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Giant legs trudged up Skyhold’s stairs, with the feet inside the boots shaking. The cool wind bristled around her as she continued her climb. Tamsin-Jeanne Adaar’s mind was swimming with the images of the evening beforehand; the chilling water, the constant dripping, the blaze of veilfire lighting up elven ruins. Not to mention the constant screams and summoning of arcane horrors every so often.
TJ shuddered, and closed her eyes for a second, but that was a bad move: a horror heart was still beating, as if tattooed onto her eyelids. TJ’s eyes shot open as she let out a shaky gasp. The man next to her, his moustache frayed slightly, gave her a quizzical look. “Are you okay?” he asked, gently placing a human hand on the Qunari’s arm. Dorian’s gaze lingered from the horror in those emerald green eyes, right down to the superb mage staff still in her right hand. TJ looked at him, then gulped. “I’m fine…I think.”
“I think you should take the day off,” Cassandra stated as she walked up to TJ’s side. The three of them entered Skyhold’s main hall, and there wasn’t any guests present…seeing as it was rather early in the morning. A few servants were cleaning and preparing the tables for breakfast.
“Have some food, then go rest for a bit,” Cassandra continued as a few of the servants bowed their heads and placed a fist on their hearts, noting the Inquisitor’s return. “I completely agree,” Dorian chimed in as he snagged a roll off a tray a servant was carrying to the table. “I could use a bath, indeed.”
A disgruntled groan from Cassandra let a smile twitch at the corner of TJ’s lips, and the Qunari shuddered again. The youngest of the group teetered behind them, looking at the rolls placed on the table.
“It’s flour, but with more things…”
“Cole, my boy, let’s get some food,” Dorian nudged the Qunari gently, and then turned on his heel to sit down with the blonde rogue. Cassandra took off one of her gloves and sank into a chair with a sigh. “Thank The Maker that we made it out of there. I honestly thought we were going to be at the Horrors mercy,” she muttered.
“I am also happy we’re not in that place…it was full of hurt, and pulsing,” Cole noted, his shoulders tensed up at the feeling. Dorian raised an eyebrow at him.
“The pulsing might have something to do with six horror hearts being around us,” he covered his mouth, as he was chewing on a roll. TJ, however, nearly retched at the image of those disgusting, slimy organs. Cassandra put a hand on her back, touching the leather of her mage coat. “If word gets out that our funny Qunari Inquisitor is also squeamish, we would be the laughing stock of Thedas,” Cassandra grinned as she rubbed TJ’s back and pushed a goblet of cold water towards her. “Drink this, have a roll, then go to your quarters, Tamsin-Jeanne.”
“I…don’t see why you can’t just call me TJ,” The Qunari mumbled as she gained control of her gag reflex. Cassandra picked up another goblet of water and shook her head. “I still don’t see why you have to have such a human name, and an even more human nickname.”
“My parents insisted on giving me a normal life, with a normal name,” TJ reminded her warrior friend, before gulping down the cool water, and sighing as it trickled down her throat. “I guess because you didn’t live under the Qun, it didn’t matter to have a ‘normal’ name,” Dorian put emphasis on the word as he opened a bottle of wine.
“I like it, to be honest,” A new voice came into earshot, as TJ’s heart skipped a beat with joy as the accented tone belonged to her own Kadan.
Josephine stood at TJ’s side, wearing her usual attire, and placed a hand on the Qunari’s large shoulder. “I’m glad to see you all returned safely.”
“By the skin of our teeth, Lady Montilyet,” Dorian chimed with Cole nodding to agree. Cassandra greeted the ambassador, and offered her a roll.
“I will have a report ready for you before the end of the day.”
“Thank you, Cassandra,” Josephine nodded, but refused to take the roll. Instead she looked down at TJ, although the mage was sitting, she was the same height as Josephine standing.
Her grey, tough skin was pale, and covered In a layer of sweat, with a gash on her left arm. The Inquisitor’s golden hair was tied back, but dishevelled and falling out of its ponytail. Her hands were shaking as she slowly nibbled on her roll, and Josephine noticed she was jerking her knees by bouncing her feet up and down off Skyhold’s concrete ground. Those green eyes were glassy and dark, as if TJ had stared into the abyss (again, but not entering it this time.)
“Did something…happen?” Josephine asked the three humans (well, two and a half.) Dorian’s perfect eyebrows rose as Cole gulped down more water.
“Dark history, elven ruins lit by veilfire, beating hearts full of corruption and sorrow…”
“What he means to say is that the temple was a dungeon crawling with screaming demons and horror hearts, and the only source of light was veilfire. Not to mention the high priest coming out to meet us when we played by his rules…he tried to kill us, so we killed him. On top of that, there were some possessed explorers, terrors and corpses performing their usual regime of trying to kill us. All in a night’s work, if you ask me,” Dorian summarised for Josephine before biting into another roll, this one had cinnamon sprinkled on top. The Antivan woman blinked, processing the speech just given to her by the Tenvinter mage, then sighed and looked at TJ. “Sounds rather…adventurous, your worship,” she paused, and turned back to Cassandra.
“I told her she can have the day to herself, there isn’t anything happening today that’s urgent enough for her to look alive,” Cassandra noted, and Josephine nodded in approval. She leaned forward to look at TJ, who had been staring at her plate the entire time, taking short, shaky breaths.
“Bath, then bed for you,” Josephine said simply as she called a servant over to arrange a bath.
***
TJ soaked in the bath for a while, staring at the hot water that concealed her private parts. TJ had always been squeamish; there was a time in her childhood where a young Dalish lad approached her to go play in the forest, and they stumbled across a dead Hurlock that was covered in arrows. Its stomach had been ripped open, exposing a rotting ribcage and maggot-covered flesh. While the lad was in awe of the sight, TJ and turned away and removed the contents of her stomach into a nearby bush. She later ran back to her parents crying, with the image still fresh in her mind.
The blonde Qunari shuddered at the memory and poured more water onto herself with a bucket. She shook her head, getting her golden locks out of her face with a sigh. “Come on, You’re the damn Inquisitor! It’s like Cassandra said, we can’t have this habit of yours let loose to the world,” she muttered to herself, sinking deep into the water.
Once she had dried off and changed into her more comfortable robes, TJ retired to her quarters. She told a few guards that if they needed her for anything, to go to either Cassandra or Josephine. “Organs,” she thought to herself, climbing the stairs to her room and using her staff as a cane. “Why did it HAVE to be organs?! Can’t there be a ritual that involves petting nugs or juggling fireballs instead?” TJ Opened the door and leaned on her staff, letting out yet another sigh; she had lost count in the bathtub.
The rest of her day consisted of lounging around her room, reading tomes and juggling fireballs. She even decided to have a look at the more heavy reading Vivienne and her Knight-Enchanter Trainer had given her, and by sunset, TJ had nearly mastered Fade Shield technique.
TJ was given dinner by a meek servant, and there was a note attached to her cutlery. Adaar unravelled it and skimmed it;
'My Darling,
One of the Duke Gaspard’s most loyal supporters has demanded a tour of Skyhold, and a talk on war tactics with Cullen and The Iron Bull. It has fallen upon me to follow the man around to make sure everything goes according to plan, so forgive me, but I may be late to retire for the evening.
Please do not let this stop you from relaxing, and I expect you to be sound asleep when I return.
Forever yours,
Josephine'
TJ bit her lip. She was very much looking forward to snuggling up with Josephine for the evening, to help put her mind at ease from the…
Oh, Shit.
The memories were returning, and TJ shook her head, rapping her knuckles against her ram horns. “No, don’t think about it!” she snapped at herself whilst slamming her eyes shut. She counted to five, and then took a deep breath. “Just…just eat your dinner and read more tomes in bed. That’ll surely help,” she instructed herself.
Her meal was delicious as always. TJ took off her robe, leaving only her green night pants and white sleeveless undershirt on, and climbed into bed with another Tome on Knight-Enchantment. She figured that if she could read herself to sleep, nothing else would bother her. She knew she would wake up the next sunrise and kiss Josephine good morning. The blonde Qunari set about her reading, and instantly felt exhaustion seep in. Before she knew it, everything was black.
***
Water lapped at her ankles as her vision adjusted to the new found darkness. She was dressed in her enchanter armour, with her leather vest’s trimmings being soaked in the liquid. She was staring at a wall with a torch fitting that begged her to light it with Veilfire. TJ looked around, and her heart sank.
She was back at the Lost Temple of Dirthamen.
“You have GOT to be shitting me,” she thought to herself as she lit her hands with the green, mystical fire, and placed them against the fitting. It was aflame at once, and the harshness form the neon green light made her eyes water. TJ instinctively picked the torch off its fitting in the wall and turned around, expecting to see her companions there.
But no one was there. No grunt from Cassandra, no muttering from Cole, and no snide remark from Dorian.
She was alone.
Adaar’s stomach panged as if there was a bass drum inside her. She looked around, and saw the large statue of the wolf next to her left. She observed its cold, rock hard features, then gulped down her fear; she could feel herself start to sweat. TJ took a step forward, and slowly but surely, followed the trail to a chamber. It was the chamber of sorrow, and it stunk of dead bodies and old fabric so badly that TJ let out a few coughs. “Still mouldy, I see…and smell,” she muttered, before gagging slightly at the sight before her feet. She then let out a yelp in shock.
The body of the servant that had served her dinner was curled up on the cold, wet stone floor. Her chest was ripped open, letting her human blood pool around her. One of her intestines poked out from underneath her, and it made TJ gag again. “What the- Why are you here?!” She snapped at the dead servant, and then looked away to close her eyes and count to 5 again. Adaar summoned up her might and stepped over the servant’s body. When she opened her eyes, her gaze was locked onto an elven ruin, twinkling in the corner. TJ felt the veilfire pull towards it like a magnet, aching to touch the ruin, to reveal its secret. TJ walked leaned towards it, and watched the familiar red pattern begin to emerge once the mystic green fire came in contact with the ancient ruin. The pattern swirled, then stopped, and started to run, like drenched watercolours on a canvas. The red also darkened significantly. TJ blinked, then looked closer.
That was a mistake.
It was an open wound, and the red was blood.
TJ gagged and dropped the veilfire, she held herself up with her knees, and could feel the sweat dripping down her face, catching the paint of her vitaar. The sweat drops dripped to hit the stone floor as TJ took more shaky breaths. “Wh-Why…” She gasped to herself. With her eyes shut again, she counted to 5, rushing it slightly to snap her eyes open and relight the veilfire. She was beginning to get sick of the counting, and the bright green of the fire. She looked for the other artefact that she had to light, and without thinking, walked over to the altar and placed the fire against it.
The scream that followed after made her shriek and drop the fire again. The whole temple rumbled with it, as if an earthquake had struck. Tamsin-Jeanne covered her ears and shut her eyes, her mind swimming with anxiety and she could practically hear her heart beat in her ears.
Her heartbeat…her heart….
Oh, shit.
Adaar turned around, and stared face-to-face with an arcane horror. It was massive, and covered in those Maker-awful rags. She swallowed her fear and reached a trembling hand for her staff holstered onto her back. She fired lightning at the arcane horror, and froze it. The battle she had done many, many times. Eventually, she wore it down, and froze it again. The monster exploded and left behind two things. TJ approached it and clenched her fists, knowing what was next.
The horror’s heart was there, still beating with the black liquid squirting out of it. TJ immediately put her fist in her mouth to hold back the contents of her stomach, but she did a half-decent job. She spat out what made it into her mouth, and then wiped herself up with the back of her hand. She looked past the heart, expecting to see some typical horror rags.
But instead, it was the Montilyet family crest, engraved onto a wooden toy boat.
TJ’s eyes widened, and then heard the twinkle form the elven ruin behind her. She whirled around, and screamed again, dropping her beloved staff. The ruin was Josephine’s head, decapitated from her body, with the blood dripping from her neck. Another scream came from the temple, as two arcane horrors rose from the ground. One picked up TJ’s staff, and snapped it in two. The other moved towards Tamsin-Jeanne, readying itself to fire the green spiritual substance at her. TJ dropped to her knees as tears and snot dripped from her eyes and nose. Her mouth was open, lips quivering in fear and disgust as the two horrors approached her, demonic, skeletal hands outstretched.
TJ could only cover her ears, shut her eyes, and scream.
***
She felt as if she was being pulled out of a lake, but still screaming.
“Inquisitor! INQUISITOR!!” A voice was yelling her title at her, and there was a pair of tiny hands on her shoulders. Tamsin-Jeanne Adaar snapped her eyes open and gasped for air, gulping it down as if she had never tasted it before. She also snapped her hands away from her ears, careful not to get the scratched on her horns. The world was spinning, but instead of seeing the Orlesian night sky, she saw the wooden roof of her four-poster bed. Her whole body was drenched in sweat, and her heart was pounding, almost drum rolling. Once TJ’s eyes got used to the darkness, she looked at the figure whose hands were holding her down. Long, black hair falling in waves to her breasts. The silk of her night wear. Copper skin and hazel eyes.
It was Josephine.
“Inquisitor?” the voice rang again, but it was as if she was calling from a far off distance, despite being right in front of her; literally on half on top of her. TJ blinked a few times, and her ears adjusted to Josephine’s pleading calls.
“Inquisitor! Tamsin! TJ! Answer me, please!”
TJ could only swallow back the tears as she mustered up something to say.
“Y…Your head is still attached to your body.”
Josephine’s face fell into confusion, despite being nearly pitch black, Tj could see it. The only light source was the night’s sky trickling in from the open door to her balcony. She raised her right hand and waved it, lighting every candle in the room. The light made it a hundred times easier to see what was happening, and the worry on the woman’s face. Her brows were furrowed, and her lips were pursed with concern. TJ slowly hoisted herself to rest on her elbows, asking for Josephine to move her hands from her shoulders. The Qunari stared at her Kadan, and her lip quivered again. She burst into tears, bowing her head to let the sweat and tears fall onto her green bed sheets. “Oh, darling,” Josephine sighed and attentively placed a hand on TJ’s back, rubbing it softly in a circular motion.
“…N….”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Nightmare…” TJ managed to get out between sobs, refusing to look at her lover out of embarrassment. The mage pushed a lock of her golden hair behind her ear and snivelled loudly, using the back of her marked hand to wipe her face up.
“No need for that, here,” Josephine reached into the pocket of her silk nightclothes, and handed the larger woman a soft white handkerchief. Her initials were embroidered on it in gold. Josephine leaned forward started to dab away at the Qunari’s cheeks, not worrying about the vitaar as there was none present. She wiped gently at the bags underneath those emerald eyes still glassy with fear and disgust. “There we go,” Josephine smiled as she retreated slightly, observing her handiwork of a clean Qunari face. “Would you like a drink? I can fetch a servant to get you some water or wine, or maybe I should go myself.”
“No!” TJ cried out, causing the smaller woman to jolt in shock. TJ bit her lip, then averted her gaze. “Sorry, just…just please don’t leave…” She mumbled, bringing the covers up her chest as her eyes brimmed with tears. Josephine started to hush woman softly, before dabbing at her face again with the handkerchief. “I’m so sorry, TJ. I’ll stay,” she said softly. The blonde Qunari looked at her, breathing shakily through her mouth.
“Thank you.”
“At your service, my lady,” Josephine dipped her head in a slight bow, which made TJ grin for a second.
“When…when did you come to bed?” TJ asked as she tried to control her breathing. Josephine blinked for a second. “I finished talking with Gaspard’s supporter just before dinner, then some paperwork, dealing with Sera’s pranks…I’d say after the 12th hour.” Josephine looked at the stars that twinkled in the night’s sky as TJ looked down at the bedsheets again. “You were asleep when I got here, and I did not want to disturb you.”
“You could never disturb me,” TJ mumbled, looking at Josephine from the side. The Ambassador’s grinned as a blush crept onto her cheeks. “But…you started twitching, and then screaming, so I woke you up…Would you like to talk about it? Or is it too much?”
“No, no, It’s not too much. Just…” TJ gulped back her fear again and balled her hands into fists. “I was back at the Lost Temple of Dirthamen, but by myself this time.”
“Go on,” Josephine decided to keep rubbing her lover’s back with one arm, then held the woman’s hand in her own, staring into those eyes. TJ look a deep, shaking breath before continuing. “We…I needed to light the veilfire to see…A servant’s body was on the ground with her gut ripped open…”
“Sounds gruesome,” Josephine noted as the mage gagged slightly, but covered her mouth at once. “The torch picked up an Elven ruin…But…”
“But what, TJ?” Josephine asked, and TJ gestured to her. “It was a ruin of you.”
“Of me?” The Antivan woman was surprised at this, but the look the Inquisitor was giving her must have meant it was a bad thing. “Your head…” the tears were starting again, along with a look of repulsion.
“My head?” Josephine tilted it to the side, confused. TJ nodded, then brought her left hand to her own throat, and made a slitting gesture. “It was clean off your body, with blood dripping from the neck.”
“Oh my, that’s…” Josephine blinked in shock as TJ’s cheeks bludged.
“Uh oh,”
Josephine reached to her right and pulled up a large bucket she had asked Cassandra to fetch her from the stables (“It’s a precaution,” she had said to the Nevarran princess, who agreed completely.) Josephine handed TJ the bucket and nodded to urger her to let the contents loose in it. TJ bent her large head over the bucket, and started to chunder. “Let it all out, darling. It’s okay,” Josephine reassured her lover, but couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose at what was happening. The last time she had seen someone pray to the porcelain Maker was at Halamshiral; Cole had tried some alcohol for the first time and his body didn’t agree with it, followed by the cheese Dorian and taken for him.
“I’m…sorry, Josie,” TJ slipped out as she moved her head back a bit from the bucket. Josephine shook her head and continued to rub the mage’s back.
“It is not a problem, TJ,” The Antivan woman responded as TJ chundered again.
The Qunari reared back and sighed. One final spit into the bucket and placed it on the ground next to her bed. With a shudder, she waved her hand to magically move the bucket outside onto her balcony, and then shut the doors.
“A servant can deal with the in the morning,” Josephine suggested, and the blonde Qunari nodded before resting against the large bed piece with a groan. “Fuck,” she muttered, running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes to count to five.
“Was there more to this nightmare?” Josephine asked, and TJ nodded.
“I think I’ll need another bucket, though.”
“That is alright, there is another here,” Josephine hoisted another bucket up from her side of the bed and handed it to the Inquisitor, who smiled her thanks.
“You really are too good to be true, Lady Montilyet,” she winked and nursed the bucket in her hands as the Antivan woman let a blush graze her cheeks.
“After the ruin lit up, I had to place the veilfire near an altar. I did so, then there was a scream, and the whole temple shook, like a pair of giants waltzing.”
Josephine nodded, pleased that TJ was able to recall this horrific experience slightly easier after removing most of her stomach contents. “An Arcane horror appeared, and I killed it…it left behind your family crest and a heart,” TJ’s cheeks bulgded and she lowered her head into the bucket to empty her mouth. Josephine rubbed her back and started to coo in Antivan. TJ felt at ease as the words flowed through her ears, like velvet. She lifted her head and grimaced. “That’s when the ruin lit up more to show your head.”
“How lovely,” Josephine grinned sarcastically as her thumb started to stroke TJ’s large hand. The mage shut her eyes and shuddered. “Two more horrors appeared, and…I just gave up when one broke my staff.”
“They what?!” Josephine’s voice rose as her body stiffened up. TJ nodded, remarking Josephine as a mother about to scold some children in the street for breaking her child’s most precious toy. “If only horrors got married, so I could destroy them with the proper glove left on a table.”
TJ couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. She sighed and froze the contents of the bucket, then repeated the process of leaving it outside. “I don’t think horrors would have many tables for you to leave a glove on.”
“Well, perhaps it would be easier if they didn’t snap your staff in two.”
“I’ll be sure to tell them next time, if I don’t gag, that is,” TJ shrugged and reached for a goblet of water on her nightstand. Josephine watched the woman gulp it down with a look of fear and disgust on her face. She bit her lip and started to play with the bed sheets.
“Can I ask you something, my lady?”
“Of course, love,” TJ nodded, and Josephine closed her eyes for a second, then looked at her with a tiny grin playing at the corners of her mouth. “Why is a Qunari mage…a Tal-vashoth…so squeamish?”
TJ furrowed her brow in thought, not anger. She then shrugged and shook her head with a slight quirk of her lips.
“I…honestly don’t know…Blood and guts have just always creeped me out…It’s strange, I know.”
“You fight the undead, demons and see wounds all the time,” Josephine added on, counting with her fingers. TJ couldn’t help but chuckle. “I agree. It’s really strange indeed. It’s…I don’t know…maybe from when I was younger seeing that grotesque dead Hurlock but…” TJ held back a gag as Josephine resumed her back rubbing and Antivan cooing. “Say no more,” Josephine smiled, and then leaned forward to plant a quick kiss on TJ’s shoulder.
The two sat in a comfortable silence for a short time, and then TJ looked over at Josephine. She observed the woman’s gentle face, a small grin on those lovely Antivan lips. “I feel a lot better now, thank you Josephine,” TJ smiled at her and squeezed her hand slightly. “Might go wash out my mouth then try and sleep,” TJ shifted herself to get up from the bed and made her way to the wash basin.
Josephine smoothed out the bedsheets around her waist. Her lover returned with a slightly wet face and damp hairline. “Better?” Josephine asked as TJ slipped back into the bed. She nodded and smiled, then leaned forward to kiss Josephine on the lips. “Much better, thank you,” TJ retreated as Josephine opened her eyes with a grin.
“Excellent, now let us get back to sleep,” Josephine sunk back down into the bed as TJ pulled the covers up to her chest. She patted the mattress with a smile, allowing Josephine to snuggle against her body. Josephine could feel her lover’s heartbeat against her ear, and she closed her eyes, allowing the rhythm to lull her to sleep.
“Hey, Josie?” TJ whispered, her eye shut as well.
“Mmm?” Josephine hummed lazily, answering her lover’s call. TJ bit her lip and opened one eye. “Do…do you think I’m not as attractive being squeamish?”
“Oh darling,” Josephine giggled and nuzzled closer to TJ Adaar. “It’s not a weakness to me. If anything, it’s another one of your charming qualities.”
"Well, then," TJ blushed, yet still confused at her lover’s answer. She would have to ask her what she meant by that in the morning.