Chapter Text
August 2014
"Cas! Talk to me! What the fuck's gotten in you?" Dean had to duck as another book was thrown towards him narrowly missing his head and hitting the wall behind with a hard slap adding to the growing collection piled behind him. He came home an hour ago to find Castiel packing his things a look of pure hatred on his face, Dean had tried repeatedly to ask what was wrong but that only ended with Castiel throwing hard back books at him. "Seriously Cas! What the fuck have I done, you didn't want me to leave last week and now you can't even stand to look at me! I don't understand what I've done to piss you off so much!" Dean gently wrapped his hands around Castiel's biceps in a pitiful attempt to calm his boyfriend down, in the same moment Castiel's head snapped around, he met Dean's gaze, his eyes puffed with tears but there was no sadness in the blue orbs just anger and hatred engulfing his boyfriend.
Castiel shoved his way through Dean's grip a bag containing his possessions, which he kept at Dean's house, in each hand. Dean followed his boyfriend to the door pleading for him to explain what was happening the entire way, if he touched Castiel an icy glare was thrown at him; Dean couldn't stop the tears from falling from his eyes. What would his dad say, men weren't supposed to cry, men weren't supposed to fuck other men either but Dean loved Castiel and his father's views weren't going to stop him any time soon, so if crying made him less of a man then so be it.
Upon reaching the front door Dean surged forwards, snatching a bag from Castiel's hand in an effort to stop the man.
"Give it back to me now Dean." Castiel didn't look at Dean, his eye's stayed looking toward the door; Dean clutched at the bag; Castiel's deep voice wavered as he spoke.
"Cas... Please-" Dean choked on tears as he spoke.
"No." And then he was gone, the door slammed behind Castiel rattling picture frames through the hallway and then everything was silent. Dean stood in shock; Castiel's bag still clutched in his shaking hands. When Dean's leg's buckled from underneath him he fell painfully onto the wooden stairs, his whole body shaking, breathing heavy and erratic.
Dean sat on the stairs on the verge of a panic attack for an hour before he moved, obviously Castiel wasn't coming back; he packed his bags and practically ran out the door not giving Dean a single explanation or even a side glance. He glanced down at the full duffel bag still held tightly in his grip, contemplating for a moment before he decided to open the bag; he pulled the zip across, the teeth clicking apart breaking the silence of the house. The bag was a mess, clothes screwed into untidy clumps in the corners; books creating jagged edges on the bag, everything Castiel personally owned in Dean's house was thrown in the bag two bags. At the bottom laid Castiel's new iPad the screen was cracked but it still worked as Dean swiped the screen across the password was no trouble as Dean set it, however when the screen burst into life the iPad still had working applications but that wasn't what caught his breath, no it was the obviously sneaked picture of himself at a club with a dark hard girl sat in his lap, tongue down his throat and hand in his pants.
"No no no no!" Dean vaguely remembers the event, he was drunk and slightly high after his gig, everything had been going so well, the tour was the best one yet but then that girl came onto him and he didn't have the ability to coordinate his limbs enough to remove her from the position she had taken writhing in his lap, eventually Benny had pulled her away before she moved her mouth down to his pants but not soon enough, the paparazzi had already gotten the shot of 'Dean Winchester cheating on his boyfriend' with a groupie slut and published it the next day.
Dean's heavy heart sunk further; Castiel had seen the picture, he had seen Dean cheating on him but he hadn't even let his boyfriend explain the situation. He needed to ring Castiel at least and beg for forgiveness, he hadn't gotten high or even touched a drop of alcohol since the incident but right now his bottles of whiskey under the counter were starting to seem extremely inviting. He dug through his cluttered pockets looking for his phone, he had it last night in the club but now it was gone; Dean never put his phone in his duffel, there was too much hassle getting it out again... So where was it?
He checked every nook and cranny in his car, the phone was nowhere to be found. "Fucking great!" Sure Dean could borrow Sam's phone or use the land line if he knew Castiel's number but the guy just got a new phone and Dean was the only one who had his number at the minute, maybe Sam had it too?
When he re-entered the house he slumped back onto the stairs staring intently at the door refusing to move until Castiel came home. The itch started then, just under his skin the want for the drugs he had desperately needed in order to calm down his nerves but he couldn't go back on the promises he made to himself, he needed to call Sam; Sammy can help. Just as he was about to heave his body from the stairs something caught his eye, it was Castiel's phone, the corner of the blue case poked out from the untidily piled shoe collection by the door, he jogged over to the phone, surely enough the screen was shattered it had obviously hit the wall at speed, just like the iPad it still worked thankfully.
Dean cursed under his breath at the glass on the screen catching his thumb, he could call Sammy; he could help. The phone struggled into life and immediately opened Castiel's recent messages, Dean's message thread was the most recent but there were messages sent over night hours ago, Dean was either driving home then or sleeping, he hadn't touched his phone all night. He scrolled up seeing a collection of messages supposedly sent from himself to Castiel
Dean W
Received 1:03am
Having such a great time Cas!
Received 1:30am
I have a surprise for you Cas!
Received 2:48am
Can't wait to see your face when you see it!
Received 4:18am
Check this Cas.
A picture of Dean with the girl straddling him was attached under the message, Dean's hands started to shake, someone had his phone; this wasn't him sending the messages.
Sent 4:30am
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Received 4:35am
You should learn to blow like her Cas, best night ever!
Sent 4:37am
WHAT!?
Received 4:40am
She swallows Cas, deep throats too. God damn I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
Sent 4:45am
EXCUSE ME? HOW MUCH CRACK DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR FUCKING SYSTEM THAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS IS IN ANYWAY AN APPROPRIATE TEXT TO SEND YOUR BOYFRIEND?!
Received 4:48am
Enough to know I never loved you.
The phone fell from Dean's hands; Castiel thinks he never loved him; he was head over heels the first time he kissed Castiel they had been together for almost four years if the state allowed them to get married they would both have rings on their fingers now, how could he even think that.
Dean fell to the floor, head falling back hard against the wall, not that he cared it's his own damn fault this all happened. He gently picked the broken phone from the floor and dialed Sam's number thankfully it was in the contacts. When he finally answered Sam was breathless and struggling to string together coherent sentences.
"Guess Dean didn't tell you Cas but we have a whole one day leave each other alone thing going on and you called at a really bad time..." Dean tried his best to ignore the unwelcome image Sam's post sex voice was currently painting in his head and let out a shaky whimper.
"Sammy..."
"Dean? Shit Dean what's going on?" Rustling and Jessica's unhappy huff sounded in the background as Sam moved to a different room.
"Sammy its Cas he uh... he-" Speaking and drawing in shaky half breaths wasn't working, Dean could feel his chest tighten further with every breath.
"Dean breathe. Calm yourself down a bit then tell me."
"He's gone Sam. Packed his things, threw books and left. I fucked it up Sammy, the best thing that's ever happened to me and I fucked it up!"
"Dean what happened? Why did he just leave?"
"It's all my fault Sammy-"
"Dean stop, do you need me to come over?"
"I'm sorry Sammy-"
"Okay give me twenty minutes. Don't do anything stupid just wait there." Sam hung up as Dean drew his legs up to his chest; his head fell into his arms as he cried.
He didn't know how long he had been sat on the floor but he jolted his head up as the front door swung open hope filled his eyes as he let his thoughts wonder to the hope of it being Castiel, he let out a disappointed sob as Sam rushed inside and the door slowly clicked closed behind him.
"Shit Dean, what happened?" Fresh tears bloomed in Dean's eyes as Sam pulled him into a hug.
"'m sorry Sammy I just couldn't-"
"No Dean you are my brother, I don't care. Come on lets go get you something to drink and calm you down then you can tell me what happened" Sam pulled Dean up off the floor with practiced ease and helped him stumble towards the kitchen. This day was supposed to be great, the band's latest album was topping charts and the tour was amazing but then everything went to shit when Dean got to drunk.
"All my fault Sammy."
"I'm not gunna agree or disagree until I know what happened alright?" Sam dropped Dean down on a stool placed neatly by the counter and darted around, grabbing Dean a glass of water and a towel to dry his face and then promptly dropped down in front of his brother.
"So... What's going on Dean?"