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Reki was 12 when his family commented on his weight for the first time. It was a family reunion for his cousin who had returned from his two month trip around Europe and his mother was hosting a BBQ to welcome him back. Reki had been busy with school so he hadn't seen his family in a while and he wished he kept it that way. All the comments about him still not losing his baby fat made him laugh politely but subtly move the plate away from him, they were jokes right? Friendly jokes that every family made to each other, but he couldn't help but feel the sting of their words. A few days later he was fine, back to his usual self again the words no longer stinging as much.
A year later, when he was 13, Reki had his first encounter with bullying. At first he laughed it off, as it was only meaningless words and insults. Empty threats with a few slurs mixed in but easy enough to ignore on it's own. The effects on him were also easy to hide as well, no one had to see him break down crying in the bathroom when he knew it was safe to do so. The bruises were harder to ignore, but he managed. Long t shirts and hoodies hid the worst of it, he even became good at makeup to hide the ones on his face, blaming his skill on helping his younger sisters for teaching him. But this just made the bullying worse, it moved on from school bullying where teachers would step in eventually and became harassing him on the street to and from school, when he left his house he was constantly looking over his shoulder for the group. Of course he didn't tell anyone this, the bruises and scrapes were from skateboarding, the black eye was from running into a door and the crack on his screen was from dropping it off his bed. He had an excuse for everything and it became second nature to lie when he thought he messed up.
At age 14, Reki had picked up some coping mechanisms to deal with everything. His nails became just long enough for red lines to trace his forearms and dig half moon shapes into the palms of his hands. He didn't know when this started but as soon as it did, he didn't exactly want to stop, it calmed him down after all. Reki often found himself staring at himself in the full length mirror in his room, tracing the bruises over his stomach trying to remember who gave him that particular bruise. Was it the bullies who still hadn't moved on from him and still found it funny to see him flinch away from their raised hands or was it from his father who always seemed to get annoyed at his presence no matter what he did? Or was it actually from skateboarding? He had lost track of when new bruises and scrapes popped up. It was during one of these days where Reki found himself tracing the faint outline of his ribs only slightly hoping he could see them a bit clearer. The words of his family two years prior started to come back as he pinched and pulled at the skin covering his ribs, stomach, wrists and thighs. The more he stared at himself the more the image of his body became distorted and stretched in a weird, abstract mess of himself and all he could see were the things he hated.
It was at this time he met his first friend, his best friend. Reki wasn't afraid to admit that he loved him, but the line between platonic and romantic was slightly blurred, not sure when one ended and the other started. He also skated and taught Reki so much more, more than he could ever teach himself by watching videos online. Reki fell in love with skating all over again, enjoying the feeling of freedom, the power it gave him when he jumped over his first ramp. He could nail so many tricks in a matter of months and enjoyed it every time as if it was the first time he did it well. It was the first time he felt truly happy with where he was in life.
But that happiness didn't last long as Reki found himself sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, willing for his best friend to wake up and be okay. He blamed himself for what happened. He should've stopped him from partaking in the race, but he was so in love with his best friend, he wanted to support his decision and put all of his faith in him. Watching him fall off the side of the cliff was the worst minute of his life, the sound of his body scraping against the rough rock before hitting the floor haunted his dreams for months. In the year of being friends, Reki was introduced to S, an underground skating community where some of the best skaters participated in dangerous races. There weren't any rules and he watched in amazement when Shadow threw mini bombs at his opponent, or when Joe launched off rocks, maximizing his speed and win a race or even when Cherry talked to his AI skateboard about the angle of each turn and jump so he could win no matter what. Their skill exceeded the skill and technique of many professional skateboarders. Of course Reki only went to support his friend, wearing the pin on his collar proudly and cheering each time his friend got on the board. But the thing they both loved ended one in hospital with a coma and the other alone again, plagued with nightmares of that night. His friend did eventually wake up, remembering the majority of his life, a few things were missing, including his skill of skating but he was back and in the best condition he could be. Reki couldn't be happier, hoping that even if they wouldn't be able to skate together, they'd still be able to hang out just like before. But he was thrown into a depressive episode when he had to say goodbye to the only friend he had when he moved back to his hometown in Romania.
Reki was alone again, his 15th birthday the worst one he had. His family continued their jokes about his weight and the food he was eating, it stung a lot more this time. He broke down in private, unable to stop the thoughts about his body and how he wasn't good enough for anyone. His hands pinched at his sides as he dug his nails into his forearms trying to satisfy his thoughts. Reki had his first anxiety attack on his 15th birthday.
He told himself that he wasn't good enough for anyone, no matter what he did, he wasn't good enough. His weight wasn't good enough, his skating wasn't good enough. If he wasn't completely positive, he would be a disappointment. He forced himself to keep his issues to himself because he didn't want to be a burden. Reki didn't deserve his new friends, they were too good for him. Cherry, Joe and Shadow, people he watched race and skate for years were somehow talking to him and laughing alongside him, Joe made him food when everyone went to his restaurant with minimal complaints. Shadow drove everyone around, throughout S, to and from hospital and became the designated babysitter and Cherry, Cherry patched him up each time he fell off his skateboard and told him he should be more careful. But their talents exceeded his and Reki knew he wouldn't be able to catch up. On good days, Reki told himself that they had been skating for as long as he's been alive so of course they'd be a lot better. But his other friends, Miya and Langa. Miya was three years younger than him and at a National level. His skating was better than everyone in his year group and won the majority of his competitions. And Langa, he was a snowboarder. Of course he'd be more talented than Reki. They all had each other, they didn't need Reki. He didn't offer anything to the group, everyone had their part and Reki was dragging everyone down with him.
Now at 16 years old, Reki curled up on the bathroom floor shivering and crying as he forced himself to throw up the food he just ate. He was at a gathering his manager was hosting for the anniversary of Dope Sketch. Everyone was there, Joe was the cook and made sure Reki was eating enough, noticing that Reki was no longer eating after S and if he did, it was only a small amount. Reki managed to lose Langa in the crowd after eating and locked himself in the bathroom stall collapsing almost immediately. He pushed himself up from the floor and disposed of the evidence of throwing up. His mind spun as he stood up too quickly, causing him to stumble back into the wall, black spots dancing around.
Reki made his way back to the roof where Langa was looking for him. He forced a smile seeing his best friend, accepting a small hug, Miya ran up to them, his cat hoodie recognizable anywhere. Langa pulled away from the quick hug and frowned slightly, his hand pressing against Reki's forehead.
"Reki, are you feeling okay? You look a little pale." Langa voiced his concerns, bringing his hand back not feeling any temperature. Miya was also looking up at Reki with the same expression of concern on his face. Reki brushed them off with his usual smile and a shrug. His smile never reached his eyes anymore but it always convinced others so at least that was good enough for Reki.
"Yeah I'm fine," Reki reassured him, sitting in the shade away from the sun and other people on the roof. He could see Cherry, or Kaoru as he went by when he wasn't at S, talking to people as usual, probably about his Calligraphy. He was some sort of small "celebrity" in their town. Reki was thankful that it was Langa who was with him and not Kaoru or even Kojiro who weren't convinced so easily. Langa followed him and sat next to him, letting Reki put his head on his shoulder and rest. It had been a long day for both of them, running up and down the stairs repeatedly and to the store each time Kojiro needed something. They took turns so they wouldn't pass out from heat exhaustion. Langa didn't blame Reki for looking a little pale and sitting in the shade, he made sure the other kept hydrated and didn't do too much.
The hours passed and as the sun was starting the set the roof that was filled with people was now mostly empty. Only Reki's small friend group, which was more like two parents and their kids and babysitter, remained on the roof, cleaning up the mess. Reki helped but had to stop every half hour due to the overwhelming feeling of dizziness that washed over him. He had never felt like this before but pushed the feelings down, not wanting to worry anyone. But Kaoru noticed something was wrong pretty quickly. He waited until Reki was alone until he went up to him to talk.
"Are you feeling okay, Reki?" Kaoru asked, putting plastic cups in the trash bag that was attached to the railing of the room. Reki nodded, taking a sip from his water bottle, not looking up at Kaoru. "You're a little pale, why don't you sit down for a bit. I'll get Kojiro to drive you home in a bit."
Reki knew he couldn't argue if Kaoru had his mind set on something. He was thankful for the longer break, his legs barely able to keep him standing for long. Reki was starting to freak out hoping he wouldn't pass out. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to find out how messed up he was. No. He wasn't messed up, he was close to perfection.. so close, but not enough just yet.
The hour passed quickly and Reki didn't move from where he was sitting. His mind was racing and vision spinning. He tried to make himself feel better by drinking water but it sat uncomfortably in his empty stomach. Kojiro walked over to him and crouched down, handing him another water bottle, now that Reki had finished the one he was drinking. Reki looked up at him, his eyes barely able to focus on anything, especially Kojiro who was in front of him. He could see his mouth moving but no sound reached his ears.
"What-" Reki mumbled, his vision growing darker. He could barely hear his name being said but it sounded too far away. Reki tried to say something else but everything went black and he could feel his body hitting the floor and he slumped to the side.
"Reki, are you still with me?" Kojiro asked, shaking Reki slightly to see if he was conscious. When he got no reply Kojiro lifted him up so he sat up properly and looked back at Kaoru who hadn't noticed what was going on. Kojiro called over Kaoru, trying not to sound panicked as he didn't want to worry the kids who were talking to him. Kaoru heard his name being called and was about to reply with something sarcastic but immediately saw Reki sat next to the wall with Kojiro crouching next to him. He walked over, crouching next to Kojiro.
"What happened?" Kaoru asked, brushing hair from Reki's face, noting how pale he looked. In all honesty, Reki looked like death and despite the heat, he was shivering under his hoodie which he hadn't taken off all day. Kaoru looked at Kojiro waiting for an answer.
"He just passed out on me. He tried to say something but passed out before getting it out. He has been looking off all day." Kojiro explained, glancing back at Miya and Langa who were skating oblivious to the situation which both adults were grateful for. Kojiro looked back at Kaoru who was frowning slightly, trying to think what could be wrong with Reki.
"Has he eaten today?" Kaoru asked, and Kojiro nodded his head. Kaoru frowned slightly, looking back at Reki who was starting to stir and wake up. Reki opened his head slightly, looking up at Kaoru and Kojiro with a confused and dazed look in his eyes. He curled up tightly, burying himself in his hoodie as he was shivering more.
"Reki, can you hear me?" Kaoru asked, helping Reki stay seated properly. Reki took a minute to process the question before nodding slightly. "Come on, let's get you back home."
Kaoru helped Reki onto his feet, holding him up by his shoulders so he wouldn't fall again. Reki managed to stand up by himself, barely relying on Kaoru holding him up. He was still slightly confused but figured he blacked out for a few seconds and Kaoru was overreacting slightly. Langa and Miya hadn't noticed anything so Reki figured he was fine. He rubbed his eyes and picked up the water bottle from the floor just wanting to sleep.
"Kojiro, take him home. I'll finish the cleaning up with Miya and Langa. Make sure he gets inside safely." Kaoru half mumbled to Kojiro who took Reki by the shoulders and led him back down the stairs, making sure he didn't fall or pass out again. Reki was grateful for the support, leaning against Kojiro when his vision started to spin again. It took longer than it should've to get to Kojiro's car and when they finally reached the bottom, Reki curled up in the car not speaking. His main focus was not passing out again, feeling embarrassed that he had passed out already.
Kojiro got in beside him and started to drive to Reki's house, the route memorized from the many times he drove them home. The drive was mostly silent, Kojiro looking over at where Reki was curled up. He was more concerned due to Reki remaining silent, he was usually talking about skateboarding or a new trick he had taught Langa but he stayed silent.
"Are your parents home?" Kojiro asked, pulling outside Reki's house and noticing all the lights were off. Reki nodded, taking off his seatbelt. He wanted to be alone so telling Kojiro that his family was out would result in him getting the exact opposite. Kojiro didn't fully believe him so got out of the car and helped Reki out from the position he was in.
"They'll be back in like an hour, I'll be fine until then." Reki finally spoke up, but only due to him knowing he'll be caught up in a lie if Kojiro helped him to his front door. Kojiro raised his eyebrow but didn't argue. He trusted Reki enough to be alone for an hour, but promised himself that he would call Reki in a few hours to check up on him and come over immediately if he was still alone.
Reki let Kojiro carry him up to the front door, handing him the key in his hoodie pocket. Kojiro took him to his room and tucked him in which Reki protested at first but couldn't help but smile, feeling like a kid again. He was also smiling because he knew Langa now owed him money due to their little bet on whether they thought Kojiro had a softer "dad" side. Reki fully believed that Kojiro was definitely a dad or father figure to someone but Langa was convinced he wasn't and Kaoru was the one who was the father figure.
"Make sure you rest, promise me Reki?" Kojiro said, leaning against Reki's door frame, looking back at him to make sure Reki would answer honestly. But as usual, Reki lied and nodded his head promising Kojiro a promise he knew he wouldn't.. he couldn't keep. Satisfied, Kojiro smiled and left Reki alone to rest fully before driving back to Kaoru and dropping everyone else back.
As soon as Kojiro left the house, Reki was up again, his shirt abandoned on the floor and staring at himself in the mirror. His ribs were pushing against his skin, his collarbones and shoulder pushing outward but he was still not good enough. Reki pinched at his sides, disappointed to see that a small amount of fat was still between his fingers. Sighing, Reki let go and looked at his arms and thighs, wishing he had enough makeup to hide everything. Long scratches from his fingernails covering his forearms and thighs, the small scabs ready to pick off but not enough to bleed again. Scratches and grazes from actual skateboarding injuries covered his knees and elbows from scraping across the floor. Reki ran a hand over an unhealed scratch, sighing.
Not deep enough...
No. No. Reki closed his eyes tightly, he couldn't think that. He couldn't. But it might satisfy his thoughts which had been plaguing him for years if he just made a small scratch. Something that will scratch deeper than his nails. Something different. Reki shook his head, collapsing onto his bed, his hands covering his ears tightly. He wanted to do it, but wasn't sure if he could bring himself to. He promised Kojiro he would rest, but he didn't have to know and if he was careful, he didn't have to know. Nothing bad would happen if it was a small light scratch.
A small light scratch turned to deep cuts as Reki looked down at his arms and legs, his hands were shaking more as his eyes filled with tears. He dropped the razor he was holding, the feeling of disappointment and shame washing over him. He sat in the bathroom, leaning against the bathtub sobbing into his hands. He didn't know when things went so wrong, it did only start with small scratches but overwhelmed with his thoughts he couldn't stop.
Reki could faintly hear his phone ringing in his bedroom, it had been ringing for a few minutes but he couldn't bring himself to get off the bathroom floor. He tried to calm himself down, but something was holding his throat, gripping it tightly making it hard to breathe. Reki's vision was starting to go black again, but he couldn't be found like that, he couldn't die like that, but there was almost nothing he could do. His phone was in the other room, there were no bandages in the bathroom and he didn't want to risk getting blood everywhere and have his family notice it.
Forcing himself up, Reki gripped onto the side of the sink, his knuckles turning white. He avoided the mirror, not wanting to see the state he managed to get himself in, knowing he could set himself off again. Running his arms under cold water, he felt the sting of the water running over his cuts, washing away the blood. He forgot about his legs briefly, trying to focus on not passing out as much as he could. The sound of running water overwhelmed him, only being able to hear the water. He didn't even hear the front door open and close or his name being called. Reki held in a sob as his knees fell from under him, dropping him to the floor, narrowly missing his chin on the edge of the sink.
The sound of the bathroom door opening caught his attention but he refused to look at the door and whoever was standing there. He bit his lip to suppress a sob, closing his eyes tightly as gentle but firm arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. Reki buried his face in soft fabric as he cried into their chest, not knowing who it was. He could hear someone talk to him but couldn't make it out over the sound of his sobbing and the water. A comforting hand brushed his hair away from his face and wiping his tears away from his cheeks. Reki looked up at whoever held him in their lap, making out pink hair tied back into a ponytail.
"Cherry.." Reki mumbled before anything was set in his mind. After thinking about what he said for a minute, he realized that Kaoru was holding him in his lap, brushing hair from his face and comforting him. Reki pushed himself away from Kaoru, hitting his back on the bath painfully, panic sweeping over him again. Kaoru watched him, reaching out for his hand gently, giving Reki time to move away.
"Reki, it's okay." He said softly, not moving any closer to him in order to give him space. Reki looked up at him, holding his arms close to his chest and away from Kaoru so he couldn't see his arms anymore. He sat curled up for a bit, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down a bit so he could actually talk to Kaoru. He didn't know what excuse he had for this, if there even was one. His shirt was still abandoned in his room so everything was on show to Kaoru.
"I'm sorry... Kaoru, I'm so sorry.." Reki whispered, looking up at Kaoru through his hair which had fallen in front of his eyes. Kaoru shook his head, moving slightly closer to Reki who this time let him hold him closely. He lent against the bath, rocking Reki in his arms slightly comforting him the best he could. Reki closed his eyes, too drained to cry and too numb to talk, his body ached and stomach turned as he could smell the blood in the bathroom. Kaoru moved slightly, getting his phone so he could message Kojiro to come over.
"I.. don't want people to know.." Reki whispered, burying his face in Kaoru's chest, scared about the other's reaction to him and his state. Kaoru looked down at Reki, frowning gently as he ran a hand through the teens hair. "Please.. I don't want to worry them. I just want to be good enough for them.."
"You are good enough Reki. We can talk about this later but I need Kojiro to help me here for now. I think it'll do you good to talk to others, especially Langa. He cares for you, you know. He cares about you a lot and called me asking about you. You don't have to tell them now but you should at some point," Kaoru whispered, making sure his tone was soft and comforting so as not to scare Reki. The boy in his arms only nodded, closing his eyes, wanting sleep. He felt pain starting to leave his body but was shaken awake by Kaoru.
"Hey, stay awake okay? If you don't want to go to the hospital you need to stay awake for me." Kaoru said more firmly, causing Reki to keep his eyes open as much as he could. "I'm going to ask you simple questions so you can stay awake. What's your name?"
"Reki.. my name is Reki" Reki whispered, holding onto Kaoru's shirt tighter to ground himself in order for him to keep himself from panicking again or falling asleep. His arms were starting to stop bleeding, but from the puddle on the floor, Reki knew it wasn't good, but he told himself that at least the pain was starting to dull a bit.
"Okay, that's good. How old are you?" Kaoru continued, leaning over to the cabinet under the sink and opening the doors, grabbing a first aid kit. Reki looked away from the blood, scared he would throw up if he looked at the blood for any longer. He tried to focus on the feeling of Kaoru running a hand through his hair as he opened the first aid kit, taking out the rubbing alcohol and bandages.
"I'm 16, 17 next month.." Reki mumbled, listening to the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by the sound of someone running up the stairs. He couldn't help but sense up hearing the door open, his mind was going to the worst possibilities, worried that it was his parents coming back from their trip early and they'll find him like that. But his mind was calmed when he saw Kojiro standing in the doorway instead of one of his parents. A wave of guilt washed over him when he saw how worried Kojiro looked.
"Kojiro, help me wrap the bandages please." Kaoru asked, as calm as ever. Reki was slightly surprised that he had remained so calm the entire time but figured he was used to patching people up due to being a part of S for so long.
Kojiro nodded and sat next to Kaoru grabbing the rubbing alcohol from the box and started to clean Reki's cuts, trying to be careful. Now numb to the pain and entire situation, he barely flinched or reacted even when Kojiro apologized for hurting him more. Kojiro and Kaoru shared worried looks but Reki couldn't bring himself to feel worried about what they were thinking. He felt so drained and tired, barely able to stay awake or conscious, black spots danced around in his vision. After what felt like hours, Kojiro and Kaoru finally finished bandaging his arms and legs before pulling him into a gentle hug. Reki almost broke down in their arms, tears welling up in his eyes and threatening to spill.
"Come on, you can sleep now. Want us to call Langa and Miya?" Kaoru asked, picking Reki up and taking him back to his room. Reki just nodded, barely awake and fell into a deep sleep before he even reached the bed. Kaoru tucked him in, just like Kojiro did and set his Carla bracelet around his wrist and set her to alert them if there was any negative change in Reki's vitals or condition. He then joined Kojiro in the bathroom who was cleaning up the blood the best he could.
After way too long, Kaoru and Kojiro finished cleaning the bathroom and sat on the stairs, keeping Reki's bedroom door open so they could hear him or Carla. It was now Kaoru that let his emotions show as he buried his face in Kojiro's shoulder, almost crying. Kojiro was also filled with guilt for not staying with Reki as he slept and rested, he felt he was to blame for everything. They sat in silence, all too aware of each other's emotions and doing their best to comfort each other in silence. Kojiro held Kaoru close whilst Kaoru traced circles into his chest mindlessly, both listening out for the front door and Carla in the room behind them. Although it wasn't long until the front door opened, revealing a panicked Miya and Langa stood behind it before rushing up the stairs.
Miya tried to run past them, clear that he had been crying but was stopped by Kojiro, grabbing his arm gently and pulling him into a hug which both of them needed. Miya tried to protest by hitting Kojiro's chest, but ultimately gave up and pushed away from the hug, instead leaning against Langa's leg. Langa was taking a calmer approach to the situation but it was clear that he too had been crying.
"Is he-" Langa started, sitting next to Kaoru, not bothering to finish his sentence. Kaoru nodded and wrapped an arm around him gently.
"Sleeping, he needs the rest so it's best if you don't disturb him." Kaoru said, glancing back at the room where Reki hadn't even moved from his position he was put in my Kaoru. Langa nodded and bit at his nails, trying to think about everything other than his best friend in the room behind them, far from okay. His eyes started to fill with tears again as his mind flooded with the thought of Reki going through enough that made him resort to... this.
"Did he try to... kill himself?" Langa asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Kaoru looked at him and pulled him into a tighter hug, not fully knowing the answer himself.
"I don't know.. I don't think so but we should keep an eye on him for a while. I think you should talk to him. You two are the closest and he'll be more likely to tell you things than any of us." Kaoru replied, looking at Miya who was curled up in Kojiro's arms, accepting the hug he previously denied. Langa looked back at Reki, sadness filling his eyes as he looked at the bandages covering his visible skin.
"Can I sit with him? I won't wake him up.. I just.. need to see that he's okay," Langa looked back up at Kaoru, awaiting approval to move. Kaoru nodded and pulled his hand away from his shoulder, letting Langa go. Langa smiled at him gratefully and stood up, walking over to Reki.
Langa took Reki's hand in his own, sitting next to his bed and running his thumb over Reki's knuckles. Reki looked peaceful, the dark circles under his eyes didn't seem to be as dark but his skin was still pale. Without his shirt, Langa could see the majority of Reki's bones pushing at his skin and the scrapes and bruises covering his body. The bandages on his arm were slightly red from blood bleeding through but seemed to be healing okay. The Reki laying on the bed wasn't the Reki Langa met almost a year prior. He wasn't the same, bubbly, ray of sunshine Reki, he was drained and like a thunder cloud going through life with no real purpose or intention.
Langa put his head on the bed, next to Reki and hoped he would wake up soon so he could hug him tightly. He wanted to scream at Reki for doing something so destructive, for being so reckless and not going to someone when he desperately needed help. For waiting until he was almost dead, but even then he didn't call for help. It was only chance that Kaoru arrived when he did, after Kojiro tried to call Reki to check up on him. Not getting an answer, Kojiro had called Kaoru and within a few hours everyone was watching over Reki, scared he'd die at any moment.
"Langa-" Langa raised his head, feeling a grip on his hand tighten slightly. Reki was looking at him, a little color back in his cheeks but it was barely noticeable. He watched Langa with a small smile on his face as Langa sat up properly so he could reach over and rest his hand on Reki's cheek, gently moving his thumb over the other's cheekbone as a comfort.
"Hey, I'm glad to see you're awake." Langa smiled, trying not to show his worry in his voice or on his face. Reki knew he couldn't hide from the truth anymore, he knew Langa and probably everyone else knew about him and what he did. He thought he'd be a bit more panicked and filled with guilt as he couldn't help but notice the worry in Langa's eyes he so desperately tried to hide, but he felt calm and comfortable with Langa.
"You owe me the bet money.. Kojiro is such a dad." Reki laughed weakly, causing Langa to roll his eyes playfully and huff.
"Really? That's your first thought?" Langa asked with a small laugh, putting the money on Reki's table, not letting go of his hand. Reki didn't take his eyes off Langa, knowing Kojiro and Kaoru were just outside the door, probably watching over him. What he didn't know was that Miya was sitting in the doorway, watching Reki finally look okay despite almost dying not even an hour earlier. He was tempted to run at Reki and tackle hug him and then yell at him but he knew Kaoru or Kojiro might just murder him if he did so.
"Oh shh," Reki sat up painfully, ignoring Langa who told him to lay back down again and rest. He glanced over at the door seeing Miya watching the two and opened his arms for Miya to hug him. Miya took the invite immediately, running into the room but decided against his original plan of tackle hugging him when he saw Reki wince slightly as he moved. Flinging himself into Reki's open arms, emotions overwhelmed him as he started to cry, curling up tightly.
"You stupid Slime!" Miya sobbed into his chest, gently hitting it and Reki held him closer. He was starting to feel a lot more guilty seeing Miya curl up in his arms, the kid never cried so seeing him like that was very unsettling. Reki comforted him, running a hand through his hair, pulling away any knots. "Why did you do it?! You were going to leave us!"
"I'm sorry, Miya. I am." Reki whispered, wiping tears from Miya's face gently letting him calm down in his arms. Miya finally did, uncurling himself from Reki's arms before relaxing against the wall behind the bed. His legs laid across Reki as he lent against Reki slightly.
Kaoru and Kojiro walked into the room, taking a seat next to Langa, both looking concerned at Reki, not knowing how to start the conversation about his situation. Reki already knew what they were about to ask, the silence hanging like a thick fog filling the room, suffocating him. He started talking before anyone could ask him anything, this way he didn't feel pressured into talking.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to, it was only supposed to be a few scratches.. nothing too bit or too deep. I didn't know what went wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-" Reki teared up slightly, holding onto Langa's hand tighter, not looking at anyone in particular. He felt eyes on him and the grip on his hand tightening as he spoke.
"It's okay Reki, why don't you tell us everything that's happened and how it started?" Kaoru pushed gently, patting his leg comfortingly. Reki nodded and started talking. He talked for over an hour talking about everything that seemed to go wrong in his life. His family's comments about his body and weight, the bullying for years that only recently ended and then his first best friend. He couldn't help but tear up as he talked about being abandoned by his friends and family, Langa noticed this and pulled him into a tight hug, his chin resting on Reki's head. Reki appreciated this and curled up tighter under his chin.
"Everything seemed to go wrong a year ago.. I felt like I wasn't good enough and seeing everyone race at S made me feel worse. I tried to stop eating and that was my habit for a few months but I knew I couldn't keep it up because my family started to notice. I started to throw up after eating and I've been doing that until now.. The cuts started off as scratches from my nails but today.. I went too far." Reki finished, not wanting to talk anymore. Everyone nodded, listening to him quietly and offering comforts and hugs whenever he needed or wanted it.
Reki was grateful for them and promised he would do his best to get better. It scared him a lot, but he knew he would end up killing himself if he continued doing what he was doing. He couldn't leave the others behind, he had to get better for both himself and his friends. So the next few months were hard for him, relapsing a few times but each time he did, at least one of them was behind him, supporting him. The recovery was hard but he knew it would get worse before it got better. And he wanted to get better.