Chapter Text
You startled awake, your breath stuck in your throat. Your back arched off the bed, your mouth hanging open in agony. The pain was indescribable. Inescapable. Endless. Fire licked at your skin. Claws dug out your eyes. Molten daggers struck you, in your mouth, at your chest, in between your legs.
Then as soon as it began, it stopped. Your hands fluttered to your chest, your shoulders, your legs, searching for the source of the pain. Your hands touched cold metal, a rosary was around your neck. You wondered for a moment, why it was there. Rosaries are not meant to be worn.
Your breath rushed into your lungs, heavy and painful, sweet relief.
You screamed.
And beyond the walls, the devil listened.
The chapel was dead silent. Reverent. Not even the pigeons that made their homes on the alcoves could be heard.
You didn’t blame them. You would be stunned speechless as well if an angel had appeared in front of you. He stood behind the altar, arms spread, as if to welcome the world into heaven itself. His voice carried over the silence. High. Clear.
Beautiful.
He was beautiful. Snowy white hair, pure as the clouds, graced his head. Blue eyes that looked like the sky. Blue eyes that held God inside them. A face that was carved by the loving hands of the Creator himself. His stature tall and immovable.
Beautiful.
You sat in the pew, your hands in your lap. You held on to every word of his homily, clutching a silver rosary. It was a gift from your father.
“Hell, my brothers and sisters, is so rarely talked about these days. Why is that so? Has hell become something of the past now, as we move on with time? Has Hell become merely a parable of the elderly, a warning for the child who steals sugar?"
He paused, chuckling. Beautiful. “Or is it because we do not understand what it is? Simple human minds, unable to understand something like Hell. If so—” he paused. The silver cross dug into your palm.
“I will tell you about hell.” he drawled. Slow. Sure.
Beautiful.
“Hell, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, is no abstract concept. It is no great mystery, no epic destination for those who shun God. It does not punish, it does not torment. It does not pull you in and keep you inside. That is the Devil we are speaking of, but I do not wish to tell you about him. I wish to tell you about Hell. ”
“And all Hell does is simply be. ”
He paused for a while, then continued. “All Hell does is be. Be painful. Be fiery. Be inescapable.” Five syllables, spoken one by one, bounced off the walls.
The cathedral was dead silent. Reverent. Not even the pigeons that made their homes on the alcoves could be heard.
“I am just a man.” His perfect lips twitched.
“I am just a man, put here in front of you to serve God. There are things I cannot do.” His smile grew wider.
“There are things I cannot see.” Wider.
“There are things I cannot know.” Wider.
“I am just a man.” He was grinning now. You waited for him to sprout wings, waited for the gates of heaven to open behind him. The silver cross dug into your palm.
“But if there is one thing that I do know, it is that Hell does not come to us. We go to hell. Not fall, not trip, not end up in hell. We go there. Willingly, of our own accord.”
He took a deep breath, face cool once more. Regal. Beautiful.
“So listen to me, brothers and sisters, as I stand here in front of you today, and tell you to follow God.” You watched him smile again, slightly.
“Follow God. Do as he tells, do as he does. Follow God, for he will not lead you astray. Follow God, for he does everything, sees everything, knows everything.” His smile grew wider.
“Follow God, for he makes no mistakes.” Wider.
“Follow God, for he will keep you from Hell. God is your salvation. God is your truth. God is your everything .” Wider.
“Follow God, for throughout Heaven and Earth, he alone is the honored one.”
He was grinning now, wide and open. His eyes glowed. You waited for him to sprout wings, waited for the gates of heaven to open behind him, waited for him to come and reach a perfect hand to you.
The silver cross dug into your palm, drawing blood.
The people filtered out of the cathedral. They looked dazed. Starstruck. Later on, the news would spread around the land like wildfire. That a strange, foreign man had come, unannounced, like a beam of light. Rumor has it that he was sculpted from a glacier, that his pale skin would burn you if you touched him, his hair would melt in your fingers, his eyes would freeze you where you stood. Rumor has it that he worked miracles, turning water to wine, the blind to seeing, the lame to walking.
Rumor has it that he’s an angel who found his way into the middle of nowhere, to preach the words of God.
Rumor has it, he is God.
These rumors all spun in your head as you looked at him, merrily saying goodbye to the people. He was speaking to a small boy, from a nearby village. Kneeling down, he held a hand out. The boy kissed his ring. It had a small stone in it. Sapphire, matching his eyes.
He ruffled the child’s hair, and watched him run to his smiling mother.
Suddenly, his eyes were on you. You don’t remember seeing him move.
“Hello, Father Gojo.” You bowed your head in deference. Your hands shook slightly, rosary warm and sweaty.
He moved closer to you. He smelled like incense. He looked like heaven.
“Hello, sister. I don’t believe we’ve met?” His eyes were on you. You felt like you were falling. You didn’t hear your own name as you said it.
“Ah, yes. You sat in the front during my mass. I must admit, I am having quite a difficult time with your language.”
“From where do you hail, father?” You tried to smile.
He smiled too. Coy. “Somewhere from the East, the land of the rising sun.”
The land of the rising sun, you thought, how fitting.
You stared at his eyes. He was seeing right inside you. You tugged your habit closer, reminding yourself to confess very soon.
He smiled again. You could bear it no longer. “Well, father, it was nice meeting you. The next mass is in an hour, but I must go and help prepare. I wish you a blessed day.” You bowed in deference.
“And I you.” He let you leave. He watched you go.
Beautiful.