Chapter Text
Mikasa didn’t realize that Levi had retired from the military until months after he had done it.
It made sense that he would, really. All of the Scouts, herself included, had been through several lifetimes’ worth of hell. When the dust had settled and treaties had been signed, the Nation of Eldia had no more need for a Scout Corps—at least, not in the incarnation that it had been thus far. With the world’s maps readily available, there was no more need to explore. With the threat of the titans gone, there was no more need for a Levi Squad. What the Scouts would become, no one had yet decided. For the time being, they had been rolled into the Garrison Corps, both under Hanji’s command, to assist with rebuilding and modernization efforts.
Some, like Armin and Hanji and even herself, had skills and interests that they could continue to direct with the military’s resources to create new purpose for themselves. Others could pursue different fields, confident in the safety they had won for Eldia. Levi was hardly the first one, or the only one, to take advantage of the country’s restructuring to make a few life changes. Connie had also retired and gone to work at the Queen’s Orphanage with Sasha’s parents. He still missed Sasha dearly, but he and the Brauses soothed each other’s grief, and Mikasa had seen joy returning to his eyes after he had started “kid-wrangling.” Jean, too, had retired to throw himself into a project—in his case, studying how the governments of the world’s other countries functioned. Eldia needed to rebuild its leadership as well as its cities. Jean had big plans to tackle that while Armin, now in charge of the Garrison’s Engineering Corps, tackled rebuilding the cities. Mikasa had thought that Levi would fall into the former group, the ones with goals to accomplish with the military’s resources, but several months went by and no one had seen him. Nobody knew where he was or what he was up to.
Well, that wasn’t quite right. Mikasa suspected that Hanji knew something, if only because they were his commanding officer and friend of many years, but they claimed that they had forgotten most of the details. His body couldn’t stand up to the kind of beatings that it used to, they said; he probably wanted to try something a little less taxing. That…could be the case. The injuries that Levi had suffered in the Jaegerist War had nearly killed him, and it would take even him quite some time to recover fully. Mikasa knew this. Everyone had gone to visit him in the hospital. He had expressed appreciation for their worry upon their first visit, but then shooed them all out when they came again. “You have better things to do,” he’d say. “I’m not gonna die. Get the hell out of here. Go bother someone else.” He was a private person. She knew this. But she thought she had earned entry past a few of his emotional walls—not just for her Ackerman blood, but for her time on Levi Squad as well.
Where he had gone after recovering from his many injuries, Mikasa didn’t know. Neither, she finally realized, did Armin, or Connie, or Jean—or anyone. Only when she’d finally cornered Hanji did she learn that Levi was not just out of the hospital, but out of the military. Hanji had dodged Mikasa’s questions, saying only that Levi hadn’t wanted the attention that a formal announcement of retirement would have brought. That sounded like Levi. He’d always tried to keep a low profile, even if his reputation had rendered that pointless. But even so, why wouldn’t he tell his own squad? Did he not trust their discretion? Did he even have a reason for retiring that required discretion?
Hanji did, at least, agree to deliver a letter for Mikasa. They made no promises about whether or not Levi would respond, or even the amount of time it would take them to get it to Levi. She didn’t mind. She had plenty of things to keep her busy. She had her own project to throw herself into—the training of a civilian police force. They didn’t need MPs to serve as the last line of defense against Titans anymore. The people on the new police force didn’t need to be capable of using ODM gear. So many things could change now that they didn’t have to worry about Titans anymore.
At last, several weeks later, Mikasa received a note back—short, blunt, accepting her invitation for tea. It reassured her. That was Levi in a nutshell—short, blunt, tea. He’d even given her a date, time, and café to meet him at. Mikasa still didn’t understand the difference between cafes and teahouses, but if Levi had picked it, the tea would be good.
The air had started to cool for autumn, and the temperature was pleasant. Mikasa even enjoyed the walk to the café. Autumn and winter no longer brought about fear of food shortages, and the faces she passed were smiling. Finally, they didn’t have to settle for surviving. They could thrive. When she arrived she was relieved to see Levi already waiting for her, slouched at an outdoor table at the cafe he had chosen in Trost. There was the familiar black suit, the familiar cravat, the familiar flat expression—aside from the missing fingers and the scars on his face, nothing about Levi had changed. When she approached, he used one foot to push her chair out toward her.
“Thank you for meeting me,” Mikasa told him, sitting. Levi responded by pouring her a cup of tea. “Thanks.” She picked it up in both hands, letting the cup warm her fingers and the rich-smelling steam drift across her face.
Levi regarded her silently over his own cup, an awkward minute that stretched to two, then three, and Mikasa started growing nervous. Had she angered him? Annoyed him? He did have moods, but she couldn’t get a read on his current one.
“Well?” he said finally.
“Well what?” she returned.
“You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”
Mikasa steeled her nerves. From Hanji’s behavior, she guessed that Levi’s retirement must be a sensitive subject. She didn’t know how he would react to what she had to say. Then again, surely he’d anticipated that it would come up when he’d agreed to meet her. He’d never avoided talking about something just because it made him—or anyone--uncomfortable.
“We miss you,” Mikasa said finally. “Why did you leave? You didn’t give us a chance to say goodbye, or say anything. I get that you don’t want to spend time with us socially, but we at least deserve that much.”
“What goodbye? I didn’t go anywhere.”
Was he being difficult on purpose? Mikasa couldn’t tell. Maybe he really didn’t understand how much he meant to his squad. “Does that mean that you’ll be coming back to the Scouts?” she asked hopefully.
“No.” Levi took a sip of tea. “I’m best at killing titans. No more titans to kill. Better to fade out the old regime with all the other fossils.”
The defeatist answer surprised Mikasa. “Is that why you retired? You think you’re not good at anything but killing titans?”
“Tch. No. I didn’t say that.”
“Then why?”
“My business. My reasons.”
Mikasa tightened her hands around her teacup. Here we go. “I’m afraid that’s not good enough. Not if you’re using those reasons to push us away.”
Levi’s eyebrows lifted ever so slightly. “Oh?”
“You’re family. I don’t want you out of my life yet. So you’re going to have to give me a better reason than that for disappearing on us. I think I’ve earned it. No—I know I’ve earned it.”
“That’s funny.” Levi poured out the last of the tea into his cup. “We’re family? Why, because of a few drops of blood? What did that make Eren, then? You kept saying that he was your family. Hell, you hardly shut up about it.”
“He was,” Mikasa insisted.
“Why?” Levi countered.
“Because of all the things we’d been through together. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can pick your family. Armin is my family too. And Connie, and Jean, and Hanji. And if you agree that they’re my family, then there’s just no way that you aren’t too.”
That earned her a small, slight smile. It vanished quickly, but it was there. “I like that reasoning,” he said. Relieved, Mikasa let out the breath she had been holding. “All right. I wasn’t lying, by the way. But I’ll give you another part of the decision.” Levi paused, his gaze growing unfocused. “I’ve been fighting for as long as I can remember. It was fighting to survive in the Underground, then fighting to survive against the titans, then fighting to keep the rest of the world from grinding Paradis into dust. At least for a little while, while I can…I wanted to see what it was like to live a quiet life.”
Mikasa remembered Hannes lamenting the loss of those quiet, ordinary days. She’d had very few of them. Levi had never had them to begin with. It was a valid reason, a good reason. She could accept it. But it still wasn’t the only reason. Not for someone like Levi, who couldn’t find contentment in sitting back and watching others get things done. “What do you mean, ‘while I can’?” she ventured. “Are you expecting something to happen? What’s the other part of the decision?”
“I’m getting old,” he told her simply, and reached for the menu.
Old? She didn’t believe that one for a moment. He was older than her, certainly, but not old by any means. Whatever other reasons he had, it seemed he wasn’t going to share them.
Then again, perhaps there was a bit of truth to that statement. Levi frowned at the menu, then pulled a pair of glasses out of his jacket and put them on. After studying the paper for a few moments, he waved a waitress over. Well, he’d shut down that conversation, but maybe she would have a chance to open it up again.
“Two more black teas, he said. “The same for me. The one with citrus for my niece.”
“Right away, sir.”
Niece? Mikasa knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn’t think of anything to say with it. “I think you’ll like it,” he told her, tucking the glasses away in a pocket. “It’s a new one they’ve just gotten in from Marley.”
At last she found her voice. “No, I mean—well yes, it does sound good, but…um…”
“The Ackermans spread themselves thin for safety. If you go by blood, we’re not even second cousins at the closest. But you’re right. We have been through a lot together.” He paused. “I thought that uncle and niece seemed like the most appropriate description. I’m not good at family stuff. Never had one. But…I think I wouldn’t mind trying it out.”
Mikasa grinned, for the first time in what felt like years. He agreed with her. He thought of her as family too. He wanted her in his life too. “That makes me really happy, Uncle Levi.” He looked away from her and busied himself with moving the empty teapot out of the way. Did he actually look relieved? Or sheepish? “Tell me about the Ackermans. My father never talked about his family. Maybe he thought I’d be safer if I didn’t know anything.”
He told her the little he remembered of his mother. The tea came, and she told him about her father. He recounted a few memories of Kenny, things that, in retrospect, were probably related to their family. And he accepted her invitation to join her for tea again. As he walked away, throwing a parting wave over his shoulder, Mikasa caught the setting sun sparkling off a few grey strands in his hair.
Maybe he really was getting old.
Yeah, that must be it.