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there was no dull in the sky, no unending silence, no misted air or clouded sun.
none of that, it was mid august, heat was unrelenting. silence never lasted long, either the faint crashing of waves from the not far off docks, or an occasional buzz of wasps. the grass was slightly dewy from last night's rain, everything looked so alive. the irony was not lost on hishiro.
august 17th was a day they dreaded, and had dreaded for the past ten years now. they didn't even need to check the calendar, every morning like clock work, the dull ache would tug harshly at their heart and they would know. they would just- know.
mornings were hardest. all they could ever do was stifle the sobs that would always eventually surface, and they'd always fail, unable to handle the pain in silence. of course, more recently, they weren't alone during these mornings. despite their best efforts, shin would always wake up, and they would cling to him like he was their last life line for a while. until their hands stopped shaking and breathing was less stuttered. shin would coax them out of bed with the promise of some sort of comfort breakfast. they both knew the worst of the morning passed only when hishiro managed to speak.
it wasn't over but the worst was over and done with, the rest of the day would slug past a little better.
usually the day would end in some sort of blurr that hishiro never could, or bothered trying to recall. it was suffocating.
this year was a little different though.
this would be the first time they would visit him since the funeral. mentally counting each headstone they passed, momentarily glancing at the faded names that likely, in a few more decades, would be unilledgeable. but it didn't matter, by then those lost would have been forgotten anyway.
34,35,36,37,38-
38.
hishiro stopped. at least they remembered the placement correctly. they weren't sure what they were expecting when they would arrive. staring at the stone slab they realized there was no major change. compared to ten minutes prior when they drove into the cemetery's lot, they felt no different. no worse, no better. pain was pain no matter where you were, apparently.
' Aiko k. Tanizaki
a son, brother, and friend
1996 - 2011 '
it was painfully simple. aiko wouldn't have made a fuss, but would've liked some sort of quote at least. maybe if hishiro could've picked one out had they not been so dazed back then.
it had been nearing a decade now-- which was surreal-- yet the grave didn't looked weathered at all. maybe aside from the green moss taking root at the sides. aiko wouldn't mind though, maybe would have made some sort of comment about earth- or - something.
…
they were supposed to be feeling something right now, weren't they? supposed to start sobbing, to break down all over again like they had done when they had woken up.
but- they couldn't. it held nothing.
it was nothing but a stone with some bland words etched into it.
it wasn't him.
it held nothing even resembling him.
how could they cry to something so-
empty? blank? dead?
it wasn't him at all. aiko was like the light it self. he was gentle, careful never to tread over anyone without making them feel weak like glass. soft spoken but always made his presence known when he entered a room. understanding. loving. patient. he reminded hishiro of a sundays morning sun.
this held none of it. it was gray stone, lifeless. pointless. a waste honestly.
" did you know them? "
blinking, and tearing their gaze away from the grave. an elder woman stood not far from them. wearing a blue cardigan with white pokadots. her short gray hair pulled back with a black clip.
" excuse me? "
a wry smile, " sorry dear didn't mean to startle you. did you know them? you've been standing here for a while. " she repeated, nodded towards the stone.
" oh. yes. "
she just smiled up at them, eyes ( brown they believed, but they were quite dark ) held nothing but understanding. carrying a type of wisdom only earned with age.
" mm, a lover? "
" brother. "
she nodded again at that, glancing briefly at it before back at hishiro, " 2011, my that's quite a long time to be without a brother isn't it. "
hishiro stared back. did they know this woman? they didn’t think so.
what did she want? hishiro was fairly certain this wasn't normal behavior in a place of death. she had to be here visiting so someone, what was she speaking to them for?
" you seemed sad. "
" what? "
" i was visiting my husband, " she pointed to a white cross type of a grave not far, " noticed you alone over here. you seemed sad. "
hishiro just blinked for a moment. sad? they hadn't even been crying. if anything they would think they looked a little more blank than sad. " i didn't realize. "
she didn't seem to surprised, just smiling with a gentle understanding. " i visit him every month. still miss him very day. ' it took them a moment to realize she was talking about her husband. " it's been five years now. but that doesn't make it easier, does it? "
"....no. no it doesn't. " they say softly. the look she gives him makes them realize she already expected that answer from them.
" you cherished him deeply, didn't you? "
" i do. "
" mm...were you close in age? "
hishiro didn't know why she was asking them questions.
" twins. " they replied either way.
" i see. "
a pause,
" will you tell me about him? i love hearing about new people. " she says. this time they note her voice reminded them of worn out silk.
for a moment, they just stared at her. considering refusing. they didn't know her, and they weren't sure what this would do for either of them.
yet a small part of them want to pour out everything. everything they had left unsaid for years, memories they haven't spoken about in a decade, not sure if they would ever be able to do the memory of Aiko justice.
the elder waited patiently and before they knew it, they were speaking again. actually, it quickly turned into rambling. starting with describing him. how, even from a young age, he always seemed wiser. how he could hold hishiros hand and guide them through hell unharmed.
they told her about his fascination with small animals and insects, how he always found it so incredibly funny, the looks on people's faces when they realized they were twins. complete opposites, twins.
they told them off the meaningless bickering when they were little, how he would always apologize with hot chocolate.
hishiro didn't even know when they started crying. voice faltering slightly as they continued, face damp all over again.
they didn't realize how sad they really were standing infront of the bland grave.
" one christmas, he made me create a whole new language with him. he said that- that all twins needed a secret way to communicate, a way only we could communicate. we never used it after that. i don't think he ever needed a made up language to understand me. "
eventually the sky above started to darken. a chill breeze replacing the sun's heat and the waves from the dock not far seemed just a bit louder. the old woman still smiling, still listening.
" he sounds absolutely lovely. im so glad i got to know him. you keep him, alright? "
leaning forward and gently tapping their chest at their confused expression. " right there. in your heart you hold all that you need. as long as you remember him, he will continue living. as long as you keep speaking of him, he will continue breathing. just through you now. "
she left shortly after that, returning to her husband to say goodbye before leaving.
turning back to the grave, they realized she was right. he didn't need a grave to convey who he was. hishiro was the one who knew ' Aiko Tanizaki ', they would be enough.
" thank you. " hishiro whispered. voice still a bit strained from crying and talking for so long, but it didn't matter.
if somehow Aiko were there,
he would have heard.
wiping their face, they found to ability to move once again. leaving the place of remembrance, a little easier than they had entered.