Work Text:
"Why haven't you ever been invited on this show?"
"What makes you think I haven't?"
"'Cause if you had you'd have gone. You're far too competitive to turn down a chance to beat some of the folks on that board."
"Really?"
"Tell me I'm wrong."
"It might not have ever been convenient."
"But am I wrong?"
"I'm not exactly a car guy, you know. And Bana's only just been on and you can't find a bigger petrolhead than him."
"Just say 'I've never been asked, Viggo.'"
"No, I haven't, but it's not exactly a career killer."
"But all the cool kids have so why do you think you haven't?"
"Are we back in school or summat? Cool kids."
"Maybe you intimidate Clarkson."
"I'm sure that's it."
"There has to be a reason. If Dumbledore can do it you should."
"Right. I was sworn to secrecy but since you won't shut up. I know you won't believe me, but you must promise not to repeat this to anyone."
"You'll be a guest next season?"
"Just promise, Vig."
"Pinky swear."
"I guess that'll have to do. So, this can never be repeated outside these four walls and after tonight I'll deny I ever told you."
"Oh for fuck's sake."
"Ok. I haven't been asked to drive the reasonably priced car because ... I'm the Stig."
-- -- --
"I knew you wouldn't believe me."
"I'm going to start a letter writing campaign. And a petition."
"You do that."
"Bean on Gear, or something catchier."
"While you plan can I get back to the paper?"
"Sure, sure. Maybe if I got you a muscle car ..."