Archive of Our Own

notnowjerry ⇄ ohkarabast

lazybee

seeing as it's been getting a lot of attention recently, here are some bizzare things that've happened when I was in that old soho bookshop:

• the owner grabbed a book from my hand, hurriedly telling me that it happened to be one of the demonically cursed ones and he didn't want to deal with that again
• this guy in sunglasses was lounging on a chair scrolling his phone, and when I looked back the chair was empty, and the famous snake was slithering around wearing the same sunglasses
• I overheard an old woman asking for this book with a green cover she'd read in the 70s and he had it

feel free to add ur own bizzare occurences!

bells-and-whistles

a book flew off the shelf and directly into the owners hand. and before u say "what it just fell?" no. physics doesn't work like That

jeezlou-ise

i couldve sworn i once saw his pet snake eating a book

ohkarabast

Honestly, I think the guy can teleport, bc whenever u so much as pick up a book, he spontaneously appears

notnowjerry

This exchange between a guy who looked like Jon Ham, a short dude, and Mr Fell (the owner)

Not-Jon Hamm: I'M VERY GLAD TO BE BUYING PORN!
Short Dude: I DO LOVE SOME PORN
Not-Jon Hamm: HOW EASILY EMBARRASED WE HUMANS ARE ABOUT OUR PORNOGRAPHY
Fell: *ushers them into the back room looking embarrassed*

Source: lazybee

#obviously those aren't their exact words but that's p much what happened #most bizzare part was that the book Jon Hamm lookalike was holding was Mrs Beeton's Cookery Book #there's no ressemblance but i think they might be fell's embarrassing cousins or smth

735,204 notes

azfellandqueers

Hello fellow book nerds and disaster queers! Considering the popularity of amusing tales from A.Z. Fell and Co's Antiquarian Bookshop, we decided to make a blog dedicated to our favourite soho cryptid and the unusual occurrences at his abode. We have just a few requests:

• Please remember that this is a real person who is, from all accounts, a kind and important member of the soho community. His policies and events in his store are strange, but that is no excuse to be hateful towards him
• AZ Fell has a partner/close friend/?? named Crowley (sometimes nicknamed Sunglasses on here), who often appears in posts on this page, any content featuring them both is tagged #az fell and crow. Fond teasing about them is fine, but please be respectful of their relationship
• Please don't leave stories/submissions in the askbox, they will usually be deleted
• When submitting a story, please follow the submission guidelines

Enjoy the page, and feel free to send an ask if you have any queries!

📍 Pinned Post #intro #info #welcome to the chaos

1942 notes

azfellandqueers

i once saw someone ask mr fell why all his books are so expensive if theyre so old and it’s honestly the funniest interaction ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing

Submitted by persephonemylove

#submission #az fell and queue

133 notes

foreverfckingtired ⇄ pretty-pansy

foreverfckingtired

AZ Fell is a gay icon: discuss

legendof-agatha

Yes.

ohkarabast

we dont need to discuss it ur right

persephonemylove

even if him and Sunglasses aren't together, they could definitely be in a qpr or smth

pretty-pansy

Forget him and sunglasses, mr fell is a gay icon bc I'm gay and I like him

foreverfckingtired

glad to see I regularly interact with people of Taste

Source: foreverfckingtired

234,204 notes

azfellandqueers

I swear, there was these kids about to run into a bookshelf or smth, but they began floating in mid-air before they could touch anything

Submitted by last-lesbian-standing

#at least they seemed to be having fun? #submission #az fell and queue #pfft give it 10 years and we might see az fells: the daycare

214 notes

azfellandqueers

nobodys allowed to hate on Fell like he didn't once sell me and my best friend books that weren't set to be released for months

Submitted by the-lastunicorn

#i dont know how he did it #but it fucking ruled #submission #az fell and queue #damn op im jealous

274 notes

azfellandqueers

Fell and Sunglasses were once having a staring contest, and when Fell lost, he became all huffy and went "Well, it was an unfair contest anyway, seeing as snakes don't need to blink"

Submitted by legendof-agatha

#I genuinely think Sunglasses and the snake might be one and the same #submission #az fell and crow #the snake #az fell and queue #(mod) i mean there's already the vampire theory #this isnt much crazier than that

669 notes

azfellandqueers

neverenough-time asked: I am literally begging u to elaborate on the Vampire Theory

azfellandqueers answered: Okay SO, it's originally from this cool book forum thread, and the premise is essentially that AZ Fell, possibly along with his partner Crowley, is immortal, and has been running his shop since it first opened in 1800.

And naturally, the best immortals are vampires.

#i mean rlly can u imagine them as angels or smth #inqueeries #az fell and queue

921 notes

overtherainbow ⇄ lookin-goodashell

azfellandqueers

Customer: It’s an outrage that you would sell these books *gestures to shelf of LGBTQ fiction* alongside the word of God
Fell: I’m very sorry to hear you think that way. The door is right over there.
Customer: You don’t understand - You could go to Hell for this!
Fell: Oh, I assure you, the forces of Hell wouldn’t dare return to this shop

pretty-pansy

Obviously his reaction is king shit but I'm sorry

Return???

ohkarabast

I am absolutely dying at the implication Mr Fell has previously fought off the forces of literal Hell and won

persephonemylove

they probably came and tried to buy a book

Source: azfellandqueers

#stoppp im wheezing #also good on fell for taking none of that homophobic shit #coming for queue

836,204 notes