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Kyle often likened his connection with Cartman to a unicycle.
Unicycles were fun. There was always an element of danger; one wrong move could send a person crashing towards the ground.
No one could rile Kyle up quite like Cartman. Behind closed doors, the tension between the two resulted in explosive acts of passion. Occasionally Kyle came out of their interactions worse for wear, but that was part of the appeal.
Really, there was only one downside to riding a unicycle: looking like a complete moron. Without a doubt, public acknowledgment of their relationship was outright social suicide. No one wanted to be seen riding a unicycle.
Although Cartman had never asked to be claimed, this desire was made obvious through his behavior. Cartman would start unnecessary fights in front of their friends, ignore Kyle’s texts for days, and when he was particularly upset, he would concoct hair-brained schemes to make Kyle jealous.
Yes, Kyle saw right through his attempts, but that didn’t make it any less aggravating. No matter how contrived the scenario, seeing other men take interest in Cartman drove him insane.
Even so, what could he do? Kyle had no right to exclusivity. In spite of all their shared experiences, they were not official.
After years of keeping their relationship on the down-low, Kyle finally hit his breaking point when Cartman brought another man to watch his team play basketball.
Kyle watched from the court as the two sat shoulder to shoulder, tossing popcorn in each other’s mouth. They were sharing a drink with two straws, laughing and cheering as if they were on a legitimate date.
Easily meeting Kyle’s glare, Cartman’s intentions were crystal clear. There was a taunting glint in Cartman’s eye, challenging Kyle to do something about his blatant jealousy. He wanted to see Kyle unsettled, piping hot with rage.
And, damn was it working. Kyle was vibrating with anger, distracted to the point where he had missed every shot and repeatedly lost possession of the ball. By the end of the second quarter, the coach had him benched.
With nothing better to do, the young man continued to scrutinize Cartman and his date from across the auditorium. Fuck, what Kyle wouldn’t give to punch that bastard in the face.
And yet, Kyle couldn’t do a damn thing. All of their friends were at the game. Any action, no matter how insignificant, would be a clear admission of his association to Cartman.
Then, the man had wrapped his arm around Cartman’s shoulder and whispered into his ear. Given the hunger in his eye, his intention was all too apparent. In response, Cartman giggled playfully, pressing his hand into the other’s chest.
It was at that point that something in Kyle snapped. With haste, the young man stormed across the auditorium, interrupting the halftime performance.
As Kyle scaled the bleachers, the heat of the crowd’s gaze burned the back of his head. Despite his prior reservations, Kyle found himself caring little for the opinions of others. Until he had put an end to Cartman’s ridiculous display, nothing else mattered.
At the first opportunity, Kyle slapped the popcorn right out of Cartman’s lap.
“What’s your problem, man?” While the man sneered, his grip onto Cartman’s shoulder strengthened.
Kyle couldn’t take it anymore. With excessive force, Kyle grabbed Cartman by the wrist and tugged him to his feet.
“Get your hands off of my boyfriend!”
Before the other man could get a word in edgewise, Kyle was leading Cartman to the exit. As they walked away hand in hand, the satisfied smirk on Cartman’s face said it all.
In the end, Cartman had won.