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Adam POV
At first he'd passed it off as a stomach ache, but by the time he was due on stage he had a feeling maybe he was getting sick. Bad food, poisoning maybe, but he ignored everyone who suggested he see a doctor. The audience was waiting though, he wasn't about to let them down. People like Lane, as much as he loved her, just didn't get what it meant to be a performer, the show must go on was something he believed in. So right on time, he walked onto the stage ready to shake his ass like he did at every show. He was sweaty, clammy and pale half way through, the pain in his stomach was getting worse. When Tommy passed him a bottle of water, Adam had never been so pleased by something so simple. He gave Tommy a quick hug to thank him and saw the concern in his friend’s eyes.
He almost didn't make it to the end of the show. He finished with a smile and a wave, hurrying off stage as fast as his wobbly legs would carry him. His legs all but buckled out from under him when he reached the backstage dressing room. He thinks he might have fallen if not for Monte catching and steadying him. His heart was racing so hard, it was all he could hear. His blood was rushing in his ears as pain clawed at his abdomen.
"I don't feel well." Adam mumbles, he feels sick and shaky. His body is swaying in Monte's grip. The pain is only getting worse and Adam feels himself panicking as his eyes blur a little.
He can hear concerned voices around him, all blending into one buzzing background buzz. Tommy appears in his swimming vision, close and looking so fucking worried.
"He's going to pass out." Tommy throws out right before his greying vision turns black and Adam feels himself falling, then he doesn't feel anything anymore.
He wakes up to a doctor telling him he needs an ultrasound and he doesn't get why he's in hospital, did he faint? He passes out again before he can ask if he did. The next time he wakes up, he's all too aware of the fact that he's in a hospital gown. He'd hope being told about the test was some kind of nightmare, but it's not. He's burning up and he feels like he's being torn in two. This time he doesn't pass out, but he is sedated and his mind can't work past the pain to work out why they might need to do that.
He's still in pain when he wakes up, his skin feels too tight and hot. He's in some private hospital room and Tommy's in the chair next to his bed. His feet are propped up on the bed frame, his head tipped back, sunglasses on and fast asleep. He looks beautiful, even though the bright morning sunlight does nothing to hide how tired he is. In fact, Adam thinks maybe it helps it show. He wants to let Tommy sleep, but he needs answers. He goes to reach out, but the second he moves, pain flares bright and hot in his stomach. He lays still, trying not to move at all, not wanting to cause anymore pain. He decides not to try and shake Tommy to wake him up.
"Tommy. Tommy Joe." Adam is surprised by how his own voice sounds. He sounds wrecked, like he's been screaming for hours or something.
Tommy jumps like he's been electrocuted and almost falls out of his chair as he startles. If Adam didn't feel like a hammered bag of shit, he might have laughed. Tommy's on his feet and by his side the second he gets his balance, pulling his sun glasses off and tossing them on the chair behind him. The shadows under his eyes, make his pale skin look almost bruised, they look like more than one night of missed sleep.
"Adam, fuck you’re awake. I should get the doctor." Tommy looks really fucking pale and rumpled, like he's slept in his clothes.
"No wait, tell me what happened." Adam croaks out, he feels like shit, he wants to know why, doesn't want to wait for a doctor to be free till he knows what is wrong with him. Tommy's sleeping in his clothes, in a fucking chair, he wouldn't do that if Adam had just fainted from pushing himself too hard.
"You collapsed and they were doing tests. Your blood pressure was low and they realized you were bleeding internally. They took you to surgery, they haven't told us anything else." Tommy looks like he gets paler as he talks, a little like he's afraid. And for a second, Adam can't even process the fact that he's sick enough that he had to have surgery or maybe hurt, all he can think of is how scary it would have been, to see a friend going through that. Adam wasn't aware for much of it, didn't have to hear things like blood loss, internal bleeding, operations, but Tommy and the others did.
"Am I okay? I'm so sorry that I scared you." His stomach hurts, but that doesn't mean he's not okay now. After all Tommy said they operated, the pain could just be from that. He doesn't know, he's never been operated on before.
"I don't know, they wouldn't tell me because I'm not family. Had to fight to stay here and I only know what I do because one of the nurses is like a fangirl of mine so she's been slipping me news when she can. Sweet girl." Tommy sighs and Adam wonders briefly if Tommy likes the girl, he knows Tommy's always careful about groupies, no one wants to wake up to their dick on twitter, but not all fans are bad news.
"I guess you should ask for a doctor?" Adam doesn't want Tommy to leave, he feels awful, likes having the blonde with him. No amount of knowing Tommy's straight seems to be able to lessen the way he feels. Being around someone he's sort of madly in love with but can't ever have should hurt, but it doesn't, not really. He's not pinning away or miserable, he loves their friendship, the closeness, he couldn't ask for more. He's in love, but he is at peace with not having anything else, anything more.
Tommy isn't gone long, just long enough to tell a nurse he's awake so that a doctor can be called. Then he's back in the chair beside Adam, watching him like he thinks he'll disappear.
"Everyone’s at a hotel. No one’s going anywhere till you’re good to travel. They stayed till they got kicked out, place was packed." Tommy explains.
"But you didn't get kicked out." Adam would give Tommy anything, all it takes is one look from those big brown eyes, but he's not so sure hospital staff are as easily swayed.
"I was stubborn." Tommy shrugs, like breaking hospital rules wasn't at all hard to do.
A doctor comes in a few moments later. A middle aged woman; light brown hair in a loose, messy bun, dove grey eyes behind brightly coloured glass frames. The electric blue frames are the only thing that hint at personality, the rest of her as professional as possible.
"Hello, I'm doctor Williams." She checks his chart before talking again.
"Well Adam, I'm not sure what to tell you. We found bleeding in your stomach, but we haven't found a cause as such. An artery was bleeding, but there was no damage we could find or anything else that we can see as being responsible." Dr Williams sighs.
"My stomach was bleeding? Could you stop it?" He'd thought he had a stomach ache and he'd been bleeding internally, how the hell did he not notice that?
"We stopped the bleeding, yes, but we don't know what caused it. So I want you to stay here for a few days, to recover and to give us a chance to look into what might be wrong. It would be best if we could find the cause, to make sure it doesn't happen again." Dr Williams looks troubled, which terrifies Adam just a little. If a doctor looks troubled by what's wrong with him, then he should be worried.
"I'll stay." He agrees, because he wants to know what is wrong with him. He needs to know, fuck he's had surgery and no one even knows why he needed it, why he was bleeding. Dr Williams pats his arm gently and Adam can tell that she wishes she had better news for him.
The second she leaves, Tommy takes his hand, biting at his lower lip.
"It'll be okay, they'll work out why it happened and they stopped the bleeding." Tommy says firmly, his thumb rubbing over his knuckles gently and the small gesture does more to soothe him than the actual words spoken.
"I know they'll figure it out. I'm just freaked out. I hate the lack of control as well. I just want to know why I'm ill. It hurt so much, I've never been in pain like that before and it could happen again, I'm so scared it will happen again." Adam admits.
"I'll stay with you and it won't happen again. Don't think like that. They fixed the problem, it won't come back. Seeing you hurting, I can't describe it and I'm not leaving you to deal alone." Tommy looks scared, it's not an emotion that looks right on him, he's almost always laid back. Adam's seen him watch the most gore filled horror films without a flicker of fear, but now he's scared.
"Thanks, I don't want to be alone. I'm really sorry I scared you." Adam hates that he's freaking out his best friend.
"Don't apologize. Shit Adam, it's not your fault you’re sick! I didn't tell you it scared me to try and make you feel bad." Tommy scowls, he looks confused. When he starts chewing on a thumb nail like he hasn't eaten in a week, Adam frowns. He has no idea why Tommy's so agitated, emotional. Sure seeing a friend collapse is stressful, but Tommy's reaction doesn't seem to match the situation.
"Tommy, what is up with you? You’re acting a little weird." Adam doesn't want to fight, he's tired and in pain, he just wants everything to be okay again. He doesn't want things to be weird with Tommy, couldn't stand for them to be anything but close.
"Sorry. You’re sick, you don't need my shit." Tommy shakes his head, hair falling in his eyes, like maybe he's hiding a little, but he's not pulling his hand back, so things can't be too bad between them.
"It's fine, I just wish you'd talk to me." Adam admits.
"I'm okay, Adam. I just want you to be better, that's all." Tommy insists and Adam doesn't have the energy to do anything but let it drop.
They keep him in the hospital for a week, he's sent for blood tests, different scans, test after test, all showing nothing. Tommy hardly ever leaves his side and when he does, one of the others takes his place. Taylor lets slip that Monte has been all but ordering Tommy to take breaks. After a week, Dr Williams tells him he can be treated as an out patient but he can't go back on tour yet. Shows are cancelled, fans are sympathetic and Lane rents him a place near the hospital. He could go home, see a new doctor, but they don't know why he started bleeding, what could set things off again. They don't know if it's safe for him to travel. He hates not knowing almost more than the lingering pain.
Despite the way things had been at the hospital, he is surprised when Tommy offers to stay with him. Adam knows it's selfish to say yes. Everyone else on the tour goes home when he leaves the hospital, treating it as a break, visiting family and friends. Adam wants them to have that, but he stops Tommy from having it by saying yes. He's selfish, but he's so afraid of being alone. He's petrified that if he's alone it will happen again, that he'll black out with no one around to help. He could have died if he'd been alone when he bled before and the doctors still have no clue. His stomach hurts from the surgery, but whenever he feels a sharper stab of pain, he thinks maybe it’s starting all over again and it has him on edge.
They haven't been in the apartment even a day before Adam notices the way Tommy's watching him, fussing over him. He knows that's why Tommy stayed, because he's ill, he almost died when left to keep an eye on his own health, but for some reason it sets his teeth on edge. He keeps his temper for most the day, till they’re eating. He goes to get the salt, but Tommy jumps up to get it for him.
"For fucks sake, I'm not an invalid." Adam yells.
Tommy pretty much freezes, all apart from his hand, he drops the salt shaker onto the table.
"You had surgery a week ago, you have stitches in your stomach. The doctor told you to rest, I'm just trying to help, that's not treating you like an invalid." Tommy grits out. Adam can tell by his eyes that he's pissed, so he knows the calm, reasonable tone is bullshit. Like Tommy's not going to fight with him because he's sick?
"I'm not trying to run a marathon, it's picking one thing up. Are you going to try and help me get dressed? Wash? I'm not a child, I know my limits." Adam spits out and watches Tommy's cheeks flush, he's not sure what's causing it.
"Know your limits? That's sort of hard to believe after you played a show bleeding internally. You said you were fine and then you were out cold. So fine that I got to see you taken away in an ambulance. You don't take care of yourself, Adam. And I don't want to see you in a hospital again." Tommy shakes his head, sitting back down.
"Well you don't have to be around to see it. I didn't ask you to stay with me in the hospital or now, you offered." Adam spits out sourly, regretting his words almost as soon as they pas his lips.
Tommy stands up, pushing his chair away from the table, it makes a loud sound as it scratches against the floor, it's the only sound Tommy makes. He walks out the kitchen and Adam hears a door close. He thinks it must be the door to the room Tommy took as his earlier. The fact that Lane got him a place with two rooms before Tommy offered to stay should have given him a clue that someone might have talked to her. Tommy isn't a drama queen, he hasn't slammed his door or made a scene. Adam glances at Tommy's full plate still at the table completely untouched and he feels like shit. God he's an asshole, all Tommy's trying to do is look after him and he's being a dick just because he feels helpless. He doesn't do well with losing control. Being sick is bad enough, not knowing why is worse and it's driving him crazy. Covering the fear by lashing out at Tommy isn't right though, he knows that.
He doesn't feel like eating, knowing Tommy's in his room going hungry, but he has a feeling that if he doesn't, it'll just make Tommy mad. The blonde wants him healthy and already thinks he can't take care of himself, he shouldn't give him more reason to think that by skipping meals. He eats but doesn't taste a single mouthful and then he gets changed, putting on sweatpants and a loose T-shirt. He sits on the sofa watching mindless TV, waiting for Tommy to come out of his room, but he never does. It gets later and later and finally, Adam gives up and goes to bed. He just got under the covers when he hears Tommy leave his room and go to the bathroom. He hears the shower switch on and he hates that he made Tommy feel like he had to hide away in his room, not even using the bathroom to avoid running into him. He has really fucked up this time.
He gets up quietly and sneaks into the hallway. He sits on the floor outside of the bathroom and waits. Tommy comes out wearing only a towel, another in his hand rubbing at his damp hair. He stops in his tracks when he notices Adam on the floor.
"I didn't realize you were waiting." Tommy mutters, not really looking at him.
Adam stands up, trying not to stare at Tommy's naked chest, his tattoo's so stark against pale skin. He can imagine running his mouth all over them, he's never been a fan of horror movies, but they work on Tommy, he's a fan of them when they are on Tommy's skin.
"I was waiting for you, not to use the bathroom." Adam sighs.
"You need something?" Tommy asks, draping the towel around his shoulders.
"Yeah, to apologize. I was a dick." He doesn't see the point in beating around the bush, he's in the wrong, he's going to admit it.
"Okay." Tommy nods and goes to walk by him. Adam grabs his arm, stopping him.
"Do you forgive me?" Adam gets that maybe Tommy has a right to stay mad at him, but he wants to be forgiven, needs Tommy not to be mad at him.
"Yeah, it's fine. You’re forgiven." Tommy tugs his arm out of Adam's grip, starts walking again, so Adam follows him.
"If I'm forgiven then why won't you look at me?" Adam asks before Tommy can go back into his room and hide again.
"It's late, Adam, I'm tired. We both need to sleep." Tommy sighs, not even turning his head to look at Adam.
"You won't look at me." Adam points out, knowing he sounds like a whiny child, but he can't help it. Tommy means so much to him, he can't stand this.
Tommy turns so that they’re facing each other, but he's looking at the floor, hiding behind his hair and that's just not right, not how it should be between them. He gently cups Tommy's chin, getting him to stop staring at his feet and uses his other hand to brush back Tommy's hair, tucking some of it behind his ear. He doesn't drop his hand, he thinks if he does, Tommy will just drop his head again. Tommy looks sad, it shows in those big brown eyes, he might say all is forgiven, but the look in his eyes suggests different.
"I don't know what to say to make this better." Adam admits, he thinks he's normally pretty good with words, but right now, faced with Tommy, he's at a loss. God he looks like a puppy that's been kicked once too often and Adam hates that he's to blame. He's made the most relaxed person he ever met, into this.
"I don't need you to fix me, Adam. I'm fine." Tommy snaps, but it's lacking heat, like he wants to get mad but can't.
"Tommy, talk to me, tell me what's going on with you?" Adam begs.
"I, my head’s just a little fucked up. I thought you were dying, Adam, it looked like you were and it's fucking with me." Tommy sighs
"But I'm okay now." Probably.
"I know, it's just when you were bad, I was so scared and I thought a lot of things. I thought it was just because I thought I was going to lose you, but it's not going away and I'm scared of that and I'm scared you'll get sick again. I'm never fucking scared, I hate this shit." Tommy groans, rambling.
"Hey Tommy, can you explain what it is that's fucking with your head? What thoughts?" Adam asks, stroking Tommy's cheek lightly, he doesn't understand the details, but the distress is plain to see and he wants to comfort him if he can.
"I wanted you to stay with me. When I thought you were dying. But it wasn't like I was freaked because you’re my friend an you were in pain. When you were in surgery, all I could think was I'd finally figured out my feelings and it was too late." Tommy looks like he is forcing the words out, his eyes are sparkling a little from unshed tears.
"Feelings?" Adam repeats.
"I think I'm in love with you. And I'm fucking sorry, okay? I know I'm meant to be straight. I've always been straight, I like girls. I don't get why I feel this way. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, that it was just because I thought you were dying, but it's not going away. It's real." Tommy pulls his head away, dropping his gaze.
"Why are you sorry? Why do you think I'd be mad?" Adam asks, too stunned to even think about making Tommy look at him.
"It looks like I lied to you and let you lie to the fans. But I didn't. I've never wanted a man before you. I'll get over it, I promise, we can still be friends, please don't let this make shit weird, you’re my best friend." Tommy sounds so fucking upset that it just about breaks Adam’s heart. He can't believe Tommy's been dealing with this on top of looking after him.
"What if I don't want you to get over it?" Adam asks.
Tommy looks up sharply at that and Adam can't read the look on his face, not at all and so he's shocked as hell when Tommy goes up onto his toes and kisses him. His lips are soft, hesitant and it's probably the first completely good thing he's felt in days. When Tommy goes to drop back, having leant up to press their lips together, Adam reaches out, wrapping his arm around his bare back and pulling the blonde closer, till they are chest to chest. Then he kisses back. He doesn't want Tommy to think he doesn't want this, wants there to be no doubts. He also just really fucking likes kissing Tommy.
Kiss stays relatively chaste to begin with, more sweet than sensual. They might not be great with words sometimes, but Adam thinks maybe this kiss shows that there are feelings on both sides, this is more than just a kiss, it means something. Then Tommy presses a little closer and Adam can't help licking in to his mouth.
"Wait." Tommy gasps, pulling back so fast that he stumbles into the door behind him, thudding lightly. If it hurts it doesn't show on his face. He looks wide eyed, dishevelled, like they were doing a hell of a lot more than kissing.
"Too much?" Adam asks, when all he wants to really do is lick the soft skin of Tommy's neck.
"No, but the doctor said stuff about taking it easy, did they, umm, say anything about this kind of physical strain? Sex, not that I'm saying we were gonna, but, yeah, is it safe? For you?" Tommy flushes darker with every word, he can even see it colouring his throat and chest.
"They said no physical strain, but I didn't ask about sex. I didn't think I needed to worry about it." Adam admits, he's pretty sure picking Tommy up, pinning him to a bed and fucking him blind could be considered strenuous.
"When's your next appointment? This week right?" Tommy asks.
"Friday." Only four days, not that long.
"Ummm, come to bed with me? Not for like sex. Just making out and maybe we should talk?" Tommy looks nervous as hell, Adam doesn't think he's worried about asking to kiss, more the talk.
"Your room?" Adam suggests, seen as they are already pressed against the door.
Tommy nods and leads the way inside, he drops the towel that is hanging around his neck and then looks at Adam. He glances down at the towel wrapped around his waist and then up at Adam. With a small almost sly grin, he unwraps it and lets it fall as well.
"Teasing little shit." Adam groans as one of the most beautiful men he has ever seen walks over completely naked to his bed, laying down on top of the sheets.
"Come talk." Tommy smiles.
"Like I can even think straight with you like that." Adam grumbles, but he makes his way over to the bed fully clothed and lays down next to Tommy, pillows propped up behind him. He has to move carefully, not wanting to risk his stitches bursting; his stomach is still so tender, painful from the surgery, the burst artery.
"I wanted to see your face, to see you want me. I know people say I'm your type, but I was never sure you were attracted to me." Tommy admits.
"Tommy, you are my type, but it's more than that. Not touching you right now is killing me. Every time I kiss you on stage, I get so turned on. I touch you and I just don't want to let go. I'm pretty much gone on you, so in love with you that I can hardly see straight. Having you be there when I woke up every morning made me feel safe." Adam admits, no point lying or playing games, it's about time they both just be straight with each other.
"So, ah, we love each other, that's good right?" Tommy asks and he's hiding behind his hair again.
"Well I think it is, but you look kind of like you’re about to vomit." Adam frowns.
"I'm happy, but I'm terrified, like I might be sick I'm so scared." Tommy sighs.
"What are you scared of? The sex?" He has to ask, he knows Tommy's never been with a man before and he knows Tommy is aware that Adam will want to top him, which is unlike anything he has ever done before.
"Um, a little nervous, but more really turned on by the idea. Like I've jerked off over the idea since forever. I'm more scared I'll fuck the rest up. I love you. I almost lost you and this is like the most serious I have ever been about someone, so yeah, pissing my pants like a kid." Tommy admits. Having a serious talk with a naked man isn't easy, Adam just wants to lick and suck at all the exposed skin, to leave his mark and leave Tommy a panting mess in the process.
"I don't think I've ever felt the way about you about anyone else before. It's scary, if it goes wrong it'll break my heart so badly I don't think I'll be able to fix it. It would mess up the band, so yeah, I'm a little terrified as well, but I think it's worth the risk. It would hurt more not to try." He's not going to pretend there isn't any risk in them getting together, but he won't lie to Tommy.
He's pleased when the blonde moves closer, pressing against his side and pressing a light kiss to his throat.
"We can kiss. No strain in that, please." Adam strokes Tommy's face, his lips, he can't get enough of the fact that he's allowed to touch.
Tommy crawls on top of him, his legs bracketing Adam's much longer ones, a little of his weight rested on Adam's crotch, but none on his stomach, his body bowed over Adam's not pressing against the wounds left from the surgery. Then he kisses him, one hand fisting in his hair, the other keeping him balanced. They kiss, mouths wet and hot, working each other up until Tommy rolls away groaning, dick clearly hard and leaking.
"Fuck, this is torture." Adam moans. He wants to touch Tommy, to go down on him, he wants to taste him so bad his mouth is almost watering. He wants the blonde back in his lap, just without any clothes, wants to see Tommy riding his dick.
"I cannot wait to see that damn doctor." Adam adds.
"Can I come with you?" Tommy asks.
"Of course." Adam slips his hand into Tommy's, running his fingers over soft skin.
"Stay here tonight? Even though we can't do much? Other than give each other blue balls?" Tommy asks.
"Of course I'm staying." Adam gets comfortable, all but using Tommy as a blanket. Waking up to Tommy in his arms is probably one of the best mornings of his life.
The rest of the week is possibly one of the most frustrating of his life. Tommy looks after him, helps him clean the stitches because Adam is too squeamish to do it and generally helps him do anything to avoid strain. They spend a lot of time on the sofa watching movies and cuddling. They also spend hours making out, lazy kisses, fully clothed grinding and not a single orgasm shared between them. Their showers are decidedly cold that week.
Tommy drives him to the hospital in a car Lane has rented them. He sits in the waiting room, leg bouncing and Adam has a feeling Tommy has developed the same hatred of hospitals as Adam has since his stay and surgery.
When he gets called in, he grabs Tommy's hand feeling like a frightened child, this could be bad news, they could have found something terrible. He sits down opposite Dr Williams without dropping Tommy's hand. Dr Williams doesn't even raise an eyebrow at them being sat side by side.
"We have all your test results back. I'm afraid we can't find anything wrong, no reason for you to be have bled to begin with." Dr Williams frowns.
"You don't know why my artery burst?" Adam asks.
"No, it's a complete medical mystery, there are no signs of damage, of any illness that would affect your stomach in that way." Dr Williams looks as frustrated as Adam feels by her words.
"Am I okay? Will I be okay?" Adam asks.
"The stitches are healing well, all the scans show that the surgery was successful . You can go back to work. I can clear you for travel, but I can't guarantee that you won't relapse. Without knowing the cause, I can't guarantee this won't happen again.." Dr Williams sighs.
He leaves feeling glad he's been told he can have his life back, but with fear eating at him. It could happen again, more emergency surgery's and pain. It could happen at any time, on tour in any country, home alone. He could die next time because they don't know what is wrong with him.
"Adam, it'll be okay. It might never happen again, but if you feel so much as a twinge anywhere that doesn't feel right, I'll take you straight to hospital. I promise I'll look after you." Tommy promises when they are back in the car.
Adam can't say anything, he's still shaken up, he thinks maybe he'll be able to think the way Tommy does eventually, but right now he's scared, so fucking scared. He has a mystery fucking illness, he can't stand the idea of that. The not knowing, as always, seems the worse part to him, more frightening than he thinks a bad diagnosis might have been. He keeps thinking of every bad thing in the world that might cause unexplained bleeding and it’s a scary list.
Tommy doesn't seem happy with his response, well with his lack of response. He seems to think the way to deal with this is to climb into Adam's lap, straddling him in the front seat of a rented car, in a hospital parking lot. He slides in close and wraps his arms around his neck and then they’re kissing, mouths fused and fighting. Tommy might be on top, but he doesn't dominate the kiss, hardly even tries. Adam wraps his arms around him, pulling him closer, wanting more everything, more skin, more everything. He slides his hands up the back of Tommy's shirt, rolling his hips up into Tommy, who gasps into his mouth.
"We can't fuck in the car, in the middle of the day." Adam groans against Tommy's spit slicked lips.
"Why not?" Tommy whines.
"We'll get arrested." Adam points out.
"Home, home, home." Tommy practically yells, scrambling out of his lap and into the passenger seat. Adam doesn't know why he agreed to drive them home, some stupidity based on being free to do things himself again.
Adam drives back to the apartment as fast as he can, trying not to break any speed limits or get pulled over. They try and be dignified, to walk from the car, but they run up the stairs anyway, shedding clothes before they even reach the bedroom. Adam's room is closer so that is where they go. Adam picks Tommy up and tosses him on the bed, it feels good to be able to do things again and he focuses on that, on what he can do, not on what might come. He has Tommy naked and under him in seconds, mouth tasting flesh he has only dreamed of up till now. He licks over the sharp planes of Tommy's hipbones till he is moaning, squirming beneath his hold. Then he ups the stakes, going down on Tommy in one quick move, he can hear the curses spilling free as he sucks and licks.
Tommy grabs his hair, but doesn't try to take control, his legs are shaking like he's falling apart. Adam pulls off before he cums, kissing his way back up his body, finding his mouth hanging open, lax with pleasure and kissing him slowly. He wants everything, to be inside of Tommy, to have that connection, to feel alive.
"Tommy, I want." Adam gasps, he can't get the words out, but it doesn't matter, Tommy is already nodding and spreading his legs beneath him.
He might be in a rush, but the second Tommy offers himself so freely, the lust fogging his mind clears a little and he remembers how big of a deal this is. He slows himself down, gets lube, condoms, he takes so long prepping him that Tommy ends up cussing him out, mouth fucking filthy. He shuts up for a full second when Adam gets his dick inside, but then he moans and the swearing starts up again. Only this time, he's running his mouth in Adam's favour instead of insulting him.
Tommy begging him finally shatters his control and he can't help thrusting harder and faster, Tommy giving back as good as he's getting the whole time. Adam can't stop talking either, babbling out 'I love yous' with his hand working Tommy's dick. The blonde moans, lifting up off the bed, back arching in an almost painful looking arc as he comes between them, clamping down so hard on Adam's dick that he thinks he might go blind for a second, he might not lose his sight, but he does lose it. Hips slamming forward hard enough to bruise as his orgasm leaves him shaking in Tommy's arms.
They lay together for a long time before going to clean up, getting clean as quick as possible and getting back into bed. Wrapped around Tommy, the blonde naked and asleep in his arms, Adam doesn't think he could be happier. He's still afraid, he knows something could go wrong at any moment, he could die, but he won't let that take this from him, let it spoil something he's waited so long for. He has an undiagnosed medical condition, he could die, but so could anyone from anything, he's not going to let fear hold him back.
The End.