Work Text:
michael,
my fingertips are cold because they are no longer warmed by your hands. my heart is cold because you are no longer there to warm it. my life, my being is meaningless now, now that you are gone. i don’t know what i expected loneliness to feel like, but it certainly wasn’t like this. i didn’t expect for loneliness to feel like someone is clawing at your insides, digging their nails into your stomach. i didn’t expect for loneliness to tear you up so much inside that each time you turn over on the bed, tears spill out of your eyes. i didn’t expect for loneliness to feel like air had been taken out of your lungs. i didn’t expect for loneliness to be this harsh and cruel to me.
and it’s all because of you. you, a person that i held above all others. a person whose happiness i valued above my own. you, a person that i thought would always be here, a person that would never even think of leaving.
i guess that didn't mean anything to you because you left me without an explanation. i guess i didn't mean anything to you because you left without even saying sorry for leaving me utterly broken, tossed away like a useless toy.
tell me, what did you gain from this? just yesterday you called crying to say that you missed me. missed what? that i would always come to you when you beckoned? missed that i would hold you those nights when it was raining outside and you were scared?
let me tell you, if you did miss me, you would have never left. if you did miss me, you would be here right now. if you did miss me you would have loved me the same way i loved you.
i miss so many things about you, like the way you smile when you look at me, the way you used to say 'i love you', the way you held my hands in your own when my fingertips were cold. i miss having your body to hold those rainy nights. i miss you saying my name and begging me to come to you, to hold and appreciate you. there are not enough words to describe how much i miss you.
i hope that one day you will understand how much you hurt me. i hope that one day you will see how much you leaving affected me. i hope that one day you will see how selfish you were. i hope that one day you will understand.
adam.