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Yu Ziyuan opened her eyes to too-white clouds sailing across too-blue skies. Irritating. She couldn't remember the last time she dreamed but it certainly didn't contain any of these supersaturated colors. She brought herself to her feet, finding herself in a grassy knoll rimmed with trees. A pool of crystalline water lapped serenely, sparkling in the sun. It felt like a meeting place. But of what and for who, Yu Ziyuan could not say.
The punch that broke her nose, therefore, came as quite the surprise.
Yu Ziyuan snarled and went for Zidian. But a kick to the chest greeted her instead of purple sparks. Her body crashed against a tree. She groaned, trying to keep her wits around her. Yu Ziyuan could not remember the last time she had been so thoroughly blindsided by an attack.
She looked up at her assailant. The blood drained from her face. No. It couldn't be. Cangse Sanren was supposed to be dead, not advancing on her with silver flames spitting from her eyes.
"You absolute bitch!" Cangse Sanren howled. Yu Ziyuan paled, scrabbling to stand upright. She had never seen Cangse Sanren so angry before. Not even that time Lan Qiren nearly got them all killed by his silly over reliance on the Lan Precepts. Cangse Sanren's eyes burned with steel hatred.
Yu Ziyuan did not even think Cangse Sanren was even capable of the emotion.
Another fist slammed into her stomach. Yu Ziyuan tried to defend herself, tried to use the decades of martial training she'd learned. But without a sword or Zidian, it was all for naught. Cangse Sanren, sunny, always smiling Cangse Sanren, beat her bloody.
"Monster! Abuser! You sick fucking cunt!" She roared. Yu Ziyuan stared in dazed confusion as tears streamed down Cangse Sanren's bronze cheeks. Why was she crying? She wasn't the one getting the shit kicked out of her!
Yu Ziyuan struggled as Cangse Sanren seized her by the hair. She couldn't die here! She had to take care of Yanli and Jiang Cheng! Jiang Fengmian would ruin them both for the sake of that woman Cangse... The woman currently staring daggers at her.
"I always knew you were a vindictive bitch, Yu Ziyuan, but I didn't think you'd stoop so low to abuse children. My fucking child!"
Yu Ziyuan's pride got to her tongue before her sense of self preservation. "I have never abused that boy—"
She coughed up blood from Cangse Sanren's knee to her belly.
"Then I'll have to enlighten you." Cangse Sanren dragged Yu Ziyuan by her hair to the suddenly glowing pool. Yu Ziyuan cursed and fought the iron grip in her hair. But she couldn't escape. Cangse Sanren forced her head into the water.
But Yu Ziyuan didn't drown.
Instead she found herself starting at, well, herself. This other Ziyuan sneered down at a trembling Wei Wuxian, shattered pottery between them. Yu Ziyuan watched herself backhand the boy. He slid across the floor. Had he really been so small?
"Useless boy!" Ziyuan hissed. Did Yu Ziyuan always sound so venomous? "How can someone like you be the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang? It would have been better if I had personally thrown you out of Lotus Pier the day Jiang Fengmian dared to let you in!"
Wei Wuxian cowered, fists shaking in his lap. His tiny shoulders sagged in the storm of Ziyuan's fury. A twinge of guilt thrummed through the void that once held Yu Ziyuan's heart. That vase had no real value and the other junior disciples had broken worse in Lotus Pier. But she steeled herself.
This boy was the first disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. If Jiang Fengmian chose him over Jiang Cheng, then Wei Wuxian needed to prove he was the best. And carelessness was unbecoming of a First Disciple. Yes, if Wei Wuxian bore the privileges of a First Disciple, so too did he assume the responsibilities.
"If you are so incompetent as to break this manor, then you are unworthy of wearing the Jiang Sect's uniform!" Zidian sang out. Wei Wuxian rocked in place with a sob. A smoking lash mark sliced through his clothes to the skin. Ziyuan tsked. She let Zidian fly out again.
"If I ever see you in Jiang purple again, I will whip it off of you before feeding you to the dogs. Ziyuan swept out. Yu Ziyuan humphed. An appropriate punishment for Wei Wuxian. If she had to do it all over again, she'd do the exact same thing. But the scene was not over.
Wei Wuxian wobbled to his feet. One of the other junior disciples stumbled from behind a tapestry, tears streaming from his cheeks.
"Da-shixiong! I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean--"
Wei Wuxian flashed that irritating smile, but even Yu Ziyuan could see how hard it wobbled on his face. "It's alright, shidi. Better that Madam Yu take out her anger on me than anyone else."
"But she forbade you from wearing the uniform because I broke the vase!" The shidi wailed. Wei Wuxian dried the boy's tears. An awful creeping horror sunk its terrible claws into Yu Ziyuan's chest.
"Your da-shixiong is strong enough for all of you. So let me bear Madam Yu's anger. I'll protect you all." Wei Wuxian stripped off the uniform. His lip trembled with obvious pain as he tried not to cry. Yu Ziyuan tried not to flinch as dozens of thin, Zidian-purple lines revealed themselves. She didn't think she whipped him so often.
Before she could dwell on that thought, her head was dragged out of the pond. Yu Ziyuan coughed and sputtered as her lungs seized from the water in them. Cangse Sanren stared mercilessly at Yu Ziyuan.
"Would you have whipped that boy and forbid him from wearing the sect uniform if he had confessed to breaking the vase?"
Yu Ziyuan hesitated. In that moment, she knew Cangse Sanren had her answer. Cangse Sanren snarled. She kicked Yu Ziyuan with all the fury of a mother bear. Yu Ziyuan coughed up blood.
"What kind of leader are you? You beat my child for the sin of being my child!"
Yu Ziyuan felt the old bitterness crawl into her throat. "It's not my fault Jiang Fengmian favors him. Favored you."
Cangse Sanren slammed her fist into Yu Ziyuan's nose. Everything went white. Yu Ziyuan wondered distantly who was screaming in the distance. Oh right. It was her. Her shoulders were seized and Cangse Sanren's snarling face appeared in front of Yu Ziyuan's fuzzy vision.
"It's not your fault Jiang Fengmian is a spineless coward that would rather see my child beaten bloody than stand up for what's right. But it is your fault for taking out your problems with him on my son. Are you so weak that you cannot hold a man accountable for his own actions? I thought the Purple Spider, the pride of Meishan Yu, had more pride than stooping to take out her insecurities on a child." Cangse Sanren sneered.
Shame welled in Yu Ziyuan's gut. Cangse Sanren was right. A nasty grin slithered across Cangse Sanren's face. "You know the sad thing? You always swore Wei Wuxian would destroy Lotus Pier. Turns out you're the one who lets it happen."
Yu Ziyuan paled. "No. You're lying."
"Am I? Behold, Yu Ziyuan, how you destroy Lotus Pier and get both you and your husband killed in the process." Yu Ziyuan fought but Cangse Sanren plunged her head back into the pond.
Yu Ziyuan surfaced into a truly horrifying sight. Herself and her two flower maids held at the mercy of some arrogant wench strutting around in a Wen uniform and flanked by a veritable honor guard of Wen disciples. Jiang Cheng, her dear, now almost-grown, son, looked positively terrified. He stood in front of Ziyuan, arms splayed out in front of Wei Wuxian who lay crumpled on the floor.
"A-Niang, please. Don't do this."
Ziyuan snarled at him, raising Zidian high. "Out of the way, Jiang Cheng. You are mistaken if you believe I won't strike you so I can teach that bastard his place."
Yu Ziyuan recoiled at the venom in her voice. She would never hurt her own son. But she could feel the seriousness in her own words. This Ziyuan would absolutely turn Zidian on Jiang Cheng if it served her purposes. And that made her sick.
"Leave it, Jiang Cheng!" Wei Wuxian rolled onto his belly, trembling with the effort. "I will take the punishment if it means Lotus Pier will be left alone."
Jiang Cheng trembled but moved aside with tears in his eyes. Ziyuan sneered and turned her fury onto Wei Wuxian.
Here's the thing. For all that she whipped Wei Wuxian with Zidian when he misbehaved, Yu Ziyuan had never gone over three or four strikes. Certainly painful but nothing disabling. But now, she stared in horror as she watched herself effectively cripple Wei Wuxian. She lost count of the strikes Ziyuan unleashed upon him. And he didn't. Fight. Back. Wei Wuxian just lay there, soundless, as he let the wife of his Sect Leader permanently destroy his body.
Yu Ziyuan wanted to scream at him to get up. To show himself as the irritant that broke her family. To bounce back like he always did. To be the rebellious upstart that only cared about himself that Yu Ziyuan knew him to be. But Wei Wuxian just lay there silently, hollow gaze staring into the distance.
That blank stare would haunt Yu Ziyuan for the rest of her life.
"How far the mighty Yu Ziyuan has fallen," Cangse Sanren's mocking voice rang over the horrific scene. "She destroyed her Sect's First Disciple at the whim of a second son's concubine. When did she turn into such a cowardly pushover?"
Yu Ziyuan put her hands over her ears, trying not to hear the endless sizzle of Zidian hitting bare flesh. She couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear to see Wei Wuxian meekly accepting her cruelty. She couldn't bear to watch Jiang Cheng struggle to get to Wei Wuxian. She couldn't bear to watch the cold satisfaction on her own face as she brutalized her own disciple, Wei Wuxian or not. Most of all, she couldn't bear the fact that some small part of her took vicious pleasure in watching Wei Wuxian being disabled.
"Awww, is Madam Yu horrified by her future actions?" Cangse Sanren cooed.
"Leave me be!" Yu Ziyuan begged. Cangse Sanren laughed.
"Oh, we're just getting started, darling."
Yu Ziyuan watched as the wench commanded Ziyuan to cut off Wei Wuxian's hand. Then the fight that broke out because a supervisory office was to be implemented in Lotus Pier. She watched as no one could stop the wench from firing off a flare (because the head disciple could barely swing a sword) and bringing the Wen armies on their head. She covered her mouth as Ziyuan shoved Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian into a boat, blaming Wei Wuxian for all that transpired and leaving Zidian to Jiang Cheng.
How could Ziyuan spare the time to spew such hatred and venom to a boy she had maimed? Was Yu Ziyuan destined to become such a spiteful woman that would blame everything on a child?
The visions only became worse. She watched as Jiang Fengmian charged Wei Wuxian with protecting Jiang Cheng, no comfort, no favoritism. Only treating Wei Wuxian like the servant Yu Ziyuan always believed him to be. Tears finally began to fall down her cheeks as Jiang Fengmian stepped in front of Wen Zhuliu's sword for her. She howled in anguish as Fengmian ran the back of his knuckles against her face, apologizing for being late. And then Ziyuan died. Core crushed and skewered upon Wen Chao's sword.
"I always knew Jiang Fengmian was a coward." Cangse Sanren mused. "He would have rather let you hate him than force his affections that you so violently rejected. He would rather let my son be brutalized than look like he was standing up for me. I wonder if he would have shown Jiang Cheng any favor if he wasn't constantly fighting you?"
"Stop. Please." Yu Ziyuan whispered. Her mind felt fragile, as if she were about to shatter at the seams.
"Why should I? You didn't stop hurting my son. Why should I stop hurting you?"
The scenes came faster and faster. Jiang Cheng choking Wei Wuxian who just lay there, tears streaming from his cheeks. Jiang Cheng saving Wei Wuxian from a Wen patrol. Jiang Cheng losing his golden core. Wei Wuxian getting his own core ripped from him and giving it to Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian being dropped into the Burial Mounds.
Yu Ziyuan couldn't keep herself from screaming. How could she? She caused so much pain and suffering to her own Sect. What would have happened if she hadn't beaten Wei Wuxian bloody? What would have happened if she trusted that Jiang Fengmian's affections were legitimate, that she had been his first choice and not a convenient alternative? What if, what if, WHAT IF, WHAT IF?
Everything went blank.
Cangse Sanren hauled a comatose Yu Ziyuan from the pond. Yu Ziyuan just lay slumped, too emotionally fatigued to maintain her proud facade. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to curl up with Jiang Fengmian and apologize for everything. She just wanted everything to stop.
"What do you want with me?"
Cangse Sanren scoffed. "I want what every mother wants. For her child to grow up safe, appreciated, and unabused by the people who are supposed to be taking care of him. The gods have afforded myself and Wei Changze divinity. I will not waste it watching my son give up everything for a spiteful old cow that would rather cut off her own foot than show kindness."
"You have spoken your piece. Now leave me alone." Yu Ziyuan said, exhausted. Cangse Sanren shook her head with a laugh.
"Not yet. I will have the last word." She dragged up Yu Ziyuan by the hair a final time. "I am the Goddess of Heroines, women who become warriors of sword and medicine and heart. That means you are under my jurisdiction. If you ever lay another hand upon Wei Wuxian, if you spew such bile at him, if you even crack Zidian in his direction, I will revoke my blessing from you. I will watch as your heart quails in your chest, your sword falls from trembling fingers, your pride ruined as all regard you as nothing but another powerless Sect Leader's wife meant to stay silent and let the men do the talking. After all, that is what you fear most, isn't it?"
Cangse Sanren smiled sweetly, the smile that Yu Ziyuan once swore stole Jiang Fengmian away from her side. "Make the right choice. I'll be watching."
Then Cangse Sanren punched Yu Ziyuan in the throat.
Yu Ziyuan awoke with a sobbing start, grabbing at her neck. Not again, she couldn't take much more from Cangse— She registered the purple of her sheets, the dark wood of her bed and the filmy lavender curtains swaying from her canopy.
She... was at home.
Yu Ziyuan laughed hysterically to herself. Was it all a dream? The beatings, the visions, the absolute rage burning in Cangse Sanren's eyes? She wiped the tears from her cheeks. Composure. She needed to regain her composure.
She meditated, something she hadn't done in a very long time. She let the images run through her mind. Despite the blinding pain and agony, she cycled through them. Over and over again until she felt numb. Until all the horror drained from the awful memories. After all, they were only dreams. The Violet Spider was better than anything conjured up by her wrongfully guilty mind.
She spun her thoughts until the tangled silk fell back into an ordered web. Yu Ziyuan would not be held hostage by the imagined ghost of Cangse Sanren. Whatever nonsense dredged up by her subconscious could be easily subdued by sheer will. And a pot of tea.
Yu Ziyuan rose from her chair. Yinzhu should be awake at this hour. Her maid would have a pot ready in minutes. She caught her reflection in the mirror and froze. Red and blue bruises bloomed over every square inch of her bared skin. Her nose lay crooked, crowned with an ugly purple splotch. She looked as if she had fought a demon in her sleep... Or perhaps an enraged goddess mother.
Yu Ziyuan sank to her knees in absolute anguish, tears falling involuntarily from her eyes. The mocking echo of Cangse Sanren's voice rang in her ears.
"I'll be watching."
"I'll be watching."
"I'll be watching."
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