Chapter Text
To whom it may concern,
I’ve only known the terror twins for two weeks, just two, and thus far, I’ve come up with this guide/rules for the problem children. They are chaos incarnate. Read this, memorize it, live by it. If you do not, you will not survive them. I’m not being overdramatic, shut the fuck up Zashi, it’s only been two weeks and I’m already so done with them, and I can’t expel them because they are in the top five of the class and have more potential then I’ve seen in a while, so that leaves me with this.
- When they do something incredibly stupid, bring in Hawks, his disappointment works better then any punishment we could impose
- Do not, under any circumstances, threaten one of them, it’s not their dad you should be afraid of
- Never challenge the twins to a prank war
- Ashido, Kaminari, Kirishima, I’m talking to you
- No Harry Potter. Ever.
- Do not allow them near sharp objects unsupervised. Ever.
- Do not give them rubber bands.
- You are not animals, stop making animal noises, no, you are not speaking another language, you’re being fucking annoying
- Do not separate them when they start fighting, keep a safe distance, and call Hawks
- No clapping unless its an appropriate occasion, that’s right, it’s on here problem children
- Do not, under any circumstances, leave them alone with All Might. Ever.
- They are to get, at the very least, eight hours of sleep a night, or they will be grumpy little shits the next morning, and do something incredibly stupid, or start fighting, or both. Probably both. Definitely Both.
- If the twins are smiling for seemingly no reason, it means they are up to something. If the twins are laughing for seemingly no reason, it means they’ve done something.
- Hawks is their favorite, they’ve known him the longest, he is their dad, don’t ever, and I mean ever, as them which one is his favorite, they will start fighting, and it will not be pretty.
- If you make the mistake and do ask them, stay away, out of the line of fire, and call Hawks
- Never ask about their biological parents. Ever. Just don’t do it. Hawks will be on you like white on rice. He is the number two hero, there is very little he can’t get away with, even if Nedzu is involved
- They will purposefully try and confuse you, don’t fall into their trap
- And yes, I am will aware that Hawks is the only one who can tell them apart, for everyone else, just ignore them, or refer to them as ‘Takami One’ and ‘Takami Two’. Play it safe.
- (Courtesy of BabyJoonie) They are not allowed to have coffee, under any circumstances, ever again.
- Do not, under any circumstances, upset and/or harm the twins, they will call their dad, we do not need a pissed off Hawks storming into the school because someone hurt his ‘baby birds’. Again.
- All Might, Bakugo, this one’s for you
- We are not responsible for what they may do if they find you disrespecting women
- Mineta, you’re on thin fucking ice
- I don’t care that Shigaraki is your long lost older brother, do not invite him to the dorms for ‘family game night’
- Please, for the love of god, stop bringing animals into the dorms, except the cats, those can stay
- House cats, the house cats can stay, all others must go too
- You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to play Assassin
- I don’t give a fuck if Nedzu gave you permission. Situational Awareness training my ass.
- If they ever ask to go down to the support department, search them, they never ask unless they’re hiding something, and it’s usually explosives
- I don’t care that Dabi is Todoroki’s long lost older brother, do not invite him to the dorms for ‘family movie night’
- Just because you can’t invite Shigaraki and Dabi over does not mean you can ask them to kidnap you so you can have ‘family time’ at their place
- Todoroki, I expected more from you
- You are not immortal, nor do you have nine lives, stop trying to find out
- Just because vigilantism is defined with illegal quirk usage, and you are ‘living loopholes’ does not mean you can be vigilantes
- No, it is not an opportunity for extra training, I wasn’t born yesterday, give me a fucking break
- I’ll leave the fallout for this one in Hawks’ capable hands
- ‘For science’ is not a viable excuse
- ‘The voices in my head told me to’ is not a viable excuse
- You don’t have a triplet who is the ‘evil twin’. Stop telling everyone you do when you get caught causing mayhem
- And no, it is not a viable excuse