Work Text:
PING!... PING!
Tony blindly reached out to grab his cellphone, not even really looking towards it as he tried to finish working on Sam's Redwing. He glanced at the new texts after fixing one of the wings, and… He refreshed his phone.
Did he just read that correctly? Maybe Pepper was right and he needed to admit that he was getting old and his eyes were at the point of messing with him. But no, he saw it correctly. Because as soon as his phone refreshed, the same texts appeared, from an unknown number. How did he even get a text from an unknown number? He had FRIDAY block those! He asked this to his AI.
“I found it an emergency, boss.”
Well, then that meant the texts were for real and even more worrisome.
Unknown
Hey ned could you do me a favor plz? And dont tell may
How do i get a 3 inch thick pole out of my abdomen without breaking the pole???
Tony blinked a few times and tried to register the imagery in that sentence, but found his mind wouldn’t cooperate.
A few seconds later, he found himself texting the person back.
Tony
1. You have the wrong number. 2. Go to a hospital not your friend. 3. How the heck did you get a pole punctured into your abdomen?!
He only had to wait a few seconds for the reply, so the person was obviously waiting for and relying on his friend's reply. Their answer however was not the one Tony expected.
Unknown
Hello then stranger! Sorry this is a new phone and my friend got a new number, so I guess I got it wrong. Would you still happen to know the answer though??
How it happened: you don’t wanna know.
Tony
Hospital. Please.
Now.
Unknown
No can do. I can’t go to a hospital for several reasons, the main one being that I am stuck with the pole in me so I literally can’t move until I get off of it.
What. The. Frick?!
Tony immediately had FRIDAY call Bruce down, who shortly arrived with Natasha beside him. The redhead frowned when she saw the paleing of his face, “Tony, what is it? FRIDAY said it was an emergency, and you look like you saw a ghost.”
Tony gave an icy chuckle, “I might in a minute here. This person texted me by accident, but I can’t let them stop texting me because they’ve got a friggin’ pole stuck in them!”
Bruce paused in his steps for a moment and tried to process this, before he rushed over and looked at the texts in panic. “What?! Call the ambulance!”
“He won't, and he can’t go to the hospital. He can’t get up until he gets the pole out.”
Natasha looked over the texts and frowned. “I could be wrong, but it’s never happened before so I’m most likely not… but I think he means that it’s impaled him.”
Well didn’t that just make it a ton better?! “Bruce, what can he do?”
Unknown
I have a friend here who can help. He’s a doctor.
He says to go to the hospital after the pole is out.
Peter snorted a bit. The pole wasn’t the only reason he couldn’t go to the hospital, but he couldn’t very well tell them the other reasons.
At 10 pm, Peter found himself on top of some apartment building continuing his patrol. He was about to swing off when his Spidey Sense alerted him of a bird coming his way. He thought nothing of it, until he realized the bird was actually heading for him; as in it was trying to hit him. For whatever reason(perhaps it thought it hit the jackpot for a giant spider to eat), the bird rammed headfirst into his side, throwing his balance off, and sending him down onto a lower rooftop.
Good news? It didn’t hurt! Bad news? He apparently landed on top of an old satellite dish, and broke it. The disk broke off, but the pole keeping it held up had decided to skewer Peter in his right lumbar region.
Peter
There are other reasons I can’t go to a hospital, but tell him I said sure.
Unknown
First off how old are you? He wants to know to see if we should worry of internal damage.
Shit. Peter hoped this part could be avoided. But, he supposed he probably should Incase something important got hit. His healing would take care of it later on, but he should still keep track of how many times one of his kidneys of lungs got punctured.
Peter
Don’t freak out on me okay?
Unknown
You would only say that if you’re young.
Peter
...15
Peter
...In 3 months
Bruce nearly turned green, but they didn’t know if it was from the Hulk or from the sickening realization. Natasha cursed in several languages and tried to keep a still grip on Bruce’s arm, trying to keep the both of them steady and not freaked out. Tony felt like his heart broke.
Tony
Why the heck were you impaled?
Unknown
I fell onto it. Long story short, I want to avoid breaking the pole, which is completely likely in this case, because it doesn’t belong to me.
Natasha threw up her hands in aggravation. “Who the heck cares?! If the kids impaled with it, then the owners would have a tough time suing!”
Bruce wiped his hands over his face in trying to calm from his panic. “Alright alright… Umm, Tony? How thick did he say it was?”
“Three inches.”
“...Call him.”
Peter answered the phone after a second, giving a small grin as he answered, “I thought this was a text only relationship?”
“Kid, this is bad. Can you show us what it looks like, or give us the run down here?”
Peter frowned as he looked to the exit point. It had gone through his suit so… No. He couldn’t give them any visuals, or else they’d know he was Spider-Man. They may not know his name, but so far; they had his cellphone number, his age, and the name of his friend and aunt. He couldn’t risk them knowing he was Spider-Man.
“Umm… It’s close to my side, so there’s not much skin beside it to keep it from just tearing off. I don’t like that idea though, so I guess that’s a ‘no’. Let’s see… There’s not that much blood coming from it, but that could mainly be because I’m using the pole like a plug. I don’t feel woozy or faintish really, so I guess it didn’t hit anything important? Maybe my gallbladder, at the least. I can live without that, right?”
There was mumbling in the background, and he felt like he heard someone speaking in quick Russian before the man returned. “Technically yes, but you still don’t want it broken inside of you, kiddo. Which way did it enter?”
That same damned bird that had rammed into him was now sitting on the edge of the roof. He knew it was the same bird because it had the same bluish-grey marking on its left eye. It was basically glaring at him, as if he was the reason they had both fallen from the sky!
“I fell on my back, so I want to pull it out from that way. I’m kind of just lying here on top of it because it’s attached to the roof, and I really need to go to the bathroom now…”
“...You're on a roof?”
Shit. “Uhm, y-yeah. The roof of my apartment building. So, how do I pull this sucker out?”
The bird was still there. Peter glared back at it and pointed his hand out, not at all sorry as he smirked and shot a web at the bird. He didn’t shoot much, just enough to spook it and make it fly away.
Ahh, wasn't revenge sweet?
The phone was given up, as another man started to speak through it. “Kid, I’m being serious here; go to a hospital after this, you hear me?” He sighed and tried to muddle through his words, “Alright, how much space is there on both sides?”
Peter looked to the top of the pole that was sticking out. “Umm, about an inch in the back, before I hit the ground. There’s most likely a good three inches going through me, and… I’d guess about five inches went completely though.”
“Kid, how the hell are you even speaking and being so calm?”
Peter, for some ridiculous reason, didn’t stop himself from uttering the words that came to his mind. “I’ve been through a heck of a lot worse. This is just the first time I’ve been impaled and couldn’t just break it. Last time it was a blade.”
There was a silence on both ends.
Shoot-
Clint dropped the remote controller in his hand; Sam choked on his drink; Bucky remained still and frozen in his steps; Steve accidentally snapped the spatula he was using; Wanda gaped and tried not to tear up; Vision remained aloof but showed shock on his face; Rhodey tripped into his chair; and Thor remained the only one to not react badly(as he didn’t fully understand how bad this was). These were the reactions when Tony, Natasha, and Bruce told them of what had gone on in the past hour.
Thor frowned in confusion, “What is a satellite pole?”
Rhodey smiled weakly, trying to calm himself from the oncoming rising panic. “It’s a three inch thick metal pole that should remain outside of a person's body. Especially, a childs!”
Thor’s eyes widened as he realized the full gravity of the situation. Clint looked at them in panic, “He went to the hospital after, right?!”
Tony huffed and shook his head, “Most likely not. FRIDAY is trying to trace his phone, but the kid must have some serious coding skills, as she can’t get past his firewalls. He won’t reply to any more texts or calls, but he hasn’t blocked me or anything, so I’m going to keep trying. He was pretty serious about not going to the hospital.”
Sam rubbed his temple, “Jesus… How the heck has this kid been through worse?! Even then, how can he get used to it enough to stay calm through it all?”
Natasha sighed as she and Bruce sat down on the couch, both too tired to focus on anything else for the day. “I don’t know, but he seems to be doing fine for now. I threatened to hunt him down if he didn’t go to a doctor if it got bad, and he did agree sincerely, so we can hope he doesn’t die.”
Tony hoped so, but he was still scared.
Ned blinked a few times and frowned, not sure if he truly understood what his best friend was saying. “So you got three random strangers to help you from getting unimpaled?”
Peter smiled cheerfully and bright, “Yep~”
MJ didn’t hesitate to close her book and use it to smack Peter upside the head. “Idiot.”
Peter shrugged. “It’s the bird's fault, really. I’m the victim.” This logic was only believable to his own ears.
MJ huffed and looked at the texts sent on his phone, “I'm surprised you didn't just accidentally tell them you're Spiderman. What was the reason you gave for getting impaled a bunch?”
Peter smiled a bit lopsided, scratching the back of his neck as he looked at the new texts from the Unknown person. He had nicknamed them on his phone as ‘Karens Enemy’, because his AI had told him that they had tried to track his location, most likely to make sure he was safe. “I didn't actually give a reason? I just talked over and ignored when they asked on it, so they just eventually gave up.”
Ned rose an unimpressed brow, “Dude, why did you come to school today if this was just last night?”
“We have a test in Spanish, obviously. Also, I was told I’d get a week of detention and ISS if I had another unexcused absence. Me bleeding out isn’t nearly as horrible as having to sit through those Captain America PSA’s on repeat.” Peter shrugged as if it was an acceptable answer, and both of his friends groaned, though they did agree on that last comment.