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I’ll pull myself together,
just another step until I reach the door
you’ll never know me the way,
Its tears me inside too see you..
She left him there stunned. Red eyes followed her presence as Agent Ressler tuck her into a cocoon blanket. Half of him dies over and over again as he can still hear Lizzie scream towards him. Still trembling and tries to stay straighten himself from the events that occur a moment ago. Once more he broke Lizzie heart. The first time is when she confronts about Sam’s death. He feels the torture of inside of him knocking him from his ‘Red’ mode, the concierge of crime was out of words and he almost lost his footing. His Lizzie hate him once more and the most important thing he lost her trust that he worked so hard for this past months.
“Raymond.” Dembe lightly hold Red’s shoulder to stir him from his long thoughts. They went back to one of Red’s safe house after the Luther Braxton events a few hours ago. Red didn’t talk since then. He went up too study while Dembe make some business call as he knew that Raymond doesn’t want to be disturb. He felt sorry for his long time friend.
“Dembe. Its been months since I gain her trust, and now I lost it. Big time my brother”, Red take a big gulp of his remaining scotch and set the tumblr on the table. He had made decision to fly away from the state for the time being. He cannot bare to see Lizzie hurt because of him as it wound his heart thinking about it. But he doesn’t know if he would walk away for a few days?, months?, years?, or even forever.He only know that he need to get away from his awful dreads nightmare.
Meanwhile…
Lizzie bid Ressler a good-bye for the ride home. She was so exhausted. All of it happens so fast, and she can barely took a sip or air. She walk towards her door and lean her forehead against the door. She still devastated to acknowledge that this entire time Red only using her. She was obviously only a pawn in his crucial twisted fucked up life. All of ‘you have me’, ‘nothing is worst than losing you’, is only an act to get her trust. Those are bunch of lies. Beautiful lies that she had ever heard, that son of a bitch told her.
She stumble into her motel and sat down heavily on one of the cushion. She plop herself and lying fully on her back to the couch. She slump into a trouble sleep and try to seep her mind off the concierge of crime that she had feelings for.
Xxxxxx
That if you fall, stumble down,
I pick you up from the ground,
if you lose faith in you,
I give you strength to pull through,
tell me you wont give up,
Cause I will be waiting when you fall,
you know, I’ll be there for you.
As they made they to Red’s personal airstrip, Red was lost in thoughts. He remember Lizzie. His Lizzie. When the park scene emerges into his thought, her expression tell him all. She finally trust him there and then. When he dropped on his knees at her feet in defeat. Surrending yet again to her.not to the FBI. But to his lizzie. Sweet,sweet lizzie. That was also the time he tells one of his tale to her about the gypsy.
When the car finally made its stop. Dembe went out to inform the pilot about their flight arrangement. Red still stay silently in his car. His heart was sore. Very sore. The look on lizzie of hatred and betray playing in his mind. He wanted to ran to lizzie and tell her the truth but alas he cannot. Its not safe for her or even for him. He wanted to say sorry to her in the best way he can, he will beg her forgivness .
He propped his elbow on top of his thigh try to relax himself and gain his courage to left his lizzie. Try to gain a straight mind he took a deep breath and sigh. He let his head fall back to the headrest and relax. ‘this gonna be fine. Its for the best…’ Red dozed off.
XxXxXxXx
Do you wish It was me calling you,
do you still feel the same,
or the sun had pull out the flame,
I miss you, is everything okey?
“RED!”, Lizzie stood up tremendously as she woke up in slightly shievering and exclaimed his name. Raymond Reddington names rolled trought her tounge. She lost her balance and plomped back on the sofa. ‘Breath lizzie, breath.in.out.in.out’, She was drenched in sweet. The nightmare makes it presence. Obviously it about the fire. It always about that. She stood up and went to shower.
She stripped and set the shower on hot. The hot water from the shower slowly help her calms her nerves . She let the water runs through all her body while her mind went elsewhere. Red. The man never care to leave her mind. She remember how he flinched when she shouted at him. Suddenly, she felt sorry for him but all that she can think of that time is his purpose to enter into her life. As a simple one, two, three it always for a thing.A thing. The fucking damn fulcrum that she never heard before. He barged into her life for that, not for her, not for whatever connection that they might have or not. She was very confuse with herself. Her feeling towards him are realy growing. She finally can convese that she had fallen in love with the number 4 on the FBI most fugitive criminals.
About an hour or so the water running cold. She steps off from the shower and loop herself in a warm fluffy towel. She went the her closet and saw one of Red’s button up t-shirt. She pull out from the hanger and sniff that intoxicating scenet of him. The scent that always help her to calm her and she hated herself for that. She smile at herself as she remembers about how she manage too snoops that cloth from him in one of his safe house.
She climbed back on the bed and try too close her eyes and went too sleep but it was no use. Nearly frustrated for turning around, she sit against the headboard and try to relax. Despite the words that she said to Red she knows that she had clave his heart into two. She must be out of her mind because she felt sorry and regret for those harsh words. She cannot think straight and he deserves it but something in her heart tell that her action towards Red were wrong. The accuse of his purpose to enters in her life only for the fulcrum is wrong.’God help me please.’ Lizzie murmurs to herself. She took a piece of paper and wroted what her heart said.
XxXxXxXx
When I hear your voice,
its drowing in the whisper,
you just getting bump,
its nothing left to take,
no matter what I do, it can make you feel better
The knock on his window starled him. He open his eyes slowly and saw Dembe open the driver sit too check on him. “are you okey? Its time.” Dembe said to Red. He know that was a stupid question cause by looking on Red face he knew what troubling him. He don’t know how that one woman can turn a ruthless concierge of crime to a helpless vulnerable man infront of him right now. He as very amaze how much power that Elizebeth keen have power over Raymond Reddington.
“Ray, I know its not my right to give you my opininon but I knew you my friend. I knew you long enough to know what playing inside your mind right now.” Dembe continues as long silent seeps through the car.
“Go back to Lizzie house.” Red command him after he lost in his deep thought. Dembe grins and started the engine of their Mercedes and their off.
Red looked up the window as their car leaves the airstrip. When he said that she only came to the factory out of curiosity, she decline it, ‘maybe I actually care about what happens to you’. He knew this is wrong but his heart seems cannot follow what his straight mind think. The thought of a life without her tourturing him. His world is hers , all his life is for her. He devoted and vows to protct her in every way he can. He will burn the world down for her if he have too. The most important thing, he loves her, always been and always will.
Cause I remember the sunset,
I remember every word you said,
that we will never said goodbye,
tell me how to get back to,
summer paradise with you,
I’ll be there in a heart beat
It was almost midnight when she wrote, ‘im sorry to have hurt you’, There was a room for a little more than the final full stop. Her fingers ached. She had no need to read it through, she knew exactly what was written because it was everything she wanted to say. But the charming of the concierge of crime not being there was hard on the ears so sher wrote more. Her words to fill the emptiness of her heart. ‘I love you’, she wrote and after that there really was nothing she could add.
And then she thought perhaps that wasn’t relevant. The letter. It was written , it was said , it was the truth and I would last as long as she did. Wherever it was Red came to read it , wherever she might be by then nothing would change. It had been cathartic and exhilarating painful. She had to haul herself, collapsing onto the bed and pull the covet over herself.
XxXxXxXx
Can I lay by your side,
next to you,
and make sure you are alright,
I take care of you,
I don’t want to be here,
if I cannot be with you, tonight.
She was in fug of thick, dreamless sleep when she felt something on her cheek. Her eyes sprang open and her consciousness beat back to her reverie with a nauseating shove. She wanted to grab her gun below on the nightstand as a familiar scent and figure sit beside her.
“what’s-?”
“shhh-“,
Red was sitting beside her in the darkness of the room.
Lizzie jerker herself into semi-seated position but he just said ‘shh-‘ again and pushed her shoulder gently so that she lay down on the mattress again.
“What are you-?”
“I’ve been with the woman I love and care about for the last two hours”, he said. “I had to wake you to tell youself”.
“its three in the morning and I’ve been sitting here, all this time just watching you”,
“watching me?”, now why would he do that, Lizzie speak to herself.
“yes sweetheart. Watching you.”,
And then Lizzie thought,right, I really have to wake up. Her mind try too process the fact that he just said to her. The woman he’s been with for two hours. Did he really mean-?
“how long have you been here?”, She asked.
He glare at his watch, “approximately two hours”, he said, “I was at the airstrip and was about to left and the I was just- ,I don’t know- , I was consumed by the need and this power to make right all the wrong as he continued.
Lizzie was stunned and as he search her eyes through the darkeness he pull her burn scare and soothing her with his tumbh gesture. “ Im sorry that I hurt you by not telling the truth but I can ensure you sweetheart that I never ever lie to you. Never lizzie, never in this entire life. I.care.about.you.”, he took her wrist and kiss it and let his soft lips linger a little longer and continued. “I care about you a lot, Im not going to let anything from the past or in the future jeopardize the blindingly obvious fact that I care about you deeply that the ocean and-“
She put her finger up to his lips to say its okey, Red – you don’t need to say another thing. But he took both of her hand and kissed it. Then he laughed and few moments later it sounder as though he was about to cry.
“I need you lizzie. You make sense of everything. Not for the fulcrum but for me. You are the light of my darkness, you are everything to me. I have to find a way and I know now that you are the only person on this earth who can give me a second chance of life.
“Red-“
He puts his finger against her lips.
“Sweetheart.Lizzie.my lizzie. You have a love that put me feel safe and –“
“Red, didn’t anyone tell you, you talk to much?’, she pulled him down to her cupping his face as he came closer. She kissed him very lightly on the lips and she swears she felt tiny drop tears running down from his eyes as he closed his eyes emerged all his feeling through the kiss. He pulled Lizzie closer to him. They pull away too steady their breathing. Lizzie rubber her nose gently against his.
“im so tired,” He said and his voice was now hoarse and slow. He lay next to her and there they slept.side by side holding each other tightly.