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Gon couldn't breathe.
He wasn't able to breathe.
Gon could hold his breath for 9 minutes. But as it was right now, Gon couldn't breathe.
''Killua! Killua! Killua! KILLUA!'' Gon screamed, jerking awake from his nightmare. ''Killua...'' Gon whimpered.
Killua wasn't there. Killua had left. Killua didn't love him anymore. Gon was second place.
Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes, falling down on his lap. The room was dark, and Gon was alone.
Gon stood up from his bed and walked in to bathroom, hitting the lights on his way. The light was blinding, and it took Gon a few seconds before he could open his eyes again. He slowly undressed, and started running water to the bathtub.
After the tub was half full, he stepped in to the lukewarm water. Gon sat in the bathtub, staring at the shower wall. He looked at the wall, examining all the small cracks and dents in the tiles with his eyes.
He slowly reached for a razor blade at edge of the sink. Gon looked at the blade, and gently ran his fingers over it. Gon wiped away his tears with his free hand, and looked down on his own body, his legs and arms, covered in scars. Not from battles or fights, no, but from the very blade in his hands. In a way, one could call those scars battle scars too. They just didn't come from battling against someone else. They were scars from Gon's battles against himself. The battles that never seemed to end. The battles he'd been fighting ever since Kite died. But now he knew that Kite was alive. But the battles hadn't ended. They had changed. Now Killua wasn't with him. He was fighting against himself, all by himself.
Gon positioned the blade against his arm, and pressed it, sliding it across his forearm. The skin broke, and drops of blood oozed out. Gon winced, but only slightly, he was very used to the pain.
''What would Killua say if he saw me now? Would I still be second place?'' Gon thought bitterly to himself. His eyes were tearing up again.
Gon let the blade dance on his skin, leaving bloodied wounds in its traces.
He was sobbing now, utterly destroyed and broken. He finally halted the blade. Gon looked at his arm with disgust, watching it dying the water red.
''I am disgusting'', Gon whispered.
Gon got up, and drained the water from the tub. He picked up a towel and wrapped it around himself. He slowly made his way downstairs, to Mito's room.
''Mito-san'', Gon said quietly, his voice shaky and weak.
''Mito-san, please wake up''
Mito grunted and slowly opened her eyes. She sat up, and looked at Gon. When her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, she almost screamed.
''GON! You're bleeding! What happened?'' She yelled, but it was a quiet yell. Quite powerless.
''Mito-san, I did it again'', Gon said in an apologetic tone.
''Oh, Gon'', Mito cried out, and gently pulled her son into a hug.
Mito stood up, and led Gon out her room, and seated him on the kitchen table. She started boiling milk, and when it was ready, she offered Gon a cup of hot cocoa. Gon accepted the cocoa, and took a sip. ''Thanks, Mito-san'', he whispered.
''Gon, it's alright'', Mito started, ''Would you please tell me why you did it?''
''I.. I miss Killua'', Gon said in a voice even quieter than a whisper.
Mito patted Gon's head silently. ''Maybe you should call him?'' she proposed.
''I wouldn't know what to say'', Gon was quick to turn the idea down. But it wasn't true. He knew exactly what he would say. What he didn't know, was Killua's reaction.
''Please, Gon, wouldn't you do it? For you aunt's sake?'' Mito said, not giving up so easily.
''What good would it do?'' Gon asked, not looking at Mito.
''You'd get to hear his voice''.
''Alright'', Gon said, the thought of Killua's voice had woken something inside of him.
Gon walked upstairs to his room, and took out his phone. He dialed Killua's number, and waited.
''... Hello?''
''Killua?''
''Gon? What are you doing, calling me at 2 am?''
''I'm sorry'', Gon whispered.
''No, it's okay. Why did you call me?''
''I wanted to say I'm sorry'', Gon said, his voice shaken.
''Huh?'' Killua was confused. ''Sorry for what?''
''Hurting you. I'm sorry I said those things to you. I'm sorry'', Gon said, his voice a bit louder.
''Gon, it's okay. You've already apologized'', Killua said, the purpose of the call becoming clearer to him.
''Killua. There's one thing I haven't said yet'', Gon said.
''What's that?'' Killua asked, a tad bit curious.
''I love you''.
''....''
Gon hung up the phone. Now he'd done it.
Killua tried calling him, but Gon didn't answer. He went to bed, falling asleep quickly.
The next morning Gon woke up to someone jumping on him. ''Wha?!'' he shouted in surprise.
''Yo, Gon'', Killua said, sitting on top of his friend.
''Killua!?''
''And Alluka, she's downstairs with Mito-san. And oh, Mito-san told me about you. I'm sorry'', Killua said, his expression turning grim.
''Why did you come?'' Gon asked, still pretty dumbfounded.
'''Cause you said you love me'', Killua answered bluntly, making Gon blush. ''And you wouldn't answer my calls. And also, I-I love you, too, idiot''.
Gon blushed even more. ''Y-You love me?''
''Of course I do!'' Killua said, yanking Gon up from his bed straight into a hug. Gon hugged him back, and started crying.
''I missed you, Killua'', Gon said between his sobs.
''I missed you too, idiot'', Killua said, holding back tears himself.