Chapter Text
“Bye, see you soon!” Airplane mode disconnected his phone from the internet, and Toby's cheerful voice, as the plane’s engine roared to life.
The black, desolate phone screen, once displaying absolute beauty and sunshine, reflected his masked face back at him.
Ranboo sighed.
Only a few more hours and he’d have Toby by his side. He could high-five him, interlock their fingers, hug him, play with his hair, kiss hi--
God, he couldn’t do this. Even with all the layers that obscured his identity, Ranboo’s desire could be seen through his burning ears that shone a bright red against his pale skin. He watched in the screen as his hand grasped his hair, tugging and tangling into the strands.
You can’t like boys. It’s a sin, you’d be a sinner. You’re just confused. Toby’s just a friend. He repeated in his mind. His hand moved to his cheek, fingertips flitting over the fabric covered skin as a slapping sound rang in his ears. He could still feel the sting miles away from him it seemed.
He put the phone down by his thigh, letting his love-stricken face fade from view. Methodically, he put his earpods in, not even bothering to put on a playlist.
Letting his eyes fall shut, he pretended that everything he’d built with Toby wasn’t about to fall down as the plane lifted into the sky.
Ranboo jolted awake as he felt the man sitting beside him tap his shoulder.
“Hey, lad, they’re about to take orders for drinks and stuff.”
“Oh,” Ranboo said, “thanks, dude.”
“Dude? You’re a right American, fella.”
“Hah, yeah.”
“What brings you to ol’ Brighton?”
“Well,” Ranboo says, fiddling with his fingers in his lap absentmindedly, “my, um, friend? Yeah, visiting my friend.”
The man looked at him inquisitively, staring without saying anything. Ranboo shifted in his seat.
“Friend, ey?”
“Mhm.”
“Ya seem pretty lovesick to me.”
Ranboo’s brain stopped working. And endless mantra of God, please, I’m not a sinner played in his head.
“Um-- I-- uh--”
The man laughed, slapping his knees hard as he bent in half from the force of his joviality.
“She must be a real keeper to getcha like this.”
Ranboo looked to his hands, sprawling and twisting together to create a beautifully chaotic mess.
“Yeah.” He coughed, his throat burning. “Just don’t have ‘em yet.”
A hand clapped against his shoulder, gripping it strongly.
“Ey, don’t sell yourself short, lad. You’re flying all the way from the U.S.A to visit her, that ain’t something ‘just friends’ do.”
Ranboo stared into the man’s eyes, kind and sincere.
He wanted to cry.
“What’s your name?” Ranboo asked.
“Lewis, but you can call me Lew for short.”
Ranboo’s breath stuttered and his heart pounded against his ribcage. His head swirled.
“Lew, how do I say it?”
“Say what?”
“That I’m--” He bit his lip to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.
“In love?”
Ranboo let out a deep breath. Flashes of sparkling white teeth, brown floppy hair, and a chiming laugh filled his mind.
He nodded.
“Well,” the man said, “ya just gotta find the right moment. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“I lose everything.”
“Haven’t you already lost everything if you’re not honest about your love?”
It was a rhetorical question, Ranboo knew that. He wanted to respond, to argue that Toby hating him was far worse than Toby living in blissful ignorance of his feelings.
His lips parted. His throat tightened. His lungs deflated.
The man stared at him, patiently waiting for Ranboo's response.
“Hello, can I get any drinks for you guys?”
Ranboo choked on his spit. The man gave him a meaningful look before turning to the stewardess to order.
Quickly, Ranboo shoved his headphones in his ears, clicking on the first playlist he could and jamming the volume button up and up and up. He checked the time.
Three hours to go.
He woke up to the sound of the intercom dinging, an announcement that the plane would be landing soon.
Ranboo looked over to Lew, watching as Lew swiped on his phone. He pulled off his earpods, his ears sore from the constant use, and listened to the roaring instead.
The plane jolted when it landed, but the roaring sound remained. He shakily pulled out his phone, pressing on the messages app.
I’m here :D
ahhhhh bossman!! were waitng oudside baggage.
Okay see you soon toby!
“Toby?” Lew questioned. Ranboo froze.
“You read my texts.” He grit out.
“Hey, hey,” Lew said, raising his hands, “I didn’t mean to. Real sorry about that, mate.”
“He’s just a friend.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t.”
Ranboo wanted to scream.
“Please, Lewis.”
Lewis stayed silent for a while, and the two sat and stared at each other. Their row started to get up to leave the plane.
“You go get him, mate.”
His heart thumped hard in his chest.
“You-you don’t--” Ranboo sucked in a breath, “you don’t think I’m a sinner?”
“What?” Lew said bluntly. “Mate, all you’re doing is being in love. Human nature ‘innit?”
“Oh.”
Lew settled a gentle hand against his shoulder again.
“Nothin’ wrong with love. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Ranboo nodded, his throat too tight to speak.
“Good, lad.” Lew said.
“Thank you.” Ranboo whispered.
“Nothin’ ta thank me for. Just promise me you’ll be honest with yourself. Okay?”
“Yeah,” Ranboo gulped, “yeah, I will be.”
The hand left his shoulder as Lew stood up. With a wave and a wink, he walked down the aisle, leaving Ranboo dazed and stunned.
He raised his phone to his face, gazing once again at his reflection. His glasses contained a copy of his face--a continuous reflection that jumped back and forth from his perception.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, Ranboo quickly shuffled out of the plane. Head bent and limbs drawn in, he knocked against the aisle chairs. His feet dragged against the cold floor as he followed the herd of people from his plane to the baggage area.
All he could hear was Toby’s laugh, sparkling and clear, free of the static that accompanied a phone call from across the ocean. So soon, only a few minutes now, he’d be able to hold Toby. Feel him breathe against his skin, feel his fingerprints pressing stamps into his skin.
He shivered, imagining what he could never have.
His phone rang. Toby.
“Hello?”
“I see you.”
Ranboo laughed sharply.
“That’s creepy out of context.”
“Well,” Toby said, “you know the context. So it’s not weird.”
“Mhm, okay.”
“Find me!”
“Where are you?”
“I’m right here!”
Ranboo looked around frantically, trying desperately to see Toby. He wanted to see him so bad, yet it was just out of his grasp.
“You’re too short I can’t--”
There.
Toby.
Right there.
Ranboo was invaded with the smell of a billowing campfire, a warmth building deep in his heart and exploding out in orange bursts of color. On the tip of his tongue, he tasted sickly sweet marshmallows mellowed by their roasted outside.
It was everything he’d imagined and more.
Clear and hopeful eyes met his own. They were so much more beautiful in person.
Before he knew it, his feet had taken him straight up to Toby, hands reaching out but not quite connecting, in a pitiful display of his desire.
“Hi, Ranboo.” Toby said, a wild grin on his face. His eyes stayed trained on Ranboo.
Ranboo’s hands remained in the air as his eyes scanned over every bit of Toby, committing everything to memory.
“Hi, Toby.”
Toby giggled, eyes wide and landing on Ranboo’s still outstretched arms. Smiling brighter, he linked their hands, tangling their fingers together and resting his thumb against his palm.
Suddenly, without thinking, Ranboo pulled Toby close to his chest. He tucked Toby into him, burying his head into Toby’s hair.
The campfire in his nose turned to a hearth, smoke mixing with old wood in a delicate balance that caused his heart to flip. It was the feeling of home, and Ranboo was holding his home tight against his chest.
The air around them felt hot and sticky, surrounding them as they stood still.
When Toby eventually pulled back, Ranboo barely held back a whine. He clutched at Toby’s hoodie, pulling at the strings to try and bring him back. Toby rolled his eyes fondly.
“I know, boo,” Toby said, making Ranboo’s head swirl with affection, “but we gotta go home.”
“Toby,” Ranboo placed his hands under Toby’s jaw, grasping around his ears, “I am home.”
Warmth exploded underneath his hands, Toby’s cheeks and ear blossoming with red.
“Me too.” Toby whispered.
Once again, they sat in comfortable silence as each took in the other completely and wholly. Toby slid his hand up to grasp at Ranboo’s hand still pressed against his cheek.
“My Mum is waiting, boo.”
Everything shattered, and Ranboo’s lungs expanded. He quickly snapped his hands away from Toby, awkwardly shoving them into his pockets.
“I’m sorry, Toby. God, I’m so sorry.”
“What? Don’t worry about it, dude. She just might be getting a bit impatient.”
How is Toby laughing? Is he not worried about what his parents are thinking? It’s Ranboo’s first impression with Toby’s parents, past a quick hello when they wished Toby a good night, and he had already messed everything up so badly.
They were probably fuming at the strange man that was practically manhandling their innocent son. He ran his hand against his masked face, pushing hard into his cheek to remember what his parents instilled in him.
Phantom pains reverberated throughout his body, and he breathed easier knowing that he wasn’t a sinner.
He felt Lew’s gentle hand resting on his shoulder, and he shuddered at the harsh switch in emotions.
“Hi, Ranboo,” Toby’s mother greeted, snapping Ranboo out of his head, “it’s nice to finally meet you.”
Ranboo returned her kind smile.
“Thank you. It’s nice to meet you, as well, Miss.”
“Oh, dear, no need to be so formal. You’re a guest in our home, no need to worry with formalities.”
“Oh, thank you.” Ranboo was confused. Formalities, she had said, when Ranboo was just giving her what was expected in his family. Yes sir echoed throughout his head.
“Now, let’s get your bags in the car and head on home.”
“Yes, m--” She set Ranboo with a playfully stern look, “uh, I mean, yes.”
She nodded, satisfied, and took his bag from his hands before he could protest. Swiftly, they climbed into the car and began the drive home.
Ranboo watched as the airplanes fell into the horizon, his phone clutched in his hand with the screen facing up. He gazed into it. He still had his mask and glasses on.
A hand pushed against his, thumbing at his clenched fingers in an attempt to relax them. Ranboo’s eyes widened, and he swung his head around to stare at Toby. Toby gazed back with a soft smile.
He opened his hand, gulping his nerves down, and allowed Toby to slip his fingers in between his own. The taste of marshmallows returned, but this time they were gooey and melty in his mouth.
Ranboo watched their hands, intrigued and pliant as Toby rubbed his thumb against his palm. Slowly, Ranboo pushed their hands to a clasp and circled his thumb around Toby’s.
Toby turned red, holding his other hand against his cheeks, while Ranboo glanced nervously at Toby’s mom through the rearview mirror.
He was trying to be honest with himself. It was hard.