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“i do like him,” joshua confesses into the phone and he can hear his mother coo before he even gets a chance to finish the sentence. of course, she’s excited. joshua was never really the type that talked about who he’s seeing back home because he lived with his parents. finding a place that wasn’t going to drain his wallet was too much effort at the time. but now, all the way in shanghai, he’s more open, more talkative.
“you have to send a photo, not even jeonghan has one,” his mother tells him and joshua thinks about it. he’s not even sure he has any photos of him and minghao together. he has photos of minghao but not one of them.
“ aish, mom, you’ve gotten so close to jeonghan lately it’s like he’s always there,” joshua can’t help but to whine. he presses his phone to his ear using his shoulder as he folds the rest of his t-shirts.
“oh he’s just keeping me company, your dad’s always commuting to work and jeonghan works close by,” his mother tuts and joshua wants to rolls his eyes. he knows he’s close to jeonghan, they’re technically best friends. maybe he’s just homesick.
“besides, you left me here!” he winces. she’s right. he technically left her and jeonghan is like a second son. just more insufferable, though jeonghan could easily say that about him too. best friends and all.
“i know, i know, i’m sorry,” joshua sighs as he looks down on the laundry he just folded before he switches his phone from one ear to another.
“anyways, tell me about this boy, ” she asks and she sounds excited but he definitely noticed the emphasis on boy. it is new for her, he’ll be patient.
“well,” joshua softens though, at the thought of minghao and he then clears his throat to avoid drifting away. “he’s good, he works with like, social media, for the company.”
”and what’s he like with you?” she asks. which is fair, joshua finds it easier to talk about what minghao does for living because once he gets into feelings, he’s worried he will ramble.
”he’s… good?” joshua begins, a bit hesitant. ”i don’t know what to say,” he continues and he lies down on the bed to stare up at his ceiling.
”well? is that it?”
”no, no definitely not,” he blinks a couple of times. what does he even say? ”but mom, you know it’s all those… butterfly feelings when i think of him, and whatnot.”
”i think you’re holding back,” of course. all too knowing.
”you know, he said i was transparent. am i transparent?” joshua thinks back to the conversation. it sure left him standing there a bit annoyed.
”oh, well… sometimes it’s easy to know what you’re thinking back, but it’s not bad. ” she reassures and joshua can’t help but to huff. ”it’s good because you can be a bit shy sometimes, it’s good if the person that you like can see you want to be with them.”
”mom please!” joshua throws his arm down in defeat. even his mom. ”it’s embarrassing too! no one likes being an open book,” he sighs.
”it’s not embarrassing, jisoo, honey, don’t be ridiculous,” she huffs. his korean name means she’s serious. she only really uses it in church.
”i’m not ridiculous. anyways! back to minghao, his name is minghao,” joshua changes the topic. ”he makes me feel like a new man.”
”a new man? maybe that’s the country.”
”i doubt that,” he furrows his brows. ”i think it’s him,” he muses.
”okay, well, if you can get him on with you for a facecall i would like that,” she tells him.
”i’ll try.”
”is he cute?” a last attempt to get joshua to talk. it works, because joshua just to enveloped in how lucky he feels.
”mom, he’s really cute, he’s fashionable, he has a really cute smile…” joshua can’t help but to smile as he speaks into the phone. he’s meeting minghao later today. “sometimes he does that smile where he looks like… he doesn’t want to smile as much as he is?”
“yeah?”
“and then i get happy, because it’s like… he’s directing it to me, you know?” it’s not really a question. but he thinks about it. when minghao’s hair hangs in front of his eyes and his chin is tucked in but that smile is there. he’s so pretty, he’s so,
so
pretty. it’s a shy smile sometimes, sometimes it feels like he doesn’t want to admit just how happy in front of joshua.
“oh, joshua, you know, you’re really lovely, of course he would direct it at you,” joshua knows she would say something like that, but still. a part of joshua never saw it coming. joshua was fine with the first kiss being nothing but that, just a kiss. he would’ve been fine if the sex was just a one time event, despite how good it was. but minghao invites him along places, places his hand on joshua’s back like he’s not forgetting about him even when they’re in groups chatting away. minghao never had to do any of the nice things he’s doing to joshua, but joshua’s thrilled he does them anyways. he’s even more thrilled that minghao will smile and look at him.
“thank you, mom,” he can’t help but to smile.
“good, remember what you deserve, i’ll even ask jeonghan to remind you. you seem to remember what he says more than what i say,” she sounds like she’s rolling her eyes.
“that’s not true!” fruitless protest.
“i’m going to hang up, joshua, i have to prepare for tomorrow, we’re going to church. i promised i would bring some cookies this time around, i have all night ahead of me.” she sighs and joshua just realises how tired she sounds.
“okay, ask jeonghan to help you, i’ll even text him.” joshua insists and his mom only laughs.
“bye honey, remember to stay warm. try and call your dad too, he’s annoyed you only call me but he doesn’t say anything.”
“okay mom, i love you,” he whispers. maybe he’s a lot more homesick than he remembered. he used to be the one that would help his mom endlessly. a part of him is relieved jeonghan is there for his family when they get lonely.
she hangs up and he stares at his ceiling. he lets out a sigh and feels the homesickness settle into his gut. of course, the first few days were horrible. he had to adjust to the time zones, he has to wear a mask every day because of pollution and before he got used to it, he just didn’t like it.
he almost becomes glued to his bed by the time the door rings and he furrows his brows, before rolling off. shit, he mutters under his breath, he had forgotten minghao was coming over. how could he forget? he literally can’t stop thinking about him.
“hello,” minghao says first thing to greet him. he’s wearing specs today, fake ones, probably. but he quickly furrows his brows as he takes in the sight of joshua. “is everything okay?” transparent.
“oh, yeah,” joshua steps aside to let him in. he was just talking about him. “i was on the phone with my mom, just a while ago.” joshua scratches the side of his head.
“and?” he’s stepped in and taken his shoes off. “is she okay? you don’t have to go, right?”
“no!,” joshua shakes his head quickly. “no, i think,” he pauses. takes a deep breath. “i think it just made me homesick, you know.” a confession. it feels a bit awkward. he thinks minghao would understand, he’s also away from his hometown.
”oh,” minghao whispers like the thought of being homesick didn’t cross his mind.
”do you get that too?” an attempt of feeling less lonely.
”yeah, especially in the beginning,” minghao shakes his coat off his shoulders before hanging it up. ”i still miss like, my dad’s cooking.”
”right! i was thinking about that… i think sometimes i feel bad i left my mom alone,” joshua avoids eye contact as he makes his way to his kitchen, fully expecting minghao to follow.
”can you help her from here?” minghao’s right behind him as joshua starts preparing the kettle so he can boil water for tea.
”a bit? right now she has to bake like a hundred cookies so i can’t help with that,” he snorts, a bit sad nevertheless. he takes out the green tea he bought for occasions minghao comes over.
”should we do something that reminds you of home?” minghao asks and joshua pauses in his movements, his hand on top of the green tea can.
”like what?”
”what makes you think of home?” minghao looks serious. it’s unnerving, it makes joshua’s heart swell.
”the… the beach? korean food?” he’s thought about it several times. there’s plenty things that make him think of home but now it feels like he forgot all of them.
minghao looks thoughtful for a moment.
”we could go to the beach, or order korean food. or both?” and joshua’s endeared that minghao wants to help him. but a part of joshua is still too shy to admit just his presence is making him feel better. so soon too, it’s about a month since they’ve gotten closer. it’s been a couple of weeks since they first kissed but minghao already has an impact like this.
”we don’t have to rush any ideas, i’m happy just spending time with you, you know.” joshua eventually says, a moment later. minghao doesn’t know he was just telling his mom he feels like he has butterflies when he’s around him.
“then let’s go spend time with each other at the beach,” minghao insists. joshua looks at his watch and then he glances out his kitchen window. he’s not sure what he’s checking, maybe he’s giving himself time while he musters up an answer.
“let’s go tonight.” he says as his eyes meet minghao’s gaze. “i prefer it at night, when it’s dark,” he supplies.
“okay, whatever you want,” minghao nods and he kisses his cheek. joshua can’t help but to blush. he distracts himself with preparing tea for the both of them, arranging it just the way minghao taught him.
jinshan is an artificial beach to say the least. it’s nothing like santa monica beach back home. or well, close to home. quite close. it’s not inconvenient. he enjoyed the beaches back home too much to ever explore jinshan, considering it’s not really real in the same way they are at home. but it’s close enough. it’s a bit crowded like it would be back home.
besides, joshua’s happy to continue talking to minghao about anything and everything outside of a living room, or a bedroom. it doesn’t matter if it’s chilly, because that’s easy to ignore if he has minghao besides him. he sits down on his jacket and in front of him is water slowly moving and the moon reflected into it.
”what do you think?” minghao settles besides him. their shoulders against each other and minghao reaches to hold his hand.
”it’s nice. i like it.” joshua gives his hand a squeeze. ”you know, i never planned on coming to this beach, i thought it was weird… since it’s not a natural coastline. besides, i had my fair share of beaches back home, but i’m happy to be here,” joshua speaks softly. ”with you.” he adds on.
”i’m happy too,” minghao tells him in the same soft voice and they’re words that feel like a warm hug. ”what are the beaches like back home then?”
”some are really crowded, i would mostly go to santa monica but every now and then i would like… really drive out to this place an hour from there, and it’s really nice.” joshua thinks he would love to make memories with minghao. ”i hope i can take you there one day, you know? i want to show you all my favorite places.” he confesses.
”i want to see all of them,” minghao tells him without hesitation and even with all of the times minghao answers him with such interest and care, joshua still finds it overwhelming.
”we can start here, in this city, maybe we have a few spots in common,” joshua tells him like his favorite spot isn’t wherever minghao is. ”though i’m still getting to know this place, it’s really big.”
”you’ll get there, i’ll help you too,” minghao reassures and he shows him a smile. joshua catches him throwing a glance around before he leans in to kiss him. a soft, lingering kiss and joshua can’t help but to smile.
“will you show me your favorite places?” joshua lowers his voice down to a whisper.
“i’ll show you my favorite places, and more.” minghao dares leaning in closer to steal a kiss.
“what’s more?” he’s holding back from chasing minghao’s lips, so he ends up turning to properly face him and takes his hand into his.
“there’s all the places i want to take you on dates, to good restaurants, and places i haven’t seen myself yet, but want to explore with you by my side,” minghao’s fingers intertwine with his and joshua flicks his gaze down to look at their hands held together while a blush colors his cheeks.
“really?” joshua knows it’s maybe odd to ask that to a minghao that has spent his whole day by his side. but it’s easier to get a straight answer than plague himself with what’s really the extent of minghao’s sincerity. he’ll work with that insecurity for quite a bit, he thinks. in his past relationships, he used to be bolder but he’s starting to realise that they don’t measure up to what he has with minghao.
“yeah, really, i already have plans,” minghao rubs his thumb over joshua’s and he doesn’t take his eyes away from looking at joshua. his smile even widens as joshua meets his eyes.
“for us?” joshua watches minghao nod and he’s quickly realising that this is different, at least to him. his heart beats wildly in his chest and he’s already excited to know what minghao has in mind for the two of them.
“yeah, i want to start with this new restaurant, i got us a table for the opening night,” he sounds so excited, just like joshua feels. “i think we should dress nicely, and go together, it’ll be our first official date.”
joshua’s not sure how to react. it’s a good surprise, it’s a surprise that makes his cheek hurt from smiling so much and it’s not because minghao’s taking him on a date because while he is realising that he’s feeling things deeper for minghao than he has with anyone else, he’s realising that minghao’s just as excited as he is.
“okay, we’ll go on our first date that night then,” joshua nods and he can’t seem to shake the smile off his face. only when minghao cups his cheeks and kisses him, soft still, but longer than the first few kisses that he’s able to to stop. it’s not the first night they’re hanging out, eating together, or even staying over at each other’s places, but it’s the first time they’re going to meet up and call it a date. what’s getting to him the most too, is that minghao said it. he didn’t suggest any dates because a part of him worried that he felt a lot more than minghao ever did. a part of him reminded him that a date might be too much to ask for when the labels for their evenings have been blurry.
“then i’m going to take you home and make you feel all kinds of pretty,” minghao whispers cheekily against his lips and joshua’s face heats up even more, like it wasn’t already. but he smiles a shy smile and pushes at minghao’s shoulder while he laughs, clearly content with the reaction he got out of him.
“you say the wildest things,” joshua points out while he reaches out to take minghao’s hand back into his, already hating the distance he made between them.
“it’s only to you, shua, you make me imagine the wildest things and i want to make them real with you,” minghao says, words dripping with sap and something so dangerously serious that joshua has to close his eyes from how overwhelming it is to be met with such sincerity.
minghao uses his free hand to brush joshua’s hair behind his ear as he’s turned his face away out of mild embarrassment and attempt to gather his thoughts together. because minghao says those things so freely joshua feels like he has to take a deep breath before he can catch up and match his energy. it’s new, it’s exciting and he doesn’t ever want it to stop.
“me too,” he manages while minghao’s hand rests on the back of his neck delicately, comforting in a special type of way. there’s many words he can say, sentences rushing through his mind but he looks at minghao, meets his eyes and he loses a majority of them.
“i really want that, minghao,” he tells him in the same soft whisper as before.
“i’ll give you anything you want, shua,” minghao says, with a soft smile as sincere as sunlight.