Work Text:
SONG INSPO: Pictures
“Goodbye, Love! I love you!” was what Seungcheol yelled as Seungkwan waved and watched him drive away for work.
It was their daily routine. Seungkwan wakes up at 4AM to prepare the older’s breakfast before he goes to work. After that, he would check his emails from work and answer a handful of them. At around 10AM he would go out and take their dog out for a walk and drop by a nearby cafe to grab some quick lunch.
Seungcheol would often send him a photo of his patients that ranged from a grumpy cat to an overexcited puppy to a very talkative cockatoo. Seungkwan loves it. He enjoys the mundane things he and Seungcheol are doing together. It was perfect. Too good to be true, honestly. Until they both received an email.
“I was assigned to New York.”
“They offered me a masteral in California.”
They both said at the same time.
Silence.
Seungkwan was trying to gauge the situation. He and Seungcheol have been waiting for a big break in both of their careers. Him, as a segment producer and Seungcheol as a veterinarian. But it was Seungcheol who’s been wanting to get this big break. The older one wanted to prove himself worthy of something. He wanted the world to know that he too, can achieve great heights just like his parents and his older brother.
Seungkwan knows that. He knew very well how much the older wanted to pursue his studies and has been eyeing that program in that prestigious university in California that he’s even saving up for it. That’s why he rejected the promotion offers he has been receiving the past year and has been working double jobs so that he could help Seungcheol with his dreams.
But just like anyone, Seungkwan also wanted to achieve things in his life. He had longed for a position in one of the biggest broadcasting companies in New York and Seungcheol knew that too. And so while thinking that it’s probably a long shot, Seungkwan sent in his CV without telling Seungcheol while really not expecting to receive anything after a few months.
That’s what he thought, until this moment. “You’ve applied for New York?”
Silence.
“Seungkwan.”
The younger closed his eyes before uttering a silent, “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just thought…”
“Thought what?”
“I just thought I wouldn’t get in. It was a big company and…”
Seungcheol massaged his temples and stood up. He was upset. “I’ll just… I’m going out.” he said as he grabbed his keys and drove away.
Seungkwan breathes in heavily. He’s confused. One, why would Seungcheol be upset if he didn’t tell him of his plans because two, they weren’t even together. They’ve been bestfriends since high school and somewhere in between, things just happened. One moment they were just two best friends sharing an apartment and the next thing they knew, they were kissing and fucking each other senseless.
It did not take that long for Seungkwan to realize he has romantic feelings for the older and Seungcheol did not say anything otherwise. So for him, it was safe to assume that they were on the same page. Wrong.
Because now he was more confused than he ever was. Things were very complicated between them and yet no one wants to address the problem in fear of ruining a friendship that has been tainted since that day they’ve decided to cross that line.
It was a little past 3AM when Sungkwan woke up upon hearing the sound of a car engine and the front door opening and closing. He was debating himself whether he should welcome the older or stay in bed. But then, he felt the other side of their bed dip. Seungcheol settled beside him, arms slowly snaking around his middle. The man breathed and Seungkwan could smell the alcohol.
He was about to turn around to check on the other but Seungcheol’s hold on him tightened. “What’s wrong?” Seungkwan managed to ask only to be answered by Seungcheol’s light snoring.
The next day, it was as if nothing happened. Seungcheol was back to being his chirpy self and Seungkwan thought maybe he was just shocked and now has gotten over it or so he thought. The first few days, things were back to normal but then Seungkwan started to notice things.
Seungcheol started to eat out more often when he’s someone who prefers home cooked meals. And that one time they decided to eat dinner together outside, Seungcheol went ballistic over a waiter who was just being nice to ask if Seungkwan has an allergy to prawns. The pictures the older was sending every time he’s at work became scarce to the point that there were days when there’s none at all. Seungcheol started skipping breakfast with the excuse that there were a lot of clients scheduled for the day. Lastly, there were no more ‘goodbyes nor I love you’s.’
Seungkwan also tried bringing the topic of their work each time and even offered the older to come with him to New York, but each time the latter just brushed him off.
This bothered Seungkwan a lot so much so, he decided to meet up with a friend. “It’s like he’s this big conundrum and I can’t figure him out.”
“Look,” his friend said leaning closer to him, “You knew from the get go that when you two decided to cross that line, everything between you two has shifted. Something has shifted. And no matter what you do, you can’t undo it.”
Seungkwan wanted to cry in frustration. “But Chan…”
“Listen, Seungkwan. You two can’t just run around in circles expecting that each time you bump into this kind of situation, things would go back to how it’s always been. You can’t run away from this forever and assume how each other is feeling. So unless one of you is brave enough to put a label to whatever is going on between you two, you can kiss this friendship of yours goodbye. Because either way you could still lose him and your friendship.”
The day was just ending and Seungcheol miraculously came home early after months of ditching dinner with Seungkwan for weeks. It was suspicious. He’s even extra clingy and sweet and the latter was not having any of it. So despite knowing at the back of his head that what he would do could go downhill, Seungkwan mustered up the courage to finally address the elephant in the room.
“Cheol, what are you doing?”
Seungcheol looked at Seungkwan as if the latter had grown two heads, “What do you mean, Love? ”
Seungkwan let out an exasperated laugh. “Oh please, Seungcheol.” he started, “Don’t pretend like you do not know what I’m talking about.”
Seungcheol attempted to dodge the topic but Seungkwan just stared at him. Finally, his smile left his face and he sighed. “Don’t go to New York.”
Seungkwan wasn’t sure if he’s hearing the older right but was he stopping him from going to New York?
“Why?” he breathes.
Seungcheol looked at everything but him. “Just… just because.”
“Because what, Seungcheol? Give me an answer. I can’t read your damn mind all the time.”
The older grunted, “Because I love you. I love you more than just a friend and I want us to be more than that. I want you to stay with me. I want you to come with me to California.”
Seungkwan had lost count as to how many times he had imagined this scenario inside his head. In one of those, he expected a candle lit dinner where Seungcheol is in his best suit with a bouquet on one hand, his gummy smile plastered on his face. Another was just them, at home on a lazy Sunday evening and Seungcheol would just whisper the right words while he’s busy watching some movie on Netflix.
Those were some of the scenarios he had imagined. But those do not come close to what he is in right now. He was sure he would be screaming in happiness if Seungcheol finally confessed to him, however, there were no sparks that flew. No fireworks, no music in the background. It’s just him and Seungcheol in their kitchen, with the occasional whir of the air conditioner.
“But how about me?” he said silently.
Seungcheol looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“What about my promotion? What about my dream?”
Seungcheol closed the distance between them holding the younger by the arms. “You can apply for a job in California. There are a lot of other good companies there.”
“But New York is my dream.” Seungkwan says as he tries to wriggle his way out of Seungcheol’s grip. “You know that.”
“And you know that I’ve been wanting to go to this university in California.”
Seungkwan was on the verge of crying, “I… why can’t you just come with me instead?”
“Seungkwan, why do you want me to go to New York? Yes it’s great, but what does it have for me ?”
“New York has its fair share of good universities too, Cheol. Why don’t you try them too?”
“And forget about my dream university? No, Seungkwan.” Seungcheol blurted out, walking away from the younger.
“...you have me.” Seungkwan muttered in almost a whisper.
“What?” Seungcheol asked, whipping his head in the younger man’s direction.
“You have me.” Seungkwan reiterated albeit louder.
Seungcheol just stared at him. “But is that enough?”
The next day, Seungcheol was excited to get home. He had dropped by the florist to get a bouquet of purple hyacinth. He knew he went overboard with what he did the night before and he wanted to ask for the younger’s forgiveness. He wasn’t able to do so because he thought he should give time for everything to cool down. For the two of them to cool their heads off.
He was expecting to see Seungkwan in the kitchen when he arrived but what welcomed him was silence. There was no clanking of the pots and pans nor was there a Seungkwan in their kitchen.
“Seungkwan?”
He immediately went to their room but there was no sign of the younger. He opened their closet and there was no sign of the younger’s clothes as well. He went back to their bed and there he saw a letter. Seungcheol cried as he stared at the last words written on it. ‘Goodbye, Love. I love you.’