Chapter Text
Caleb's head is swimming with memories and possibilities. He knows it would work, why wouldn't it? He's thought of every detail, every possibility. His mind is so focused he almost doesn't hear Essek talking to him.
"Would you do it? I would help you."
Suddenly he's back in his own body, blinking rapidly. Did he say that out loud? He looks at Essek, who's looking back at him intently. He didn't even realize he was talking. He focuses again on the room around him and gathers his components. Steeling his resolve, he burns everything around him, and disintegrates what doesn't burn to ashes.
Essek is still watching him, his intensity never waivers. When it's done he leans closer to Caleb and says "Good."
They stay for a bit longer, watching all those plans and possibilities become nothing, their biggest desires and temptations turning into ashes, and then Essek suggests they find a safe spot to place the tower and rest for the day. Caleb just nods and follows him. The drow sends him worried glances a couple of times, but neither man says anything.
They leave the T-doc and find a safe enough place, Caleb methodically placing his components and making the somatics necessary while Essek stands nearby, keeping watch. As soon as the door appears, Caleb walks inside, without bothering to look back or close the door.
*****
Essek is worried. He saw the fierce look in Caleb's eyes become unfocused once everything was destroyed. He knew how much of a big decision it was, for the both of them. And yet, when the time came to make it, he already knew he could not do it. Not if it meant losing the Nein in his life, not if it meant not having Caleb in his life. He prefered to live in a broken world with his friends than a better one alone in his Towers. He is a coward, after all.
But then he heard Caleb talking about his own plan, and what that room meant to him. The pain and loss written all over his face, the surprise when Essek suggested helping him. He realized he wasn't meant to hear it, at that point, that the other wizard was so lost in his own mind he didn't realize he was talking. So he stayed quiet after that, waiting for Caleb's decision. In the end he chose the same, even though Essek could not understand why at first. But then those blue eyes became glazed and distant, his pale hand stuck in position after casting, and the drow knew something was wrong. He tried coaxing the other back to him with small sentences and practical plans, but Caleb only nodded and followed him along, his mind still trapped inside.
He hovered anxiously nearby while Caleb called his tower into being, his movements still sluggish, trailing behind his thoughts. Essek desperately wanted to help his friend, but he wasn't good with comforting others. He wasn't even good at comforting himself. He opened his mouth to say… what? Something witty, perhaps? But as soon as the translucent door appeared Caleb walked inside, not looking back. Essek managed a moment of desperate courage while inside, and reached a hand to grab his friend's shoulder before he could float up and disappear somewhere.
"I'm going to request some dinner, do you want anything specific?"
Not the best distraction but by now Essek was running out of ideas.
"No, just order whatever you like from the cats, I don't mind."
Well, it was a full answer at least. He waited for Caleb to look at him over his shoulder to give him a thin lipped smile and a nod.
"Alright. Should we meet at the dinner table in 30 minutes?"
Caleb bobbed his head, not looking back this time. Essek let his hand drop as the other wizard floated up, and stayed behind to order the cats Caleb's favorite foods before going to his own room.
Thirty minutes later, bathed and dressed, Essek arrived at the dinner table to find it empty. Odd, but being the kind of day that it has been, not very surprising. He sat at the table and waited. Ten minutes after that he was beginning to truly worry. Their meal was getting cold, but he dared not touch anything without his companion.
Ten more minutes after that Essek was panicking again. His stomach was twisted in a knot, and he couldn't wait any longer. Ignoring the judgemental looks from the cats he got up, leaving the whole meal untouched as he made his way to Caleb's bedroom. He stood at the door a few moments, trying to decide the best course of action, his own fears of intruding warring with the growing anxiety in his chest. He knocked once, twice. Called his name. No answer.
Calling back to whatever little courage he could muster, Essek tried the door knob. It twisted easily in his hand, and he found himself looking into a very simple room, with a single bed at the end and a small wooden table at the corner. He realized he never saw Caleb's bedroom before, not even during the tour. Most of the Nein eventually brought Essek to their rooms to boast on how well-thought it was. How much love Caleb showed them through the attention to details. He knew this, of course. His own room was the materialization of Caleb's newfound trust in him (though still a bit fragile), a symbol of their friendship. Essek was shocked to see that none of that love and care was present here, in Caleb's room. It made his heart squeeze in his chest, to see once again how low the zemniam thought of himself.
But more than anything, what was glaringly obvious was the lack of said man's presence in the room. Essek slowly let himself in, softly calling out Caleb's name while entering, feeling like an intruder but doing it anyway. It didn't take him long to notice the coat on the floor, leading to the bathroom. It wasn't a big room anyway. He floated towards the coat, looking carefully inside the bathroom through the space the door left ajar, and saw more clothes scattered around.
"Caleb? Are you there?"
No answer again. He knew he shouldn't, all of his body was screaming at him of how improper this was. But he was worried about his friend, so he steeled himself again and, blushing furiously, opened the door fully.
Inside was a very simple washroom. A small basin at his right, a wooden bucket next to it and, occupying most of the room, a simple wooden tub to his left. He finally found his companion, sitting inside a now cold bath, knees brought up, his slim arms wrapped around them and head slumped over. His copper hair, now a shade more red with the water, was loose around him, covering his face. Essek could see he was breathing by the shallow movement of his back, but otherwise there was no movement, no acknowledgment of his presence here.
Throwing all etiquette to the wind, Essek kneeled beside the tub and pulled Caleb back, gently pulling at his shoulder with a tentative hand, until the other wizard finally lifted his head and looked around.
"Caleb, please look at me."
He turned his head, dazed, and it was plain on his face the pain he still felt. His eyes were red and beginning to swell, his lips chapped even with all the water around him. There were two faint red marks on his forehead, where he's been resting his head on his knees for… for how long?
Caleb breathed a smile that didn't stay when he locked eyes with Essek. His blue eyes didn't stay locked either.
"I'm sorry, my friend. I… I seemed to have lost track of time."
If Essek was panicking before, now he was full-on terrified. The human never in his life ever not know what time it was. He remembered everything, and he always, always, knew the time. He took a deep breath and tried to remember everything he ever learned by watching Jester and Caduceus. He prayed to whatever gods were there that he would know enough to help. By the light, he missed his friends so much. They would know what to do.
"I believe you have bathed enough for today, my friend. Come, let me assist you in getting up."
He took Caleb by the arm and gently helped the human get up, trying with all his might to not look at anything. He may have risked all his century-old ingrained sense of propriety but there were still limits to his sensibilities and he was not going to ogle this man on his most fragile moment, damnit. Thankfully, there was an old robe hanging on the wall behind the door he came in, and Essek quickly wrapped the human in it. He saw a towel folded on a bench in the corner behind the door, and took it as well.
The zemniam looked so fragile Essek was afraid he would break if he let go. So he kept his voice low, his movements slow, and carefully led them both out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom. He still didn't let go of the arm he was holding. When they were both seated at the edge of the bed, Essek allowed himself a glimpse at the full state of the other man. His hands and feet were wrinkled from the time in the water, his face still haunted, but a bit more present. Good. He put the towel around Caleb's shoulders to soak up the water streaming from his hair.
"I apologize for intruding in your quarters uninvited. You were late for our dinner and I worried."
"No, I'm the one who should apologize, mein freund . I… it was a long day, I guess."
There was a moment of silence, while both stared at their own feet and the growing pool of water on the wooden floor. Essek wondered if this was the kind of place Caleb grew up in, or if it was just as much as a nondescript room as he could think of for himself.
"It was. And we need to eat to keep our strength. Would you accompany me in having some soup? I can ask the cats to bring them here."
A pause, then " Ja , that would be nice."
Looking at the open door to the corridor, Essek catches a small group of spectral cats positioned by the door, watching him openly.
"Mr. Biscuit, could you please bring us two bowls of hot soup? I'm sure there is still enough from dinner." There was more than enough, since no one ate it, but he didn't want to make his friend anxious by reminding him of that.
The black and white cat gave a soft mrrr and walked away with his tail up, while the others took their leave. He turned again to ensure Caleb that dinner was on its way, only to get caught being stared at by a pair of surprised blue eyes. He couldn't understand why, but the open expression on the wizard's face made his stomach flip. The blush that he managed to fight off a couple of minutes ago threatened to come back, and so Essek tried his best to avoid eye contact while they waited.
When the black and white cat reappeared, somehow managing to balance a tray with two hot bowls of soup with only his tail, it took both men a minute to figure out where to eat, since there was not enough space on the small desk for the both of them, and the bed would prove to be a challenge. Eventually Essek just sighed and resigned himself to sitting on the floor, the both of them sitting cross legged close to each other. He waited for Caleb to start eating before he took his own spoon, and they ate slowly, in silence for a while. Finally, after finishing his meal, Caleb let out a small sigh, and Essek could relax a bit seeing the wizard act a bit more like himself again.
"Better?"
"Better. Thank you."
"Anytime."
The drow gave him a small smile, the warmth of the soup mixing with the now familiar swell of emotion inside at the sight of his friend relaxing a bit. He's done something right, it seems. But then they both got up, their dinner finished and Essek completely out of ideas on what to do next. They looked awkwardly at each other for a while, as apparently Caleb was also at a loss on how to proceed. He gave Essek a weak smile, but this time it stayed on his lips, and his eyes were focused again.
"Thank you. For everything. It was… a rough day for me. But I'm glad you were with me to see it through. I wish I didn't have to put you through such trouble, though."
"No trouble." Essek lied easily, feeling glad he actually did help this time. "I understand it was a hard decision to make. You don't have to, but if you wish to talk about it, I can be a good listener."
Caleb still seemed too fragile, but Essek wanted to put the offer out there, just in case. He knew little of the other's past, and what he heard of his plan hinted at a devastating story. He wished he could help share the burden, take some of that pain away.
"If you don't mind, I'd rather just sleep right now. I can tell you more tomorrow, perhaps?" He looked apologetic, like he owed an explanation when Essek already felt like an intruder.
"Any time you want, Caleb."
The drow awkwardly started to hover back to the door, feeling like he has overstayed his welcome already, but hesitant to leave the other alone.
"I will let you rest then. Until tomorrow Caleb Widowgast."
The use of his full name pulled a bit more at the corners of the human's lips, which in turn widened the drow's smile.
"Good night, Essek Thelyss."
Essek felt his whole body sigh in relief after closing the bedroom door behind him. He looked at the growing number of spectral cats sitting in the corridor, staring at him. Apparently he wasn't the only one worried. He knelt down by them and whispered in a conspiratorial tone "Call me if you find anything suspicious happening? Please?"
A few swished tails, a few slow blinks and two meows is what he got in return. As good a reply as he will get, with these. He got up and floated back to his own chambers, a mix of fear and accomplishment in his chest. His trance that night was filled with memories of his interactions with his cleric friends, wondering if he made them proud.