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Pat. Patpat.
Even if it hadn’t been Morse code for “D”, Cas would have understood it as “coming?” And he was. He always came when Dean called. He just needed to make sure Sam was okay before he followed Dean to bed.
Five minutes later he knocks softly on Dean’s door before letting himself in. Cas stops at the sight of Dean, curled in the fetal position around a pillow on his bed, still covered in blood, shoes still on. Cas climbs on to the bed gingerly and gently wraps himself around Dean’s trembling body.
Cas attempts to keep the alarm out of his voice, “Dean, what happened in there?”
Dean lets out a ragged breath. His voice just above a whisper, “I couldn’t do it, Cas. I couldn’t do it.”
Cas is overcome with fear, but he manages to keep his voice level. “It’s okay. You’re safe for now. We’re in the bunker. We’ll deal with Cain later. Let’s get you cleaned up though, okay?”
Dean roughly brushes the heel of his palm against his eyes, wiping away tears Cas pretends to not notice, and mumbles, “okay” into the pillow he’s gripping.
“Alright.” Cas kisses the back of his neck and squeezes him before unraveling his limbs from Dean’s. “I’m going to go run you a bath. I’ll be right back.”
Cas gets the water running uncomfortably hot, the way Dean likes it, before heading back to get Dean.
“Let’s get you undressed, baby.” Cas kisses the back of Dean’s neck again before taking his shoes and socks off, one at a time. “C’mon, on your back. Help me get your pants off.” Dean grumbles a little, but complies.
Cas goes to kiss his forehead, but Dean turns his face to the side, dodging Cas’ affections. Cas sighs and unzips Dean’s jeans, helping Dean lift his hips up so he can pull them and his boxers down in one motion. He wrestles them off Dean’s legs as he lies there. He’s no help at all when he gets into his self-punishing moods. Cas drops the blood-stained jeans to the floor before helping Dean out of his shirt.
Once all Dean’s filthy clothes are piled at the end of the bed, Cas scoops him into his arms and carries him into the en suite. He gently lowers Dean into the tub before turning off the water and sitting down on the closed toilet.
“Is the water hot enough?”
Dean doesn’t meet his eyes but gives the smallest nod. “You’re not coming in?”
“Do you want me to?”
Dean gives another of the smallest of nods.
Cas removes his layers, folding them and piling them near the door. He sits on the edge of the tub, his feet getting used to the temperature of the water. Why did Dean need the water to be so hot?
Dean gives a quiet whimper. Cas sighs, and braves the heat, lowering himself into the tub so he’s sitting with Dean between his legs. Dean leans into him, finally relaxing a little.
Cas grabs the bar of soap and slowly starts to clean the blood and dirt from Dean’s skin. He rubs the bar up and down Dean’s arms, his hand following to work up the lather and massage his tired muscles. Dean sighs and leans into Cas as he soaps up his chest and stomach, paying extra attention to Dean’s little tummy. God, he loves that little tummy. For the first time since they got back to the bunker, Cas lets his fear and relief fill him. He hadn’t been sure it was going to be Dean who came back out of the barn. Cas just forgets about the soap for a moment, and holds Dean close while his hands slowly caress his abdomen.
Cas presses a kiss to the side of Dean’s neck. “Alright, lean forward. Let me wash your back.”
Dean grumbles, but does as he’s told. Cas runs the bar of soap back and forth enough to work up a lather, and then massages the suds in to Dean’s skin. He digs his thumbs into Dean’s muscular shoulders, trying to work out some of the knots that have formed before moving up his neck. Gently cleaning the skin before firmly attempting to drain some of Dean’s tension. Dean groans softly as Cas works on a particularly tough knot at the base of Dean’s neck. He scoops water up from the bath to rinse away the suds before leaving a trail of gentle kisses down the back of Dean’s neck.
“Can you do your legs, love?”
Dean silently takes the soap and half-heartedly runs it up and down his legs, paying slightly more attention to his feet, but not much. Good enough, Cas thinks.
Cas takes the soap back and hands Dean a facecloth as he relaxes against him. Dean dips the soapy cloth in the water and starts to scrub his face roughly. Cas is sure the blood and dirt are gone, since he’s pretty sure Dean is going to scrub all his skin off, too.
“Dean, that’s enough.” He takes the facecloth away. Dean splashes his face with hot water to rinse the soap out of his eyes before relaxing back against Cas’ chest, his face resting in Cas’ neck.
Cas works up a lather in his hands before putting the bar aside. “May I?”
Dean nuzzles Cas’ neck and opens his knees against the sides of the tub in answer. Cas moves his hands down Dean’s stomach again, letting his fingers tangle in Dean’s little patch of hair before slowly soaping up his soft cock. Dean presses his forehead into the side of Cas’ neck, his breath hitching, as Cas gently massages his balls in one hand. He releases them and returns to Dean’s hardening cock, gently stroking it lazily with one hand as his other caresses Dean’s inner thigh. He speeds up a bit when a little bead of precome forms, swiping his thumb over the head to collect it. Cas turns his hand so he can massage his index and middle fingers against Dean’s frenulum while pressing the head of Dean’s dick against his palm. He twists his wrist, increasing his speed until Dean is arching his back, pressing his forehead into Cas’ neck, and forcing out a noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper. That sound manages to work its way into Cas until it’s wrapped around his heart. He kisses the side of Dean’s forehead and rapidly strokes the full length of his cock until Dean lets out a groan he can’t hold back and comes hot into Cas’ hand. Cas rinses his hand off in the water as Dean relaxes back against him.
He runs his hands lightly up and down Dean’s inner thighs. “Should we wash your hair and go to bed?”
Dean sighs and nods. He kisses the side of Cas’ jaw before leaning forward and letting the lukewarm water start to drain out of the bath.
Cas stands up and helps Dean to his feet. Dean runs the water to let it heat up again before turning on the showerhead. Cas pours a bit of shampoo into his hands and works it through Dean’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. Dean backs into the stream of water and rinses his hair out while Cas shampoos up his own hair. They trade places so Cas can rinse his hair clean. Dean reaches for the soap.
“Dean, it’s fine, you don’t have to.”
Dean’s eyes meet Cas’ for the first time all evening. “I want to, Cas.” Dean creates a handful of lather, and runs his hands over Cas’ body, starting at his collarbones. Dean works down Cas’ arms, across his pecs, and down his stomach. He kneels to run the bar of soap up and down Cas’ legs. As he stands, Cas cups Dean’s face in his hands and kisses his forehead, before turning so Dean can wash his back. Finally Dean kisses the back of Cas’ neck as he reaches around to soap up Cas’ cock, stroking gently to clean it, but not arouse Cas too much.
They do a final rinse, and Cas shuts off the water. He grabs two towels, handing one to Dean, who pats himself dry before scrubbing the water from his hair. They brush their teeth and head to bed, dropping their towels at the side of the bed before climbing in.
They settle in forehead to forehead, legs intertwined. Cas’ hand rests on Dean’s cheek, Dean’s hand on his, their eyes closed.
Cas is just about to drift to sleep when Dean speaks.
“He told me,” Dean’s breath catches. Cas opens his eyes to see a tear streaming down his cheek. “He told me I’m going to kill you and Sam.” Dean’s eyes search his for any reassurance Cas can offer.
“Hey hey hey,” Cas soothes, wiping the tear away. “You maintained control today. You made it out of there. You didn’t even kill Crowley. You’re not going to kill me or Sam, okay? Look at me, Dean. We’re going to take it one day at a time. But you’re in control, and the blade is hidden. You’re going to be fine.”
“The blade really is hidden?” Dean cracks a half-smile, “because the last time you hid something you didn’t really pick the best spot for it. You didn’t just swallow the blade, did you? Because I know you could.”
Cas rolls his eyes. “It’s safe, Dean.”
Cas closes his eyes again and lets himself drift closer to sleep.
“I didn’t think I was going to come back out of there.”
“I know.” Cas keeps his eyes closed. He doesn’t want to admit that he didn’t think Dean was going to come back out of there either. Not the Dean he knew, anyway. But his feelings from earlier, the helplessness of being told to stand down, the fear of losing Dean to the mark again, the relief of seeing Dean be the one to exit the ring, but not being able to tell how much of Dean was returning, it all flooded him again.
In one motion, Cas presses their bodies flush together and rolls Dean onto his back, kissing Dean hungrily. Dean’s surprise only causes him to hesitate for a second before he’s returning Cas’ kisses with the same urgency.
Dean’s lips part slightly and Cas’ tongue accepts the invitation, meeting Dean’s between sloppy kisses. Dean chews gently on Cas’ bottom lip. Cas pulls back to press kisses down Dean’s exposed neck, sucking gently just above his clavicle.
“I want,” Dean’s voice is rough, his emotion tearing at the edges, “I want to feel you inside me, Cas.”
Cas doesn’t need to be asked twice. He grabs the lube from the bedside table and kisses Dean hard as he lubes up two fingers. He gently circles Dean’s entrance before pushing both fingers in, slowly pulling them out and pushing them back in again.
“More, Cas. Please.”
Cas scissors his fingers a few times, grazing Dean’s prostate, before adding a third. He works Dean open as Dean pushes back against his fingers impatiently.
“Cas, I,” Dean gasps as Cas brushes his fingers across his prostate, “I want you in me Cas. C’mon.”
Cas twists his fingers in Dean a few more times while he lubes up his cock with his left hand. He pulls his fingers out and lines up the head of his cock with Dean’s opening and pushes in. Dean groans like the air is being punched out of him. Cas bottoms out and stills.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” Dean pants. “Fuck me,” he growls as he rolls his hips up.
Cas steals a kiss before starting to thrust into Dean. He picks up speed until he’s fucking Dean hard into the mattress. Dean’s legs have wrapped themselves around Cas’ waist. Dean fists the sheets in his hands as his back arches away from the bed. Fuck, Cas is close to coming. When Dean comes untouched, hot on his own stomach, it’s enough to push Cas over the edge. His hips stutter, and he slows as he fills Dean with a groan. Dean pulls him down into another kiss, and Cas sinks into it as he softens inside him.
Eventually Cas comes up for air. When Dean speaks, his voice is raw, like he’s barely keeping himself from unraveling.
“I need you, Cas.” Dean’s eyes search his. There’s still a little fear there.
“I know, Dean,” Cas buries his face in Dean’s neck. “I love you too.” He breathes the words against Dean’s neck, following them up with little kisses, up his jaw, back to his lips.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Cas fetches a warm facecloth from the washroom and wipes Dean down.
When Cas returns from cleaning himself up, Dean’s loosely curled around his pillow again. Cas wraps himself around Dean as Dean finally relaxes fully against his chest and drifts off to sleep. Cas softly kisses the back of Dean’s neck and settles in.
Whether Dean sleeps for four hours or four days, Cas will be there when he wakes.