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It was three am, again, and Patton was awake, again, because his baby wouldn’t shut up, again. He loved Virgil, he really did, with all his heart, but-
“WAAAAAAHHHHH!”
“Shh Shh Shh, hush sugarplum, no no no please-“ Patton tried to bounce Virgil more… calmly? Soothingly? God, anything to make him stop crying.
Virgil only wailed louder.
Patton struggled to remember what you were supposed to do with crying babies. Thinking felt like trying to wade through thick mud. He was so tired. So so so tired. He craved sleep like nothing else…
But he couldn’t. Especially not with Virgil’s screaming. Why was he screaming?! Why wouldn’t he just SHUT UP?!
Food! Right. When was Virgil last fed? Two hours ago? Three?
He couldn’t remember. God he was a terrible parent. Why did he think he could do this? He was so selfish for bringing Virgil into the world just to treat him like an expensive toy.
He was a shit dad. A horrible dad. A terrible horrible awful excuse for a parent, why did he even have Virgil?
Fucking lazy piece of shit. He hurried into the kitchen to get Virgil’s bottle. Can’t even feed your baby right. He checked the temperature against his wrist. One of these days you’re going to let him starve. There was a pile of dishes in the sink and his mile long to-do list on the counter. The dishes were supposed to be done three days ago.
He put the teat between Virgil’s small, spit-covered lips. He latched on immediately and started sucking, eyes closing and looking utterly peaceful.
Patton let out a choked sob. He was hungry you forgot to feed him he was hungry you forgot to feed him he was hungry you forgot to feed him he was hungry you forgot to-
It was finally quiet.
Tears slipped down Patton’s red cheeks. Oh thank god it was quiet. His ears were still ringing, the sound of unhinged, horrible screaming echoing in his brain.
But now, it was quiet.
Silence was wonderful, Patton realized. He had forgotten the sound. The lack of sound. His mind filled with a pleasing buzzing sensation, like static TV.
…The world was flickering. Why was it flickering?
He was walking… where? The room smelled bad- like shit. Actual shit. He needed to take the trash out, he should make a note of that…
Was he a zombie? No… but then why was he walking and not meaning to- his feet treading across the creaky wood floor felt so heavy.
The world suddenly started tilting, and he landed on something hard and uncomfortable- the couch? But he didn’t have much time to think on it, because then everything went dark.
—————
When Patton woke up, everything hurt.
Literally. From his pounding head to the soles of his feet. Every muscle ached and every bone creaked.
He curled up, groaning, feeling a clean set of sheets flow over his legs, soft as air. His mattress, still hard and lumpy, felt infinitely softer than he remembered it.
Wait a second. He definitely didn’t fall asleep in bed last night.
Did he sleepwalk to bed? But then why were his sheets clean? And why did it smell like bacon?
Patton yawned and stretched, relishing in the popping of his spine. He actually felt… refreshed. Coherent.
Oh shit! Virgil!
In seconds he rushed out of his bedroom, frantic, only to see…
His friends? In the living room?
Janus was sweeping the floor, Remus crouched at his feet holding the dustpan. Logan was making breakfast. And Roman was sitting on the couch with Virgil, quiet and content, in his lap.
Patton surveyed the scene, completely in shock. Was he so sleep deprived he was hallucinating?
Roman glanced over at him and gasped. “Patton! You should be in bed, resting!”
“Huh? No, I’m fine… what are you all doing here?” He could barely process Roman’s words.
“We wanted to surprise you, since we haven’t heard from you in weeks.” Janus said, with an undertone of snark as usual. “But when we showed up, the little one was crying in his crib and you were passed out on the couch.”
He passed out?! And left Virgil alone?! With no adult supervision?! Holy shit he could’ve been hurt! Was he stupid?! Probably.
Logan seemed to notice his panicked look. “He was alright, don’t worry, honestly we were more concerned about you. When did you last sleep?”
Patton tried to remember, but he honestly couldn’t. “Two weeks ago? Maybe?”
Logan gave him a look of horror. Towelling off the last of the bacon, pressing with more force than necessary, he told Patton sternly, “That is not healthy. For you or for Virgil.”
“I know, I know-“
“The place was a mess when we came, you looked dead to the world and Virgil had clearly missed a few diaper changes- you need to sleep, Patton.” He said, arms crossed and just oozing disappointment.
Patton let out a choked sob. Even Logan thought he was a failure. “I’m sorry! I tried!” He tried so hard, he worked himself half to death, but it still didn’t work. He was exhausted, his baby hated him, and his apartment was a mess. “But he just kept waking up! Every time I’d manage to fall asleep I’d be up again in 10 minutes I just- I couldn’t-“ His shoulders trembled, nausea rising in his throat. He couldn’t look Logan in the eye, not after being humiliated like this. He had to be rescued because he couldn’t look after his own baby. Pathetic
Janus, kind, firm Janus walked up to him, gently lifted his chin with two gloved fingers, and wiped his teary cheeks. His arms curled around Patton’s middle and let him lean into his chest.
“It’s okay.” He said softly, running his hands through Patton’s hair. “We’re here now. Virgil’s okay. He’s safe. You’re safe.”
Patton’s sobs caught in his throat and he started crying, really crying, crying in a way he hadn’t let himself for months. Janus held him close and kept him hidden from the world.
“I’m a failure.”
“No you’re not. You’re struggling, and that’s okay.”
“I-I- I don’t want to hurt him, I-“
“We’ll take care of Virgil today, okay? You go take a shower- no, a bath, and get back to bed.”
A bath? His sore muscles would appreciate it… but Virgil- no. He trusted them. They could take care of Virgil while he took some time for himself.
Otherwise… he’d only get worse. Forget more things. Crash more often.
So, still only half awake, he headed into the small bathroom.
—————
Logan sighed. “You didn’t let him eat.”
Janus glared back at him. “You made him cry.”
“Not on purpose.”
“Did you see him? The bags under his eyes? He looked like death warmed over. You shouldn’t have said that.”
Logan nodded in agreement and handed Janus a piece of bacon, which he bit into. “I’ll apologize later.”
Roman strolled over, Virgil in his arms. The small child was sucking on his thumb, eyebrows furrowed, his little hood pulled over his head. “Milk is required by his royal whininess!” Roman announced dramatically, grabbing the bottle and going to sit down. Virgil let out small huffy whines and reached for the bottle angrily. “Pat wasn’t kidding, you are a grumpy little thing.”
“Can I feed it?” Remus asked, pulling some serious puppy eyes.
The whole time they were here, they had been avoiding showing Remus’ heavily-pierced face to the baby. But apparently Roman had completely forgotten about that because in a second Virgil was in Remus’ tattoo covered arms.
“Aren’t you an adorable little crotch goblin! I could just strangle you alive!”
Virgil, predictably, burst into tears.
“Remus!” Logan chastised, but Remus didn’t react. He quickly grabbed the bottle and gently nudged the teat into Virgil’s soft mouth.
He started to suckle instantly. “You were just hangry, weren’t you, you overdeveloped fetus?” Remus cooed, brushing Virgil’s long, unruly bangs back out of his eyes. “You’re just the little sperm that could, arent you! You swam the fastest! Yes you did! Yes you did!”
Roman fake gagged and threw his arm dramatically over the back of the couch. “How long is Super-dad going to be asleep?”
Logan shrugged. “A few hours, hopefully. If Virgil doesn’t cry.” He glared at Remus as a warning. If that fussy baby even made one peep Patton would surely come running out to help, and that was the last thing he needed.
Remus handed Janus the bottle and walked around the room, patting Virgil’s back to burp him. “We’re going to clean and watch Virgil the whole time, right- oh big burp! Good job!”
Janus set the bottle in the sink to clean later, heaving a deep sigh. “That’s the plan. I don’t want to think about what might’ve happened if we didn’t plan to show up today…”
“Yes. He could’ve seriously gotten hurt.”
“I can’t imagine what he must be feeling right now. The guilt? The shame?” Jan said, worrying his lip between his teeth. Patton needed to get better, and soon, or Virgil could be in danger.
“That’s what we’re here for!” Roman cheered.
Janus relaxed, shoulders falling. Of course. Patton had all of them to help him. They’d keep him and Virgil safe, no matter what it took. If Patton had to sacrifice so much- they all could give a little. “Exactly.”
Patton smiled as he listened from the hallway. It would be okay.