Chapter Text
Natsume’s breathing was erratic.
His chest was rising and falling with heavy breaths as he felt himself grow more desperate. One of his hands was wrapped around the base of his cock stroking himself lightly while the other was between his legs and working himself to completion, scissoring inside of him as he felt heat start growing at the pit of his stomach. He tilted his head over blinking heavily as he stared straight at his phone camera propped up against the books on his desk, he didn’t dare allow himself to look down once he felt pre start dripping onto himself, letting the feeling washing over him as he tried to work himself faster to get this over with.
With a brush over his prostate, Natsume had his back arched as he released onto himself, tensing around his fingers and stroking himself through his climax.
He landed back onto the bed with a soft thud sound, his arms and legs feeling too weak to process anything. It took everything in his will power to sit up and fix the mask that was situated over his eyes, hiding the identity that was behind these videos. He gave himself a minute to breathe, stretching himself in front of the camera before he stood himself up. Every bit of his willpower came to keeping himself steady on his feet as he advanced towards the phone to turn the recording off.
His entire facade was over once he knew the camera had stopped recording completely.
He slacked himself, his shoulders hunching as he ripped off the mask and tried to wipe down the sweat that accumulated at the top of his forehead. His high had started to wear off, the adrenaline washed away from his body quickly as he trimmed the video and uploaded it. Now that that responsibility was dealt with, he came to his senses on how quickly his release started to dry on his stomach and how cold his body felt all of sudden. Dropping any ideas to go to bed straight after with how tired his limbs were and made his way to the shower.
Once his feet made contact with the cold tiles of the bathroom he felt all of his senses rush back to him and him more aware than ever. His eyes fell on himself in the mirror, looking over each of the different hickeys and marks that were left on his body, making each one out with his index finger. The heat that once buried itself inside him was replaced with disgust, flipping his entire state of being in on itself and turned on the water quickly, just to get this whole night over with.
The water was hot on his back, droplets dripping off his face as he scrubbed himself down with a loafer and soap. Pausing on his movements as he looked at the soap buildup in his hands, he sighed to himself blinking his eyes heavily to get himself back into focus, every attempt falling short.
Natsume had turned to this work when he was eighteen, basically as soon as he was able to. His hypersexuality was horrible at the time and this was the only way to keep himself going and was even able to get money out of it. He was planning to stop a year ago until one of his top buyers popped up out of nowhere, their screen name… Bluebird, was practically in his notifications whenever he was receiving money and had become extremely reliable during the past three years. Whoever it was would pay double each time, and when Natsume found himself short on cash or rent he would send nudes personally to them and they’d always pay him for it.
It was whoever Bluebird was that kept him from quitting, money and sex hungry as he couldn’t stop himself from doing meetups with everyone but the person that was his top buyer for the past four months. It was strange, normally the top buyer would have free range with his commissions, but never once did they push Natsume to send nudes, videos or meetup unless he wanted to.
The security was nice and it terrified him.
Natsume turned off the shower after rinsing, scrubbing and cleaning himself out. Dabbing the towel onto his face and drying himself down before grabbing clean and warm clothes from the dryer that he put on before he started the night. Natsume was finally able to fall back onto his plush bed, wrapping himself under the weighted blanket that he kept on his bed.
Without the background noise of anything he turned on earlier, the apartment now felt hollow and empty, his roommates out for the night with him opting to stay home instead, the hatred he had for any large social gatherings still owned his existence. Natsume closed his eyes, basking in the darkness and the warmth from the clothes and blanket, but soon was forced to open them with the consistent dings of his phone with different notifications. Reaching over to retrieve it, he looked over his notification, each sending the $50 payout for the video he posted, except for one person.
Bluebird cashed in $100 for it, the video wasn’t long enough or heated enough to inherent anything like that so he set the cash cheap. He stared at the notification, looking through the profile it belonged to, no content, no name, nothing, just the screen name and the recent activity all been from buying Natsume’s own content.
The phone quickly switched from the profile to display the familiar Sakuma contact, the ringing causing him to jump as it burst through his whole room with the consistent noise. Quickly answering it to see what Rei wanted.
“Why are you calling at this hour?” He bit immeditality.
“Fufu, do I really need a reason to call one of my younger brothers? I just wanted to say hi.” Rei’s voice is still filled with so much fondness for Natsume, that never changed once out of the course of their relationship and the familiarity was heartwarming.
“Hi Rei, what do you want?”
The call fell into silence, Natsume’s heart racing as he shuffled himself to lie down under the blanket again, turning on speaker as he rested the phone against the pillow.
“Rei?” Natsume called again in confusion for how long the call remained silent.
“I saw you posted, are you doing alright?”
A lump filled Natsume’s throat instantly, tears pricking at his eyes as the words ran through his head. He struggled to keep down any noises as he started to shake slightly, letting out a slight hum to get him off his back.
“I need words from you Natsume.”
Natsume’s breathing started to heave again, sobs wrecked his entire body as he struggled to compose himself again, letting Rei hear everything as he let the tears fall across his cheeks. He should be used to this buy now, Rei didn’t watch or buy his content but he always checked if he uploaded and if he did he would call him to make sure he was calm and feeling ok. His breathing started to stutter and hiccup as he shoved the blanket into his mouth to keep down in large sobs from being picked up over the phone.
Rei remained silent, letting Natsume release whatever he was bottling up these past few months.
He inhaled as sharply as he could, exhaling slowly. “Can… Can you…” He tried to speak in between his breathing, each being interrupted by sobs that controlled his body. “Can you stay until I fall… Asleep…”
“I always will. Catch your breath and calm down.” Rei instructed as Natsume followed suit straight afterwards. “Have you taken your meds?”
Natsume managed to wipe as many tears away as he could, his vision blurry as he peered up at the small container of pills that was situated on the bedside cabinet. Grabbing it and shaking two of the small pills onto his hand to take them one by one. Leaning himself back on the headrest to catch his breath.
“I just did,” he spoke weakly, hoping the phone was able to pick it up.
“Good, are you in bed?” Rei asked
“I am… sort of? Just… sitting up… now,” Natsume knew Rei was trying to keep a conversation going through small talk, trying his best to distract the boy that needed help.
“Lay down and close your eyes.” Natsume did as he was told, laying back down underneath the weighted blanket and shut his eyes, exhaustion creeped up on him unexpectedly, washing over his entire body as he continued to even out your breathing.
“Goodnight, Natsume.”
The only thing he heard before he was pulled into a deep sleep.
----
Natsume woke abruptly the morning after, his roommates banging around the kitchen and just overall generally being loud. He wiped a hand down his face in annoyance, grumbling to himself about morning manners and rolled himself over to his phone. The call with Rei had long since been dropped, it was late for him after all and he was incredibly busy in the mornings so this was probably to keep Natsume from being awoken, a failed attempt in terms of his roommates being twice as loud.
Instead of rolling over and going back to bed, he looked over his notifications again, each one exactly like the last with only being told someone bought a copy of the video. Changing to look at his bank account, relieved that he made more than enough of what he actually needed. Yet still, a selfishness and a curiosity grew in his stomach.
Before he let the feelings grow into dangerous territory, he hauled himself out of bed, pulling on track pants and a hoodie before making his way out into the hallway.
Natsume never really interacted with his roommates, one of them was out for most of the time while the other kept to himself as well. They were friends, just Natsume didn’t really speak all too much.
“Natsume! Are you hungry?” One of his roommates called to him. He was the liveliest out of the three of them, short with fluffy ginger hair, always mostly in his room mumbling and humming to himself or disappearing for days on end, he was insufferable but fun to be around when Natsume had the energy.
“I can eat, just not a lot… appetite isn’t that strong yet.”
“That’s fine, just grab what you want from the stove, it’s just a bunch of different mini sausages, hash browns and eggs so choose what you would like.” His roommate replied, sitting himself down at the table.
Natsume made his way over to the different pans laid out, placing a few of the hash browns onto a napkin before grabbing his bag and making his way towards the table to sit down. He gnawed on his lip as thoughts still plagued his head, picking at the crispy edges of the food in front of him and played with them instead of actually eating it.
“You’re supposed to eat that, not your lip.” His roommate perked up, mouth stuffed with his own food.
Natsume looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow, scanning over the boy that donned a large smile over his face, “Leo, can I ask you a question?”
“Can’t say I’ll be a lot of help but I can try.” He laughed excitedly, waving his fork in the air.
“I can help if you need as well,” The offer came from his other roommate, this one was short, if not shorter than Leo and had blonde hair with bangs down the side of his face. He was always nice to him, sometimes when Natsume would keep to his room for long periods at a time, he would bring food up to him and make sure he was hydrated. Nazuna’s gestures really did warm his heart.
Natsume nodded at him before biting at his lip again, thinking over his words to make sure he didn’t reveal anything about his work or what he was trying to actually do. “If you uh… met a guy? I guess… would you,” words fell out of his mouth faster than he could process them to actually form a sentence, all of it was just a mess and it made him groan and throw his head back as he covered his face with his hands.
“Are you ok?” Nazuna asked intently, sitting down across from him besides Leo.
“Yeah, sorry, give me a minute.” He shook his head, playing with his hair before leaning himself against the table, forehead flat against it.
“Say you met someone, and you have every free opportunity to text them and talk to them, would you do that…?” Hopefully that was coherent enough. “But the catch is, you don’t really know their name or face.”
There it was.
Both of their faces dropped and the room went silent. Nazuna clearing his throat made Natsume look up with hopeful eyes.
“Well… is there a way to get their face or name?”
With his line of work…? Doubtful…
“Yeah, easily.” Natsume spoke up in a lie, trying to coax out a better reaction.
“So like an online relationship kind of plan? I say go for it, if you’ve talked before then yeah, you can make a new friend and everything.” Nazuna’s voice chimed happily this time.
That was the problem, the only time they talked was him sending nudes, Natsume didn’t even know their name. All he knew is that Bluebird was way too kind to him when it came to money.
“So you think I should text them?” Natsume asked with a tilt of his head.
“Go for it.” Leo spoke up this time, returning to his food.
Natsume smiled to himself with a nod, standing up from his seat at the table and wrapping up the food as he took it in hand heading towards the door, “I need to run errands. I'll talk to you guys when I get home.”
Both of them called after him with a goodbye. Closing the door quickly before grabbing out his phone and scanning the names of his clients in the recently paid tab. Finding the exact name he was looking for. He opened it with a shaky press of his thumb as anxiety started to creep on him. This was a horrible idea, a very bad idea, a very horrible bad idea, but if he didn’t do it, that feeling of the unknown would continue the insistent assault on his stomach that kept him from sleeping.
He released a sharp breath as he leaned against the wall to collect his thoughts. Processing everything he was about to do he nodded to himself as he started typing.
To: Bluebird
Reply when you can.
Sent and delivered in seconds. Natsume saw his life flash before his eyes for a split second but doing this was better than nothing. Stowing his phone back away in his pocket as he walked down the stairs to the lobby of the apartment building, picking and chewing at the breakfast he took nervously.
----
Natsume’s errands were mostly focused on him grabbing food that he would need for meetups, new facial and skin products and the occasional personal knick-knack and soft toys that he found along the way. He used errands to distract himself, especially after a bad break like last night but there was that gnawing feeling of the inevitable in his chest.
The whole day for him was spent at the mall, walking in and out of shops absentmindedly, texting Rei to keep his thumbs busy without opening those messages with his buyer again for the fiftieth time that week. He was fine with money, able to buy whatever he needed and wanted with some to spare for rent, but he wanted to meet them, thank them at most and agree to a night with them. He was used to it anyway.
Natsume halted his movements when he heard a notification chime from his phone. Immediately feeling like he was just caught red handed. He shuffled his phone from out of his pocket, shaking on the reveal of who it could be. He didn’t want to open it, every thought and instinct he had was to not open his phone or the message, but he’d have to swallow his pride sometime to do it.
Natsume clicked open his phone slowly. A heavy sigh of relief followed shortly after.
It was just Rei replying to one of his messages, any recollection of texting him had flown out the window at that point so seeing his contact made his heartbeat calm down. The previous conversation had been Natsume telling him about how he planned to meet up with whoever Bluebird is and talk to them personally. Rei seemed a bit taken aback by his messages but he was still supportive of him, trusting him and knowing he was smart enough to call either Rei or one of his other friends to come and pick him up.
Natsume met the message with a small smile, happy to know Rei always had his back through moments like these. Especially knowing that Rei would wake up at heinous hours of the night just because Natsume called him in a panic, babbling about being hurt and just desperately needing comfort despite being an hour away.
He was reliable, all of his friends were reliable, but it felt horrible for always putting himself in those situations in the first place.
Squatting against a wall as he caught his breath, he ran his fingers through the red hair to allow for more ventilation from the wind to whip around his forehead and cool him down from his overwhelming anxiety. He kept looking at the unseen message that he sent every time he opened the site on his phone, and it made something dig at him. Natsume wouldn’t be mad if they disagreed at a meetup, they have before, they just want to talk without him having to ask for money.
His eyes glanced to the top of the screen, catching the time and how late it had gotten with his excursion at the mall and deciding it would be best to start heading home.
----
Natsume arrived back at the apartment shortly after arriving at the train station, only a five minute walk from the central place to the lobby and constantly checking his phone like it was a life or death situation. He jammed the key into the lock and twisted it firmly, hearing the click of the lock open he slowly pushed his way inside expecting to see his roommates there and hounding him with millions of questions.
Except, it was quiet and empty again. Natsume was alone there by himself as he scanned the living room of the apartment to see if there was any sign or notice for them, nothing at all until he checked his phone.
While he was enamoured with his texts with Rei and the worry that pricked at him, he completely missed the text from Nazuna saying Leo went to his partner’s place while he, himself, was going to work for the next little while. Meaning, Natsume was unfortunately alone with his thoughts as of the rest of the night.
But any attempt at that was cut short when he felt his phone chime again.
And it was them, it was the one person he was looking for a notification from. Appearing brightly on his screen once he opened it and it caused unfathomable feelings to course through his entire body.
From: Bluebird
Sorry this took a while. Do you need money, Koneko-chan?
Natsume squealed like a schoolgirl, dropping his bags in the middle of the living room floor and dashing his way into his room, his phone clutched between his hands and held against his chest.
He slammed the door shut and he swore he could feel it spinning. He allowed himself to hobble over to his bed and flop down against it, curling in on himself as he brought his phone to his face again. Natsume looked over the messages several times trying his best to form at least one coherent sentence in his own head before sending it over to them.
Koneko-chan: No, I was just wondering something.
Bluebird: Which is?
Their reply was almost instant and the security rushed back over him.
Koneko-chan: You’re my top buyer with free range of my commissions, yet you haven’t asked for a meetup. Why?
Bluebird: You’re a camboy, doing a meetup for something like that is a big deal, is it not?
Natsume dropped his phone to his chest with a huff. Whoever this was, was right. Doing casual meetups without any connections took a lot out of him day after day, but there was something different right now and it made this all the more insufferable.
Koneko-chan: I would like to thank you personally, I’m offering one to you.
They stopped replying, their almost instantaneous replies lingered out to minutes that felt like eternitys. He had half the mind to turn over and fall asleep, but turning on his phone for what was the tenth time in a minute he finally saw the three bubbles pop up.
Bluebird: Are you available this weekend?
His heart stopped and he couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face.
Koneko-chan:Yes. Where is your location?
Bluebird: *attachment sent* I can pay the fares needed for travel.
The prefecture name looked awfully familiar. There’s no way they could’ve been living around the same place as the others. None at all.
Koneko-chan: You’ve always been too kind with money. I can repay you this weekend. Is it possible to ask another question?
Bluebird: Of course.
Koneko-chan: What’s your name?
There was an internal feeling in his gut that was nothing short of guilt. Natsume knew you shouldn’t ask this question especially to a content creator, but a buyer was different, right?
Bluebird: It’s Tsumugi.
Oh. Their name… It was really nice.
Koneko-chan: Thank you, I will text you later for details about this. Goodnight for now, Bluebird.
Natsume clicked his phone off, shoving it under his pillow and rolled to the side to curl in on himself again. There was some mixture of relief and curiosity that stirred within him, he wanted this, this was the only time Natsume had asked someone else for a meetup. A small smile started to hint at the corner of his lips as his eyes started to droop close, lulling him into a deep sleep after one of his most stressful days.