Chapter Text
A company dinner never ends without a tipsy Yosano making every Armed Detective Agency member blush in embarrassment, the teasing lilt of her voice familiar and, in Akutagawa's opinion, mildly disturbing.
"Yosano-san," Kunikida says, adjusting his glasses. He is red in the face, from the alcohol or the conversation topic, Akutagawa is uncertain. "Please stop asking about our sex life."
"Eh? Whyyy?" The doctor whines, leaning against a grim-faced Fukuzawa. "You...You always ask me what's going on with me and—"
"May I go?" The table goes quiet upon Atsushi's request. The former Port Mafia member has been taciturn ever since he joined the agency, so unlike the man who beat Akutagawa half to death in the past. Still, his silence is deafening tonight, his presence low as he hides at Akutagawa's side.
Hiccuping, Yosano shakes her glass, spilling some gin on the table. "No..." She points a shaky finger at Atsushi. "You! You're a virgin, right? Why? You're such a cute guy!" She smirks at Akutagawa. For some reason. "Right, Akutagawa?"
Akutagawa rolls his eyes despite his warm cheeks. "Yosano-san, you've had too much to drink."
"You can go, Atsushi-kun," Fukuzawa says as he takes the glass from Yosano, who complains but passes out on the president's shoulder. "Have a good night."
"I will take my leave as well," says Akutagawa, standing and bowing. He catches Oda's gaze briefly, who looks like the only sober individual around. "Thank you for tonight."
He follows Atsushi to the exit, the autumn air chilly on their skin. Akutagawa tugs his coat tighter around him, wishing he took advantage of the free drinks, but is too aware that he's a lightweight.
The dorms are pretty far from this restaurant, though Atsushi doesn't appear keen on taking a taxi. Work has been easy anyway, so maybe they both can use the extra exercise for staying behind desks more often than not.
"Did you enjoy?" Akutagawa finds himself asking. Truthfully, he's not big on small talk, but somehow, he often wants to make conversation with Atsushi. Even though they've been working together ever since Dazai passed, Akutagawa can't help but think that he still doesn't know Atsushi that well.
It's not surprising. He and Atsushi are far from friends. They do click when it's about work, oddly enough, and maybe they could be considered friends from the outside perspective, but sometimes it just feels like—
"Do I look like I enjoyed?"
—like Atsushi isn't very fond of Akutagawa.
They cross a street wordlessly, with Akutagawa lagging behind on purpose. Did he say something wrong? It isn't like they had been interacting much during the entire occasion, so why did Atsushi sound dismissive?
Akutagawa coughs into his palm, slightly flustered. Whatever. Atsushi is weird anyway. Akutagawa shouldn't bother him so much.
And who even wants to be friends with the person who mauled him without hesitation?
Akutagawa considers going on a different route to avoid more awkward moments with his colleague but decides the act would be suspicious and pathetic. And so he stays where he is, hiding his clenched fists in his pockets.
"Akutagawa," Atsushi calls, low voice almost carried away by the wind.
"What?" No, he doesn't sound bitter. Not at all.
"Do you think we should have sex?"
Akutagawa chokes on his spit.
"What?"
Atsushi glances over his shoulder, then blinks rapidly. "I... Not like that!" He's facing Akutagawa now, waving his hands. "I didn't mean you and—and me, or whatever..." Grumbling something unintelligible under his breath, Atsushi shakes his head, clearing his throat. Akutagawa is still frozen on the sidewalk. "Yosano-san keeps teasing us for being virgins so I thought... Never mind."
Atsushi continues walking again, shoulders slumped. Akutagawa, for some unknown logic, crosses the distance between them in three strides.
Akutagawa bites his tongue. He glares at a nearby streetlamp. Unclenches his fists.
"Who do you want to do it with, then?"
To be honest, sex is the furthest thing from Akutagawa's mind. It just doesn't seem as important as many people make it out to be. What's the point of getting naked and dirty with someone? For pleasure? Isn't instant gratification...a little senseless? Why should Akutagawa bother when there won't be a lasting connection between him and his partner?
Would he even want to do it with someone? It doesn't seem worth the trouble.
"Anyone would do," Atsushi replies. Akutagawa looks over at him and sees how serious he is. "I can't be picky."
"Why not? It's your body." The other agency members are experienced in this department. Akutagawa doesn't know how they find the time to search for suitable sexual partners, but it's clear how particular they are with their choices. It shouldn't be just anyone.
"Name one person who'd want to sleep with someone like me."
Akutagawa's mouth works before his brain does. "I would."
"What?" Atsushi can be pretty emotionless when he wants to. In fact, it's his default face, but he's gaping at Akutagawa right now, eyes wide with disbelief. "Are you out of your mind?"
"If I had to bare my body to have sex, I'd rather do it with someone I know I can take." Technically, Atsushi almost killed him, but Akutagawa likes to think it was a fair fight and he definitely had the upper hand near the end. "That's all."
"Okay." Atsushi doesn't respond again until after several seconds. "Do you want to do it tonight?"
Akutagawa has to physically stop himself from reacting too violently. What is up with Atsushi tonight? First, he was snapping at Akutagawa, then now he's inviting him to have sex? What?
"I thought you're in a bad mood," Akutagawa says instead. "Are you sure you weren't just pressured to do it?"
"I've always...wanted to try it." Atsushi angles his face away. "But if you don't want to, it's not like I'll force you. I don't care."
I don't care. Sounds like a lie.
Akutagawa spots a convenience store a good thirty meters away. He didn't plan on losing his virginity this year, much less this day, but it isn't like there's anything better to do on a weekend. Besides, he and Atsushi are neighbors. It'll be easy to call off the whole thing if it doesn't work. That, or they end up killing each other.
"Let's do it." Akutagawa nods and pulls out his phone, clicking around for the web browser. "Do you know anything about it? We should read some information on how to do it safely."
"Isn't the general rule just...put the thing in a hole?" Atsushi frowns, though he leans in to take a better look at Akutagawa's phone. "Are you seriously consulting the internet for this?"
"It exists for a reason." They're adults! If Yosano and the others can discuss sex with a straight face, Akutagawa can sure as hell type questions of the same nature in a search bar.
He skims through an article, amused at how detailed it is. "Considering this will be both our first time, I don't think we need anything other than condoms and lube." He glances at Atsushi. "What do you think?"
"I think you should buy those on your own." With crossed arms, Atsushi stops in his tracks, tilting his chin in the direction of the store. "Go."
Excuse him— "You were the one who started this." Akutagawa doesn't mind if he ends up buying it alone; why should he even care about what a stranger thinks about his purchase? But he wants to annoy Atsushi to get back at him for being hot and cold this whole exchange. "At least take some responsibility."
"We'll do it in my dorm so you don't have to clean yours." Akutagawa hates how much conviction this man possesses at the most inopportune times. "Deal?"
"For fuck's sake," Akutagawa mumbles, stomping to the store. He bets that Atsushi is just too shy to do it himself. Akutagawa scoffs at that—such an Atsushi trait to be ashamed of normal things and not even express remorse for murdering people.
However, he won't say anything. It might be a joke for him, but Akutagawa knows Atsushi is still struggling with everything he's gone through in the Mafia under Dazai's twisted guidance. What matters is tonight, the deal they made between them. Nothing else. Not yet.
Akutagawa walks up to the counter and outrightly inquires about the items, ignoring the cashier's questioning look.
This better be worth his effort.
"How do we do this?"
Akutagawa glances up from his phone to a freshly showered Atsushi, who only has a towel around his waist. It must be because Akutagawa is used to seeing him in a loose coat all the time that he's taken aback by how well-built Atsushi is underneath all the fabric, with sculpted muscles straining over pale skin.
He came from the shower himself, hair damp and cold. They didn't talk much at all nor did Akutagawa feel the need to speak. How could people switch from...this to sex without feeling awkward?
"I think we need to get in the mood," Akutagawa says, placing the phone on the floor. Atsushi's futon could be better, but it will suffice for now. "Like kiss."
Atsushi lingers by the bathroom door for a bit, then approaches Akutagawa like a tiger on a prowl with silent footsteps.
"I never kissed anyone before," he mutters, kneeling in front of Akutagawa. His fingers are restless on his lap, scratching and pinching himself.
"Me neither." Akutagawa eases from his tense sitting position, shifting so Atsushi has room to straddle him if he wants. Unlike Atsushi, Akutagawa is still dressed, with his black shirt and underwear covering most of him.
For a few beats, they stare at each other.
Then Atsushi moves, crawling to Akutagawa and sitting on him with the grace of a feline. Akutagawa is shocked at the directness, but he holds his ground and rests his hands on Atsushi's hips, palming his smooth sides.
"I didn't expect you'd be so enthusiastic," Akutagawa notes, heart stuttering in his chest. Dammit, why is he nervous all of a sudden?
Atsushi's eyelashes flutter close, and he brushes his lips against Akutagawa's softly, hesitantly.
Akutagawa stays still.
"It's no use if the parties involved are not excited, right?" Atsushi whispers. He wraps his arms around Akutagawa's neck, settling more comfortably on Akutagawa's lap until his warmth seeps through the thin cloth of the underwear. "I...saw it before. When other people do it." Atsushi averts his gaze. "They looked like they were having fun."
This isn't the first time that Akutagawa wants to know what exactly goes through Atsushi's head. Does he even want to do this with Akutagawa? Does he even want Akutagawa? Are they both doing this for the sake of losing their virginity? What happens after this?
Despite his confusion, Akutagawa doesn't voice out any of his questions, choosing to drop light kisses on Atsushi's cheek and jaw instead. They're so close, the closest Akutagawa ever allowed someone in his personal space, yet he feels distant. Disconnected.
Maybe it's a mistake to do this with someone as inexperienced as he is.
Before Akutagawa could say his sentiments, Atsushi tugs him and crashes their mouths together, their kiss sloppy but not unpleasant. Akutagawa breathes through his nose and tries to relax, letting Rashomon slither along the futon and wrap around Atsushi's waist.
Atsushi flinches, leaning back.
Akutagawa blinks, winded and beyond bewildered. He takes a good look at his colleague, at the thin film glossing his eyes and the tremble of his breath. "What is it?"
"Are you going to hurt me?"
"What? What are you saying? Why—" Akutagawa then notices Atsushi trying to pull Rashomon off himself. "Oh."
"If you didn't want to do this, you could've—"
"Rashomon doesn't hurt anyone until I intend to." Akutagawa lets Atsushi go anyway, not wanting to disrupt the mood any further. "And I don't want to hurt you."
Atsushi nods slowly, staring at the space between them. Akutagawa has never really looked at him before, not like this, not this unabashedly. Atsushi is pretty though. It's not noticeable when he's always frowning and trying to intimidate everyone who comes within a yard from him, but he is handsome in a fierce kind of way. Like a predator.
"We don't have to continue," Akutagawa says. "Not all first times have to be good."
"I want it to be good," Atsushi blurts out. "I want to... I want to do more. With you."
"Why?" Is Atsushi insane? They're clearly not meant to be doing this together. They need to be with people who don't make them feel on edge, who didn't attempt to kill them. "I told you we don't have to—"
"Fuck." A deep growl escapes Atsushi, vibrating in his chest as he surges forward and pushes Akutagawa to the futon. "Shut the hell up for a second, Akutagawa."
They kiss again, this time more roughly, more...desperate. Atsushi controls the pace, parting Akutagawa's mouth with his tongue and clumsily clashing teeth with him. It hurts a bit, and they're probably doing it wrong, but Akutagawa meets him halfway, unwilling to back down.
Akutagawa pulls the towel off Atsushi, shamelessly cupping his supple ass and squeezing. It startles a moan out of Atsushi, who is quick to detach and gaze down at Akutagawa with blown-out pupils.
Akutagawa opens his mouth to apologize. "I'm—"
"Do it again." Atsushi ruts against Akutagawa's groin, his face contorting in a picture of impatience and want. "Akutagawa."
"You should give me more respect than that if you want me to touch your ass." Akutagawa does it again, however, because Atsushi sounds really good when he moans. "I didn't know you'd be quite straightforward in bed." Demanding, more like, but it's too early to offend Atsushi.
"I didn't know you're so talkative." Atsushi kisses him again, going as far as biting Akutagawa's lip. Akutagawa holds him tighter, letting Atsushi do what he wants with his mouth. "But it's nice."
Akutagawa tries not to pant. Really, he does, though it seems impossible to hide the fact that he's affected by Atsushi's amateurish ministrations. "You don't look like you appreciate me that much."
"I just said I wanted to have sex with you. Isn't that enough appreciation?" Bitch. "I'm doing all the work here."
"Oh, yeah?" Competitiveness flares up Akutagawa's throat, and he grinds his hips to rub against Atsushi's hardening cock, instantly rewarded with a strangled gasp. "Did you like that? Is that enough working on my part?"
"You're so childish." Atsushi hums pleasantly, head thrown back as he dry humps Akutagawa. "I fucking hate you."
Biting back a smile, Akutagawa reaches up to touch Atsushi's firm chest, sliding down to the outline of his abs, then back to his erect nipples. "You have such a dirty mouth on you, Atsushi."
" Shit. " Groaning, Atsushi bends down for another kiss, his breathing harsh on Akutagawa's face. "Say it again."
Akutagawa is almost fully hard just from Atsushi's humping. Ridiculous. "Say what again?"
"My name." Atsushi shifts again, sitting back to palm Akutagawa's growing erection. "Please."
"Atsushi." Akutagawa closes his eyes, chewing on his lip so he wouldn't do something mortifying, like scream. Atsushi's touch is electric, foreign but oh-so-satisfying. Akutagawa is dizzy. "Atsushi, you—what are you doing?"
Atsushi takes Akutagawa's underwear off completely, eyes glowing under the dim light of the room. He's transfixed on Akutagawa's cock, and Akutagawa can't help but blush when Atsushi distractedly licks his lip.
Atsushi meets his stare. "I want to suck on it."
Fuck, that's hot. "Do you even know how to?"
Atsushi lowers himself on his elbows, hair brushing Akutagawa’s thigh as he nuzzles his nose against Akutagawa's navel. "I can learn tonight. Just tell me what feels good or not." Akutagawa sucks in a sharp breath, wanting to hide behind his hands. "I've seen it before. It shouldn't be complicated."
"If you bite my dick off, I'm going to kill you." Akutagawa spreads his legs. Of course he does. "The lube—by my foot."
"Got it." Akutagawa watches, enchanted, as Atsushi ignores the lube and licks Akutagawa's cock instead, the tip of his tongue tracing the faint vein running along the shaft. He's looking at Akutagawa, observing. He fists the base, gently mouthing on the head. Akutagawa thinks he's going to have a heart attack. "Akutagawa?"
"Good," he chokes out, patting Atsushi's head. It's so awkward but it feels so nice at the same time. "Use more of your tongue, not—fuck. " A soft moan slips, immediately smothered by a hand to his mouth. "Fuck, yes, that's it."
Atsushi laughs, and the sound goes straight to Akutagawa's dick. "Never thought I'd see you like this."
"Of course you decide to be chatty when you're sucking me off."
"You seem to like it." Atsushi scrapes Akutagawa's tip with his teeth, just a bit. It's not an issue, Akutagawa thinks. He's been hurt way more than this before. "Did you wash your ass?"
"Did you wash your mouth?" Blushing hard, Akutagawa halfheartedly kicks Atsushi, wondering when he became at the man's mercy. "It's clean. Why would you..." He jolts, thighs tightening around Atsushi's shoulders when he feels something wet on the crack of his ass. "What do you think you're doing?!" It's not a screech. It isn't. Really.
Atsushi's head pops out of Akutagawa's bottom. "I'm...licking you? You don't like it?"
"Where did you learn that?" He likes it. He fucking does.
Atsushi has the decency to look embarrassed. "Here and there."
"Did the Port Mafia hold lessons for ass-licking purposes?"
"You're the only one." Atsushi gulps, returning to his position near Akutagawa crotch. "You're the only one I'm doing this to."
"That's somehow...sweet." Akutagawa would use a more sophisticated adjective, but it's kind of a challenge to think properly when Atsushi is licking and sucking on his perineum.
Atsushi continues his little mission as if his life depends on it, vigorously eating him out while fisting his cock. His grip is too tight, so Akutagawa grasps Atsushi's hand and tries to relax his hold.
Akutagawa is all over the place, squirming and moaning around Atsushi. This state of mind is unfamiliar—like Akutagawa found out about an alternate version of himself who willingly submits to someone without any regard for his own safety. If Atsushi decides to strip Akutagawa bare, with no fabric for Rashomon to manifest, he isn't sure if he can physically complain.
It's nice. It's more than good, being touched like this. Akutagawa is certainly stunned by his own reactions, feeling as though his body betrayed him. Atsushi is turning him on. His enemy-turned-colleague is rimming him right now.
And Akutagawa likes it.
Akutagawa is pulled out of his brief reverie when Atsushi opens the bottle of lube and spreads a thin layer of cool gel on Akutagawa's twitching cock. He hisses at the temperature change, arousal sitting heavy on his stomach.
"Can you get on your knees?"
Akutagawa catches his breath (when did he get so riled up?), raising his brows at Atsushi's dick. It's big. And angry. "What about you? You've been tending to me this entire time."
"I'm okay." Atsushi crawls to him, pecking Akutagawa's lips. "Get on all fours, Akutagawa-san."
Akutagawa shivers at the formality, and he kisses Atsushi to drown out the voice in his head telling him it's a bad idea to let this go on. Seriously, sex with the guy he's not even friends with?
Still, he heeds Atsushi's command, shakily bracing his arms on the futon and exposing his backside. Atsushi parts his thighs, fingers sliding to Akutagawa’s leaking cock.
"Do you like it, Akutagawa-san?" Atsushi slips his hand in Akutagawa's shirt, cold digits playing with his nipples. "You became quiet."
Where did Atsushi get all this confidence? All this sex appeal? Jesus Christ. "Yeah," he admits in a sigh, spine arching in response to stimuli. "I like it, ah, feels good."
Atsushi retreats after a bit. Akutagawa is about to complain when his head clears suddenly, and why does he want Atsushi to keep going? Why does he feel so...tingly?
But there's a mouth on his ass again, dispelling any lingering thoughts. Atsushi relentlessly rolls his tongue around Akutagawa's hole, lapping up at the clenching and unclenching muscle with much ardor. Akutagawa is reduced to a gasping mess, insides taut with pressure.
It feels too good. Akutagawa can't believe this— that Nakajima Atsushi would be the first person to give him an orgasm.
Beyond caring for appearances, Akutagawa pushes his ass back against Atsushi, groaning. Atsushi squeezes his cock, wringing out precum onto the sheets. "Fuck," Akutagawa croaks out, sweat clinging to his skin. "Atsu—ah. " He curses some more, strings of incoherent noises to express his pleasure. His brain is mush, his legs weak, but Atsushi doesn't stop even when Akutagawa collapses eventually, face pressed on the pillow.
Without warning, Akutagawa trembles and spills into Atsushi's hand, his strained moan muffled against the foam. His mind blanks for the briefest second, occupied only with the rush of his release.
Oh. Oh, that was amazing.
Drowsy, he lies on his side, spent and sated. He wants to doze off and let the night pass, but he remembers Atsushi hasn't—
Atsushi rests next to him. Just looking. "You haven't finished, have you?" Akutagawa asks, blindly reaching for his partner. "I can go again. It's my turn."
"No." Atsushi holds Akutagawa's hand, lacing their fingers. "I already..." He fidgets, eyeing Akutagawa's neck. "I already did it."
"Untouched?" Akutagawa moves to glance down, but Atsushi stops him with a kiss. Hm. This doesn't seem so bad.
"Sex is tiring," Akutagawa mumbles, shutting his eyes. "We should prepare better next time."
"Next time? You want to do it again?"
"That wasn't sex. That's like...foreplay." With a yawn, Akutagawa fits himself in Atsushi's arms, too sleepy to question his actions. "I don't know... but it was good." He's hugging Atsushi. Cuddling with him. This is a delightful business. Akutagawa understands his sex-loving co-workers now. "You're good, Atsushi."
Atsushi says something, but Akutagawa doesn't hear, easily lulled to slumber as Atsushi's warmth cocoons him.