Chapter Text
The notes of the song played in her mind slowly. One keystroke after the other.
“We should do this more often…” she whispered the words into her lover’s ear, a smile tugging at the sides of her lips.
“Yes...well...maybe after…” came the soft reply. Liara looked down, her eyes clouding with a future that would never be.
Shepard took her face in her hand, forcing Liara to look up at her. “Every day after.” She promised. She promised it and meant it. She would come back. Whatever it took, whatever the cost, she would come back.
The promise guided her to take a breath, then another. The pain was too much though…the dark crept in, and once again, Shepard fell into it.
Her eyes were so blue. God, she could look into those eyes forever. Why did she never have enough time to look into those beautiful eyes? When had life gotten so out of control?
Shepard leaned her face into the crook of Liara’s neck, resting there. Resting, but not quite. In the back of her head, the world still pressed in. The Reapers, the Genophage, everybody that she had lost so far, and everybody she still had to lose.
A short sob escaped her mouth. “Shh…” Liara soothed, running a hand through Shepard’s hair, smoothing it down. “It will be alright, I know it will be.”
Shepard didn’t look up, just stared into the spot where Liara’s neck met her back, gaze unfocused. “How do you know?”
“Because you’ll make sure it will be, Shepard. You always do.”
“Not always.”
Liara pulled back and looked into Shepard’s eyes. “What do you mean, my love?”
“Thane didn’t make it out of the suicide mission. Mordin...God...Mordin…” the tears started anew.
“Oh Shepard...they knew the cost. They did what they had to in order to make things right.”
“And how many others will we have to lose in order to make things right, Liara? When is the cost too great?”
Liara looked down at her hands. “I don’t know, Shepard. I only know that you’ll do your best...and that’s all we can ask of you.”
Her best. Was that what she had given? She guessed so. She had given everything she had, that much was for sure. Her body refused her as she tried to move. It had given everything it had. Her mind refused to do her bidding. It had given everything it had.
But was it enough?
Her heart thundered in her ears as she limped toward the power conduit. The world seemed empty of sound. Just her heart and her breath and her stumbled steps on the floor of the Citadel.
Her chest constricted as she looked at the conduit. She looked to the left, but the little boy was gone. It was just her and this final choice. Could she do it?
“I’m sorry EDI…” she whispered into nothing. Then she lifted the gun and shot.
The bullet pinged off the glass, but Shepard shot again, then again and again and again. This war was finished. The Reapers were done. The world didn’t need them anymore. Peace would finally come. Wasn’t that what they deserved? Wasn’t that what she deserved?
The world erupted into flame. “You better not be at that goddamn bar, Vakarian…” She didn’t even feel the impact.
When she awoke again, there was bright light. Her heart twisted. Was she dead? Was she finally dead? It wouldn’t be the first time , a voice muttered in her head. And yet, she didn’t feel dead. Or at least not how she thought that dead should feel. She was...she was in pain.
She groaned.
“Shepard? Guys, she made a sound, Shepard made a sound!”
“What do you mean she made a sound?”
“I mean she made a fucking sound, what else would I mean, cheerleader?”
“Turn up the sedative, she shouldn’t be awake yet--”
“Dialing the sedative now, Dr. Lawson.”
“No…” Shepard barely made out the word, but once again the world fell into still, dark silence.
She had spent hours in the rubble, picking up dogtags and remembering what had been lost. Who had been lost. Her heart ached, but she kept it together, mostly.
She didn’t know why she held the tears back. Her comms were off. It was just her down here. Just her and the sound of her feet crunching beneath the snow.
“No matter what you do, Nova, be strong. Don’t cry. Let that hurt build you up. You’ll be stronger for it.” The words of her father echoed in her mind. Was she stronger for it though? Was she stronger for the loss she had seen, stronger for holding her tears in and not letting herself feel anything but happiness?
She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore.
As she fell in the snow and looked at the wrecked hull of the ship she had called home, she tried to cry. Tried to let herself have those emotions. Tried to let herself process what had happened.
She had died. God, she had died.
And then they had brought her back. They brought her back again to save the world. Not...not for any personal reasons. But because they thought that nobody else could do it. That she was the only one that could save everybody.
The faces she had seen when she first woke up...weren’t friends. Or family. Or Liara.
Her heart clenched. Liara. Where was she?
There was a beeping sound. Shepard knew that sound. Heartbeat monitor. She took a breath, then panicked as she realized that there was something up her nose. She couldn’t--she couldn’t breathe--she was suffocating--she was dying, just as she had before…
“Commander! Commander calm down! Listen to me!”
It was a familiar voice, but Shepard thrashed, the sheets constricting her, keeping her confined, keeping her suffocating.
She gasped, and air flooded her lungs. She panted and glanced around the room wildly. This couldn’t be happening again. They had brought her back again. They didn’t know that she was broken . That she couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t...couldn’t…
“Liara?” It was barely a whisper. A croak from a voice long unused. A sob rose up in her throat.
“Shepard.”
She was...she was there. In front of her. Maybe she was dead after all. But that would mean…
Shepard covered her face with her hands. “I...I failed…”
Gentle hands pulled her own from her eyes. Liara stared at her, tears streaming. “No, Shepard. You won. You won for all of us.”
“This...this is real? I’m not dead?”
Liara choked out a laugh, wiping her eyes. “No, Shepard. You’re not dead.”