Chapter Text
Marinette bent over, hands on her knees as the sleek silver car pulled to a stop beside her. She wasn’t even that winded from the short distance she’d run—it was more the thoughts running through her head that were causing her breath to come in short, erratic spurts.
Oh no, what have I done what am I going to say oh gOD HE’S GETTING OUT OF THE CAR—
“Marinette?” Adrien’s voice was full of concern as his orange sneakers came into her line of view. The sight sent her heart pounding even faster. Oh god, this was really happening.
His gaze, so open and earnest, was intent on her and she quickly scanned his expression, searching for any hint of impatience or annoyance at being made to stop.
She found none, of course, because it was Adrien, and he was possibly the kindest and most patient human being she had ever met in her entire life (after all, he was best friends with Chloe “I live to make grown men cry” Bourgeois).
Which only made this so much harder.
“You okay, Marinette?”
She stood, taking a deep breath, trying to bolster her courage and spit out the words that had been taking shape in the back of her mind since that fateful day in the rain, where she traded her heart for an umbrella.
“I-I like you, Adrien!”
She’d gone through this exact moment a million times in her head. Imagined dramatically declaring her love and having him passionately reciprocate. She’d spent hours picturing the way his green eyes would soften and warm as he too declared his undying love for her, before sweeping her off her feet and carrying her off into the sunset. The fantasy always ended this way, the two of them madly in love, discussing their future together and debating possible names for their hamster.
It never ended with Adrien gazing at her blankly, his face smooth and expressionless.
Marinette felt the beginnings of unease curling in her stomach and quickly went on.
“Even if you like Kagami, I just had to tell you because I—”
Adrien didn’t let her finish.
“Wow, um, thanks Marinette. I like you too!” He laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking bashful.
She felt her brain go blank with shock.
“Y-you? Me? L-l-l-li—”
“Of course!” Adrien said, smiling encouragingly as his hand came down to rest on her shoulder. “I’m really glad we’re friends.”
Marinette wondered for a second if they’d forgotten to take care of Frozer’s akuma, because it felt like all of her insides had just been turned to ice.
I… think I’m going to be sick.
Adrien was still speaking, but it was like she was hearing everything from underwater—the sound garbled and unintelligible.
Unable to do much more than smile and nod along to whatever he was saying, she stood there in silence.
Taking this as a sign of encouragement, Adrien smiled again, more warmly this time, before patting her shoulder and turning away.
The sound of a door slamming brought her back to herself in time to watch the car peel away from the curb, smoothly merging into traffic and disappearing from view between one blink and the next.
“—inette? Marinette!”
She looked down into Tikki’s knowing, deep blue eyes.
“Let’s go home,” she said gently. All Marinette could do was nod.
-x-
“Tikki?” Marinette called, staring blankly up at the ceiling of her loft. She’d been lying on her bed since returning home from the ice rink. She knew her parents were probably concerned—she’d gone straight to her room when she got home and hadn’t come down for dinner either, despite both her mother and father coming to knock on her door. But they respected her privacy enough to leave her alone when she needed space, and Marinette couldn’t help but be grateful for them at that moment.
Judging by the insistent buzzing coming from her phone however, they weren’t above tattling on her to her best friend.
She felt the weight shift on her pillow as her kwami nestled closer, a comforting warmth against her cheek.
“I’m here, Marinette,” Tikki murmured, her little voice soft and sad.
It brought a fresh round of tears to her eyes, when she’d only just managed to swallow down the last batch.
“Is it gonna feel like this forever?” Marinette whispered around the lump in her throat, turning onto her side and clutching her pillow tightly, as if to stop all the emotions she could feel churning inside her chest.
Behind her, she felt the kwami carefully weighing her words.
“I’ve seen many things in my lifetime,” Tikki began, her tone measured. “I have lived through the rise and fall of empires, and experienced first-hand the greatest joys and sorrows humankind has ever known.”
Surprised by the solemnity in what was normally such a sweet voice, Marinette turned back to face her.
It was easy to forget sometimes that Tikki wasn’t just her friend and confidant, who enjoyed eating cookies and giggling at silly videos on the internet. She was also an immortal being—a god—who had lived through more lifetimes and heartbreaks than Marinette could ever possibly know.
Awed and humbled by the years she could see flitting through Tikki’s somber blue eyes, Marinette kept quiet.
“I have seen the creation of every legend you have ever heard, and some you never will. Yet the most powerful force I have ever encountered in all my millennia, the one that humans have fought and bled and died for, is the smallest... Love.”
Tikki reached out, pressing her little paw against Marinette’s forehead and gazing at her fondly.
“Someone once told me that to know love is to know pain, and that this is the price humans must pay for having come so close to the divine.” Her words, and the tenderness in her voice, had Marinette’s eyes burning again. “It’s okay to cry, Marinette.”
“W-why do people do this to themselves?” Marinette gasped, closing her eyes and pressing a hand against her sternum, pushing down hard against the pain she could feel rising there.
Gently, Tikki pulled her hand away, instead settling into her palm to wait out the storm, wiping away the tears on her cheeks.
“Because,” she said simply, “one day it will be worth it.”
-x-
In hindsight, she probably could have picked a better moment—namely, one where Alya’s mouth wasn’t full of hot coffee—but she’d been unable to get a word in edgewise since they sat down for lunch almost half an hour ago, and Marinette’s well of patience was quickly running dry.
The redhead had been ranting practically non-stop about yesterday’s fiasco, so when she paused for a brief second to take a swig of her drink, Marinette—like any sensible person in her position—had chosen to carpe that diem.
“I’m giving up on Adrien.”
She barely had enough time to grab a menu and place it between them before Alya was spitting a generous mouthful of coffee all over herself, the table, and an unfortunate waitress, who happened to be passing by.
Grimacing apologetically at the woman, Marinette began wiping up the mess as Alya gaped, shocked into silence.
After several moments, she spoke, her voice now significantly louder than it had been before. “You’re doing what now?”
Marinette winced at her friend’s volume, glancing surreptitiously around. Thankfully people had gone back to their meals after Alya’s little hydrodynamic display, content to ignore the two teenagers seated by the window. The waitress on the other hand was less than pleased by the mess and made her displeasure known (if her put-upon sighs and exaggerated eye-rolling were anything to go by).
Marinette stood, grabbing her bag and leaving enough money on the table to cover their food plus a generous tip. She didn’t have to turn to know that Alya was hot on her heels, practically foaming at the mouth.
“Now just hold on a second here, what do you mean you’re giving up? Is this about that whole ‘just meant to be friends’ crap from the other day? Because if so, we are going to have words—”
“It wasn’t crap,” Marinette grumbled, crossing her arms defensively. Alya rolled her eyes in exasperation.
“Oh, Adrien!” She cried dramatically, clasping her hands under her chin and looking forlorn. “I love you! But I would much rather just be your friend, even though I’ve been in love with you for over a year! Because you told me that you might like another girl and for some reason, after everything I’ve put myself and my best friend through, this relative non-issue is the final straw!”
Marinette didn’t need to use her powers of deduction to figure out that this was, somehow, an impression of herself. Although she had a hard time believing that she really fluttered her eyelashes quite so exaggeratedly.
“Well, maybe I’m just tired of chasing after someone who will never like me back!” She snapped, annoyed by Alya’s persistence and her own stupid feelings and wanting nothing more than to put an end to all Adrien Agreste-related conversation once and for all.
Alya paused, noticeably taken aback by her vehemence.
“Okay,” she said slowly, drawing out the vowels. “Someone’s touchy…”
Marinette didn’t respond, choosing instead to look away.
“Hey,” Alya’s voice was much softer this time, now worried. “You know I was only teasing, right? I’m sorry if I took it too far. Sometimes I forget that you didn’t grow up with sisters.”
Marinette shrugged.
“It’s okay.”
“But that’s not what’s got you hunched over on yourself like a gargoyle, or what’s had you completely out of sorts all morning. So I think it’s time you tell Mama Alya everything that’s going on.”
Marinette turned, taking in the expectant look on her best friend’s face and the downward quirk of her mouth that belied just how concerned the redhead really was. Alya had been with her every step of the way along this journey; from the very first day that Marinette had come back to class and haltingly confessed that she might have a slight, moderately overwhelming, and all-consuming crush on the blonde boy that she’d loathed nigh twenty-four hours before.
Alya deserved an explanation, even if the thought of putting it into words was like swallowing candy wrapped in sandpaper.
“I confessed to Adrien.”
Alya’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening impossibly behind her glasses.
“And he said he was ‘really glad we were friends.'” The last part came out as a whisper, and Marinette blinked rapidly to fend off the moisture she could feel gathering along her lower lash line.
Alya enveloped her in a hug—squeezing so tightly that Marinette was sure she heard a few of her ribs creak ominously.
She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her best friend and squeezing just as tightly back.
“I’m gonna kill him,” Alya muttered.
Marinette laughed wetly. “Please don’t. Then Chloe will have no one to keep her in check.”
-x-
By the time they’d gotten back from lunch, Alya had obviously texted the rest of the girls and told them what had happened, because they all met her at the door with hugs, words of encouragement, and even a few more death threats (courtesy of Alix, unsurprisingly).
Also unsurprising were the number of odd looks they drew when they came into class.
A gaggle of teenage girls grouped in defensive formation was sure to draw a few eyes, especially considering who exactly they were grouping around. Marinette rarely found herself in need of protection from anyone or anything, but she appreciated the gesture today. The love and support being shown by her friends made the sight of Adrien looking at them in confusion slightly less painful than it had been this morning.
Like being stabbed with a regular blade instead of one with a serrated edge, she thought, smiling grimly to herself.
The girls hung around her desk until the teacher walked in, calling the class to order. From the corner of her eye she could see Nino and Alya conversing lowly, but was prevented from listening in by the beginning of the lesson.
After about half an hour, Mme Mendeleiev was called away, leaving them with strict instructions to behave and keep solving the problems in the back of their workbooks until she returned.
The door closed sharply behind her, no one daring to be the first to disturb the silence.
That is, until someone threw their workbook across the class, neatly sinking it in the garbage can.
“Or we could not,” Alix smirked, sharing a triumphant fist bump with Kim.
Typical Alix, Marinette smiled fondly, shaking her head as the rest of the class broke into laughter and movement around her. Now that the spell was sufficiently broken, people were up and milling about, not even bothering to keep up the illusion of working.
Marinette found herself once again surrounded, as people began crowding around her desk. Rose and Juleka came by to invite her to hang out with them that weekend, while Mylène gave her a cupcake and another hug for good measure. Marinette looked helplessly at Alya, who only grinned and went back to talking with Nino.
She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Nathaniel standing there, pink-faced as he extended a piece of paper out to her.
“I heard what happened,” he mumbled, blushing even more fiercely. “This is for you.”
Marinette bit her lip, equal parts embarrassed and touched by the gesture. Nathaniel taking the time to draw something for her was very sweet, but she couldn’t help but be mortified by the fact that it seemed like everyone in the class now knew what had happened between her and Adrien.
“Thank you, Nathaniel,” she gingerly took the drawing, folding it up and putting it in her bag for safekeeping.
“Of course,” he beamed, clearly pleased by her acceptance of his gift. “I figure if anyone knows what it’s like to be rejected, it’s probably me so—”
“Wait a minute, who got rejected?”
As one, all heads in the class swivelled to Adrien, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to take the words he’d just spoken and shove them back into his mouth.
Nathaniel stammered out an apology, skin a blotchy mix of red and white as he backed away in panic, fleeing to the safety of his desk at the back of the classroom.
Adrien paused, glancing nervously around at the remaining people, who were looming forebodingly.
His eyes came to rest on her, the skin between his brows furrowed with genuine concern.
“Is everything alright?”
Marinette felt like ripping her own heart out and throwing it across the class with Alix’s workbook, because it just wasn’t fair that one person could make her heart soar and hurt so much at the same time.
NO, she wanted to scream, feeling clammy and vaguely claustrophobic under the weight of Adrien’s gaze and the attention of the entire class.
“I’m fine,” she managed to stutter out, her voice slightly wobbly but loud enough to be heard over the mutterings of their classmates. Adrien clearly wasn’t buying it though, leaning in closer to speak to her as if the entire class wasn’t listening in at that very moment.
“Are you sure? You’ve seemed kind of...off since this morning, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Is what Nathaniel said really true? Did someone really—?”
“Reject her?” Alya interrupted, jumping to her feet and slamming her hands on the desk at the same time. Adrien jolted back, alarmed. “Why yes, they did! For your information, Marinette confessed to the boy she likes yesterday and he turned her down! Satisfied?”
Adrien looked thunderstruck. Marinette was sure she didn’t look much better.
Oh god no. Not like this, please.
A profound hush had fallen over the crowd, the classroom so quiet that Marinette was sure she could almost hear the cogs in Adrien’s head turning.
“...Wait...” His green eyes narrowed in suspicion.
The class drew in a collective breath, some quite literally on the edge of their seats in anticipation.
Marinette, on the other hand, found herself praying for the timely intervention of an akuma attack, just so she wouldn’t have to stick around to hear the rest of Adrien’s sentence.
Suddenly his face lit up.
“You like someone?” Adrien exclaimed, nearly vibrating with incredulous excitement. “Who is it? Do I know them?!”
.
.
.
Marinette froze, staring at him in disbelief.
.
.
.
Adrien gazed back expectantly, his green eyes wide and sparkly.
.
.
.
He really has no clue… .
.
.
.
...Or maybe he just doesn’t want to.
The silence was broken only by the sound of Alya’s head thunking loudly on the desk, followed by a pathetic groan.
“I can’t believe this…”
The rest of the class winced in sympathy, slowly making their way back to their seats, aware that the show was effectively over. Marinette felt people patting her back and shoulders, murmuring reassuring words that she didn’t bother to catch. Even Chloe shot her an understanding look from across the room.
Marinette felt numb, too overwhelmed to even begin poking at the knotted ball of emotions pulsating in her chest.
But every breath in and out caused an uncomfortable pulling sensation, as if she were tugging on the loose threads, bringing the whole thing closer and closer to unravelling.
“How can one person possibly be this oblivious?” Alya’s voice was faint, partially muffled by the wood of her desk. Nino leaned over and rubbed her back soothingly.
Adrien was still looking around in helpless bewilderment, as if he had no idea what he’d done. Which he… honestly probably didn’t.
He had no idea that he was the boy she had confessed to, because she didn’t even rank on his radar as a potential love interest. She was so firmly entrenched in the ‘Just Friends’ portion of his brain that even the thought of her having romantic feelings for him simply Did Not Compute.
Adrien wasn’t a stupid person by any stretch of the definition. But his brain had decided that she could never have feelings for him, because he would never have them for her.
He didn’t want to see her that way, therefore he simply wouldn’t.
And with one final tug, Marinette felt the knot unravel completely.
All of the hurt and anger and pain and rejection came rushing back like a tidal wave, and it was all she could do to keep her head above water.
The innocently confused look Adrien was wearing went from endearing to infuriating in an instant.
Marinette was sick and tired of being misunderstood, so she was going to make him understand.
“It’s you.”
Adrien blinked, head tilting to one side.
“Pardon?”
Marinette swallowed thickly, her hands shaking where they rested on her desk. “I said that it’s you. You’re the one I like.”
Adrien’s expression shifted, emotions flashing so quickly that they were impossible to read. He eventually settled on a look of polite bewilderment.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I understood you. Can you repeat—”
“I. Like. You.” Marinette bit out, leaning forward until she was practically in his face. “Like-like you.”
Adrien’s face was almost comical to behold, his mouth opening and closing several times in rapid succession.
“Me? But-but how? I thought—”
She snorted, although the sound was completely devoid of any humour.
“What, you thought that just because you’d never thought of me that way, it was impossible for me to like you?” She asked, the bitterness of her own words leaving a sour taste in her mouth.
“N-no, of course not.” Adrien looked completely befuddled and a little bit panicked, like someone who’d set out in a canoe only to realize too late that their oars were back on shore.
“Then why is this such a hard thing for you to accept? I like you. I have liked you for a long time and I DON’T JUST MEAN AS FRIENDS.”
By the time she was finished, her voice had risen to a yell. There was no noise or even movement in the classroom. People were shocked into silence by her outburst, but Marinette couldn’t bring herself to care in that moment. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Adrien as he finally, finally began to process what she’d been saying.
She saw it in the way his eyes widened, his jaw slackening. She waited for a response, for him to say something, anything to break the sudden tension that had taken hold of the room.
“Oh,” Adrien breathed, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Oh is right.” Marinette echoed flatly, grabbing her things, intent on making a beeline for the door. She stumbled through, nearly bowling over Mme Mendeleiev in her haste. Mumbling out an excuse about feeling unwell, Marinette tore off down the hallway, deaf to any sounds of protest coming from behind her.
-x-
She really shouldn’t have been surprised that it took her pursuer so little time to catch up, even considering her head start.
Damn long-legged people and their unfair tactical advantages.
“Marinette, wait!”
Marinette froze, caught halfway down the stairs, afraid to turn around and face him and even more afraid to keep going and miss whatever he had to say.
“Marinette,” Adrien tried again, his voice much closer this time.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Her secret was out there; there was no taking any of this back. The least she could do now was see it through to the end.
She exhaled, steeling her nerves, and turned around.
Adrien stood on the step behind her, absolutely towering over her with the additional height advantage. She had to crane her neck to look into his face, wishing almost immediately that she hadn’t.
His expression was raw, pinched at the edges, and looking for all the world like it was she who was about to reject him.
Goddamn you, Adrien Agreste. Your pure-heartedness makes you impossible to hate.
“Yes?” She raised an eyebrow, silently praying that her voice wouldn’t give her away by wavering.
Adrien stared down at her, visibly thrown by her lack of reaction. He’d probably been expecting more of a dramatic display of emotion. Luckily for him, histrionics were more Chloe’s area of expertise than Marinette’s own.
He cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly in place. “Right. Well, uh, about what you said…”
“Adrien,” Marinette cut him off. “You don’t have to do this, you know. I already know what you’re going to say.”
He faltered, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “How—?”
Marinette let out a laugh, her throat burning from the acidity.
“I sort of figured it out after I confessed to you for the first time and your brain refused to even consider the idea that I might have any romantic interest in you.”
Wincing at her own harshness, she ducked her head to avoid seeing the look he was giving her. If only she had run fast enough, they could have avoided this awkward exchange altogether.
“...That’s not really fair.”
Marinette’s head snapped up, taking in the downward tilt of his mouth and the stubborn set to his jaw. Adrien, for the first time in their acquaintance, looked kind of… pissed.
With her.
Her stomach dropped.
Well, that was certainly unexpected.
He opened and closed his mouth several times, before finding the rest of his words.
“You’re acting like I’ve done this on purpose, but that’s not it at all. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t even know that you…”
He gestured wordlessly between them, his arms flailing somewhat inelegantly.
A small part of Marinette’s brain rejoiced, feeling a certain degree of schadenfreude watching Adrien Agreste finally lose his cool. It was almost encouraging, knowing this conversation wasn’t any easier for him than it was for her.
“I had no idea that you have—” he hesitated briefly, uncertainty causing him to stumble over the words, “—had feelings for me, otherwise I would have told you that I—”
Here he stopped, his sentence choking off abruptly.
Marinette looked up into his face and knew that this was it. Whatever was going to come out of his mouth next would be either her salvation or damnation.
“I have feelings for someone else.”
-x-
Once, when she was a small child, Marinette had accidentally broken one of her mother’s favourite teapots. It had been a wedding gift from a distant relative in China, beautifully painted and handcrafted. It was a precious family heirloom; one of a kind and completely irreplaceable.
The sound it made when it shattered on the floor had left her shaken and upset to the point of tears, even more so than her mother’s disappointment.
It had been years since she’d thought of it, the memory lost to time and distance.
Yet, it was that awful sound that echoed in her ears as she felt her heart splinter into a million tiny pieces.
-x-
“I think you’re great Marinette, really I do! And any guy would be lucky to have you. I just... I’ve never really thought of you that way?”
Adrien repressed the urge to kick himself.
Damnit, that came out wrong. This whole thing is coming out incredibly, catastrophically wrong.
He hastened on, desperate to fill the dead air between them. “I haven’t really thought about anyone that way! Not just you! Because of L—liking this other girl. But you’re important to me too. I’ve never really… had many friends. As I’m sure you’ve figured out.” His lips twisted wryly, falling somewhere between a half-assed smile and a grimace.
“So your friendship means a lot to me, Marinette. You mean a lot to me. And I’d…like it if we could stay friends. If that’s okay with you.”
Adrien’s throat felt dry, his palms sweating profusely as he waited for Marinette to respond, or even acknowledge the fact that he’d spoken.
Yet she continued to stand, frozen on the stairs below him, staring unseeingly at a point over his left shoulder.
He felt dread slowly creeping in, its cold tendrils tightening their vice-grip with every second that ticked by.
After what felt like an eternity, she blinked, coming back to herself with a start.
Her eyes met his briefly, blue like the sky above them and so unbelievably sad that it took Adrien’s breath away.
She blinked again, and it was like watching a slate being wiped clean. Everything that had been in her expression not even two seconds prior was gone, as if it had never existed in the first place.
And then she smiled.
“It’s okay, Adrien.” Marinette laughed lightly, taking a step backwards. “Of course we can still be friends. That would be g-great.”
Adrien let out a breath, completely missing the way she stumbled over her words as he all but slumped with relief. This was why Marinette was such a great friend to so many people. She could make even the most awkward of situations easier for everyone. Adrien felt a rush of affection for the dark-haired girl in front of him, who by now had turned around and was quickly making her way down the stairs.
“Just forget I said anything, okay?” She called over her shoulder, her voice sounding higher than normal. “It’s probably for the best that way anyway. In fact, let’s just pretend today never happened. Yesterday either for that matter!”
Adrien’s smile fell, an uneasy feeling overtaking his relief.
Something’s not right.
“Wait—”
He was interrupted by Marinette’s yelp. She pitched forward, clearly having misjudged the distance on the last step, falling heavily to the ground.
Adrien sprang into motion, leaping forward and taking the stairs three at a time as her bag exploded, spewing school supplies everywhere.
She was already babbling by the time he reached the bottom.
“I’m fine, I’m fine!’ She hastened to assure him, waving off his concern. She began shoving anything within reach into her bag, refusing to look up at him. Adrien handed her a textbook, noticing for the first time that her hands were shaking.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, careful to keep the worry from his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was startle her further, or have her pick up on his apprehension.
She paused, her hand hovering over a pen. Her head was tilted slightly away, expression obscured by her bangs. Adrien found himself wishing she would just look at him, so that he could try and figure out what exactly she was thinking.
“I’m fine,” she repeated, her voice thick.
Oh no.
Oh no ohno ohnoohno—
Marinette finally turned and met his eyes, and Adrien found himself wishing he’d never made that other wish in the first place.
Her skin was blotchy, her eyes red-rimmed and full of tears. They began to fall slowly as Adrien looked on in horror.
Her breath hitched on a sob and she recoiled, pressing a hand to her mouth to prevent any more incriminating sounds from escaping.
“Sorry,” Marinette gasped out, staggering to her feet. Clutching her bag to her chest, she fled, heedless of the notebook she’d left lying on the ground.
Adrien made no move to stop her.
Instead he watched, stunned and sick to his stomach, as her back drew further and further away.
And he remained there, frozen, long after she’d turned the corner and disappeared from sight.