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Lady Astoria Greengrass perched upon the window seat in her chambers, hands fisted so tightly that her smooth nails bit into her palms. Her reflection in the windowpane was pale and melancholy. Her strawberry-blonde hair hung to her waist in limp curls, and her jade green eyes lacked brightness.
"Why?" The word was barely audible, but it clamored louder than a dying scream in her mind.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was finally free of the blood malediction, having been cured by High Lord Tom Slytherin. What was the point of a life that would last decades longer than expected if the pureblood wizard she wanted to spend it with wasn’t interested in her?
It had been two weeks since her sixteenth birthday. That was fourteen days without a bonding offer. She had been so certain it would come on her birthday given his marked attention to her. It hadn't.
Two hawks and an owl flew past her window, each carrying a letter on thick parchment. Astoria squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply, her chest shaking with the effort to lock away her grief. He owned an eagle.
"Why am I not enough?"
Draco had never promised to send an offer, but Astoria had been sure that he would. It was something she intrinsically knew, just as she knew Lord Matthias Greengrass and Lady Amaranth Greengrass née Zeller were her parents.
As soon as the blood malediction was removed, Astoria had known that she wanted to spend the rest of her now-long life with Draco, who was always kind to her.
"If only—" Her throat closed as she tried to eliminate the thoughts and questions that harassed her. If he hadn’t sent a bonding offer, he clearly wasn’t interested. "Draco ... why?"
He had been unofficially courting her for over a year, or so she had thought, and there were no secrets between them. Astoria believed with all her heart that Draco knew she was in love with him. Yet an offer never came—not from him. That could only mean that— She couldn't bear to finish the thought.
Astoria leaned her cheek against the warm glass, wishing it were winter. Then the glass would be cold and frosted over; it would more closely align with how she felt inside.
A sharp, rapping sound echoed through her room, but she ignored it. She didn't want to hear about the newest suitors for her hand. She didn't want to attend any more Courtship Dates; she didn't want to be forced to smile and accept another expensive gift from someone who only wanted her for her beauty or fortune.
Draco wasn’t like that. He befriended her when they were both children, back when her hair was fairer and she constantly had freckles from playing out in the sun.
The door hinges didn't creak, but Astoria felt it open. Her chambers were keyed to her magical signature to keep her safe, and she knew whenever anyone other than her opened a door or window or secret passage. As it was, only she had the ability to Portkey or Apparate to or from her chambers. Not even her father, the Lord of the Resilient and Most Ancient House of Greengrass could intrude on her privacy in such a way.
Light footsteps padded across the wood floor, and then Astoria's eyes met her mother's in the glass. Amaranth lifted a hand and tentatively brushed it down Astoria's hair. "You've been up here all day."
"I know." Her nightgown was rumpled as she hadn't bothered to dress for the day.
"Libby told me you haven't eaten," Amaranth chided gently.
"I haven't," Astoria said. She couldn't even feel upset that her personal house-elf had tattled on her. It was part of Libby’s duties to ensure her welfare.
Amaranth wrapped her arms around Astoria tightly, offering silent comfort. It didn't help as much as it normally did. "How can I fix it?" Amaranth asked.
A tender smile was reflected in the glass as Astoria's lips curved the barest bit. Her mother was a truly remarkable witch; she didn't bother asking if something was wrong, or what was wrong—she just wanted to know how whatever was wrong could be made right, and then she would do it.
But this time— "You can't." The two words tasted of broken hearts and shattered dreams.
For the first time in her life, hard work, money, her name, and her societal position couldn't be used to get what she wanted. Astoria wasn't ignorant; she knew that nothing could purchase love. True love wasn't for sale. And if Draco wasn't in love with her—as the lack of an offer for an engagement clearly proved—then she knew he would never be hers.
Her father appeared in the doorway and walked toward them, a frown twisting his face in an expression Astoria had rarely seen since her blood malediction was cured. Joy usually lit his face all the time these days.
"If one of your suitors did something inappropriate, I—"
"They did nothing wrong," Astoria said, interrupting him before his imagination could take hold of the erroneous thought. She had no desire to learn where it might lead him.
Amaranth pursed her lips and tightened her hold on Astoria. "You're sure we can't fix it?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Astoria replied, wishing she could beg her parents to make everything better. Such actions would serve no purpose.
Matthias reached forward and lightly grasped her chin, pulling her gaze away from the window. The green eyes that met her own were identical to Daphne’s and her younger brother’s, and dearly loved. "If we can't fix it, can you?"
Can I? she asked herself. Could she make a difference? If so, how?
"I'll be okay." Those three words were the biggest lie she had ever told.
"That's not what your father asked, darling. If we can't fix it, can you?" Amaranth asked.
Tears stung Astoria’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall as she untangled herself from her parents and got to her feet. She was so pale now that her white nightgown might've been mistaken as part of her skin if it hadn't been so wrinkly. She stared at her bare feet as she announced, "Not even you can make him love me, Mum. Not even you can make him consider me worthy enough to be his, Dad."
Ignoring the sharp intakes of breath, she turned and entered her bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. She mindlessly stripped and entered the bubble bath Libby had drawn for her hours before. It was as warm as she preferred, not that she expected anything different.
For an irrational moment, hatred welled inside Astoria. All she wanted was a fairytale romance. Was that truly impossible?
Small hands pressed to her flat stomach. Astoria bit her lower lip harshly. She had fruitlessly longed for children of her own, for a family of her own making, while suffering under the blood malediction. Now that she would actually live long enough to have children, it might never happen. The thought of anyone but Draco touching her in an intimate way made her magic crawl beneath her skin.
Astoria was well aware of the many eyes that followed her in public, but especially at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Wizards and witches gazed upon her with desire. The purebloods were wise enough to mask it, for the most part, but some of the Muggle-born students were crass enough to not only leer, but also speak their filthy thoughts aloud.
In fact, Draco had broken a wizard's jaw the week before the school year ended when he suggested something that Astoria wished she could banish from her memory. Her fingers smoothed shampoo through her hair, scrubbing it clean and teasing the tangles apart as she recalled the utter rage on Draco's face as his fist connected with the wizard's face. He had always been protective of her, but that one instant in time was when she had managed to convince herself that he was completely serious about her.
He, the Heir of the Vigilant and Most Ancient House of Malfoy, was so offended on her behalf that he physically punched the culprit instead of using his magic in her defense.
"I misunderstood," Astoria muttered.
The thought that Draco cared for her enough to protect her honor didn't help. It only emphasized the fact that his love for her was not romantic.
Once she finished bathing, Astoria rose from the bathwater and dried off with a fluffy towel. This one thing, at least, was as comforting as always.
Astoria entered her closet, which was even larger than the bathroom it was attached to, and stared at herself in the mirror. She was a candle that was sputtering, a flame that was almost out of wick, once bright, but now rapidly dimming.
Reaching forward, Astoria touched her reflection; she traced the darkening circles under her eyes, which brought them to her attention. Her magic sped through her body and healed them, bringing some color to her face.
"You look unhappy, dear," her mirror said.
"No," Astoria stated factually, "I look pathetic."
This witch in the mirror wasn't her. She didn't loaf around in her pajamas for days on end and bemoan her place in life. She didn't sit and allow time to pass her by; Astoria, of all people, knew exactly how precious time was.
Astoria dressed with care, choosing a set of pale blue robes with flowers embroidered along the hem. Draco had mentioned more than once that she looked best in blue.
She opened the ninth drawer of her jewelry armoire and removed the hair-pins he had given her for her fourteenth birthday. It was a set of six silver hair-pins, each engraved with a magical creature in a whimsical way. Her favorite had always been the unicorn, because it represented the purity she planned to gift to him—back when that had been a possible outcome.
A petty part of her mind suggested that she should make herself as beautiful as possible, so that he would see exactly what he had given up. She couldn't seem to overcome it. For the first time in ages, Astoria donned all the 'proper' items that she rarely wore when she visited Draco. For once, she didn't feel she had the right to flaunt propriety when it came to him. She tugged the small, intricate lace gloves on her hands, and then slid on matching walking slippers before reaching for the parasol that completed the set.
"You look beautiful and proper, dear," the mirror said.
Astoria agreed with it, but she still didn't look like she was planning to visit Draco. This outfit was too proper, too formal, too distant, and perhaps just the armor she needed to keep from bursting into tears the moment she saw him.
"You can do this," she told herself. Her mirror reflection mouthing the words back at her was what finally gave her the push she needed to follow through with her plan. Taking a deep breath, she marched determinedly into her room.
Matthias and Amaranth stood from where they had been waiting in the window seat and stared at her in disbelief. "You look lovely, darling," Amaranth said.
Her father nodded his agreement before asking, "Where are you going dressed like that?"
"To find out who stole my place in his heart."
Before her parents could speak another word, she turned on her heel headed to the nearest fireplace attached to the Floo Network. At the end of this, even if her heart snapped in half, at least she would finally have her answer.
Astoria exited the Floo Chamber at Malfoy Manor and walked into the foyer just as Lady Narcissa Malfoy née Black stepped into it. Before she could curtsy and offer a proper greeting, Narcissa said, "I think it would be best if you leave, Lady Astoria."
"What?" The word barely managed to escape her throat. For all that it was impeccably polite, there was no question that Lady Malfoy was telling her to get out and go away.
"I doubt he could bear to see you," Narcissa said.
Astoria stumbled backward as if the words were a physical blow. Her arms fell limply at her sides, and the parasol tumbled from her slackened grip to clatter against the floor. Draco couldn't bear to even look at her anymore? Who had stolen him so completely away from her?
"Why?" she asked.
The smile on Narcissa's face was painfully polite. "He needs time, Lady Astoria. Please be considerate."
"For what?" Astoria asked. What did Draco need time for? Time for whatever witch he was courting? Time alone? Privacy while he sought another's love? Each thought was more vicious and agonizing than the last.
"To accept that you'll never love him as a lady-wife loves her lord-husband," Lord Lucius Malfoy said from the doorway of the front parlor.
"I don't understand," Astoria said. What were they talking about? She did love Draco as a lady-wife loved her lord-husband.
"Please give him time to put this behind him, Lady Astoria. That's all we ask," Narcissa said.
"You had every right to reject his bonding offer, Lady Astoria. However, Draco’s mental state is fragile as a result. He’s repeatedly refused to have his love for you ritually removed," Lucius said.
Astoria felt like she was going to faint, swoon and crumple to the floor like a witch whose corset was much too tight. "My rejection of his bonding offer?"
That couldn't be right. It wasn't right! She hadn't heard anything about such an offer, and she would never have rejected it. Especially not when she loved Draco so dearly. And particularly not while he was subject to the curse on the Black bloodline that could render him insane as a result of unrequited love if he didn’t have it ritually removed.
"Yes, Lady Astoria. I confess we were surprised when your father replied that you hadn’t come to love Draco. Lucius and I were so sure that—"
Astoria swayed alarmingly, causing Narcissa to gasp in worry and rush forward to steady her. Her father had refused Draco's offer because he thought she didn’t love him? Her father couldn't possibly be that blind! Surely, she wasn't that accomplished at hiding her true feelings? Yet, her mother must have agreed with him. That meant—
"Where is he?"
"I still don't think now is a good tim—"
Implacable resolve steeled Astoria’s spine as she bit out her question without an ounce of decorum. "Where is he?"
"He hasn't left his room in two weeks," Lucius replied.
A bitter laugh echoed through the foyer as Astoria ripped herself from Narcissa's gentle hold and raced toward the grand staircase. She and Draco were alike, even in their suffering. Except for the Courtship Dates she was obligated to attend for propriety’s sake, she had shut herself away in her chambers, too. Tears stung her eyes, but didn't fall. She had to make this right.
"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" Lucius inquired as he followed her.
"Lucius, she cannot possibly be thinking of—"
Astoria tuned them out as she hitched up her robes and sprinted through Malfoy Manor in an unladylike fashion. Though she had never been in Draco's suite before, she knew exactly where it was, having been offered a full tour of Malfoy Manor years ago. She had never crossed the threshold into his private chambers, of course. As purebloods, as the social elite, such a thing was taboo.
Right now, Astoria didn't care in the least.
If Lucius and Narcissa had cast spells at her, they would've assuredly caught her before she did the unthinkable. However, likely due to their son’s love for her, they did not. She would be forever grateful for that.
Astoria paused outside his bedroom door, standing in the sitting room of the Heir Malfoy suite, for just a moment, and then daringly twisted the knob and thrust the door open. It slammed against the wall, causing Draco to shoot up in his bed and stare at her with disbelief.
One step was all that stood between Astoria and crossing a line her parents would be horrified to learn she had even briefly considered crossing. She took it.
Draco gazed at her with blatant longing in his eyes, which was overshadowed by the deepest pain. He shared in the torture her father had unknowingly and blindly bestowed upon them. "I'm not sure if this is the best dream or worst nightmare of my life," Draco said as Astoria walked across the room and stood at his bedside.
His blond hair was a total mess, scruffier than she had ever seen it. Astoria stripped off her gloves, dropped them on his floor, and then reached forward and burrowed her slender fingers into his hair. It was almost unbearably soft. He sighed and leaned into her touch.
"Definitely the best dream. You feel real, love. I can almost pretend you're actually here," Draco said.
Lucius and Narcissa appeared in the doorway. "Lady Astoria, you will remove yourself from my son's bedroom at once!" Narcissa ordered, sounding horrifically scandalized at Astoria's improper behavior.
Draco groaned, his head pulling away from her hands to thump back against his pillows. "Worst nightmare, then."
Disregarding Narcissa's demand, Astoria placed her hands on Draco's cheeks and jolted him with her magic. His eyes widened with wonder. "You're here."
"I'm here," she agreed.
Draco glanced at his thunderous mother, and then back to her. "Why?"
After a quick peek at Narcissa, Astoria decided to ensure that she and Draco would get what they wanted. Her father and mother had foolishly rejected the formal offer, which forbade the Vigilant and Most Ancient House of Malfoy from sending another.
This is the only way, she told herself.
In direct violation of all she had been taught to respect and believe in, Astoria joined Draco on his bed. Everyone but her froze in stunned disbelief, which gave her enough time to say, "My father's a complete imbecile."
Before anyone could react to that announcement, she felt herself blush, leaned down, and brushed her lips against Draco's. It was so soft that she almost hadn't felt their lips connect. Relief rushed through her as Mother Magic blessed her Maiden’s Kiss and wove the betrothal bond they both wanted between them.
When Draco's tongue came out to taste where she had kissed him, Astoria blushed even harder and turned away, sliding quickly off the bed.
Astoria kept her gaze trained on her slippers as she said, "Lord Malfoy, I'm quite afraid that I have compromised your son. Honor demands that we be allowed to bond or shame our families."
"Lady Astoria," Lucius said solemnly, though a quick peek showed his lips were twitching, "I must harshly admonish you for your inappropriate conduct before bonding. I swear that this matter will be resolved speedily and honorably, without gaining the notice of anyone outside our two noble families."
"That is acceptable."
Finally, it was done.
She sighed in relief as Draco folded his arms around her and hugged her to his chest. She hadn't even heard him leave the bed. "Can I stay here? I don't think I could bear to look at Mum and Dad when you tell them I—"
"I do not believe your parents will need to hear the particulars, Lady Astoria. The betrothal bond itself will be enough," Narcissa said.
"She's right," Lucius agreed.
"I hope so," Astoria said. Disappointing her parents was one of her greatest fears.
"I know so," Lucius replied.
Draco leaned down and buried his head in her hair, his magic radiating pure pleasure. As his hold tightened, Astoria wished to forever remain in his arms.
Moments later, much too short a time, Draco released her. "Please leave, darling."
"Draco?" He wanted her to leave?
Draco's eyes blazed with fire and love as they bore into Astoria. She felt heat rush to her cheeks and nibbled her lower lip; it was both like and unlike the looks she got from people at school. He clearly wanted her, but she could tell it was because he loved her. That made all the difference.
"I spent the last two weeks thinking you would never be mine," Draco gritted out, face wretched in its mask of remembered heartbreak. "Now that we’re betrothed—" Draco closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Please don't make this harder on me, love."
Astoria knelt down and retrieved the lacy gloves she had dropped shortly after her entrance into his bedroom. She folded his hand around them. "So that you'll remember my hand is yours," she whispered before hurrying out of his bedroom.
After crossing the threshold for the second time that day, Astoria glanced over her shoulder. Her small, lace gloves were cradled in Draco's hand. He nuzzled them slowly and then inhaled, being as gentle and tender as he had always been with her.
This unvoiced affirmation of his respect and love for her soothed the part of her that chided her for her recent unladylike behavior. Even if her mother was horrified, even if her father was furious, even if her parents were disappointed, she wouldn't care.
His approbation was the only one that mattered.