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Kuroo was drunk, he knew he was drunk, but his head was hammering louder than the beat of the music and he needed to get home. So he stumbled out to his car and put it in drive.
He worked on autopilot, finding his way onto the freeway with relative ease.
He had the windows open and he grinned hasily and he felt his hair being pushed back by the wind. It was... refreshing… The world has been turning too fast for Kuroo recently. Classes, exams, volleyball, Kenma…
He knew what he was doing was fucked up, leaving his boyfriend at home every Saturday night just to return at 3 am high out of his mind. Kenma never said anything, and a part of Kuroo couldn’t help but blame him. How couldn’t he fucking say anything? He’s my boyfriend for fucks sake. .. God how he wished he would say something, because the truth was Kuroo was drowning and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t figure out which way was up.
His emotions suddenly flipped and he found himself licking salty tears from his cheeks. He pulled his hands from the wheel for a split second to rub at his face… that’s when it happened. What felt like a moment to Kuroo was actually enough time for his vehicle to unceremoniously swerve a lane to the right and with a screech of metal on metal two cars collided.
He life didn’t flash before his eyes, everything was too fucking fast for that. There was a loud bang that shook Kuroo to the bone and suddenly everything was out of control, gravity shifted as his car swerved onto it’s side. Sparks flew from the connection of metal to asphalt and for some reason all Kuroo could think about was how pretty it looked before he passed out.
The next few minutes only came to him in flashes. Flashes of screams… (he wasn’t sure if they belonged to him or not), of a blaring siren, and a light being shone into his eyes, until his brain forced himself awake again, and he took in a shuddering breath.
Everything hurt, his skin felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t move his left leg… all in all he was terrified. He tried to speak, but only succeeded in taking in another painful gasp of air.
He vaguely recognized he was being talked to by a man… a paramedic, but he couldn’t find the energy to respond.
He wanted to go home, he just wanted to go home…
Everything went dark again.
--
As Kuroo slipped into unconsciousness Kenma forced himself awake with another chug of soda. Kuroo was gone… again… and with Kuroo gone sleeping was not an option.
So he was up. Playing games he hadn’t touched in years hoping they could distract him from the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. This was the fifth week in a row Kuroo had left him and Kenma was starting to think it was his own fault.
He wanted to let Kuroo live his life, have fun, but he was starting to get scared. Scared about him, and scared about them. It felt like Kuroo was slipping away and Kenma didn’t know how to stop it.
It’s not often your worst fears are confirmed the moment you think them, but as Kenma absetmidnedly mulled over worse case scenarios his phone started to ring.
It took him a second to register the noise was coming from the real world, but soon he paused his game and picked it up, he didn’t bother checking the caller ID which may have been a mistake because when a sympathetic, but professional tone asked him a question on the other end of the line he was shocked into silence…
There was a pause.
“...Sir?” The woman on the other side asked.
Kenma was pulled from his stupor, “Sorry… could you repeat?”
“I said is this Kozume Kenma speaking?”
“...Yes.”
“This is Tokyo Hospital, you’re the emergency contact for a Mr. Kuroo Tetsuro.”
Kemna’s eyes widened a fraction and his heart jumped to his throat.
“...Yes.” He couldn’t bring himself to say more.
“Mr. Kuroo was in a traffic collision and has recently been admitted to the hospital. I’m not sure when he’s allowed visitors--”
“On my way.”
Kenma hung up decisively before slipping his phone into his pocket. The world felt devoid of color as he looked around. This was just a problem, all problems have solutions. Kenma quickly grabbed a backpack stuffed in what he deemed as essential as well as some of Kuroo’s favorite things before he was rushing out the door.
Nothing felt real as he drove through the quiet streets of the city. His brain was desperately trying to gather all the information to analyze, but he wouldn’t let it. If he started to think about the big picture, imagine everything that could be wrong… suddenly everything would feel much too real.
It didn’t take long for Kenma to be out of the driver's seat to anxiously picking at his fingers in some chair in some waiting room. He had slipped his laptop into his bag, but he couldn't bring himself to pick it up. So instead he used the room for its intended purpose… he waited.
--
By the time Kuroo woke up again his surroundings had completely changed. He looked down to see his clothes had been replaced with a robe and bandages, and it took him a few more seconds to recognize he was laid in a hospital bed.
He groaned as it all came back to him… he didn’t get much time to dwell as his door creaked open.
He’s first greeted by a woman wearing scrubs looking at him with slight surprise painted on her features, “Oh you’re up, that’s wonderful!”
Kuroo isn’t sure if she said anything else because suddenly Kenma is there and their eyes lock and nothing else matters.
It’s silent for a second and Kuroo starts to fear Kenma is seriously pissed… that is until his lips start to quiver soon followed by his whole face contorting as he starts to sob.
“Ken…” Kuroo breaths out, shocked.
Kenma practically teleports to Kuroo’s side, burring his head and crying into his boyfriend’s shoulder.
Kuroo felt ashamed at how much his heart swelled at the show of affection.
“You- You don’t get to fucking scare me like that” Kenma hiccuped.
“Shh… shh,” Kuroo carded his fingers through Kenma’s hair. “I’m sorry baby.”
“You’re a dick.” He cried, wrapping his arms around Kuroo to the best of his ability.
Kuroo let out a quiet chuckle.
It didn’t take much time for Kenma to pull away… not enough time…
Kuroo didn’t want to let go, but he forced his hands to release their grip, trying to ignore how they shook.
“What happened?” Kenma asked, his voice was even... nonchalant, and Kuroo’s heart broke a bit.
He was back. His quiet, calculating Kenma… his uncaring Kenma. It was an awful thing to think about your boyfriend, he knew, but couldn’t help but feel betrayed.
He could’ve died and a minute of tears was all he could spare?
“Kuroo?” Kenma questioned after the boy greeted his inquiry with silence.
Kuroo took a breath to clear his head and tried to just tell the truth… “I was drunk.”
Kenma’s eyes widened slightly… “Oh,” was all he muttered.
‘Oh?’ That's all he can manage to say…? He doesn’t even care enough to get angry… Kuroo tried to keep his thoughts at bay, but he couldn’t help the emotions bubbling to the surface. Everything felt amplified from the crash, and months of hurt, anger, and fear took over him and for once he couldn’t run away from them.
He cursed his brain as tears started to run down his cheeks to match his boyfriends.
“Kuroo?” Kenma asked, his voice unsure.
Kuroo didn’t respond, turning his face away instead.
“Kuroo… are you okay?”
“What does it fucking look like?” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them… and suddenly it was out there… he wasn’t okay and Kenma knew.
“What’s wrong?”
“I-” Kuroo’s voice broke “I don’t know.”
“What… what do you need?”
Kuroo sniffed loudly and wiped at his face… “I wanna go home.”
“Kuroo…” Kenma repeated his name once more, this time it was said apologetically, both of them knew that wasn’t possible.
“I know, I know, I just… I’m so… fucking… scared.”
There was a pause until Kenma found his voice again “Scared?”
Kuroo considered his words before deciding to give honesty another try, “I- I’m scared of being left behind Kenma, by the world, by my team… by you. I’m scared my brain doesn’t work right, and I don’t know how to fix it, I’m scared that I don’t understand… I hate not understanding my own mind… I just don’t get why I feel like this, don’t get why every time you choose a game over me it feels like a stab in the chest. It never used to, but now it makes me wanna… wanna... “ Kuroo’s stopped himself, coughing slightly on his sobs.
Kenma was flabbergasted. How could he have missed this, he knew something was wrong, but… somewhere along the line he forgot Kuroo was allowed to have human problems too…
“Kenma?” A shaky voice spoke up and Kenma's head snapped to the sound, his body poised, ready to assist Kuroo in whatever way he needed. “Uh… Can you give me a hug?”
Kenma froze… somehow this was not what he was expected. He must of hesitated a second too long because Kuroo was suddenly backtracking, “Sorry that was stupid, you don’t--”
He was cut off by Kenma squeezing him harder than he ever had before. And it was Kuroo’s turn to cry… really cry… as Kenma climbed up onto the bed with him.
“I’ll help you level up...” Kenma mumbled into Kuroo’s chest, he was never good with long speeches but he hoped the small statement would be enough to convey his love.
“Promise?” Karoo whispered back, his voice quiet and vulnerable as a child’s.
Kenma simply squeezed him harder, a non-verbal communication of yes.
—
Kuroo was released a few days later, overall he came off fairly unscathed except for a broken leg. The other man in the accident was fine as well, thankfully he decided not to press charges as long as Kuroo covered the some of the costs, which felt like a fair deal. Kenma had been putting off games ever since the accident, of course he played, but usually he dedicated himself to Kuroo’s recovery. Looking up resources for people who struggle with substance use, and reviewing therapists with Kuroo while curled by his side.
Kuroo wasn’t okay, they both knew that, but Kenma was determined to make things better. He had promised after all.