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'SECRET JEDI LOVE AFFAIR'

Summary:

They zoom in to where General Kenobi’s eyes are fixed on General Skywalker’s ass. Again.

A caption pops up: ‘FURTHER PROOF OF THE SECRET JEDI LOVE AFFAIR.’

 

In an effort to garner support for the men fighting the Republic's war, the clones are given permission to document their lives as they protect the galaxy alongside their Jedi generals.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

Notes:

Chapter 1

Notes:

basically the clones get the galaxy far far away's version of tiktok and decide to document obi-wan and anakin's secret love affair

bon appetit

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It will improve public opinion on the war if they can see the men behind it, Padmé tells him when she presents the idea to him. And if the Jedi Council agrees, she’ll have a better chance of getting the Senate to approve.

“Please, Anakin,” she implores him. “You’re the best chance I have of getting this to work.”

He sighs and rolls his eyes with a grin. “Anything for a friend in need.”

He repeats her words near verbatim when he brings it up with the Council the next day. They look unsure, not fully understanding how it could possibly help, but Anakin holds firm, thinking of how both Padmé and his men are counting on him.

“Look,” he says eventually. “Maybe it won’t be the success that Senator Amidala thinks it will, but at least it will show the public that our men are people, and they deserve the galaxy’s compassion for fighting a war no one else will.”

Slowly, the council members nod their heads, agreeing that the idea holds merit. They discuss security concerns, expenses, and everything else they can possibly think of until Anakin’s head is pounding and he’s cursing the day he met Padmé.

Eventually, though, approval is given and when Padmé takes it to the Senate, framing it as a way to keep the public invested in the Republic’s fight, it passes with considerable agreement.

+

Anakin calls Fives and Echo into a meeting room and asks them to sit down. They shift uneasily on their feet before complying, no doubt trying desperately to think of what they possibly could have done.

“There’s a new project being run by Senator Amidala and the Council,” he tells them. “The 501st have been selected to take part in the trial along with General Secura’s division, and if it goes well, it’ll spread to others. We’re hoping to improve public opinion on clone rights by showing how much you men do for the Republic, and I thought you two might be up for the job.”

Fives sits up straight in his seat. “What exactly are you asking us to do, sir?”

Anakin pulls out two holorecorders and places them on the table. “You’ll be capturing the lives of you and the other men. Just quick little videos, really. At the beginning, it will all be approved by Senator Amidala’s team before it’s posted - for security reasons - but the idea is to show that you guys are just normal people too. Padmé’s hoping it will increase support for the clones’ rights bills and give more weight to the arguments in favour of your citizenship.”

“Clones’ rights bills?” Echo asks. “People care about that?”

Anakin’s smile is soft. “Many people do, Echo. And hopefully with this project, a lot more will join the cause. Help you guys have a proper life after this war.”

They look at each other for a second before giving him identical firm nods, telling him they won’t let him down. The way they grin makes him a little bit nervous, but he’s sure they’ll do fine. They can hardly cause a scandal now, can they?

+

“Welcome to the Resolute! I’m Echo!”

“And I’m CT-5555, or Fives! Welcome to our first video - we’re going to give whoever’s watching a tour of our room. We can’t do the whole ship in case the Seppies are watching but our room is full of enough [BEEP] to keep us busy for a while.”

“No cursing, Fives! There could be kids watching.”

“[BEEP] - uh, sorry. We won’t ever be able to record Jesse, so.”

“Probably for the best.”

+

“Alright, video number four,” Echo whispers. “I’m currently hiding under Rex’s bed while Fives is hiding outside so that he can record him screaming when I grab his feet.”

There’s a moment of silence, then a whisper of, “Here he comes!” 

The door opens, revealing a pair of boots that approach the bed. The person sits down and Echo’s hands are seen reaching out to grab the ankles. There’s a loud scream and a foot can be seen flying towards where Echo’s head is.

“WHAT THE [BEEP] ARE YOU [BEEP] [BEEP] DOING? I’M GOING TO [BEEP] MURDER YOU!”

+

The videos are a hit.

Padmé is thrilled at the reception they’re getting - news outlets across the galaxy are discussing the videos and actually starting discourse on the issue of the clones’ autonomy. Senators have started contacting her, she tells him, about getting involved in the movement and drawing up proper legislation.

Most importantly, though, people leave comments demanding more and more content - whether it’s playing pranks on poor Rex, or listening to the stories down in the mess hall. The public’s interaction means that people are genuinely entertained and have a vested interest in the troopers’ lives.

The council are happy, too - seeing the public’s warm reception to the Jedi has led to more battalions taking part in the scheme. Anakin can’t help but laugh at Obi-Wan’s face when he’s told the 212th are the next group to be introduced to it.

“I can only hope that my troopers veer more towards the habits of Aayla’s division,” he tells Anakin wryly. “They’re far more civilised than the 501st could ever hope to be.”

Anakin squawks and gives him a shove, ready to defend his men to the grave. “Just you wait, Master - you’ll be wishing your men took after mine.”

On the whole, Anakin thinks the idea is great. Public opinion has improved, morale among the men is higher, and it’s nice to have something to laugh about these days. Yeah, it’s great.

+

“This here is the most dangerous person in the 501st. Isn’t she cute?”

“I’m not cute, Fives, I’m a Jedi!”

“And what a cute little Jedi you are,” Echo coos, yelping as he dodges a swipe.

+

“Do you mind us recording, General?”

“Not at all, as long as Rex is happy with getting his ass kicked in front of the galaxy.”

“Nothing I’m not used to, General,” Rex says forlornly, shifting into his stance.

The holorecorder is trained on Rex and Anakin as they spar, throwing light jabs and ducking under fast fists.

“The General likes to work up a sweat,” Fives says from behind the camera. “Poor Rex is his first choice when Ahsoka’s not free.”

+

Anakin tries to keep up with the videos that Fives and Echo are making, but aside from a few that Ahsoka shows him, he honestly doesn’t seem to have the time.

He’s kept busy with battle strategies and mission reports; the campaign he’s on seems to stretch on and on until he’s forgotten when he last slept in his own bed back at the Temple. He’s exhausted and he just wants a break, but the Separatists seem determined not to give him one. He’s started to forget what it feels like to relax, to not have this huge burden weighing him down.

His one solace is that he frequently gets to comm Obi-Wan in the evenings in the privacy of his own quarters, though most of the time it’s to talk about anything except the war. They’ll discuss the locals Obi-Wan had to interact with or the weird creature Anakin saw while he was out scouting. He’ll ask for advice about Ahsoka, worrying that he’s not giving her enough time or support, but Obi-Wan gently reminds him that he’s doing everything he can and that if Ahsoka was struggling in some way, he’d know.

It’s wonderfully reassuring to have his former master there for support without ever having to expressly ask for it. He thinks it helps Obi-Wan, too, when he sees the way his face lights up when Anakin appears on the comm.

Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

+

“It seems you liked seeing General Skywalker in our last video, so we’ve decided to feature him more.”

“Great galaxy, ask and you shall receive. Here is shirtless Skywalker - he’s training again.”

“I hope he can’t hear us.”

“We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Are you sure we should be videoing this? Aren’t Jedi meant to be celibate?”

“I don’t think celibacy means he has to be wrapped in ten layers, Echo.”

“Huh. Maybe.”

+

“Okay, so, that last video was very warmly received. I blushed reading some of the comments.”

“There are some very twisted minds out there.”

“Do you think we’d get in trouble if we showed the general’s naked ass?”

There’s a long pause while Echo thinks. “Rex would kill us.”

“But the galaxy would love us.”

+

They finish up their mission and go to join the 212th over in the Mid-Rim. They haven’t launched their assault on the planet yet, and right now they’re all gathered on the bridge of the Negotiator.

Anakin, Rex, and Ahsoka stand around the table while Echo and Fives stand back a bit with their recorder. They insisted on coming to document ‘inter-battalion relations’, but he thinks they just want to show off in front of the 212th.

“What if we come around from the eastern side?” Anakin asks, walking around the table to point at a different spot on the map. “It would be difficult to get there without being detected but we’d have a much better chance of breaking their wall.”

Obi-Wan hums, but otherwise doesn’t offer an opinion.

“We could send out a scouting party,” Cody suggests, “and try to see how feasible the route is.”

They discuss it for another two hours before the plan is solidified and they’re sent back to their own ship. The next morning, he and Ahsoka meet Obi-Wan for some slow moving meditation, a sight which is no doubt being recorded when he hears Echo and Fives laughing off to the side.

He sighs, loud enough for Obi-Wan to raise a questioning eyebrow.

“We’re being filmed,” he admits, tilting his head to where the troopers are.

Obi-Wan snorts in amusement. “No doubt trying to make sense of the strange things Jedi do.”

Ahsoka sniggers quietly. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely what they’re doing.”

+

The caption reads: ‘EVIDENCE THAT GENERAL KENOBI STARES AT GENERAL SKYWALKER’S ASS. PROOF OF THE SECRET JEDI LOVE AFFAIR?’

The video is zoomed in on General Kenobi’s face, then slowly tracks down to what he’s staring at - General Skywalker’s ass as he walks around the table. There’s a popular love song playing in the background as a halo of hearts appears around General Kenobi’s head.

+

The three Jedi are doing ‘moving meditation’ in the morning.

“Do you think he realises?”

“Nah, Cody said he wouldn’t know his own feelings if they punched him in the face.”

“Poor guy, though I don’t blame him. General Skywalker has an ass for days.”

They zoom in to where General Kenobi’s eyes are fixed on General Skywalker’s ass. Again. 

A caption pops up: ‘FURTHER PROOF OF THE SECRET JEDI LOVE AFFAIR.’

+

They’re successful in their fight and manage to clear out the Separatists with minimal casualties. The planet’s leader calls for a celebration and invites both generals and their legions to attend. The streets of the capital are filled with celebrating civilians, tossing garlands around the neck of each trooper that passes. It’s a rare occasion that the men are so warmly received, and Anakin is determined to make the most of it.

He catches Echo before they leave for the festivities. “Make sure to get some recordings, won’t you? It’ll be good for the men to be seen having fun with the people we’ve just saved.”

“Of course, sir,” Echo nods, before hesitating. “Have, uh, have you been watching our videos?”

Anakin winces and gives him an apologetic smile. “I haven’t had the chance, but I’ll try to catch up when I have the time.”

“No need, sir,” the trooper says with a hint of relief. “You’re very busy, no point wasting time on silly videos.”

Anakin lets him go with a smile and heads off to join the celebration. He spies Ahsoka being led around a dance by some children, her head thrown back in laughter. Rex is over with Cody, the two of them toasting to another win. Anakin’s goal, though, is to locate Obi-Wan and force him to relax for one night.

As luck would have it, he’s not far and Anakin sidles up beside him, a drink for each of them in his hands. Passing one over, they clink cups before taking a long drink.

“It feels good,” Anakin says eventually. “It feels like we’re actually getting somewhere for once.”

Obi-Wan bumps his shoulder, eyes twinkling fondly at him. “Each day that we fight counts, Anakin. Some are just easier to see than others.”

Obi-Wan smiles at him, and he feels that familiar warmth rising up within him, threatening to spill over into dangerous territory. He shoves it down roughly as he takes another swig of his drink. 

They sit on the low step, pressed up against each other’s sides as they watch the celebration continue into the night. At some point, Anakin falls asleep, and when he wakes up, his head is on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

“S’rry,” he mumbles, straightening up. The party is still going on, though it’s quieter now. 

“It’s alright,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “Would you like to go back to the ship?”

He nods sleepily and lets Obi-Wan help him up. They find Ahsoka, Rex and Cody and tell them not to stay up too late before they make their way down the quieter streets towards their encampment. 

They cross a wide bridge, a river flowing quickly beneath it. It’s a clear night, and Anakin stops to peer at the moon’s reflection in the dark water.

“I like this planet,” he murmurs. “We should come back someday.”

Obi-Wan lets out a huff of quiet laughter as he joins him. “As tourists?”

Anakin nods. They stand there watching the water, content to just enjoy this peaceful moment. There’s a light breeze, but its chill can’t be felt through his robes. He misses this - the calm, the stillness. He can’t remember the last time he actually felt anything approaching peace.

He tilts his head to look up to the stars.“Do you ever wish things were different?” 

“Some things, yes,” Obi-Wan says after a moment, and when Anakin turns to look at him, their eyes meet.

Notes:

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