, and damn it, you want him to stop. You don’t deserve this. “It must be even better now that you have someone to share your happiness with, right? What’s his name… ah, I forget, but I just know he’s a good man. You still gotta introduce me to him one day.”
“I can’t do that.”
Jungkook freezes in his seat, shocked at your curt response. “Why not?”
You register the vague words you let out after the fact, and for a split second, you consider it. You consider spilling out the secret that you’ve kept hidden in your heart for so long. You consider telling him how you couldn’t bring yourself to forget about him, that you couldn’t properly love someone else unless you were thinking of him.
The words never leave your lips.
“Seokjin and I...” To this day, you find it hard to speak his name without feeling the hollow ache in your chest. “We uh… broke up. A few weeks ago.”
“Oh.” Jungkook’s voice sounds somber, and thankfully he doesn’t press any further. “I’m so sorry.”
You only hum, dismissing the topic of your ex with a shrug, but then you’re reminded of the harrowing parallel to that. “How about Lina?” Unsurprisingly enough, speaking her name to the universe still evokes a twinge of pain within you, reminds you of where it all went wrong. “How are you guys doing?”
If you even had any intentions to look at Jungkook, you would see the way his face scrunches in confusion, or how he has to think for a second before he realizes who you’re talking about. He’s surprised that you even remembered her name.
“It’s been a really long time since we went our separate ways.” The man clarifies. He doesn’t say anything else, understanding that you may not have been as caught up with his life as he was with yours, as much as that accentuates the sadness in his heart. Even then, he finds happiness in speaking your name again. “Can I ask you something?”
No, you want to say because you already know what’s coming. “Yes.”
“Was it because of her that you stopped talking to me?”
Your breath gets caught in the back of your throat, and you feel your heart rate spike as if you got caught red-handed. “What are you talking about?”
“Did you stop talking to me because I was dating Lina?” Jungkook reiterates. When you keep your eyes forward through this heavy question, he decides he’s had enough of your refusal to meet his gaze, of your refusal to face this obstacle head-on. “Look at me.”
Jungkook reaches for your hand and firmly grips it, making sure you follow through with his request. When you finally turn your head to look at him, you see it. You see the sadness through his glossy eyes, the uncertainty through the furrow of his eyebrows, and the confusion in the frown of his lips that once used to smile everyday. You see the way he’s hurting, yet it’s not enough for you to swallow your pride.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you mutter.
“Bullshit,” Jungkook scoffs, but he shows his impatience only for a brief moment. When he searches your gaze again, he looks desperate, almost like he’s pleading for you to see through him. “Please, for once, just… tell me what’s on your mind. You don’t know how confused I was when you stopped talking to me, when it was clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. I’m still confused. If I did something wrong, tell me.”
“Jungkook—”
“As a matter of fact, it definitely had something to do with me, right? I did something so heinous that it made you not want to speak to me again, right?”
“ Jungkook,” You shrill, fed up with the interrogations. “Fine. Okay. Yes, you dating her was part of the reason why, but it’s not just that. There’s way more to it, and if you could just give me a moment to collect my thoughts—”
“You’re upset at me because of our marriage pact.”
You stop your rambling immediately, your eyes slowly widening the longer he stares blankly at you, as if he didn’t just lay out the most secret parts of you here, beneath the stars.
“You’re upset at me because I dated someone else, and you felt betrayed because you thought I forgot about the pact we made that night after prom,” Jungkook pauses, taking the moment to reach his other hand over, fully encasing yours between his palms.
You stare incredulously at the man before you, nearly giving into the way he holds you so tenderly until the better part of you shuts him out, afraid of what’s to come. “W-Wait, you actually… remember that?”
“Of course I remember, ____,” Jungkook lets out a dry, sarcastic chuckle. “I was the one that proposed the idea, didn’t I?”
As quickly as your heart starts to race, it all comes back to you. The fear of the future. The fear of never finding your passion. The fear of never finding someone to love. And honorably, the promise that made you forget all of your fears, until all the hopes came crashing down in just one night.
“Let me ask you something else.” Jungkook breaks when he sees you starting to pull away again, when he realizes that you’re not going to say anything. “Why didn’t you tell me that you had feelings for me?”
Silence befalls you, lingering longer than it should and dwindling every last hope in Jungkook’s system. He almost dismisses it thinking that this was a lost cause, until the words find you again.
“I was just scared,” you answer in a hush, desolate tone. “I was scared that if I told you about how badly in love I was with you back then, you would change your mind about this marriage thing. About us. And even if I wasn’t, you were happy with Lina, Jungkook. Who was I to destroy someone else’s home because I was having trouble finding my own place to call home?”
To say Jungkook was shocked by your words is an understatement, and hearing these words of doubt come out of your lips shouldn’t surprise him, but it does. You seemed so content with the path you were going down, so assured with the future he thought you wanted, so much happier than the despair he came face-to-face with on that same night. It was his mistake for assuming anything because as it turns out, you were still lost.
He traces your gaze to admire the view before him, getting lost in the stars with you.
“Can I say something?” This time, Jungkook waits until he hears you acknowledge him before he dives in. “Marriage is such a precious thing, you know. You make these vows to spend the rest of your life with someone through thick and thin, no matter what challenges may come your way. When it’s done right, you don’t just... choose anyone for the sake of having someone. You choose them because you love them, and you think it’s worth going through every milestone, every disaster, everything with them.”
You slowly blink at first, digesting the depth of his words until it has fully sunken. Eventually, you find yourself beginning to take heavy breaths, but instead of feeling terrified, it feels like you’ve found an epiphany.
“What I’m saying is...” Jungkook takes the pause to soothe the top of your hand with his thumb, and if you cared to meet his gaze as he turns to face you, you would see hope reflected in the dark pools of his eyes. “I didn’t make this pact with you out of drunken haste, even though you could argue that it was. I did it because even at the young age of seventeen, I knew I was in love with you. Deeply in love with you.” Another pause for another breath, Jungkook tries to remain in control of the heaviness of his words, especially the simple ones that follow. “I still am.”
Your head whips to him, your mouth falling to a gape. “What?”
“I’m still in love with you,” Jungkook admits lowly. “It’s silly, actually. Even when I thought you didn’t feel the same way, and when I was with someone else, I couldn’t bring myself to move on. I couldn’t love anyone else properly. I was so distracted. All this time we weren’t talking to each other, I spent most of my days imagining how it would feel to…”
Jungkook stops in the midst of his rambling, his uncertainty getting the best of him. His words still hit you just the same, maybe even deeper now that he puts into words exactly how you’ve felt the past few years. If he spoke anymore, you think you would hear those words you’ve been dying to hear him say.
“Jungkook.” It was now or never. “I’m still in love with you, too.”
Your eyes are locked on him the entire time, uncaring of the heaviness of your words that now linger freely in the air. You’ve always imagined your confession to come with a racing heart and a tightness of your chest, but on the contrary, you feel like you’ve broken free. Like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.
“Wow,” Jungkook breathes, slowly breaking into a gentle smile. “We really made it more complicated than it should’ve been, huh?”
A laugh escapes your lips. “We did.”
For a while, you let the silence consume the air, finding the beauty of the night sky to be far more enticing. Jungkook joins you on your journey to peace and comfort until he brings his palm to your cheek and turns your head to him, deciding that he would rather get lost in the beauty of your eyes instead.
The grin he breaks into is reminiscent of when he first ‘proposed’ to you, but it’s a little brighter this time now that he can finally love you freely. “I’m just happy to have my ace back.”
Beneath the stars where no secret remains hidden forever, where the lost feelings become as clear as the crystal waters, Jungkook asks if he could kiss you. You no longer hesitate, allowing yourself to bloom for the man you’ve loved all these years, allowing the passion between each melding of your lips to make up for the lost time.
You’ve always loved the stars, but when you pull away to catch your breath and find the twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes, you think you’ve fallen in love with them even more.
The rest of the evening brings you and Jungkook together in your abode, trust-falling at the premise of indulging in Chinese takeout and binge watching this K-drama you’ve been eyeing for a while. In the middle of episode one, the latter is long forgotten.
Jungkook is the first to break, starting with the occasional kiss on the back of your hand that’s entwined in his, until he allows his lips to linger there a little longer. Your soft sighs are what keeps him going until he pushes your hair back to expose your neck, his lips placing wet, open mouthed kisses on its expanse starting from the shoulder inward.
He stops just before he could reach the rings of your sweet spot, his hand lowering from caressing your jawline to grasp at the one thing that sparkles just as bright as your eyes. “Your necklace.”
For a moment, you break from your desire driven reverie to follow Jungkook’s gaze, where you find the ruby sitting like an insignificant existence compared to his large palm.
“Yeah?” you pose innocently. “What about it?”
“You kept it.” He exhales this like it’s the most unbelievable thing he’s learned tonight, like he isn’t pressed up against you, giving you all the love his heart bears for you after a long time of never being able to.
“Of course I did.” Your voice is gentle through and through. You leave it at that, allowing the minimal words and your eyes to speak your emotions for you, and Jungkook’s heart still flutters just the same. Neither of you had to say anything else. You just knew.
Jungkook falls under your spell when his lips crash into yours, never once leaving the comfort of your warmth, not even to catch a breath. If anything, he only pulls you closer, pressing your chest flush against his and his hands continuously exploring all of you as if you would slip away if he didn’t. He presses his lips into yours over and over again, all in chaste nature until out from his mouth slips his tongue, coming out to dance with yours. Then, it’s unleashed.
Articles of clothing are discarded as quickly as the night changes, leaving a trail to the sanctuary of your bedroom where Jungkook’s presence makes it much safer. He cages you in once your back meets the plush of your mattress. You think he looks prettier towering over you like this, the moonlight reflecting off of his nakedness while his lips ghost over every millimeter of skin he’s able to reach.
Jungkook stops at the crevice of your neck, nipping at the softness of your skin. He holds his weight up with one arm while he dips his other extremity between your legs, pressing his thighs against yours and gesturing them open. His breath hitches with yours when he goes for the nub, rubbing it in gentle circles and touching you just right.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” His whispers bounce off of the dark red mark he leaves on your neck, his shaky fingers only slowing to appreciate how quickly you’ve become drenched for him. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this for, baby. How long I’ve wanted to make love to you.”
Your eyes roll to the back of your head, glossed with tears. You’re yet to figure out if it’s from his wondrous fingers or the tenderness of the words that he speaks. When his fingers leave your folds only to plunge them into your core in one go, you’re barely able to make up your mind.
“Please let me hear you,” the man practically begs when you only manage a gasp in the air, realizing that you might be holding back. “Wanna know if you’re feeling good.”
“Kook—” You mewl, once when Jungkook asks, and again when he beckons his fingers inside of you, brushing delicately against your walls. “ Holy fuck, you’re amazing.”
Your words are music to Jungkook’s ears, egging him on even more. He glides his finger in and out of you, kisses you all over while eating up your moans, whispers sweet nothings to you as if he exists in this universe only to love you.
You’ve been fairly good at keeping yourself at bay until the pleasure starts to become too much. Soon, you writhe under Jungkook’s touch when he presses the heel of his palm against your clit, adding to the blissful sensation and the stars that are already tunneling up in your vision. “Kook,” you rasp, trying to hold yourself together for just a little longer. “Please, I’m— I’m so—”
“Are you gonna come, my sensitive baby?” he implores with a smirk, loving the way your hips jut up against his hand. “Come all over me. I dare you.”
And you do. You unleash a powerful one, waves of pleasure washing over you like a tsunami. An intense sensation bubbles up your spine and throughout the rest of your body, and your mind is barely able to comprehend it all. What makes this even more mind-numbing is when the feeling of Jungkook’s fingers are immediately replaced with the velvety touch of his tongue, sucking out as much of your orgasm as he could while pinning your legs on the mattress, exposing you through it all.
Your chest is still heaving as you catch your breath, your soul still descending from the heavens when Jungkook mounts over you, licking the remainder of your high off of his lips. “Okay?” Jungkook hums.
“Yeah,” you can barely speak before your breath is blown away by Jungkook’s beauty — all soft, mesmerizing, and most importantly, yours. “Feels like I’ve waited all my life to be here with you.”
He brushes a strand of hair behind your ears, admiring more of your delicate features with a smile on his face. “We’re here now,” He coos, his breath beginning to shake when you become one, loving the way you gasp before his lips. “Just wanna show you how much I love you, how much I missed you.”
He does exactly that, making sure that he takes his time with you to savor this feeling for both him and you. Through ravenous kisses and delectable movements, Jungkook makes love to you. He holds you in his arms as if he never wants to let go, whispers sweet nothings into your ear as if you were his whole universe, ravages you with kisses and love bites as if it were the last time he’d be able to. He spills into you all of his love that was once lost in the stars, making sure that when he makes you come, the stars you see are as bright as those in the vast night sky.
Jungkook seals the night with a shaky “I love you” into your lips, one that makes your already erratic heart drum just a little faster. When it’s all done, your calming heartbeat is what lulls Jungkook to a blissful slumber, knowing that this is the heart that beats for him.
And not long after, your heavy eyes fall victim to the night, but knowing that tomorrow promises you the warmth of your best friend beside you, you’re no longer afraid of when the night changes to day.
This year’s Christmas party is in full swing like any other, and you can’t help but feel your spirit become fuller at the abundance of festive decorations and multicolored lights from the outside in. Though, you can’t say you ever underestimated the Jeons and their interior decorating skills, especially as far as Jungkook’s mother is concerned.
You can’t pinpoint why you walked into the festivity with an uneasy feeling. Even when your relationship with Jungkook was no longer news, there were so many of your family friends in attendance that you don’t get to see on the daily. Surely, hearing about the two infamous high school sweethearts finally getting together was going to stir up some sort of commotion, alcohol-induced or not.
For that reason, you’ve gotten a set of lines rehearsed and ready to go, but when it comes to Jungkook’s older brother, you don’t think you’ll ever be prepared for the chaos that spews out of his mouth.
“Let me get this straight,” the aforementioned brother, Junghyun, remarks after you’ve managed to compact the entire story of your marriage pact into thirty minutes and two measly bites of your dinner plate. “So you and Jungkook made this plan to marry each other if you were both single by age twenty-five.”
You nod with a deadpan. “Yup.”
“While you two were secretly in love with each other.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And this whole fiasco has gone on for… five —” He draws that word out, emphasizing his surprise. “years? Even while you were dating other people?”
“You got it.”
“Well, shit.” Junghyun throws his hands in the air, looking even more amused about the situation while you sit beside him with a face that’s completely blank. “It’s no wonder why you guys were so confused about your feelings. The little sucker couldn’t even give you a promise ring to seal the deal?”
“We were seventeen and illegally tipsy,” you reiterate. “Besides, it’s not like we signed a certificate or even talked about us having feelings for each other before that. It just happened spontaneously, just as it’s always been.”
“And that, my future sister-in-law, is how surprise babies are made.” Junghyun tries to stifle the grunt from the jab you gave him, chuckling after the fact. Junghyun’s banter is quickly wiped away when he catches sight of his little brother coming your way, carrying a small gift bag.
Jungkook remains clueless to the obvious tension between you and his older brother, taking a seat next to you. “Hey, babe. Junghyun,” He acknowledges the older man with a nod before he’s back at his agenda, gesturing the gift bag over to you. “I hope you don’t mind giving me your gift a little early. Don’t want everyone to see this during the gift exchange and get the wrong idea.”
“Oh?” Your eyebrows furrow, reaching inside of the material to pull out a sturdy, black box made of velvet. “Why would they get the wrong idea?”
“You’ll see,” Jungkook expresses himself with a smile, curling up even more when you open the box to find two sterling silver rings staring back at you, one of them with a small, shining ruby attached. “Rings for us, since we’re two years early in fulfilling the promise we made for each other, but we’ll make it official anyway.” He takes the silver band out of the holder, sliding it onto his ring finger before he moves on to grab the ring meant for you. “And yours has a ruby, of course. Because you always looked good in red.”
“Wow. You’re kidding.” Junghyun’s words are white noise to you as you giddily watch Jungkook slide your ring onto your finger, surprising him with the tightest hug and all the kisses his heart desires.
Throughout your short time on Earth, you find it hard to choose a memory that’s worth holding close to your heart. But one thing is certain; meeting Jeon Jungkook in this lifetime was definitely a memory you’ll keep locked in your heart for eternity.