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Damien is drunk and half asleep, leaning on Shayne’s shoulder and watching some romantic comedy Shayne randomly chose on Netflix when he says it.
“I think I’d really like to be proposed to someday,” he says, voice coming out in a low mumble.
Shayne turns to look at him, breath caught in his throat. They haven’t really talked about marriage much, it isn’t something either of them are very concerned about at the moment. “That so?” he asks. He can feel the slight quiver in his voice, hopes Damien is drunk enough to miss it.
“Yeah, I just think I’d do a really bad job of it, you know? But I’ve always felt this pressure to be the one to do it, even when I was younger. Gender stereotypes and shit. I think I’d just… rather be on the receiving end.”
Shayne takes a deep breath and swallows. This isn’t a conversation he wants to fully have while Damien is drunk, so he gently changes the subject. “Gender roles are bullshit, huh?”
Damien nods against his shoulder before turning his head and placing a soft kiss to his shirt sleeve. “They sure are,” he says, voice muffled against the fabric of Shayne’s shirt. He’s barely comprehensible, with the combination of the alcohol, being tired, and having his mouth directly on Shayne’s shoulder. Shayne laughs softly.
“Let’s get you to bed, babe,” Shayne suggests, standing up slowly and offering a hand to his boyfriend. Damien groans but accepts it, leaning on Shayne for support when he finds himself having an exceptionally hard time balancing.
“It’s not even that late,” Damien grumbles. “And it’s Saturday.”
“You’ll regret it in the morning if you don’t come to bed with me right now. Plus, how am I going to cuddle you if you don’t come with me?” Shayne asks, squeezing Damien’s hand. Damien smiles before allowing himself to be led the rest of the way to their bedroom.
Damien is asleep in his arms in minutes, and as he falls asleep to the sound of his boyfriend’s breathing, Shayne can’t help but think that he wants to have this forever.
Shayne always wakes up before Damien. No matter when he goes to bed, his body always wants to be awake early in the morning. Normally, he uses the alone time to get in a workout and a shower before waking Damien up to get ready to leave for work, but today he decides to lay in bed for a little while longer before heading to the kitchen to make them both breakfast. Nothing too complicated, just pancakes, bacon, and coffee, but it’s something.
He’s almost finished with everything when he hears the tell-tale shuffle of a half-asleep Damien Haas coming into the kitchen.
“Morning, babe!” he calls from his position at the stove.
“Mrn,” Damien grumbles before shuffling his way into the bathroom. Shayne smiles softly, finishing up the bacon and taking the time Damien is in the bathroom to set the table. He just finishes making two cups of coffee when the bathroom door opens, showcasing a still barely awake Damien. “For me?” he asks, sitting down at the table and eyeing the food.
“For us, technically, but yes. For you.”
Damien groans as he bites into a pancake. “God, I love you.”
“I love you too, Dames,” Shayne says, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. “Speaking of that, do you, uh, remember what you said last night? Right before we went to bed?”
“I complained that you were making me go to bed too early on a Saturday night.”
“Before that?”
“You said something about gender roles and- oh.” Damien’s eyes go wide and his fork pauses in midair, a small piece of pancake flopping back onto his plate. Shayne quickly places his hand over Damien’s. “I- uh, I didn’t mean- well, I did mean- shit.”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Breathe for a second for me, okay?” Shayne says, lacing Damien’s fingers with his. Damien takes a few deep, grounding breaths before looking at Shayne again.
“I meant… that. But I didn’t mean it as a, like, guilt trip or some kind of pressure? I just meant it sort of in general. I think the movie we were watching just got to my tipsy brain and I started thinking, you know? We haven’t really talked about that much and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I did.”
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable. It was kinda cute, honestly. Can I just- can I clarify one thing real quick?” Shayne takes a bite of a piece of bacon while he waits for Damien to answer.
“Yeah, of course.”
“So, I know we haven’t talked about it much, but I just want to be sure. You’re saying you would not be against that happening… with us?” Shayne looks away from the table as he asks, feeling slightly nervous.
Damien stares holes into his plate, his cheeks turning redder with every passing second. “I- yeah. Yeah, I am,” he finally says, looking back up at Shayne. Shayne smiles before getting up and standing behind Damien’s chair, wrapping his arms around Damien’s neck and placing a kiss to the top of his head. He can hear the way Damien’s breath shakes just so.
“Noted,” he says, smiling. Shayne can see just how flustered Damien is as he sits back down in his chair to finish his breakfast.
The rest of their day passes without much fuss. They spend a few hours on the couch, watching Netflix and playing video games, before Damien heads upstairs to get ready for his regular Sunday stream. Once Damien has all but locked himself in the office, Shayne grabs his phone and fires a quick text to Courtney.
hey, you have a sec? he sends, and he doesn’t even get a reply before his phone is ringing, Courtney’s contact picture coming up on the screen. Shayne answers without hesitation.
“Hey,” he answers.
“What’s up?” Courtney says, their voice laced with concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine, I just… I think I’m going to propose to Damien.”
Shayne hears an audible gasp on the other line. “Oh my god, really?” Courtney asks. “That’s- that’s so great! When are you going to do it? How?”
“So that’s the problem. I know I want to propose to him, and I know he wants me to propose to him. But the how? It’s a complete fuckin’ mystery to me. Do I go goofy, romantic, public, private? What’s he going to love the most?”
“It’s Damien,” they say. “He’s going to love anything you do. He already loves everything you do, honestly. Just have fun with it, Shayne. You could even propose during a Smosh video if you wanted, I bet the fans would love that,” she laughs, clearly making the suggestion as a joke, but Shayne freezes.
“Wait- that’s actually a really good idea. What if,” he thinks for a second. “What if we do another Eat It or Yeet It? We go back to the old version of the show, with the bell and everything, and then the big bite has something to do with rings. Maybe a ring in a piece of cake? No, that’s cliche.”
“Hold on, hold on. For real? How are you going to make sure he waits until the big bite?”
“I would help make the food again, like I did for that one episode. And I could always give him a little warning the day we shoot. We’re not supposed to, but I don’t think anyone would be upset if I did, given the circumstances.” Shayne’s quiet for a few moments before it hits him. “Oh my god,” he says. “What if we put a few cheap rings inside an In-N-Out burger?”
“That’s perfect!” Courtney yells. “You should pitch this, seriously. I think it would work out really well.”
“I will. Thank you, Court. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Once he’s off the call, Shayne sits down and starts planning. He has the entire pitch mapped out in his head, and decides he wants to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later.
So he does. The next day at work he talks with Garrett and sets up a pitch meeting. He wants to keep the amount of people “in the know” as small as possible, so there’s no chance of Damien finding out, which means it’s only a few producers and Courtney in the room. The pitch goes over exactly how they expect it to, with everyone being completely on board from the start. They agree on a timeline of about a month, which is quicker than Shayne would have expected, but Garrett admits he already has some dishes planned for future Eat It or Yeet It episodes so it won’t take as long.
Shayne goes out after work that same day and buys a ring. It’s not a flashy thing, a simple, silver band, but he knows Damien would prefer it over something loud and ostentatious. He panics about keeping it in their house without him finding it, so he runs by Courtney’s place and asks her to keep it safe for him.
The month that follows is both the slowest and fastest month of Shayne Topp’s life. He spends it figuring out what he’s going to say, how he’s going to say it, what he’s going to do if Damien says no, and just generally worrying about the entire operation. He has multiple late-night phone calls with Courtney, reassuring him that this is a good idea and that Damien will say yes. He also spends more time than he thought he would need to figuring out the logistics of putting a bunch of fake rings inside of a hamburger. They have to make sure Damien will bite into at least one ring no matter where he decides to bite from. They end up placing a selection of cheap, 50 cent grocery store gachapon machine rings (sanitized, of course) on the burger and stuck halfway inside the patty, ensuring Damien will bite at least one of them.
The night before the shoot, lying in bed in Damien’s arms, Shayne clears his throat.
“Hey, babe?” he says, voice soft.
“Yeah?” comes Damien’s reply, arm tightening around Shayne’s waist.
“You trust me, right?”
“Of course I do, baby, what’s up?” Damien asks, pressing his lips to the back of Shayne’s head.
“We’re filming Eat It or Yeet It tomorrow. Wait until the big bite, okay? Don’t ring the bell for anything else.”
Damien makes a confused noise, but Shayne feels his lips move up and down, signaling a nod. “Yeah, okay. I can do that.”
“Good. Thank you. And, Dames?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The next morning, Shayne almost doesn’t want to go to work. He’s too comfortable in his boyfriend’s arms to get up. He still manages to crawl out of bed and get both him and Damien to work on time, albeit just a bit sleepy at first. They have a few hours of shooting before Eat It or Yeet It, and Shayne can feel his nervous energy building, can feel it swirling in his stomach and making his chest tight.
As they’re making their way to the Smosh Pit studio, Courtney pulls Shayne aside, handing him the little box with the ring inside and giving him a big double thumbs up. He smiles at them, sliding the box in his back pocket before getting ready to shoot what will likely become the most important video he’s ever shot.
The shoot progresses like a normal Eat It or Yeet It shoot, Courtney does the intro, explains that the game is going back to the old bell format, and announces that Shayne helped make the dishes for the episode. Damien stays true to his word, not hitting the bell for anything even when Noah practically begs him to. Shayne watches Damien when that happens, sees the way Damien doesn’t even consider ringing the bell for Noah, and it makes him smile, makes him think about how much he loves this man.
Before Shayne knows it, Noah has managed to eat the horrible dish forced upon him by Damien (ghost pepper tea, maybe? Shayne isn’t too sure) and it’s time for the big bite. Shayne looks over at Garrett, who smiles and nods at him before placing an innocuous In-N-Out bag inside the platter and putting the lid on it. Shayne brings it out and sets it gently on the table, sneaking a wink at Damien while he does. Damien snorts and sticks his tongue out playfully at Shayne as he walks back to his chair.
The look on Damien’s face when Courtney lifts the lid and reveals the In-N-Out bag makes Shayne chuckle. Damien doesn’t even wait for the countdown before slamming his hand on the bell and reaching for the bag. Shayne feels his chest tighten again as Damien pulls the doctored burger out of the bag and sets it on the plate Courtney places in front of him.
“Well, I know it’s not burger but cold this time,” he jokes, picking up the burger and preparing himself to take a bite. Everyone at the table laughs before giving him the typical Eat It or Yeet It countdown from three. Shayne holds his breath as Damien bites down on the burger and even Courtney looks anxious. It takes all of three seconds for Damien to realize there’s something wrong with the food that’s been given to him. He’s unable to bite all the way through, seemingly stopping in the middle of the burger by some unseen force.
“What- what is th-” he starts, taking the burger out of his mouth and spitting something onto the table. It connects with a thunk, and Damien reaches out to pick it up. “Is this… a plastic ring?” he asks, holding it up to the camera. Shayne stands up and begins walking over to where his boyfriend is sitting. Damien looks back at the burger, pulling it apart. “There’s rings everywhere,” he says, confused, looking over to where Shayne and Garrett were sitting, finding Shayne standing next to him.
“Shayne?” Damien asks, the original ring he bit into still held between his fingers. “What is this?”
Shayne smiles, hands shaking as he drops to one knee in front of Damien. He ignores the excited gasps from his coworkers as he begins. “Remember what you said about a month ago? When you were tipsy and we were watching that movie?” Shayne starts, and Damien’s eyes go wide. “It… got me thinking. I love you. So much. I love getting to do life with you, getting to work with you and come home to you. I love the way you snuggle the cats and the way you talk to them when you think I’m not listening. I love how kind you are, how overwhelmingly selfless and loving you are. I love making you laugh when we’re just sitting on the couch together and watching the way you fold over yourself with joy. There’s nothing in the world that makes me happier than you.” Shayne pauses, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the small, velvet box. He opens it, looking up into Damien’s eyes. “Will you marry me?”
Damien wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, putting the plastic ring down on the table before nodding, grabbing Shayne’s free hand in his own, and saying “Yes. Yes, Shayne. Of course I’ll marry you.”
Shayne visibly relaxes, and Damien stands from his chair, pulling Shayne up with him. Shayne gently takes Damien’s left hand, sliding the actual ring onto his finger, before reaching up and tugging Damien into a kiss. After they kiss, Shayne rests his forehead against Damien’s. “Told you to trust me,” he says, and Damien just smiles.
“I always will.”