Chapter Text
“No….no…” Gentle sobs left Diluc’s lips as he sat alone in his room, a water basin below him. Blood was trickling from between his legs, the amount causing him to grow dizzy, “Please…” crystalline tears dripped from his eyes down his cheeks as he pleaded to the gods, to anyone to make this stop from happening.
The use of a delusion was dangerous and he didn't even know he was carrying a child, for if he had, he'd never have dared to touch the delusion . No power was worth the consequences that he was currently suffering; the possible piece of life that he could have had, the piece of family, the piece of something that would have left him something....it had all ended up to be nothing more than a bloody mess between his legs .
Once upon a time Diluc had felt on top of the world, he had everything and the world was bright and his future held promise. Now he would be alone, entirely at his own hand. Not long ago Diluc had to end his father’s misery, his distress banishing his lover into the cold night; now he had ended the life of his own child. The blood sunk into the basin as he stifled his sobs, weak whimpers attempting to make themselves born into the stillness of the room.
Time seemed to move slowly as his body finished purging itself of what had resided inside, taking pieces of himself with it. When blood and viscera ceased to flow, Diluc pulled himself away from the basin, his body shaking in an attempt to clean himself off. The pheromones that grew around him were those of immeasurable suffering yet it was the only thing that kept him conscious. His father, Kaeya, and this tiny mass of flesh that would have been their baby. Something to love, something to give him light in these days of darkness.
Nausea rose within him, he couldn’t bear to be in the room anymore, he couldn’t bear to stay around the smell of blood. (Attempt to stave off the nausea failed, and threw himself forward, retching in an attempt to cleanse everything vile that stirred within him. As h e grew sick, retching in an attempt to clean everything as his mind began to wanteer to the unborn child.
His child… Kaeya’s ...child
Would the child's eyes have been like mine or his?
What color would their hair be?
A question that would have crossed his mind if he had known so much sooner would have been, Do I tell Kaeya? Yet in these passing days, he never got the chance. If he had not used the delusion, if he hadn’t made such a crucial mistake his mind would have once again debated. Do I tell Kaeya? With the loss of something so precious as a child due to his own means, Kaeya would never forgive him. There wasn’t even a fleeting moment where he joyously thought How do I tell Kaeya after all that’s happened? There hadn’t been a single moment where he didn’t feel a black pit opening in his stomach, knowing that this wasn’t meant to be.
The moment he realized what was happening, the moment he realized he was expecting it was already too late. There was no moment of joy and excitement, just the feeling of dread. The damage had been done the moment he harnessed the delusions energy, Diluc spent hours looking through books, looking for anything to stop this from happening, to stop the blood from spilling. To stop this nightmare from growing all the more dark and to give a glimmer of light back into his life.
Any potion, medication, magic, anything to stop the inevitable from happening. If only he had known he wouldn’t have used the cursed thing and now...now his womb was mangled and a future that could have involved the smiles and laughter of children, a future of a family vanished. It didn’t only vanish but went up in flames, flames that grew black and chained, dissipating in the air.
Feebly he went to the dresser and dug through his clothes searching to find anything that smelt like Kaeya. The Young Master had too much pride in his heart, too many strong feelings and the inability to fully process things to call for him. The pure fear that hovered over his head, he couldn’t face Kaeya. Feeling he was unable to get the real thing he looked frantically for anything to bring him a bit of comfort. After nearly tearing his room apart in a half dazed state he found a single article that held his scent, by some grace of Celestia a glove was found forgotten between layers of clothing.
There was barely a scent on it but the small trace of it brought him relief, his legs buckled below him as he collapsed onto the floor pulling the worn glove close to himself. Held press it close to his heart before he whimpered, pulling it to his face as he inhaled deeply. He’d never felt so weak, so alone and completely incapable in his entire life; but within his heart he still resented the Knights, for what they had done and that anger seemed to our way everything. That anger and his own self hatred kept him glued in place.
Resentment kept his body trembling as he lay on the floor, how could he not lament over something that could have been?
The scent on that glove gave him very little comfort, it wasn’t the real thing. No strong arms were there to wrap around him in an attempt to steady him, no caring words of reassurance, no one to heal together with, no one to understand and know what had happened. The mark on the back of his neck ached, wanting to be comforted by the scent of his alpha, needing to be told that things were going to be okay.
Time slowly passed as he lay on the floor, sleep evaded him as he kept staring at the water basin on the other side of the room. Swallowing hard he picked himself up, changed his clothes and walked over to the basin, with the glove in his hand he hesitated for a moment before taking a small box from the dresser and emptying it.
Placing one of his own gloves in the box he placed Kaeya’s forgotten glove beside it, carefully he picked up tiny bits of tissue and put it within the box before closing it. It took everything in him to keep himself together as he placed the box to the side and finished hiding all of the evidence. Diluc was incredibly weak, this process had taken hours and he couldn’t fully finish the job. He would check the floors later, but no maid would expect he hadn’t just been wounded here if they had decided to enter his room.
In the silence of the night Diluc walked in solitude, holding the box carefully as he traveled. The determination to bury the box kept his shaking legs moving forward. There had to be a place where he could bury it that wouldn’t be too much of notice, his eyes shifted as he walked farther from the lonely building. Memories passed him by as he thought of a once happier life, one more careless and filled with love.
The world shifts so quickly and here he was, the young talented aristocrat who had already been formulating his own plans without a vision. Now that the damage was done, what use was it avoiding the Delusion? The thought was kicked out of his wandering mind as he walked until dawn.
The box should not be buried at the manor that he planned to sell, he did not want to dispose of it like he would something he didn’t need. In his heart, he knew he needed family and that he wanted something, someone. Even in his bitterness he couldn’t bear the thought of tossing something like this aside even if it hurt. So under a small tree that would shelter the space, he buried his lost child before returning back to the manor.
In order to prevent the longing of his lost lover and child, Diluc immediately began to take suppressants. He would rather live the life of a Beta than endure that pain again, he knew that by the time his heat came once again, he would only feel reborn anguish. Diluc knew that if he had to face Kaeya while his emotions and hormones were at such a peak, he would make everything all the more messy. In his head there was no way Kaeya would forgive him for not taking care or of their child even if he didn’t know about it.
--
Two days would pass before Kaeya would enter the Tavern for a drink, to watch and listen to those around him.
When Kaeya entered the Tavern and noticed he could no longer smell warm lampgrass, finding no trace of Diluc’s pheromones in the air, he received another reminder that their relationship was beyond repair. He didn’t blame Diluc for taking suppressants, he didn’t blame him for starting to make himself a Beta; since he had marked him there was no chance of him being able to bond with another.
As a Beta, he wouldn’t be able to establish a relationship like a typical Alpha and Omega couple, but he could still have one if he wanted. The relationship could still be sexual, it could be romantic, it could be anything he wanted it to be but it wouldn’t be driven by hormones and heat. With that, there would be no heir to the Ragvindr name - The family name would cease to exist now, much like wine that trickled and poured relentlessly from a spilt bottle .
To Kaeya, it was like the door hadn’t only closed on their relationship, but it had locked. If Kaeya had attempted to open that door, gripping the doorknob with the hope that it would turn he would only feel it burn his fingers. No matter what icy tactic he tried to cool it, it would begin to warp and melt away, if the knob broke away it would leave absolutely no point of entering.
Once the door of the Angel’s Share closed behind Kaeya, he only allowed his eyes to linger upon Diluc’s frame for a brief moment, before pulling his eyes to the left to gaze upon the people sitting within the establishment. Something felt incredibly off, an intense pain coursed within his chest as he took a single step forward. This was a pain that wasn’t unfamiliar to Kaeya, the rejection he had felt from his father when he left him as a tool for Khaenri’ah or being cast out by his lover. And even though Diluc never had a chance to mark him back it didn’t matter, he loved him with every centimeter of his body.
Kaeya remembered the day he had marked him, the way his chest would rise and fall as his wanton lover lay upon the plush bed. How his lily white skin flushed pink, love bites marking his chest and neck. The unadulterated beauty of his eyes half lidded, calling for him as he tilted his head to the side. The euphoria they both experienced as his teeth broke the flesh on his neck, how in that moment two became one. A bond that was supposed to be forever, Diluc was the one thing in Kaeya’s life that had remained true through all of these years.
Although on that day Kaeya received his vision he came to realize, love might not have been something that would be blessed upon him. The young man refused to let himself fall into any deeper despair, dedicating his time and work to something concrete, something that would give him a sense of belonging; the Knights of Favonius. Kaeya felt he had done a better job keeping his feelings hidden below his charismatic and cool facade.
Despite all of this, when he had felt his connection with Diluc begin to fade, the pain would build up in his chest at the loss. He yearned for what was once his, to envelop him again in his scent.
For some reason today felt incredibly different, something primal that demanded he walk towards and whisk him away. The man behind the bar looked so unwell, his alpha instincts could tell that something was incredibly wrong. What happened Diluc? It was possible that Diluc had attempted to mate with another before his mark had completely vanished and it had had a negative effect on his health. The thought made an acidic taste rise within his mouth, reminding him once again that he had come here to drink.
Those blue eyes fell upon Rosaria, the bewitching woman who sat crossed legged at a table already ready for two. Kaeya had walked through this bar as though it was a second home, yet now he felt so alien here. A feeling within him that just couldn’t relax as he sat down across from her. A forced smirk upon his face as she slid a drink towards him.
“On me,” she spoke in a low tone, “But don’t get used to it.”
Kaeya took the glass graciously, the smirk starting to morph into a thankful grin that he couldn’t fake, “Sister Rosaria, thank you for this blessing.”
The glass was filled with a purple liquid, it was none other than Wolfhook juice mixed with Shnezniahan Fire Water . As the liquid filled his mouth he was startled to notice that the typical tangy drink tasted plain. Staring at the drink quizzically he gave it a gentle swirl before taking another sip only to have the same reaction. Rosaria glanced at him while she took a sip of her own glass, this reaction answered her own minor curiosity as she too had noticed the strangeness of Master Diluc’s presence.
Being an Alpha herself she knew of certain detraments that could affect your senses, extreme loss was one of them. For a moment she wondered just how daft the two of them were, one working at a bar while the other drank at it while feeling these intense emotions. They both must have been fighting violent battles within themselves to not say a word to the other. She had no knowledge as to why this loss happened but she could certainly tell that Kaeya was unaware of it.
However, Rosaria would not investigate that did not interest her, so the deeper details about his relationships never came to light but she had great intuition. She knew the surface levels and had no need to dig further into it, understanding that if he wanted to speak about it he would. Now that her own question had been confirmed she let the topic go, there was no need to make matters worse.
While sitting at the table Kaeya would find his eyes wandering under long lashes, gazing at the seemingly frail man behind the bar. It was strange to him, a man who seemed so strong and determined looked as though he would crumble under the tiniest bit of pressure. The redhead wasn’t the strongest person he knew, but he held the aura of a stubborn young Master, part of the aristocrats.
As Kaeya was a master of espionage he was able to quickly notice a few specific things that were off about Diluc’s behavior. His skin looked so much paler, his eyes almost seemed to gaze absentmindedly for long periods of time. Those skilled hands that were masters at mixing drinks seemed to shake; having to wipe the side of the glasses before handing it off to the patron.
That innate pull of an alpha to approach what was once his omega again resurfaced as he pulled his eyes back to the drink that sat before him. If only the young man had the nerve to strut across that wooden floor and check up on him. The words would dance in his head as he took another sip from his tasteless drink.
Why does my sunshine look so dull today?
My Diluc...You've never been one to break and shatter so easily...
Those thoughts would die within his mind before he would turn to Rosaria, smirking a bit and lifting his drink up, “Did you ask them to hold the Wolfberry?”
A smirk appeared on her lips from behind her own glass. Lowering it down as she leaned forward onto the table, “The night will be cool, you wouldn’t want to catch a cold. The alcohol will warm you up.”
The rest of the night continued as usual, the chatter of the bar always seemed to revolve around the fact that Sister Rosaria was drinking in her holy clothing. Kaeya would laugh as he overheard the comments that they made, the fear they held and all the gossip about her possibly being a vampire.
“It would simply waste time to change into something else, what does it matter? Barbatos could very well have been a drunk, there was nothing that tells us otherwise,” she tilted her head in the direction of the lovely Six Fingered Jose, a local bard who was always at the Angel Share, “Name a single bard who doesn’t enjoy alcohol.”
Kaeya put his hands up clasped together in front of him, “Good Sister Rosaria, following the footsteps of Barbatos, drinking Mondstadt to Freedom.”
As the bar closed for the night Kaeya and Rosaria walked out in their tipsy banter with the rest of the crowd while Diluc and Charles stayed behind to close up shop. Once Kaeya had left the building Diluc’s ability to hold himself up seemed to give way, his legs buckled and he fell onto the floor, his face looking exhausted.
“Master Diluc!” Charles turned to him as he extended his hand, “You truly don’t look well, should I call for Sister Barbara?”
The redhead shook his head and took a deep breath, “I have not slept much lately, you have no need to worry,” Gripping onto the side of the bar he stood himself up and brushed himself off. Diluc was aware that becoming a Beta was a timely process, he very well could still pick out his ex Alpha’s scent from everyone else in the room.
Charles took what he said as truth, knowing that he had been dealing with the loss of his father and with much more responsibilities. They were silent the rest of the time they cleaned up, Charles had offered to walk Diluc back home but Diluc simply shook his head.
That night they both had left through different doors of the bar and walked in different directions. The word ‘home’ was kept tight in their cheeks, evading slipping out and coming to terms with the fact that ‘home’ was no longer where the other was. Kaeya laughed as he walked the streets with Rosaria while Diluc walked home, his tear ducts empty and his lower abdomen in pain. In the dark they both walked while the last bit of the scent they each had yearned, now carried away in the winds, dispersing into Teyvat.