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Sam was mesmerized by the last remnants of sunlight dancing on the water. The sounds of sparklers and tinny radios faded in his mind. He felt a sense of warmth envelope him.
It wasn’t a perfect world, but that second was perfect. He felt a presence behind him. Bucky had come up on his right. He whispered something to Sam.
Sam smiled at the sunset and turned to put his arm around Bucky. He felt the baby hairs on the back of Bucky’s neck as they followed the trail back to the home. Bucky said they had to get more bottled water for Sarah.
“Did you like your party?” Bucky asked as they walked in the dimming light.
“Yeah, it was nice. Talked to a lotta people who I haven’t seen since high school.” Sam laughed. Even those he would’ve considered bullies back in the day shook his hand and gave a polite nod before their kids begged for a photo.
“Well, let’s get this water.” Bucky said. “I’m parched.”
-
It was fairly dark when they got back to the house. Fireflies buzzed lazily around the trunks of trees surrounding the house. With the distant sound of the party (now including fireworks), frogs, and all manner of bugs, it was picture perfect.
Bucky held the door open as they went inside. Sam swept through the dim kitchen and couldn’t find the fabled water bottles.
“Hey, Buck, where did she say the water was?” Sam called out.
“It’s not in the fridge?” Bucky asked.
“Nope.” Sam shut the door. “We probably already took it over.”
“Wanna head back to the party then?” Bucky asked, meeting him in the narrow kitchen. The pop of another firework made him jump a bit.
“Ya good?” Sam asked.
“Yeah.”
“We can take a break instead?” Sam said. He carefully held onto Bucky’s right wrist.
“What did you have in mind?” Bucky asked coyly.
“Something like this.” Sam drew in closer. He covered Bucky’s eyes and gave him a timid kiss. A smile erupted on Bucky’s face.
“Upstairs?”
“Upstairs.” Sam affirmed.
Sam felt like a giddy teenager again. Anticipation mixed with desire and anxiety swirled in his stomach. He didn’t want to project any expectations on what might come next.
Bucky had a tendency for “stage fright.” And rightly so, considering what Hydra made him endure. Either way, Sam was here for the ride. Wherever it went.
Sam shakingly locked the bedroom door behind them and dove in. Bucky had surprisingly taken charge. He sat Sam on the bed and knelt to kiss him. He then rested a knee on the bed next to Sam. He did this again til he was practically on Sam’s lap.
“Uff, uh you’re heavy.” Sam muttered. Bucky started to laugh before Sam switched their positions. He pushed Bucky down against the pillows in one fell swoop.
As they kissed, with Sam leaning over him, Bucky slipped his hand under Sam’s tee. The sudden new touch sent Sam flying internally. He took the moment to pull it off.
“Wow. Somebody’s been working out.” Bucky chortled. He sounded out of breath. Without thinking he reached up and started touching with his right hand.
Wonder what it felt like, and wonder what Bucky could feel with it, Sam pulled the metal hand to his chest too. It made him shiver at first. They made something in Bucky melt a bit. He ran his metal fingers down Sam’s chest before he rested both his hands on Sam’s hips.
Sam smiled and kept kissing slowly. His lips, cheek, chin and neck. No doubt leaving tiny marks. Bucky liked the warm of gentle and yielding flesh under his metal finger tips.
“Sam?” Bucky said very quietly.
“Yeah?” Sam stopped kissing. He began to prepare to back off.
“I’m ready.” He whispered.
“Are you sure?” Sam asked.
“I am.” Bucky said. “I’m safe,” he thought.
“Okay.” Sam moved up and away and disappeared into the attached bathroom.
“Wait? Where’d you go?” Bucky whined.
Sam came back and put something on the nightstand. Along with a few candles. Candles stolen from Bucky’s place. He also hurried over to his music player and put on some barely audible music. Soul, probably.
“C’mon, I’m not some 16 year old virgin.” Bucky laughed. He felt flushed but also flattered.
“I wanna make things nice. I wanna make it safe.” Sam urged.
“I am safe, Captain America is here.” Bucky sat against his elbows.
“He certainly is.” Sam moved in again. Picking up where they left off. Bucky didn’t want to give Sam the satisfaction of saying he liked the candles. That he liked the small things. But ultimately those things would be pointless and meaningless without Sam being the one to put them there.
Sam lifted Bucky’s shirt over his head. Bucky reflexively flinched. Even in the faint light of the lamp, Sam could still see the tableau of scars. Like a painful painting of the past.
Sam traced his fingers against the edge of the vibranium arm. The scars were deep and jagged.
“I tried to rip it off.” Bucky whispered. Sam furrowed and leaned down to kiss the edge. A sign of penance.
“You’re going to make me cry.” Sam sighed.
“Me? You’re going to make me cry first.” Bucky replied.
“Does it still hurt?”
“It did with the old one.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Sam kissed him again and then to his neck, then chest (scars and all), and down his stomach. Bucky held his breath as Sam looped his fingers under his waistband.
“Is this okay?” Sam asked slowly.
“Y-yeah.” Bucky was turning bright red.
Now the pants and all were shimmied down his hips and legs. That’s when Sam encountered more scars. Some were worryingly newer. He didn’t want to dwell on them or touch them, lest he trigger anything.
Bucky was trying to keep his breath even. Curling his skin fingers into Sam’s shoulder and squeezing the pillow behind him with his metal one. Grounding himself in the moment. He took a sharp breath when he felt kissing and soft bites on his thighs and protruding hip bones.
“Still with me?” Sam asked.
“Mhmm.”
“Good.”
Then he wrapped his mouth around Bucky between his legs. This made Bucky hum in a high pitch. He felt embarrassed on how close he was.
“No-no, not yet.” He said breathlessly. Sam stopped with a coy smile. Bucky was about to turn over to lay against his stomach, but Sam stopped him by quickly pulling Bucky’s knees and thighs closer. Sam moved to his knees on the bed.
“Not like that.” Sam whispered. “I want to see you.” He also wanted to make sure Bucky wouldn’t zone out, or be in pain, or trigger him. This was more personal. This was more loving.
“Okay…”
He started to work down his own pants and prep. He started to unwrap a condom.
“You don’t have to.” Bucky said quietly. “I’m pretty sure I can’t get pregnant.” He chuckled.
“I know.” Sam said. “But I want everything safe. I want you to be safe.”
Bucky nodded. No one had considered that before when they’d bear down on him.
Sam was essentially guessing his way throughout the process. He knew to use lubrication. But the rest was flying blind.
A high-pitched whimper came from the back of Bucky’s throat as Sam pressed in slowly.
“I’m sorry, are you okay? Am I hurting you?” Sam asked in quick succession.
“No.” Bucky hissed. He was lying but he wanted Sam to continue. “Please don’t stop.”
Sam remained slow and deliberate as they went along. Inching ever closer. Kissing as Bucky held the back of his head with one hand and squeezed his shoulder with the other one.
“You feel so good.” Sam whispered.
“So do you.” Bucky sighed.
Their breaths hitched as they drew nearer. Sam was so close. Bucky could tell.
“Please, please stay inside.” Bucky whimpered as he clawed into Sam’s back. Coming on the outside felt undignified, it felt triggering. Sam nodded and continued forward. It was a satisfying end.
He pulled out faster than expected which made Bucky emit a sharp whine. Sam flopped down next to him, panting hard. He looked over to Bucky, who looked back at him. They smiled and breathily laughed.
“I love you…” they both thought.