Archive of Our Own

Christian Kane –Chris to his friends – turned his body away from the bar area, where he kept finding himself staring, and downed the shot of whiskey he’d been nursing, chasing it with his beer.

His best friend, Jensen Ackles, chuckled at him. “You alright, man?”

“I’m fine,” he bit out, not lifting his eyes from the scarred table top. He knew his gaze would only be drawn back to the blonde propping up the bar, just like it was every time he looked up.

“Whatever you say, Chris,” Jensen said and Chris could almost hear him roll his eyes and he knew that Jensen didn’t believe it even for a second, but he also knew that his friend wouldn’t call him out on it, not until he knew what ‘it’ was.

Except there was no way in hell Jensen was going to figure it out, and Chris didn’t know if he should be grateful for that fact or not, because he didn’t think there was any way in hell he was gonna be able to get the words out on his own.

If Jared – Jensen’s sometimes better half – was there, he’d be telling Chris that he needed to talk to someone about whatever was bothering him, giving him the puppy dog eyes until he caved and spilled his guts.

Sometimes he was thankful that Jared’s new job as a paramedic made him work all sorts of crazy hours.

Jensen just relaxed back in his chair and studied Chris out of the corner of his eye, and Chris sort of wanted to run screaming from the room, because he knew that look on Jensen’s face. It meant his friend thought he was getting close to figuring out what was going on in Chris’s head, and Chris was kind of terrified at the thought of having to lie to Jensen, and then having to deal with Jared when the truth came out and the man-mountain got pissed about the lying.

He was even more terrified of Jensen guessing right.

When had his life got so fucking complicated?

He knew it was pathetic, going to a bar just so that he could check out the hot blonde across the room, he knew it was pathetic the second time he came, dragging Jensen with him to make him feel less like a loser. The fifth time he came, he knew he was bordering on stalking, because it wasn’t like the bar, Riley’s, had anything to offer apart from the blonde who may or may not be inside every time Chris stepped out of the cab he had to take to get him there.

Two months in, and there was no word for Chris’s behavior.

But the blonde was there tonight, looking amazing, as always, laughing and chatting with friends, drinking Corona and slipping outside for a cigarette every thirty minutes or so, and how fucking pathetic was it that Chris knew that?

Chris’s skin was buzzing, itching with the need to get up and go to the bar, just so that he could maybe get a little closer, but he stayed glued to his seat, sent Jensen every time he needed another drink, and he really needed to get the hell out of there already, go home, jerk off, and swear he’ll never be back.

The same things he’d done almost every night since the first time he stepped foot into Riley’s.

“How’s the station?”

“Huh?” was Chris’ eloquent reply. He blinked, shook his head. “I’m sorry, um, the station, yeah, it’s…yeah, it’s good. I guess.”

Jensen chuckled. “You guess? What does that mean?”

Chris sighed and shrugged his shoulders, grateful for the momentary distraction. “Genevieve,” he said with a sad sort of smile.

“What about her?” Jensen frowned.

“I don’t know, I think she’s getting restless.” It was another one of those things he didn’t really want to deal with. Genevieve was the receptionist for the station and all around assistant to Chris, and he would honestly be lost without her. “She keeps saying that she wants more responsibility, more…action, I think that was the word she used. I’m scared she’s gonna get bored and just walk.” Chris shook his head and sent a pleading look at Jensen. “With you and Jared gone and Danni only doing limited hours, I don’t think I could survive that place without her. I’d kill Mayhem within a week.”

Mayhem – or Chad Murray, to give him his real name – was the day time producer for the station. He was a nice guy, damn good at his job, but he had a tendency to think more with his downstairs brain than his upstairs brain and it more than frustrated Chris. He’s lost count of the number of times Mayhem had sneaked off when he was supposed to be working to chase some tail.

Jensen laughed, taking a minute to drink from his bottle of beer before he spoke. “The answer’s simple, man. Put her on the air.”

Chris blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Gen would be perfect for her own show. She’s got that bubbly personality of hers, she could really pull in the teen crowd. You could survive without her for a few hours a week. It doesn’t have to be much to begin with. See how the audience takes to her and work her in slowly. Like you did with Jared in the beginning.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “You mean like I tried to do with Jared. Then you gate-crash his show one day, and we haven’t been able to separate the two of you since.”

Jensen blushed, but his secretive little smile didn’t make it appear like he was all that embarrassed about it. “What can I say, we work well together.”

Chris just shook his head.

There was a time when J-Squared had been one of the most popular shows on the KCJD, the station owned by Chris, Jensen and their friend Danneel. But then, Jared and Jensen – under the call signs JT and The Jackle – had grown up, gotten real jobs, Jared as a paramedic and Jensen as a staff writer for the local paper. J-Squared had been taken off the air and the station hadn’t been the same since.

Chris sighed and rubbed a sweaty palm across his face. “I’ll think about putting her on the air. Or, at least, I’ll think asking her if she wants to be on the air. We don’t really have much room in the schedule.”

Jensen snorted. “Pull Alona.”

Chris just shook his head. Jensen had never made a secret of the fact of how much he hated Alona’s show taking the slot that had once belonged to J-Squared. But with Jensen having stepped back from the main operations of the station, he didn’t really have much of a say. Chris was in charge now, completely, and Jensen could just suck it up.

A laugh, loud and boisterous, erupted over the music pouring from the juke box, and Chris looked up to see a brunette at the bar with her head thrown back as she laughs at something the bartender said. Chris’ eyes lingered, taking in the scene and he risked another glance at the object of his affection.

Only this time, he locked gazes with the blonde, their eyes catching and holding across the semi-darkness.

The blonde smiled at him, just a tiny twitch of lips, and Chris jerked, turning away so fast he knocked the table, causing their bottles to wobble precariously.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, but he wasn’t sure Jensen cared, because he was staring at him so intently Chris felt like fleeing, just running before Jensen could even open his mouth, but he stayed in his chair and waited.

“Alright, screw this,” Jensen said, swallowing half his beer in one long pull. “Where is she?”

Chris blinked at him. He’d known Jensen since they were both kids, he shouldn’t really be surprised that Jensen figured out that the reason he kept coming back to the bar was to see someone.

“Where’s who?”

But he wasn’t going to make this easy.

This time, Chris saw Jensen’s eyes roll. “Whatever chick keeps pulling you back to this bar seven nights a week.”

It hadn’t been that many. He had to cover Danneel’s show on Tuesday.

“It’s no one,” he said and suddenly the label on his beer is the most interesting thing in the room.

His eyes ticked towards the bar again.

Alright, second most interesting thing.

“Yeah, I call bullshit, Chris.” Jensen sniggered and he sat up straighter in his seat so that he could check out the room, like he’d spot the object of Chris’s lust because of the neon sign over their head.

“There is someone in this room you keep coming here to see,” Jensen said, still looking around. “She’s not always here, which means she’s not a waitress, but you come along anyway just in case. You even brought Chad one night, Chris. Chad. That is how badly you want to see this girl.”

Chris cringed at the memory. Jared and Jensen had been busy that night, some sort of anniversary, Alona was working her real job, and Danneel had gone home to visit her parents. Chad had been his only option, and the object of his affections hadn’t even shown up. The whole night had just ended up being weird and uncomfortable for both he and Chad. It had made work even more awkward than usual.

He sighed and admitted that Jensen had a point.

“There is a perfectly good bar not five minutes from your apartment, Chris,” Jensen went on, “yet you choose to come here, so there has to be some reason you’ve been hanging out here for two months.”

He waved his bottle in Jensen’s face. “Would you believe me if I told you I liked the beer?”

“No.” There was no emotion in Jensen’s voice, no expression on his face and Chris took a deep breath, ran his fingers through his long brown hair, psyching himself up.

Seriously, apart from Jared, Jensen should be the easiest person to talk to about this. Jensen had gone through his own crisis when he’d realized he’d fallen in love with another man, and Chris had been there for him, supported him through everything. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could convince Chris that Jensen wouldn’t be there for Chris if he was in the same situation.

That didn’t explain why the butterflies in Chris’s stomach felt like crows at the knowledge that he was about to test that theory.

“The blonde at the bar,” he said quickly, hoping Jensen would figure it out without him having to go into too much detail, because those words were hard enough to push past his lips.

Chris flinched when Jensen turned his whole body to stare at the bar area, being so fucking obvious he was almost sure the blonde knew exactly what was going on at their table.

“Uh, Chris,” Jensen muttered after a minute of observation, “there’s no blonde at the bar.”

Chris snorted, because he just knew that Jensen was looking for some pretty little girl in a short skirt and high heels.

“White t-shirt, dark blue jeans, black boots,” Chris told him, and he didn’t even have to look up to tell Jensen what the blonde was wearing, he had the whole outfit catalogued since the second he and Jensen walked in through the door, right down to the way the jeans fit snug over that perfect ass.

Everything was silent at their table for a minute, but Chris could tell the second Jensen figured it out, knew from the way his shoulders stiffened and he sat up straighter in his chair.

“Oh.”

He breathed out a laugh. “Yeah. Oh.”

“Wow.”

Chris figured he couldn’t go on repeating everything Jensen said, so he stayed quiet, giving Jensen time to process the information.

“Um, Chris?” he asked after what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. “I know it’s kind of dark in here, but you are aware that that’s a guy, right?”

Chris really couldn’t be blamed for reaching across the table to punch Jensen in the arm, and he was rewarded with a low, pain-filled grunt.

“Dick,” he threw at him. “You think I’d be sitting here having a fucking freak out like a fourteen year old girl if I didn’t know that was a guy?”

“How long has this been going on?” Jensen asked, his eyes flicking back and forth between Chris and the blonde.

Chris shrugged. “Two months, I guess. I had a meeting one night, couple blocks from here, and it didn’t go so well. I needed a drink and this was the first place I found. I walked in, and he,” he nodded his head in the blonde’s direction, “was on stage singing. I’ve never been so attracted to someone, or so turned on, in my entire life, man, and I dated some pretty kinky chicks, man.”

“I, uh…” Jensen trailed off, taking a sip of his beer before clearing his throat and starting again. “You know his name?”

Chris shook his head. “That first night, I was too freaked to hang around for long, and I haven’t seen him on stage since, he’s just always hanging out at the bar. I think he knows the owner.”

“You don’t think you should maybe go over and say hi?” Chris shot Jensen a startled look at the suggestion and he held his hands up in surrender. “Dude, it was just an idea. You’ve been coming in here, hoping to run into him, or at least so that you can stare at him across the room. Wouldn’t you like to stare at him up close?”

Chris shook his head again “I don’t even know his name, Jen, how the hell am I supposed to know if he’s into guys?” he let out a humorless laugh. “Hell, I’m not even into guys! I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Chris knew he could have found a better way to phrase the statement, but it was too late as Jensen’s face grew dark and he kicked Chris in the ankle with his booted foot.

“There is nothing wrong with you, you jackass,” Jensen said with a glare, “so you can stop that shit right now or I will take you out back and pound your ass. And not in a fun way, Jared would never forgive me.”

Chris gave his friend and apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Jen, I didn’t mean it like that, I swear.”

Jensen sighed. “I know you didn’t, but I meant what I said. There is nothing wrong with you being attracted to another guy.”

Chris frowned. “I’m closing in on the wrong side of thirty, man. Why the hell am I having these feelings now? Shouldn’t I have been attracted to guys before?”

Jensen laughed. “Dude, I’ve been there. I was never into guys before Jared. He was just…Jared, you know? Yeah, it was weird at first, having these feelings for another man, but we fit, just like everyone said back then. Pretty soon, everything stopped being about the fact that Jared was a guy and just became something amazing that I knew I couldn’t let go of.”

“But you’d known Jared for years before you hooked up,” Chris pointed out. “I know nothing about that guy.”

Jensen looked towards the bar and Chris could see a small smile spread across his lips. “Well, um, it looks like you’re about to.”

Chris sat up straight in his chair. “What?”

“He’s coming over here.”

“What?!” Chris turned, and sure enough, the blonde was slowly making his way across their bar in their general direction, two bottles of the beer Chris had been drinking all night held in one hand. “Oh, my God. What the hell? What do I say?!”

Jensen was typing into his phone when Chris turned back to look at him and he smirked at the screen.

“Well, at first, I wouldn’t mention the fact that you’ve been jerking off to thoughts of him every night,”

“Jen,” Chris growled a warning in his tone.

Jensen laughed. “Just tell him you’re the owner of a radio station and you want to showcase him. You’ve been in here every night hoping to catch him on stage again, but you’ve been struck down with laryngitis until now, so you couldn’t talk to him.”

Chris glared at him. “You put way too much thought into that to have come up with it on the spot.”

Jensen shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a writer. I’m gifted.”

“Jensen,” Chris knew he was whining, but the guy was getting closer and he thought hyperventilating was valid option.

“Just talk to the guy,” Jensen whispered out of the corner of his mouth. “Get to know him before you jump into bed with him.”

“Hey.”

Chris pulled his eyes away from Jensen and looked up to see the blonde standing next to their table, a small smile on his face.

“Hi,” he said and cursed his own lameness.

“Mind if I sit?” the guy asked, gesturing to one of the two empty chairs at their table.

“No, please.”

The guy set the bottles on the table before he pulled out a chair and sat down, turning his body slightly to face Chris and Chris couldn’t help but smirk at the fact that he was almost cutting Jensen out of their conversation.

The guy slid one of the bottles towards Chris. “Noticed you were due another.”

“Um, thanks,” Chris said, taking the bottle.

“I’m Steve,” the blonde said, holding out his hand.

“Chris,” Chris replied, shaking Steve’s hand. “This idiot is Jensen.”

Steve didn’t even turn to glance at Jensen and Chris couldn’t help but snort.

Jensen’s phone rang. “Oh, look. A phone call. How convenient and entirely coincidental.” He stood up from the table as he answered. “Hey, baby.” He walked away from the table, leaving Chris alone with Steve.

“Fucking whipped, the both of them,” Chris grumbled under his breath as he took a sip of the beer Steve brought, careful of the fact that he’d drove to the bar that night.

“Please don’t tell me that’s his girlfriend checking up on him?” Steve chuckled.

Chris laughed. “And now I’m having mental images of Jared, at six five, dressed like a girl. Thanks for that, I might need therapy.”

Steve blinked and turned in his seat to look at Jensen, where he was leaning up against the wall next to the juke box, still on the phone. “Huh, usually my gaydar is better than that.”

Chris laughed. “Don’t feel too bad about it. They fool everyone when they’re out alone. It’s when they’re together that it shows, it’s like they’ve got this glow about them or something…and I am totally rambling and you don’t want to hear anything about Jensen and Jared’s relationship.”

Steve smirked. “Well, it wasn’t the reason I came all the way over here, no.”

Chris could feel the blush crawl across his face and he was glad that the low lighting in the bar meant that Steve wouldn’t see it. “So why did you?”

Steve shrugged. “I saw you looking, thought I’d take a chance.” He leaned forward so that his elbows rested on the table. “And, I know this is gonna come off as the cheesiest pick up line ever, but if it helps, I really do mean what I say.”

Chris nodded slowly, his mind spinning from the fact that Steve had noticed him looking. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here before.”

Chris breathed a sigh of relief that Steve hadn’t caught Chris staring at him across the bar almost every night for the past two months.

“Actually, I’ve been in here a few times the last few weeks,” Chris said slowly, wanting to put as much truth into Jensen’s story as he could. “I work at a local radio station, and I had a meeting in the area a while ago. It didn’t go so well, so I decided to drown my sorrows and this was the first bar I found. When I came through the door, you were up on stage singing.”

Steve smiled, ducking his head a little shyly. “Like what you heard?”

“I didn’t have the time to stick around and listen like I wanted to, so I’m not sure. I’ve been coming by a couple times a week, to see if I can catch a repeat performance. This is the first time I’ve seen you in here since then.” Chris hoped Steve couldn’t see through that blatant lie.

“You didn’t talk to the staff? Ask around?”

Chris shrugged. “There’ve been other people up on that stage since then, and I didn’t know your name. I’m not really the kinda guy who goes around making an idiot out of himself.”

“So, what? You wanna play my songs on the radio?”

Chris thought about the many shows KCJD produced every week, from Blaze’s ‘Get it Off Your Chest’ to Hodge’s ‘All Sport’ and tried to figure out where he could fit someone like Steve and his music.

Spirit Boy’s show would obviously be the best place for him, but Chris didn’t know how he was going to deal with that.

“We’re starting a new show,” he said instead. “Something to showcase new talent in the area, and I’ve been tasked with finding said new talent.”

“And you think I’m that new talent?” Steve asked, clearly shocked.

“Like I said, I haven’t heard enough of you stuff, but now that you’ve walked all the way over here, I figured, why not make the trip mean something?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Chris wished he could take them back. He could literally see Steve deflate on the other side of the table, and it took all he had not to just reach across the table and run his hand over Steve’s arm. Instead, he sat forward in his chair and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

Reaching inside, Chris took out one of his business cards and slid it across the table to Steve.

“Why don’t you give me a call, and we can set something up. Maybe we can organize a time for you to stop by the studio and play some songs for the higher-ups.” Chris began running a list of names through his head, trying to figure out which of his friends he could bribe into playing said ‘higher-ups’, seeing as Chris himself was the only higher-up that mattered now that Jensen had stepped down and Danneel had scaled herself back from the logistic side of the station, and Steve had already left more than a lasting impression on him.

The smile Steve gave him wasn’t as bright as before, but it was no less genuine as he picked up the card. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that, absolutely.” He read the name on the card and huffed out a laugh. “Christian, huh? I didn’t think you looked like a Christopher.”

“Call me Christian and the deal’s off,” Chris sniped with a smirk as he climbed to his feet. “Thanks for the drink, man, maybe I’ll be able to return the favor sometime.”

Steve’s smile was a little brighter this time and Chris felt his stomach flip.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

Chris held out his hand. “I look forward to hearing from you, Steve.” He shook Steve’s hand and walked away from the table without looking back, reaching out to grab hold of Jensen’s sleeve as he past, dragging him out of the bar.

/*/*

Steve Carlson watched as the guy, Chris, made his way towards the exit, pulling his friend along behind him by the sleeve of his jacket. He fingered the card in his hand, staring at the name next to the logo of the only radio station Steve ever listened to and he couldn’t help but think that fate had dealt him a cruel blow.

Finishing the rest of the beer he’d bought, not his usual brand, he got up from the table and made his way back over to the bar.

Eliza Dushku – the Maid Marion in their band of Merry Men – was looking at him with that weird puppy expression she got sometimes, which meant she was about thirty seconds away from hugging him.

Steve put the heel of his hand to her forehead, holding her back while he knocked back the shot of Jack Riley had waiting for him.

As soon as he removed his hand, Eliza's arms wrapped around his waist, her head resting on his chest.

“He’s never gonna go for me if he sees you hanging all over me,” Steve reminded her, but he slung his arm around her shoulders anyway.

“Baby, you just crashed and burned in a spectacular fashion, with all of us as witnesses,” she said, her voice mumbled against his white T-shirt. “He probably wouldn’t care if I jumped in your lap and rode you right here.”

Steve pushed her away. “There’s a reason I don’t let you hug me, or stay at my apartment anymore, you get way too many ideas. And anyway,” he flashed the business card at them, “got his number, didn’t I?”

Jason and Justin came up from behind him and Jason snatched the card out of his hand. “Yeah, his office number, that’s not exactly a ringing endorsement that the guy wants to suck your dick.”

Riley leaned over the bar and socked Jason in the arm. “Come on, that guy’s been in here every night staring at Steve. No way is that professional interest.”

“He said he heard me sing,” Steve said, repeating what Chris had told him. “He says the station’s starting a new show for rising local artists and he wants to hear some more of my stuff before he decides whether or not he wants to showcase me. He wants me to go down there and play some stuff for the bosses, or whoever’s in charge of that stuff.”

Justin laughed. “Man, that sounds like a line if ever I heard one.”

Steve quirked an eyebrow. “You think?”

“Who the hell cares?” Jason said, his eyes back on the business card. “You go down there, find out if he’s for real, and then tell him that you have an awesomely talented friend who also deserves to be showcased.”

Eliza plucked the card from Jason’s fingers. “KCJD? Isn’t that that station with that Spirit guy?”

“Spirit Boy,” Steve grinned and nodded. “Yeah. You think if I went down there I’d get to meet this guy?” Spirit Boy had been Steve’s idol for years, ever since he first heard the guy’s show sometime during his last year of culinary school. He wasn’t too proud to admit that Spirit Boy’s music was the whole reason he decided to pursue a career in music.

Justin snorted. “Man, no one knows who Spirit Boy even is. No one knows who any of the hosts of that station are. They’ve all got those weird synthesizers messing with their voices and those call signs that protect their identity.” He sighed. “But what I wouldn’t give to see Blaze in the flesh.”

“Blaze is probably a middle-aged soccer mom who uses the show as an excuse to escape the bunch of squealing infants she’s left a home,” Riley said as he headed down the bar to serve another customer.

Justin shook his head. “No way, no way can someone that passionate be some bored housewife, nuh uh.”

“She could be a man,” Eliza said with a giggle. Justin glared at her and she threw up her hands in defense. “What? With that voice, you just never know!”

“Don’t go ruining my fantasy just because you’re all old and bitter,” Justin sniped at her.

“Anyway,” Jason interrupted, taking the card from Eliza and handing it back to Steve, “are you gonna go through with this?”

Steve nodded. “Sure, why not? Even if I don’t get laid, it’s an opportunity to get my music out there some more, right?”

“Right,” Eliza agreed. “And are you going to be okay working with this guy when all you want to do is jump his bones? I’ve seen the way you look at him, Steve; he’s not some random hook-up.”

Steve blushed. “If he doesn’t want anything from me but my music, I’ll learn to live with it, okay? I’ve still got my imagination and my right hand, I’ll deal.”

Eliza wrinkled her nose. “Dude, too much information.”

Steve laughed as she turned back to the bar, pounding on the top to get Riley’s attention and order them all another round.

He’d meant what he said; if Chris wasn’t interested in anything other than a professional relationship, he could get past the fact that Chris was the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen and work with him.

But if Chris really did want nothing more than to put Steve on the radio, that didn’t explain why Steve had seen him sitting across the bar every time he’d been in for the past month.

/*/*

“Tell me you at least got his number,” Jensen said after long minutes of awkward silence as Chris drove toward Jensen’s house.

“No, but I gave him mine.”

Jensen’s grin was almost blinding. “You dog, man! I can’t believe you’ve been crushing on this dude all this time and you never told me about it. I mean, how could you think I wouldn’t understand something like falling for a guy?” He bounced in his seat. “You want me to give you some pointers on the art of taking it like a man?”

Chris winced. “Dude, I did not need to know that you are the bottom in your relationship. That is just too much information.” He pulled up to a stop sign. “Besides, that’s not why I gave him my number. I gave him my business card.”

“And let me guess, you didn’t tell him you were the owner of that radio station, one of the most popular stations in the county, and he thinks you’re just some worker bee try to drum up new business.”

Chris growled under his breath. “It’s not me who makes that station so popular, Jen, so don’t even start that shit with me.”

“Fuck, Chris, you know more than half the people who tune in only want to hear Spirit Boy. How many requests do we get in our shows to play your songs?” Jensen threw up his hands. “Christ, Danneel runs a show that’s nothing but a bitch-fest and people ring in asking for your songs. Aldis talks nothing but sports.”

“And you don’t have a fucking show anymore,” Chris almost yelled as he pulled onto Jensen’s street. “You were the one who went out and got a real job, so don’t fucking sit there and tell me how to run my station.”

“I’m not the only one, Chris. Jared got a job, too. And Danni.”

“Danni still manages to host her shows every week.” Chris sighed as he pulled up in front of Jensen’s house behind Jared’s car. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you for going out and finding a career, you know that.”

Jensen snorted. “You’re just pissed ‘cause we left Mayhem behind.”

“Couldn’t you have least told him that I didn’t need a full time producer?”

“Maybe, but we all know, as big a douche as he is, Chad’s the best fucking producer in the State.”

“Don’t I know it?” Chris grumbled. He turned on his seat to look at Jensen head on. “Seriously, though, your slots there if you want it, just say the word and J-Squared can be back on air by next week.”

Jensen sighed. “Man, don’t tempt me. Every time I tune in and hear Lonnie in our slot, I have to literally fight to keep The Jackle from coming loose and running down to the station to kick her ass.”

Chris laughed. “I see Mayhem isn’t the only one suffering from multiple personalities.”

“Seriously, Chris, you couldn’t have at least put Mike or Tom in our slot? I could have even coped with Beth, but Lonnie?”

Chris shrugged. “Hey, man, you walked away. You do not get to tell me whose show I put in the time slot you didn’t want anymore. It’s hard to have J-Squared without either of the Jays.”

Jensen shook his head and popped the door. “You really like this guy, Chris?”

Chris turned away to stare at the back of Jared’s car in front of him. “I don’t know him, Jensen. I think he’s hot, yeah, but I also kinda think Chad’s hot, but it’s not like I want to run out and date him just because of that.”

Jensen turned a little pale under the street light. “You think Mayhem’s hot? I so did not need to know that. Oh, God, I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Chris shoved at his shoulder. “My point is, I know Chad’s a dick, which is why I don’t want to date him. This guy could be a dick for all I know.”

“And you want the chance to find that out before you decide what you want to do with him.” Jensen nodded. “Alright, I can see the logic. But dude, don’t go stringing this guy along just because you’re having a little gay crisis. If you talk to this guy, get to know him and find out that you don’t actually wanna bend over for him, please let him know. Because that guy is so gone for you, man. I could see it from where I was standing.”

With that, Jensen slammed the door behind him and walked up the path to his front door. The blinds twitched, and Chris lifted a hand to wave at Jared before he put the truck in gear and pulled out.

It was another twenty minute drive before he got to his own house, and he pulled into the drive to see all the downstairs lights on and music blasting from the stereo in the living room.

Chris shook his head as he climbed out of the truck, locking it up and jogging up the front steps.

He was through the front door when the song that was playing faded out and a familiar, if synthesized, voice filled the room instead.

“That was the late, great Johnny Cash, with ‘Hurt’. You’re listening to KCJD, and this is Lady B with your nightly round up of classic hits. And now let’s take a few requests. Hello, caller, you’re on the air with Lady B.”

Chris turned the volume down on the stereo as Beth got chatty with one of her callers, and made his way to the kitchen, turning off the lights in the living room and dining room as he went, to find Alona standing at the island, elbow-deep in flour.

“Woman, what the hell are you doing?”

Alona looked up at him, blowing her blonde bangs out of her eyes. “Danni gave me a recipe for her awesome cookies, finally.”

“And you thought that midnight would be a good time to try out this recipe? Don’t you ever sleep?”

Alona rolled her eyes. “I’ve been trying to get this recipe outta her for months. No way was I waiting to try it out.” She turned when the oven timer chimed and pulled a sheet of cookies out and set them on the counter to cool, and then put another batch in its place. “Besides, I’ve got to work all day tomorrow, I won’t have time.”

Chris blinked. “Wait, what? What about your show?”

She shrugged. “Baby, you know the agency pays better then you do. If the extra work comes along, I’m gonna take it. It’s not my life’s goal to host a radio show.”

“It’s not your life’s goal to work for a temp agency either,” Chris reminded. “And don’t call me ‘baby’. I hated it when we were dating, and I hate it even more now.”

Chris supposed it was his own fault that she was making a mess of his kitchen. When they broke up, almost a year ago, instead of moving out of his house, Alona had simply moved into the guest room and things had carried on the way they always had, except they weren’t having sex anymore.

Alona stopped what she was doing and stared him down. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting strange for weeks.”

“Lonnie,” Chris sighed and watched as she wrinkled her nose.

“Don’t call me that, you know I hate that you gave me that name for that show.”

Chris sighed again, louder this time. It had been his idea to get Alona on the radio. She had such a sweet voice, even when it was digitally altered, and she’d been perfect for the advice show he’d wanted to get off the ground at the time and he knew he’d all but forced her into it.

“You don’t wanna do the show anymore?” he asked, and if he was honest, he’d been waiting for the day when she told him that herself.

Alona took a deep breath. “You know I only did it to spend time with you, Chris. I’m not cut out for the radio, or to listen to people telling me their problems.”

Chris nodded slowly, already trying to think of something, someone, to replace her show with, but already knowing that he’d be the one in her slot the next day. The idea of putting Genevieve on the air flashed through his mind again, and he surprised himself by agreeing that it could be a good idea if she was up for it.

“Alright then, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get back to what’s bugging you,” she said, back in that sweet, innocent girl act that had made him fall for her in the first place.

He picked up the wooden spoon she’d been using and started eating the left over cookie dough in the bowl. “I don’t think we’re ready to have this conversation, Alona.” He didn’t mean to put an emphasis on her name, but he knew he had the second her eyes narrowed.

“Have what conversation?”

“I think I met somebody.”

Alona froze on the other side of the island. “Oh.”

“I mean, I don’t know, really, I just met them, but I kinda think it might go somewhere if we spend a little time together. I wanna see if it’ll go somewhere.”

Alona stayed silent as she started working again; cleaning up the bowls and utensils she’d used in her baking spree, moving a little more carefully and deliberately than the task called for.

“Say something,” Chris said when the silence got too much for him.

Alona shrugged. “What do you want me to say, Chris? When we decided we weren’t working, we agreed we’d stay friends. And if we’re friends, then I can’t get upset about you moving on and meeting someone else.”

“But you are upset.” He could see it all over her face.

“I’m sorry. It’s not that I want to get back together with you, that’s not it, I swear.”

“Okay,” Chris said slowly. “Then what is it?”

“I just got comfortable, you know? You and me, here in this house. I know neither of us has been exactly celibate since we broke up, but there’s never been anyone that we thought about bringing home, you know? So it never got awkward.” She smiled sadly at him. “But if you’re telling me about meeting someone new, that means that this isn’t just gonna be a hook-up whose last name you never find out.”

Chris frowned. He didn’t know Steve’s last name.

“How’s it gonna look when you wanna bring this person home and your ex-girlfriend is parked in the living room having a Buffy marathon?”

“Like I said, I don’t even know what it is yet. We haven’t even gone on a date.” Really, he’d been so nervous and taken by surprise at the bar that Chris had passed the whole thing off as a business meeting, and now he didn’t even have Steve’s number so that he could call and ask for a date.

Why didn’t he write his cell number on that business card?

“Chris, what did you do when you first met me?”

“I gave you my number and then came home and told Danneel and Jensen that I’d met some…” Chris trailed off. “Oh.”

Alona smirked. “Yeah, oh. Old habits die hard, huh?”

Chris blushed. When he’d first met Alona, when he and Jared had gone to the local college looking for some communications majors to fill some of the empty time slots at the station, Chris had thrown his cell phone number at her and ran back home to where Danneel and Jensen were waiting for him and told them everything. That had been more than four years ago, when the three of them had lived in Chris’s house, before Jensen had moved in with Jared, and Danneel had moved into her own place.

And now here he was, doing the same thing all over again.

“I’m sorry, Alona. You probably don’t want to hear this.”

Alona smiled. “I’m not exactly jumping for joy that you were the one to move on first, ‘cause let’s face it, I’m prettier than you.” Chris snorted and she stuck her tongue out at him. “But I’m not gonna begrudge you finding someone just because I couldn’t be that someone. Danneel’s already said, numerous times, that her spare room is mine if I want it. If it gets weird, then I’ll go.”

“Alona, I don’t wanna force you out on the street.”

“Let’s be honest here, Chris, we both know I should have left a long time ago.”

“But I like having you here. I like coming home to you doing weird things at ass o’clock in the morning. Like baking cookies.”

“And maybe this new girl will be here, doing weird things at ass o’clock in the morning.” She grinned. “Like, maybe, one night, you’ll come home from a late shift at the station, and she’ll be painting the spare room all different colors, ‘cause she doesn’t know if it’s a girl or a boy.”

Chris choked on the cookie dough in his mouth. Of course Alona would think it was a girl he was interested in. He’d never given her, or anyone else, any reason to think otherwise. Jensen’s reaction at the bar should have reminded him of that.

Still, it wasn’t like he was going to correct her just yet.

“Yeah, maybe. But you don’t have to move out right away, okay? It’s not like I’m going out shopping for rings tomorrow.”

Alona’s eyes twinkled as she pulled the spoon out of his hand. “Maybe not, but I think I’ll start packing up my shit, just in case.”

/*/*

Steve sat in the parking lot of KCJD radio station and stared at the not so imposing building looming in front of him.

He’d been all set when he left his apartment, raring to go in and meet with Chris, leave a few CD’s for him to listen to before they worked out a time for a real meeting, with the rest of the big wigs.

But on the drive over, his radio tuned to the station as always, Spirit Boy’s soft southern drawl had floated out of his speakers instead of Lonnie’s sweet lilt and Steve knew that that could only mean one thing.

Spirit Boy would be in the building when he stepped inside.

Sure, the guy would be on air, but he had no idea where Chris would take him once he was inside the building. Maybe the guy would have an office they would go to talk, and maybe to get to that office they’d have to walk past the recording booths, and Steve would be able to get at least a glimpse of Spirit Boy.

And then he’d pass out on the guy, all because Steve caught sight of Spirit Boy.

It was possible that Steve had a little bit of a crush on Spirit Boy, but he wasn’t admitting anything while he was sober.

Another song started up, and Spirit Boy’s voice faded away and Steve thought that it was as good a time as any to get out of the car and walk the fifty or so feet to the front door of the station.

When he stepped into the lobby, there was a petit brunette sitting behind the reception desk.

“Hi, welcome to KCJD, how can I help you?” she asked, her voice perky and happy, like all good receptionists.

“Um, I’m here to see Christian Kane?” He didn’t know why he made it a question, it was Chris he’d come to see after all, but he didn’t have an appointment. Chris didn’t know he was coming.

Steve watched as the girl’s face clouded over with a mixture of emotions he couldn’t even hope to identify.

“Um, I’m sorry, Mr. Kane is unavailable at the moment, can I take a-”

She was cut off when the front door crashed open with a bang, and they both turned to see tall man in a paramedic’s uniform skip into the lobby.

“Genevieve!” he bellowed. “Love of my life, my light in the dark! When are you going to agree to run away with me? I cannot bear to live without you any longer.” He got down on his knees in front of the desk, reaching over to take her hands.

The receptionist, Genevieve, rolled her eyes and pulled her hands away. “You’re a married man, Jared.”

Steve frowned. Jared? Why did that name sound familiar?

“No, I’m not. Jensen has yet to make an honest woman outta me. I’m still yours for the taking, if you’ve decided to stop denying your feelings for me.”

Genevieve giggled. “Well, it’s nice to know you’ve finally admitted your role as the girl in your relationship, Jared. Jensen will be so happy to hear it when I tell him.”

Jared got back to his feet. “Eh, he knows it anyway. It’s why he loves me so much.”

Jensen. Jared. Chris’s friends. Steve smiled. “You’re a friend of Chris’?” he asked before he’d decided to speak.

Jared spun to face him. “Yes. Hi. Who are you?”

Genevieve cleared her throat, trying to appear professional again. “I was just telling Mr….?”

“Carlson,” Steve supplied for her. “Steve Carlson.”

“Mr. Carlson here, that Mr. Kane isn’t available at the moment.” Genevieve looked away from him to her computer screen, clicking some keys, and Steve guessed she was probably pulling up the calendar. “If you’d like, Mr. Carlson, I could schedule you an appointment for you to come back at a time when Mr. Kane would be able to speak to you.”

Steve nodded. “Um, yeah, that would be-”

Jared cut him off. “You know what, Hellcat? Why don’t I go and see what Mr. Kane is up to?” Jared turned towards the inner offices of the station, all but running towards them. “I’ll see if I can find a better time for him to speak to Mr. Carlson myself.”

“Jared!” Genevieve called after him. “I really don’t think that’s such a good idea!”

But Jared wasn’t listening, and Steve and Genevieve could only watch as he disappeared from view.

Genevieve gave him a polite smile and gestured towards the seating area.

And, really, what else could he do but sit?

Steve looked down at the CD’s in his hand and wondered – not for the first time – just what exactly he thought he was doing. He’d agreed to call Chris, not just show up at his place of work on the off-chance that the guy might have some time to spare.

If he was honest with himself, Steve would admit that the only reason he’d come to the station was to see Chris. The man had left more than a lasting impression on Steve – in fact, Steve couldn’t get Chris off his mind – and he wanted just one more shot at Chris, to find out if he was interested in Steve, or just his music.

But Steve was rarely honest with himself – and when he was he was usually drunk – so this was just business meeting. No other motives in sight.

Even Steve didn’t believe that.

/*/*

“Thanks for your call, Lisa,” Chris said into the microphone as he hit a few buttons on the keyboard in front of him. “Sorry I couldn’t be much help to you, darlin’, but you know, I just ain’t as cut out for this advice business as Lonnie was.”

“Thanks anyway, Spirit Boy. It’s nice to have someone listen for a change,” the caller, Lisa, said and Chris could hear a smile in her voice.

“Anytime, sweetheart, anytime,” he promised. “And, hey, while I’ve got you on the line, can I play a request for ya?”

She giggled in his ear. “How about one of your songs? Don’t really care which one.”

Chris smiled and scratched another mark onto the tally he’d been keeping since he went on the air. “No problem, Lisa. Thanks again.”

He disconnected her call.

“No, your ears aren’t deceiving you, folks, this is Spirit Boy, filling in for our resident advice show host, Lonnie, and I gotta admit, I ain’t doing such a good job.” He laughed. “But I guess I’m as good a replacement as anybody, though, right? I don’t think anyone’s gonna be all that upset with listening to me for a few extra hours every week until I find a replacement.”

In the production office, Chad gave him the finger.

“Oh, look at that, Mayhem’s having thoughts way above his pay grade again, folks. Maybe I’d better do something to remind him exactly who the boss around here is.”

Chad’s voice floated over the airwaves. “Dude, you don’t pay enough to have thoughts above my pay grade.”

“Dude, you don’t have thoughts above your belt buckle,” Chris laughed.

“Which is why I’m getting more action than you are right now.”

Chris picked up the little Cowboys football Jensen had left behind and threw it at the glass that separated him from Chad.

Chad twirled his finger in the air, reminding Chris of the time.

“Anyway, it’s the top of the hour, folks, so while I go get myself some much needed refreshments, let’s hear a little something from our sponsors.”

Chris queued up the sponsors’ ads, and when he looked back up at Chad in the production booth, Jared was there, looking back at him with a look on his face that made Chris more than a little suspicious.

Jared pointed at him and Chris nodded, pulling off his headset as he waited for Jared to make his way to the booth.

“What’s up?” he asked as Jared closed the door behind him. He took a sip of his coffee and found it cold. “Chad, get me some coffee, bitch.”

There was no answer and when they both turned to the booth, they found it empty.

Chris groaned. “Why do I employ that waste of space again?”

Jared laughed and sat in the opposite chair. “Because, Chris, contrary to what you might think, you actually can’t run this station by yourself.”

Chris grunted. That was a matter of opinion.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company? Bored?”

Jared laughed. “Actually, yes. Jen’s got this huge staff meeting or something and I’ve just finished covering a friend’s shift, ‘cause he flipped his fucking bike last night and he’s all banged up, and I didn’t want to go home to an empty house, so I came to annoy you.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Awesome. You’re gonna get hyped up on sugar and get Chad all riled up with your antics.”

“And I’m gonna start by telling you that this guy you’re crushing on? Seriously hot, man.”

Chris sat up straight in his chair. “What? How…you’ve never even met him!” He wasn’t naïve enough to think that Jensen wouldn’t tell his almost-husband of Chris’ attraction to another man, but there was just no way Jared could have seen the guy.

“He’s in the lobby, Chris,” Jared told him with a grin. “He’s here to see you.”

A dozen thoughts and emotions whirled around Chris’ mind, but the only thing he could focus on was the need to see Steve again. He reached forward to grip Jared’s forearm. “JT, man, you have to do something for me.”

“And what would that be? Wait, you called me-”

Chris cut him off. “Take over the show.”

“What? Chris, I haven’t been on the air in almost two years. I don’t even remember the last time I was on the air without Jensen.”

Chris thought it might have been sometime during Jared’s first week at the station, almost seven years ago.

“Come on, man, I need to talk to him,” he begged.

Jared looked around the controls. “I don’t even know if I remember how this all works.”

“Come on, Jared, it’s like riding a bike. And there’s only, like, twenty minutes left of this show, and then Dave’ll be in to do his show. Please, Jared.”

Jared huffed out a breath. “Alright, fine, but I demand to be at least a groomsman at your big gay wedding. I’d prefer best man, but I don’t want Jensen to kill me.”

“Done,” Chris promised, just as the jingle for the final ad played out. He switched the mic back on. “You’re listening to Spirit Boy, on KCJD, and now here’s ‘Thinking of You’, as requested by the lovely Lisa.”

As the first notes of the song rang out around the room, Chris dropped the headset to the desk and jumped from the chair. “I owe you one, Jay.”

“You owe me many!” Jared shouted after him, but Chris wasn’t listening anymore as he left the booth, following the winding hallways of the station back to the lobby.

Genevieve snorted a laugh as soon as she saw him. “Subtle. Can’t wait to see how this plays out.”

“Can it, Gen,” he said, but his eyes were on Steve, sitting in one of the too-small lobby chairs Danneel had picked out back at the beginning and he’d been too lazy to change.

“Steve,” he said, walking towards him with his hand outstretched.

Steve stood up, a genuine smile on his face as he took Chris’s hand. “Mr. Kane. I’m glad you could see me.”

Chris made a face. “No ‘Mr. Kane’. It’s Chris.”

Steve nodded. “Chris, then.”

“Um, why don’t we go to my office and talk? I guess that’s why you’re here, right? Your music?”

Steve waved the CD’s he was holding. “I know I should have called, made an appointment, but I thought I’d stop by, just in case. You’re receptionist said you were busy. I can come back if this isn’t a good time.”

“Trust me, in this place, I’m always busy,” Chris told him, leading the way through the building to his office, the only office the station had “but I think I have a few minutes.”

They were silent until they got to the office, and Chris closed the door after them.

“Have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the chair in front of the desk as he took his place behind it.

“So, like I said the other night at the bar, I liked what I heard of your stuff, but I’ll have to hear more before I – I mean, before I take the idea to my bosses.”

Steve smiled. “Seriously, I’m just happy to have to opportunity.” He waved a hand in the air. “Think there’s any way you could get this guy to listen to my music?”

It took Chris a second to realize that his song was still playing through the speakers in the office. “You a fan of Spirit Boy?”

Steve gave an embarrassed laugh. “Are you kidding? I don’t think ‘fan’ is a strong enough word. I’ve been listening to this guy for years. He’s the reason I decided to pursue music in the first place.”

Chris felt his face grow hot and he looked down at the papers on his desk to try to hide it. “I’ll admit Spirit Boy is…talented.” The words were hard to force past his lips.

“Yeah, he’s amazing.”

Chris started to reply when the song faded out and Jared’s altered voice floated over the airwaves.

“That was our awesome Spirit Boy with his song ‘Thinking of You’, and I’m gonna dedicate that song to The Jackle, ‘cause I am always thinking of him.”

Chris snorted. “Fucking cheesy line, JT,” he muttered to himself. He could see the frown marring Steve’s face and he knew what was going to happen before Jared spoke again, but it wasn’t like he was in a position to stop it.

“Yes, that’s right folks; we’re playing musical presenters here on KCJD this afternoon. This is JT, you’re most favorite host ever, back behind this wheel, steering this ship into something resembling a show. I tell ya, I come by to see my friend, Spirit Boy, and he ditches me for someone he finds much more interesting. And our seedy little producer, Mayhem, has taken off for somewhere I’d rather not think about. So, I’m running this show, all on my own, after being away from these airwaves for almost two years, and without my Jackle at my side. So while I reacquaint myself with all these knobs and buttons, why don’t you guys listen to some Matt Nathanson?”

Chris scraped his hands back through his hair as the opening notes of ‘Sooner Surrender’ came through the speakers.

He groaned. “I’m gonna kill him.”

When he looked across his desk, Steve was staring at him like he couldn’t decide if he should be angry or awe-struck.

“Seriously, Jensen’s gonna be a widower by the time he gets home from work tonight,” he said lamely when Steve showed no intention of speaking.

“You’re Spirit Boy?” he said finally, and Chris prayed the floor would just open up and swallow him.

“You know, this was exactly the reason why I came up with the call signs in the first place,” Chris told him, “so no one would know who I am.”

Steve looked at him like he’d just sprouted another head and it was talking Japanese.

“I don’t understand,” Steve said with a shake of his head. “Anonymity?”

“Means I can get my songs out there without having everyone looking at me and judging me. I can sing, and people can listen, and I don’t have to take any of that shit.”

Steve blinked. “You…you have stage fright?”

Chris felt himself blush. “No. I just don’t like singing in front of other people, don’t like seeing them as they judge me.”

“That’s pretty much the definition of stage fright, man,” Steve chuckled, but he sobered quickly. “So, you’re the guy whose voice I’ve been crushing on for the last ten years? Gotta say, I’m glad the package lived up to the hype.”

Chris blushed. “I knew that’s why you came over to me last night. You have seen me there before, haven’t you?”

Steve nodded. “You wanna tell me why you fobbed me off with some bullshit story about wanting to showcase my music?”

Chris shook his head. “Wasn’t a story, man. I do wanna get you on the station; I just don’t have to go through anyone else to do that.”

He watched as Steve’s eyes narrowed to slits. “This is your station?”

“Mine, Jensen’s and Danneel’s.”

“Who?”

“The Jackle and Blaze,” Chris filled in, using the call signs his friends had come up with in college and hadn’t changed since.

“Oh.” Steve raked his fingers through his blonde hair. “This is a lot to take in, man. I came here hoping for a date, and if not that, then at to at least get my songs on the radio. And now you’re telling me that you own this station, and it’s your digitally altered voice I’ve been jerking off to for the last ten years. Awesome.”

Chris blushed again at Steve’s words, but Steve didn’t seem bothered by his confession, simply glared at Chris across the desk.

“Where you ever going to tell me?”

Chris took a deep breath. “You want the truth?”

“I’d prefer it, yeah.”

“If you hadn’t shown up here today, if you’d called to schedule an appointment, then I probably would have put off telling you for as long as possible.”

Steve nodded. “Nice trust issues you have there.”

“It’s not about trust.” Chris paused, thought that over. “Alright, it is about trust. Everyone who works at this station I’ve known for at least five years. Blaze I’ve known since elementary school, and The Jackle since just after that, we started this station together when we were still in college. But it’s more than that.”

“Then enlighten me, Chris, ‘cause I’m really confused right now.”

Chris shrugged. “You said it yourself, stage fright. Being Spirit Boy, I can hide behind that persona, be whoever I want to be and not have to worry about facing the fans in the street.”

Steve snorted. “Shit, Chris, this whole city fucking loves you. Riley would wet his pants if he was given the opportunity to have you sing live at his bar. My friend Eliza would probably orgasm on the spot. This has nothing to do about not wanting to face the fans and everything to do with not wanting to face rejection or criticism.”

Chris bristled under the accusations, leaning forward a little in his chair. “Listen, man, you don’t know shit about me, so don’t fucking come into my station and try to tell me what you think it is I’m afraid of.”

Steve got to his feet. “You know what they say about the reality not being able to stand up to the fantasy you created? Reality is apparently a hell of a lot more than a face and a voice. You have everything, Chris, the looks, the voice. I guess it’s just the personality that’s missing.”

“Steve, wait.”

“Why? You were my fucking idol, man. And now I find out you’re just a scared little boy hiding behind his microphone so he doesn’t have to hear any shit people might say about him. Why should I fucking bother with you?”

“I still want to put you on the radio,” Chris said desperately. “The little I heard you sing was amazing, and I want people to know about you. I was gonna find a way to put you on Spirit Boy’s show, but if you don’t want me to do that, I can get someone else to do the spotlight interview I was planning. Lady B, maybe. Or Angel.”

Steve sighed. “Whatever, man. Whatever you decide is best for your little ego.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well, life’s not fair, Chris, which you’d know if you got out there and faced the world. Yet you sit here, hiding behind a radio station. But what about the rest of us, huh? What about those of us who don’t have a radio station and a radio show to hide behind? We just had to suck it up and get out there, play all the shitty bars and clubs just to get our music out there. And you, you have the audacity to tell me what’s not fair when you have the perfect platform to release your own music, without ever bothering to give back to your fans.”

“I give back to my fans,” Chris said, but it was a weak argument and he knew it.

“No, you don’t. Fans want to be able to actually go and see their favorite artist in concert,” Steve told him. “They want the experience of listening to him live. And you’re denying them that by hiding in here like a coward.”

Steve set the pile of CD’s he’d been carrying on the corner of Chris’s desk and turned and headed for the door.

“My email is on the back of the cases. I look forward to hearing from your receptionist.”

The door slammed hollowly in his wake.

Chris face-planted into his desk, banging his head on the wood a few times, trying to knock some sense into himself.

That was how Jared found him fifteen minutes later, and it was only then that Chris realized that his show was over and it was Dave’s menacing voice that was spilling out through the speakers.

“Mayhem, if you don’t get your ass back to this studio and do your damn job, I’ll make sure you can’t ever do that job again.”

Chris laughed a little at the thought of Chad dropping whatever it was he was doing and scrambling back to the studio. Dave was not the kind of person to mess with.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, and Chris groaned as he was reminded of the very reason he was kissing his desk in the first place.

“Steve hates me,” he mumbled against the wood.

“What? Why?”

“He says I’m a coward, because I hide behind Spirit Boy instead of getting myself out there, promoting my music.”

He could almost hear Jared’s frown. “But your music is out there. Your CD’s sell out so fast they’re practically flying outta here.”

Chris sat up straight, pushing his long hair out of his face. “My music, yeah. But how much better would some of those songs be if people knew who was singing them? How much more powerful would ‘Mary, Can You Come Outside’ be if people knew it was based on a true story?”

“It is?”

“Yeah. In college, me and Jensen lived in this shitty little apartment with paper thin walls. We could hear the girl next door, could hear everything, and we could really hear when her boyfriend knocked her around. One night I got sick of listening to him hitting on her, so I went over there, politely knocked on the door, then politely beat the shit out of him.”

Jared laughed loudly. “Man! That is so awesome. Jensen never told me that.”

Chris smiled at the memory. “That girl never talked to me again, but I don’t care, ‘cause they broke up after that.”

Jared gave him a soft smile, the kind of smile he usually reserved for Jensen.

“See, this is the Chris that the guy should know, not the one who hides behind a radio station.”

Chris nodded slowly. “You think I’m hiding, too.”

“No, I...” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “I honestly don’t know, Chris. I wasn’t around when you guys started this, I don’t know if there’s a reason you decided to hide, but from the way every single one of you avoids the subject like the plague, I’m guessing there’s a reason, and a really good one at that.”

Chris nodded, confirming Jared’s suspicions, but that conversation was not something he wanted to bring up. The origins of his stage fright was a painful memory, and not something he liked to think about, never mind discuss.

Jared studied him for a few seconds in silent contemplation. Chris tried not to squirm under the scrutiny.

“Do you like this guy, Chris?”

“I told Jensen last night, I don’t know. I don’t know this guy, why does everyone think I should be ready to marry him just because I think he’s hot?”

Jared chuckled. “I don’t know what went on while he was here, but I’m guessing whatever it was wasn’t good, but you’re still thinking about him, you still think he’s hot, so that tells me that you think there’s something more beneath the surface. This isn’t just a physical thing, Chris. I think you know that.”

Chris glared at him. “You know what? I’m gonna make you take over Alona’s advice show. Think you’d be pretty good at that shit.”

Jared shook his head and stood up. “One time deal, Christian. I’m not coming back to this station unless I have Jensen with me, you know that.”

“Say the word and the slot is yours. I can have J-Squared back on the air by next week.”

Jared bit his lower lip for a second. “I’ll talk to Jensen.”

“Earlier if you wanted.”

“I’ll talk to Jensen!” Jared’s laugh echoed down the hallway as he let himself out of Chris’s office.

Left alone with his thoughts again, Chris didn’t like the direction they were going in, so he picked up Steve’s CD’s and headed for the exit.

“I’m heading home,” he told Genevieve as he passed the front desk.

“Things not go well with Mr. Carlson?” she asked, a smirk on her lips.

Chris glared at her. “No, they did not. And if you want to keep your job, you’ll keep any comments you have to yourself.”

She mimed zipping her lips.

/*/*

The door banged loudly against the wall as Steve slammed his way into the bar, his eyes adjusting to the gloomy interior. He had planned on going straight home after his disastrous meeting with Chris – the bar wasn’t even open yet – but somehow he found himself taking the turn-off for Riley’sinstead of heading straight to his apartment.

Riley was lifting chairs down from the top of the tables so, without a word, Steve moved to help him, not looking at his friend, even thought he could feel Riley’s eyes on him.

Riley lasted ten minutes. Steve had to give him credit for that.

“You okay?”

Steve lifted the last chair down off the table nearest the bar and then sank down into his, dry-washing his face as he tried to straighten out the day events in his head.

“I don’t even know, man,” he answered finally, having not come up with a reasonable explanation for the show-down in Chris’s office.

Riley disappeared behind the bar for a second, returning with two cold Coronas, setting them on the table and taking a seat.

“Is this a girl problem? Do I need to call Eliza?”

“I’m gay, I don’t have girl problems.”

Riley rolled his eyes. “I meant, is this the kind of problem that we need a girl for. There’s a reason we keep Eliza around, you know.”

Steve snorted a laugh. Eliza had just sort of shown up one day on Justin’s arm. Their relationship had lasted all of a week before they fizzled out and she’d just never gone away again. Steve liked having her around, somehow she managed to become his best friend, next to Riley, and he wasn’t really sure how she did that, but he was glad to have her around all the same.

“Probably,” Steve conceded. “But I don’t really think I want her knowing all the details of this just yet.”

Riley raised his eyebrow. “But you’re okay with me knowing?”

“Have to talk to someone, man, and I really doubt he’s gonna be back in here after what happened today.”

Riley shook his head. “Alright, man, tell the story in a way that makes sense. For a songwriter, you never did learn how to communicate properly.”

Steve took a deep breath. “Look, you can’t repeat any of what I’m about to tell you, okay? But you know that guy in the bar last night? He gave me his work number and told me he wanted to show case my stuff?”

“The guy who’s been checking you out for the last month, probably more, and who just so happens to work at the same radio station as your mysterious Spirit Boy?” Riley smirked. “Sure I know him.”

Steve sighed. “He is Spirit Boy.”

Riley choked on his Corona. “What?”

“When I got to the station, Spirit Boy was on the air, and the receptionist told me that Chris wasn’t available to see me right then, but she could make me an appointment to come back. There was this other guy in the lobby, and he had this real bad smirk on his face, and he said he’d go get Chris. Turns out, the guy was JT, you remember him? One half of J-Squared?”

“Yeah, man. Damn, I heard that show today; I was on my way in here. You were the person Spirit Boy left the air to talk to?”

“Apparently.”

Riley laughed. “Man, this is like, your ultimate fantasy come true, so why do you look like someone just ran over your puppy?”

“Because the guy is a fucking coward. The reason he hides behind his Spirit Boy identity is because he’s scared to get up on stage and sing his songs in front of an audience.”

Riley blinked. “Are you serious? The guy’s a fucking legend in this town, why would he be afraid of something like that?”

“That’s what I wanted to know, but either there’s something he’s not telling me, or he just doesn’t have the guts to do it for real.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want the pressure of fame.”

Steve stared at Riley for a few seconds, not really understanding what his friend was talking about. “What?”

Riley leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. “Look, the guy’s a celebrity in this town, right? You’re not going to deny that are you?” Steve shook his head and Riley pressed on. “Okay, so, everybody loves him, teenage girls – and you – are wetting their panties over his voice and his songs, and I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one who wants a piece of him, only most people don’t want his ass, just the fat checks he could help them pull in. By being Spirit Boy, this guy can do what he loves and still have a normal life. Shit, man, you know how many people out there right now would kill to be able to do that? You think Johnny Cash wouldn’t have wanted to sing his songs but still be able to take his wife out for a nice meal, without fans butting their way in asking for autographs and pictures?”

“I never thought about it that way,” Steve mumbled.

“Of course you didn’t, because you’re that guy who had to fight hand over fist to get what he wanted out of life, you had to crawl your way outta the gutter, and you think this guy is just leaning back and coasting his way through life without lifting a finger.”

Steve glared at the guy sitting on the other side of the table and cursed inwardly over the fact that Riley knew him so well.

“What do I do?”

“Give him a couple days to cool down and go see him,” Riley said simply, as if everything was just that easy to fix.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Steve knew he sounded like a whiny ten year old, but he felt like he deserved to feel that way, considering Riley had just told him he was maybe a little bit of an idiot.

“I’m sorry, did I not just get done telling you that you’re a stubborn son of a bitch who never quits until he gets what he wants?” Riley said. “You make him see you, you sorry sack of shit. You are so gone for this guy it’s a little pathetic, but if he’s really making you this miserable after one stupid meeting during which you probably both fucked up, I’m thinking he could be worth it.”

Steve smiled. “I ever tell you how great you are, Ri?”

The bar owner rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, I know I’m the shit. Now, come on, you just cost me like an hour here. You’re helping me set up.”

/*/*

Another song started, and Chris raked his fingers through his hair yet again. It must look like he got dragged through a hedge backwards.

It was the third CD of Steve’s that he’d listened to since he got home from the station, and the more he heard, the more he wanted to know this man, the more he wanted to hear the stories behind the songs, the reasons for the words Steve had chosen.

It took everything Chris had not to get in the truck and race over to the bar to see if someone knew where he could find Steve, just so he could tell the man how much his songs meant to him.

No matter what he had to do, Chris would get Steve’s songs on the radio. Everyone in their city would know about Steve, if Chris had anything to do with it.

The words Steve sang drifted over him, caressing every one of Chris’s senses, and Chris wanted nothing more than for the man in question to be singing those songs to him, right now, sitting in the middle of his living room with nothing but an acoustic guitar and a willing audience in Chris.

But he’d gone and fucked it all up by being a coward.

Chris closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the couch, letting Steve’s soothing voice wash over him. He wasn’t really hearing the words much anymore, just Steve’s honey rough voice and the emotions as he sang.

“Who’s that?”

Chris startled at the unexpected voice, letting out and unmanly squeak before craning his neck to see Alona standing in the doorway of the living room.

Chris felt the blush crawling up his neck as he glanced at the stereo. “Um, singer from a bar across town. Gonna showcase him on the station. I’m sorry, I’ll take this upstairs.”

Alona shook her head and came further into the room. “No, that’s okay, I’m not actually staying.”

Chris frowned at her. “Wait a minute; aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

She shrugged. “Called and told them I couldn’t make it.”

“You…what? You cancel on your shift at the station because you’re working at the agency, and then you don’t bother going in there either? What the hell, Alona?”

“I spent all day moving my stuff to Danni’s,” she said bluntly.

Chris stopped short, all his retorts sliding off his tongue. “I…um, I thought we talked about this? You didn’t need to move out yet. It’s not like I’m moving this person in tomorrow.” Or ever, if the way his meeting with Steve had gone was any indication.

“Yeah, I know, but Danni called me this morning, and she spoke to Jensen last night, and he said you were pretty taken with this guy, so I’m just preemptively deciding to go before I see my ex-boyfriend doing things no girl should ever see her ex-boyfriend doing.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but, Alona, I haven’t even asked him out on a date yet, I don’t even know if there’s gonna be…” he trailed off, the words she’d said finally sinking into his preoccupied mind, and he looked up at her with fear and dread in his eyes. “Guy?”

Alona grinned. “You should have known that Jensen would tell Jared and Danneel. Hell, Chad and Gen probably even know by now. There are no such things as secrets between anyone at that station, and Danneel can’t seem to help herself from telling me anything that involves you, so, really, you shouldn’t be surprised right now.”

Chris swallowed hard and nodded. “And, um, you’re okay with that? With me, if I’m…” Jesus, he couldn’t even say the word.

“Suddenly into dick?” Alona supplied oh so eloquently. She shrugged again. “I gotta say, it’s a little easier knowing that you’re brushing me aside for a guy rather than another girl. It’s not like I have anything to offer you if you’ve decided you want to take instead of give.”

He choked on his tongue. “Whoa, Alona, we’re so not there yet. After the disaster that was our meeting this afternoon, I don’t think we’ll ever get there.”

She cocked her head a little, listening to the song currently playing. “Is this him?”

Chris nodded and picked up one of the CD cases, passing it to her.

“Wow,” she breathed. “I can totally see why you’re into this guy.” She stared for a while longer. “Are you sure he’s gay? He’s not, like, just saying that so you’ll put his songs on your station?”

Chris blushed again. “Well, before the meeting went to shit, he told me he was hoping for a date with me, and he’d spent the last ten years jerking off to the sound of my voice, so, yeah, I really think he’s gay.”

Alona stared at him, CD forgotten as she let her hand drop to her side. “You told him you were Spirit Boy?”

“Kinda didn’t have a choice. I was on air when Jared came in and told me Steve was in the building, so I asked Jared to take over, and he made it pretty clear, on air, exactly why I’d asked him to do that. Steve’s not stupid; he was able to put the very large pieces together.”

“Jesus, we were together six months before you told me.”

“It’s not like I had a choice. Jared backed me into a corner.”

She came into the room proper and sat down on the coffee table across from him.

“Can I ask you something?” she said gently, her nose scrunched up a little and Chris knew from that expression alone that he probably wasn’t going to like what she had to say.

“What?”

“When you went into this meeting, scheduled or not, did you go in as Christian Kane, station executive, or as Chris, regular Joe, who just wants to get to know this guy a little?”

Chris could tell she knew what his answer was from the pitying look she gave him, even though he hadn’t said anything.

“Christian,” she whined.

“I panicked, alright?!” he yelled at her, getting up to pace the length of the living room. “I’m not really all that great at picking up girls, and apparently I’m even worse with guys. I’ve never dated a guy, I don’t know how to.”

Alona laughed. “I would imagine it would be pretty similar to dating a girl.”

Chris scowled down at her. “Somehow, I think the equipment is a little different, darling.” Chris paused, wrinkling his nose as a thought occurred to him. “You know, it’s a little bit unnerving to have this conversation with my ex-girlfriend. I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable right now.”

Alona laughed, that high, melodious sound that made Chris fall in love with her in the first place. “Chris, let’s be honest, you are never comfortable when you’re talking about relationships. You proved that by staying with me so long in the first place.”

“I was in love with you!” Chris shouted at her, wincing. He didn’t mean to raise his voice.

But Alona just rolled her eyes. “Chris, we knew from that time you came with me to my Cousin Taylor’s wedding that we weren’t right for each other, but you still stayed with me for more than a year after that.”

“I’d like to point out that you never broke up with me either.”

She tossed her long blonde hair over one shoulder. “Chris, you should know by now that I’m not the type of person to dump someone. I just don’t have that…meanness in me.”

Chris glared at her. “Looks like I’m not the only one who needs to grow some balls.”

She smiled. “When it comes to the time when I think I’ve might have found someone, you can rest assured that I will be coming to you for advice. But only if you take my advice now.”

Chris sighed and dropped back down onto the couch. He really didn’t think he had any other option. “Alright, fine. Hit me with your best shot.”

“You are going to call this guy-”

“I don’t have his number,” Chris interrupted.

Alona huffed. “Fine, you are going to email this guy, and you’re going to set up another meeting, somewhere away from the station, that bar across town you mentioned, or somewhere neutral. You are going to talk about a sponsorship deal or something between him and the station, and then, when all the business has been sorted out, you are going to apologize for being such an ass, and then you’re going to ask him out again. On a date. And Chris, whatever you do, please make it clear that the next meeting is actually a date.”

Chris blushed as he remembered the first time he tried to ask Alona out. She’d thought he’d wanted to interview her as part of some topic Danneel had running on her show at the time.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to go on a date with me,” he mumbled to the carpet.

“But you’re going to give him the choice, right?”

“Oh, yeah, so he can turn me down and humiliate me in the middle of some fucking restaurant. Awesome idea, Alona.”

“At least you’ll know he’s interested or not!”

“He was interested,” Chris reminded her, “until he realized I was nothing but a scared little boy and the man he’s idolized for years doesn’t even exist.”

“That’s not true,” Alona said, her eyes sympathetic.

“Isn’t it?” He sighed again. “I’ve hidden behind Spirit Boy for the last ten years, Alona. Using him to be the person I could never be. And now look what’s happened. Spirit Boy cost me what could have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He was waiting for the flash of hurt of fall across Alona’s face, but when he got nothing but a tight smile, he realized that he and Alona were very definitely over, and if the last year hadn’t proved that, then this conversation certainly had.

“Chris,” she said, and her voice is slow, soft, like she thought Chris was incredibly stupid for not knowing whatever it was she was about to say. “You created Spirit Boy. He couldn’t exist without you, because he is you. And you are the only person who can’t see that.” She cringed. “Well, apart from Steve, obviously.”

Chris shook his head. “I’mma go take a shower. You can hang if you want.” Dismissing the conversation, he stood up.

Alona stood up and pulled her purse up onto her shoulder. “I have to get back. Danni’s making enchiladas to celebrate my first night. I ain’t missing that.”

Chris laughed, and it made something loosen in his chest. “Can’t wait to see if you start talkin’ like Danni.”

She winked at him as he followed her to the front door. “I like my Texan. Think I’mma keep it.”

It was one of those adorable little things that Alona could pull off so innocently, something that used to make Chris’s heart skip a beat. But as they stood in the middle of his hallway – his hallway, not theirs – Chris felt nothing but a fierce affection for the tiny blonde hurricane and he smiled.

Reaching down, he brushed his lips against hers in a chaste kiss and held the door open for her.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she said from the porch, skipping down the steps to her car, parked behind Chris’s truck as always. He took a moment to look, committing the image to his memory, because it was likely the last time he would see it for a while.

“I’m at the station all day tomorrow,” he told her honestly.

She grinned at him from behind the door of her car. “Then I’ll call the station.”

With that she got in the car and drove away.

Chris closed the front door behind him, before he turned and made his way up the stairs. Steve’s voice no longer filtered through the house, and Chris paused for a moment, wondering if he should go back and put it on repeat.

But the shower was calling to him, and he wouldn’t be able to hear the music anyway.

Without thinking, as he passed through his bedroom, heading for the attached bathroom, he snagged his Blackberry of the nightstand, where he’d dropped it when he changed into the sweats he was wearing.

The email address printed on the back of Steve’s CD’s had been seared into Chris’s brain and he typed out an email and sent it off before he could stop himself.

Without waiting for a reply, he turned the shower on, turning the temperature up to as hot as he could stand it, and stepped under the spray.

Chapter 3

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Meeting

Steve,

I’d like to schedule another meeting with you, sometime in the next week, if at all possible. Somewhere away from the station. I have a meeting with my partners tomorrow, but I’m fairly certain they’ll be more than happy to agree to some sort of deal to have you work with the station.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Christian.

/*/*

Steve sighed. The tone of the email was polite, but professional, and it was painfully obvious that whatever he could have had with Chris was gone, thanks to his outburst in Chris’s office.

Steve fucking sucked at life. This was the kind of shit he wrote songs about.

“What’s the matter with you?” Eliza asked him from the stool next to his.

“I’m an idiot,” he told her simply, taking a drink from the glass of water in front of him. After the beer Riley had given him, Steve decided it was a little early for him to be drinking anything stronger and the bartenders were giving him dirty looks for taking up space when he was only drinking water he could get at home. But Steve didn’t give a shit, it was Riley’s bar, and Riley was his best friend and if he wanted to sit at the bar and nurse a glass of water, then he was damn well going to do it.

But he really wanted a beer. Or the bottle of Jack Daniels that seemed to be mocking him from where it sat on the shelf behind the bar.

Steve was too busy wondering if he could vault the bar and grab the bottle without any of the staff seeing him, so he didn’t notice when Eliza picked up his phone and read the email that had arrived twenty minutes ago.

“This from that dude you met the other night?” she asked, her fingers flying over the keypad. “The one who works for Spirit Boy’s station?”

“Yes. What are you doing?” he tried to snatch the phone back from her but she leaned back, holding it out of his reach. He glared at her.

“I won’t send this until you tell me why you’ve gone so emo over one simple email that seems to suggest this guy wants to see you again.”

“He doesn’t want to see me again. Not in the way you think.”

Eliza narrowed her eyes at him, and Steve tried not to flinch under her gaze.

“Steven Carlson, what did you do?”

Steve slammed his head down onto the bar top. There was no way he was telling Eliza that Chris was Spirit Boy. It was bad enough that he’d betrayed Chris’ trust by telling Riley, telling Eliza, one of the biggest gossips he’d ever met, was just taking things too far.

But the look on her face told him that he would have to come up with something.

He took a deep breath. “I kind of told him he was a coward for not going after what he wanted and I didn’t know if I could be with someone like that,” he mumbled to the wood.

He heard Eliza groan, and then his phone beeped to signal his email had been sent and he sat up to gawp at her. “What did you send?”

She shrugged. “I just said you’d be happy to take another meeting and suggested that little restaurant near the radio station on Friday. What’s it called? Leveraged or something.” She frowned. “Weird name.”

Steve stared at her for several seconds, trying to decide if he loved her or hated her.

Maybe he just wanted his phone back.

Eliza’s expression softened and she turned on her stool to look at Steve head on. “I’ve known you for a long time, Steve,” she said calmly, “and I have never seen you this hung up over some guy. If you really want to make this work, you have to try and understand where he’s coming from. You have to find out his reasons for doing what he does. You’re basing your opinions on a short conversation during which you apparently did nothing but yell at each other, and that’s not going to help either one of you. So go to dinner with him, talk to him. Get to know him and stop relying on the made-up version of him you have in your head.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t like it when you use logic. It throws my whole existence out of whack.”

Eliza grinned and sipped her drink. “I don’t like being the rational one. I enjoy being the flighty, cute girl in this little clique we have. But when our generally level-headed member is acting all irrational, someone has to step up and fill his shoes until he gets himself back under control.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m the logical one?”

“Usually, yes.”

“And you’re telling me that right now, I’m not being logical?”

“No, because you’re writing this guy off when you haven’t got the whole story. That’s not logical. That’s stupid.”

Steve nodded. “Alright, and what happens if I go out with this guy and I find out that we’re just not right for each other?”

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Then at least you’ll know for sure, instead of spending the rest of your life wondering ‘what if…?’ and being all depressed and mopy.”

His cell phone buzzing and signaling a new email prevented Steve from trying to come up with an argument for that, and he snatched it out of Eliza’s hands before she had a chance to read it.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Meeting

Sounds good. I called ahead and booked us a table for 7:30pm. Look forward to seeing you then.

Chris

Steve let out a deep breath. The email was still cool and professional, but maybe, just maybe – if Steve didn’t screw it up again – he could talk Chris into something a little less work-related.

/*/*

Chris wasn’t going to admit out loud that he was nervous, but the fact that he was sitting in the restaurant at 7:00pm, a full thirty minutes before Steve was due to arrive, spoke volumes.

If it hadn’t been for Danneel and Alona – who had camped out in the middle of his living room so that they could mock him for his nervousness – he would have been even earlier, and his desperation would have been pouring off him in waves.

As it was, Beth was already giving him funny looks from behind the hostess counter and he knew that, sooner or later, her curiosity was going to get the better of her and she was going to ask what his problem was.

Chris never could avoid answering Beth’s questions.

Beth – or Lady B, to the listeners of her show – owned the restaurant he was currently sitting in. It was her day job, while she did her show late at night. Chris never could figure out how she managed to find the energy for both, but he wasn’t going to question it. Lady B’s show was one of the most popular on the station, apart from Blaze and Spirit Boy, and Chris wasn’t going to give her any reason to quit.

He contemplated getting up to sit on the other side of the table, so that she was behind him, but that would mean he couldn’t see the door and he wouldn’t know when Steve arrived.

His pathetic-ness knew no bounds.

“Can I get you a drink, boss?”

Startled, Chris looked up to see Aldis standing at the end of the booth, a smirk on his face.

Aldis was another of Chris’s radio hosts, better known as simply Hodge; he worked both jobs while he tried to put himself through grad school. He was a nice kid who reminded Chris a lot of Jared when Jensen’s partner had been that age, and he put all that excess energy to good use with his show. Chris would be sad to lose him when real life called.

“Um, no. Thanks, Aldis, but I think I’ll wait until my…the person I’m meeting gets here.”

Chris really had to stop referring to it as a date. It was a business meeting. The date was supposed to come later.

“Alright, if you’re sure?” Aldis asked.

Chris nodded. “I’m sure.”

Aldis shrugged and walked away to the next table, leaving Chris alone again with his thoughts, and how completely crap it would be if it turned out Steve wasn’t interested anymore. Not just in playing for the station, but in everything that concerned Chris.

Chris wasn’t sure he could handle that sort of rejection, not now that Alona had moved out and he was alone for the first time in over four years.

He was kind of pathetic.

Chris took his phone out of his pocket, trying to find something to distract himself with while he waited for his guest to arrive, but he’d barely opened the new email from his night-time producer, Jeri, when a shadow feel over the table.

“I told you, Hodge, I don’t want anything to drink.”

“Hodge works here? Like, the sports guy?”

Startled, Chris looked up into Steve’s blue eyes. “I …uh…what?”

“You said Hodge.”

Chris blinked. “Oh, Hodge, yeah. He’s over there.” He pointed to where Aldis was taking an order at another table, then at the hostess podium. “And you just spoke to Lady B.”

“Damn,” Steve said, taking a seat, “you guys are just everywhere.”

Chris chuckled. “We get around, yeah.” He turned off his phone and slipped it back into his pocket, hoping Jeri’s email wasn’t anything important.

“So,” Steve said finally, once Aldis had returned with the beers they’d ordered, “what exactly did you want to talk about, Chris?”

“I spoke with my fellow station owners during the week,” Chris started, his voice low and easy. “While I maybe the boss, I couldn’t run that station without them, and some of the decisions have to go through them.”

“Including the decisions about whose music you play on your show?”

Chris blushed. His meeting with Danneel and Jensen wasn’t so much a business meeting as it was his best friends telling him to pull his head out of his ass and stop acting like Steve was going to say no to getting his music out there for more people to hear.

It also included Jensen trying to give him tips on how to date a guy after spending most of his life on the straight trail, but the less said about those ten minutes the better.

Steve cleared his throat. “Look, Chris, no matter what does or doesn’t happen between us, I’m not going to turn down the opportunity to have my music played on the biggest radio show in the county. And if that bothers you, if you think I’m only here for what I can get out of you, then maybe it’s better that I leave now.”

Chris looked up sharply. “I never said that. When did I ever imply that that’s what I thought you were doing here?”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugged. “I don’t want to call you naïve, but there are a lot of people who, if they were in your position, would be thinking that I only agreed to this meeting because of what you can do for me and my career.”

Chris frowned, contemplating Steve for a few silent seconds and he saw on Steve's face the moment he realized what he’d said.

“I thought that was exactly what this meeting was about.” Hope fluttered in Chris’s belly, but he didn’t want to say anything that might scare Steve away. If Steve wanted to start over, or pretend that what happened at the station never happened, then Chris wasn’t going to argue with him, but he wasn’t going to press the issue either.

Before Steve had a chance to answer, Aldis appeared at their table again, asking if they were ready to order. Chris had eaten at Leveraged more times than he could count, so he didn’t even have to look at the menu to know what he wanted.

“Rib eye steak with sweet potato fries.”

Aldis nodded as he wrote the order down. “Medium-rare,” he added, before Chris had a chance to.

“Um,” Steve paused as he looked over the menu. “I’ll have the spaghetti Bolognese.”

“Alright, thanks.” Aldis smiled at them and bustled towards the kitchen.

Steve laughed.

“What?”

“Just…the sounds of your voices, man. If you hadn’t told me that was Hodge, I never would have guessed.”

“That’s kinda the whole point, Steve.”

“You ever gonna tell me the reasons behind all the anonymity?”

Chris narrowed his eyes. “You ever gonna tell me why you agreed to meet with me?”

Steve averted his gaze, staring down at the bright white table cloth. “My friend sorta told me I might have been a bit of a dick the last time we met.”

Chris snorted, he couldn’t help it. “A bit of a dick?”

“Alright, I was a dick. I never should have gone off on you like that,” Steve said honestly, “and I thought, if I met with you tonight, you might agree to meeting me again at some point. When it wasn’t about work.”

Chris swallowed hard. “You mean like, a date?”

Steve nodded, finally meeting Chris’s eyes. “Yeah, a date.”

“I’ve never…” Chris trailed off, not really sure how he should phrase that.

Steve just smiled. “I know.”

“And you’re just okay with that?”

“Maybe I think you could be worth it.”

“I don’t want to mess you around.”

“So don’t. Just be honest with me, whatever it is, and we’ll be fine.”

Chris blushed and looked away. “You might already know this, but I’m not exactly the most confident person in the world.”

“No!” Steve gasped, feigning surprise.

Chris just smiled. “That’s really where the whole call signs and synthesized voices came from. Public humiliation really stays with you. Trust me.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

Chris frowned. He owed it to Steve to be honest. If he wanted things between them to be more than just a business relationship – and God, he wanted that – then he had to tell Steve everything.

“When we were in high school, we thought it would be an awesome idea to start a band.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” Steve interrupted.

“Me, Jensen, Danneel and another old friend of ours, Wil.”

“You, The Jackle and Blaze.” Steve winked at Chris’s laugh. “I have to get used to knowing who’s who.”

“Yeah, that’s who it was. Wil can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but he was pretty good on the drums. Danni is a pretty good singer, she’s my back-up on most of my songs, and she plays bass, so she was cool. And Jensen can hold his own with a guitar and backing vocals. With me as the front man, I thought we were set.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped?”

“Our first gig was a disaster. I got the flu, or something, the day before, but there was no way I was backing out, so I went out there and sang the best I could.” Chris could feel the rush of embarrassment closing over him. It was more than ten years ago and the rush of humiliation, the jibes from the crowd, still made him feel like that stupid little kid he was back then.

“The kids at school thought it was hilarious. None of them would believe me that I was sick, they just thought I was some delusional freak who thought he could sing when it was obvious I couldn’t. And it just got worse through the end of high school.”

“And you didn’t try to prove them wrong? Do another gig?”

“We tried,” Chris said. “About two months later, I couldn’t take the jokes and the snide remarks anymore, so we decided to do another gig. No one showed up.”

Steve gawped. “No one?”

Chris shrugged. “I think there was some sort of boycott or something. The kids not wanting to pander to my delusions.”

“Jesus, Chris, that must have been awful.”

Chris laughed. “Awful enough for it to still be affecting me ten years later.” He cleared his throat. “When we decided to start up the radio station, which, since we were in our freshman year of college at the time, was broadcast from my dorm room over the internet, I decided I didn’t want anyone knowing who I was. I’d written ‘Spirit Boy’ a few months before, and it just felt like a good fit. The others picked their own call signs and it just went from there. It kinda became our shtick, and gave me something to hide behind.”

Steve’s smile was sad. “You’re not hiding, Chris.”

“Aren’t I? Isn’t that what you told me? I am hiding, from a bunch of kids I haven’t seen for ten years, and it’s starting to impact on my music.”

“How so?”

“My manager, Tim, he wants me to go on tour. But I can’t even sing in front of people I’ve known my whole life. How am I going to sing to hundreds of strangers?”

“I find it easier to sing in front of strangers,” Steve explained. “People I don’t know and I’ll never see again. What does it matter what they think of me? I don’t know them, I’ll never have to hear what they have to say, why should it bother me? I think that’s what you’re stuck on. The people who humiliated you, you knew them, they were supposed to be your friends, they were your peers, and they made you feel like shit. That’s what you’re dwelling on.”

“But I don’t know how to get past that.”

“People love your music, Chris, you know they do.”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, but singing in a recording studio in front of just my producer is a little different to touring the country and singing in front of thousands of fans.” He shuddered. “I can’t even take Danni with me. I’ll be on my own.”

“You’ll have a band, though. Right?” Steve asked.

Chris frowned. “Well, yeah, but they’re a band, provided by the record company. It’s not the same thing.”

“Maybe not.”

There was something in Steve’s eyes that Chris didn’t know how to explain, something secretive hidden behind that blue gaze and it made Chris curious.

Their food arrived before Chris could question anything and they descended into comfortable silence as they ate and Chris realized that, despite what he’d wanted the night to hold, they had talked very little about Steve’s involvement with the radio station.

But Chris couldn’t find it in himself to care.

/*/*

“So?”

Chris looked up from his desk to see Danneel standing just inside the door of his office, practically bouncing on her ridiculously high heels.

“So what?” he asked, turning back to his notes. He was trying to find some time in his schedule to fit in Steve’s first interview. He could pretty much turn any of his shows into Steve’s show, but he wanted to find a time when he was sure he had the biggest audience. Steve’s music deserved to reach as many people as possible.

Chris had already played two of Steve’s songs during his morning show, the only morning show he had, and the emails and texts the station had received, asking for more information on the local artist, had made Chris smile like an idiot.

Which was why it was so important that he found the right time to introduce Steve to the station’s listeners.

After a minute, when he realized that Danneel hadn’t said anything, Chris looked up to see the huge grin on her face.

“Dan, seriously, what?”

“Jensen said you had a date last night.”

Chris rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the smile from creeping across his face. “And?”

Danneel dropped gracefully into the chair on the other side of his desk. “And, how did it go?”

“It wasn’t a date,” he told her honestly. And it wasn’t, not really. It was a business meeting, even though not much business had been done by the time they left Leveraged a little after midnight.

The kiss next to Chris’s car hadn’t exactly been business-like either, and Chris could still feel Steve’s lips on his.

“Bullshit. You practically skipped in here this morning, honey,” she said knowingly. Her eyes sparkled. “You get laid?”

“Jesus, Danneel!” Chris squawked. “No, I did not get laid. If it was a date, it was the first date, and you know I’m not that kinda guy.”

Danneel had known him almost his whole life, ever since she’d moved in next door with her parents when she was eight. She should know he didn’t just jump into bed with someone.

Even someone as amazing as Steve.

“Are you gonna see him again?”

Chris sighed. He never could figure out how to lie to Danneel. He didn’t know how Jensen managed it.

“He’s picking me up here at six. He’s making dinner.”

Danneel squealed and clapped her hands.

“You look like a demented sea lion,” he threw at her.

“Is he taking you to his place?”

“Well, I don’t think he’s gonna make dinner in the parking lot.”

Danneel reached across the desk and managed to smack him upside the head. “Don’t be a smart ass, Christian. You know I’m just excited for you.”

Chris gave her a sheepish smile. “I know. I’m excited, too. I just don’t wanna get too carried away, you know? It’s still new, and I just don’t wanna screw it up.”

Danneel cocked her head to one side. “You really like him, don’t you? Like, I mean, more than you have anyone else you’ve dated.”

Chris thought about their dinner the night before, how easy everything had been, how easy it felt to tell Steve everything about his life and how he ended up as a faceless radio sensation.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, I think I really do.”

Danneel’s smile softened. “I’m happy for you. You deserve to have someone like that in your life. I thought it was gonna be Alona, but I guess I was wrong.”

Alona’s sweet face floated into his mind. He had thought she was The One, too, once upon a time, but what he felt for Alona in the beginning was nothing compared to what he was feeling for Steve now. The intensity of his feelings for Steve scared him a little.

It wasn’t like him to fall so hard so fast, and it worried him what would happen if it all went to hell.

Not only would he lose Steve, as a friend and possibly something more, but he could also lose Steve’s music, and that was something he wasn’t going to let happen.

Whatever happened between them, romantically or not, Chris was going to get Steve’s music into the public domain.

But he wasn’t going to worry about that now. Instead he cleared his throat and looked back down at the papers on his desk, trying to avoid Danneel asking too many questions that he didn’t have the answers to just yet. “Don’t you have a show to get ready for?” he asked her, hoping to play on the distraction.

Danneel sat up a little straighter in her chair. “Oh, yeah, I have this whole topic that I’m dedicating the show to.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“Homophobia.”

Chris blinked and looked up at her. “You’re completely serious, aren’t you?”

“Come on!” she laughed. “Three of my best friends now play for the other team. It is my duty as said best friend to talk about the issues they may face in the world and how we can learn to be accepting of all people. The LGBT community should not be feared, Christian.”

“You scare me. Get the hell out of my office.”

/*/*

Steve fell back against the bed and stared at the ceiling. His breath was coming in harsh pants, but he couldn’t seem to make his heart stop racing.

“Holy shit,” he said, his voice rough from all the screaming. “I thought you said you were new to this whole gay sex thing?”

Next to him, Chris lay back down after getting rid of the condom and Steve could hear the shit eating grin in his voice. “What can I say, man? I’m a quick learner.”

Steve chuckled. “Oh, I am so gonna pay you back for this one of these days.” But not anytime soon, because if this thing between him and Chris kept going, there was no way he was giving up having Chris fuck him. Not if it was going to be like that every time.

Chris rolled onto his side. “You liked that?”

There was a nervous tone to his voice and Steve understood where it was coming from.

Chris might be experienced with girls, but he was a complete virgin when it came to guys.

Steve reached out and palmed his cheek, pulling him down into a kiss.

“That was amazing,” he mumbled against Chris’s lips. “I just wasn’t expecting it. What happened to the third date rule?”

Chris shrugged. “You always stick to the third date rule?”

“When I think the guy is worth it.” A hesitant look flashed across Chris’s face and Steve kissed him again. “You are most definitely worth it. Which is why I was planning on waiting.”

“Sorry. I was on my own in the office for most of the day, and my mind sort of…wandered.”

Steve grinned. Well, that certainly explained why Chris had crowded him up against the wall as soon as they got inside Steve’s apartment. The dinner he’d been all set to cook was completely forgotten after that.

“Hmm,” he smiled, thumbing running across Chris’s bottom lip. “If that’s what comes from you sitting in your office all day thinking about me, then I highly recommend continuing with this practice.”

“Duly noted,” Chris laughed and reached down to kiss him again.

“So, listen,” Chris said, pulling back to settle against the pillows. “I wanted to talk to you about coming into the station. I don’t know if you’d want to do an interview or something, but I want our listeners to know who they’re listening to, instead of just playing your songs every day.”

Steve frowned. “I don’t know how comfortable I’d be just sitting there answering your questions. I ain’t all that interesting.” He chuckled.

Chris nodded in agreement. “I don’t mean you’re not interesting, ‘cause I happen to think you’re all kinds of interesting, ‘specially when you do that thing with your tongue.” He blushed and Steve really shouldn’t find it as cute as he did.

He was really gone for this guy after only two dates.

“But,” Chris continued, “after thinking things over, I realized that you might not want to do the interview thing. So, how about a benefit concert? The proceeds from ticket sales would go to a charity of your choice and you’d headline the concert, obviously, but you said something about your friends being musicians? You could have them as your support. If that would be something you would be interested in.”

Steve gawped at him. “Are you serious?”

Chris nodded. “It’d be good promotion for the station and it would get your music out there, plus, your friends would get some exposure as well. It’s a good deal.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s a good deal. It’s a fucking fantastic deal. Are you sure about this?”

Chris narrowed his eyes. “Would I be telling you about it if I wasn’t sure? Like I said, it’ll be good for the station and it’ll be good for you guys. Can you talk to your friends? You think they’d be interested?”

Steve blinked and thought about Jason’s reaction when Steve told his fellow singer about Chris’s offer. It would probably involve some jumping around.

“Hell yeah, they’d be interested. Jason and Riley will definitely be interested.”

“Alright, well, soon as I get to work on Monday, Genevieve and I can start planning this. We’ll need a venue, advertising. All that shit.”

“Chris, this is amazing. I don’t know how to thank you.”

Chris’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

Steve laughed and rolled them both until he was lying on top of Chris. “Hmm, what did you have in mind?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. Why don’t you surprise me?” Chris craned his neck to lift his head off the pillows until he could reach Steve’s mouth and kissed him almost desperately, as if they hadn’t just had sex ten minutes ago.

Steve smiled against Chris’s lips before he trailed kisses and bites and licks down Chris’s chin to his throat, his new lover arching up into the touch and he moved lower to his chest.

Yeah, he had more than a few ideas.

/*/*

Steve was sitting at the end of the bar when Jason, Justin and Eliza came into Riley’s on Friday night.

“Hey, handsome,” Eliza said, taking the seat next to him and reaching across to kiss his cheek. “I thought you’d be out with your boy tonight, seeing as it’s Friday.”

Steve shrugged. “He’s working.”

Dave’s wife had gone into labor, so Chris was covering his show. Not that he could tell anyone that, but it was nice that he knew.

It amazed Steve how dedicated Chris was to the station, like he took it as a personal insult if one of his shows didn’t reach the audience’s expectations.

From what Steve could hear, listening to the show on one headphone stuck in his ear, Chris was doing a damn good job covering a show that was so different to his own.

On his other side, Jason snorted. “Working? On a Friday night? Sounds to me like he’s stood you up. Are you sure he’s working and he’s not just saying that?”

Across the bar, Riley met his eye and gave him a smirk. On the radio, Chris introduced another one of Steve’s songs.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s working. Besides, I’m going over there later, I only came over here to talk to you idiots, but if you’re gonna dis my relationship, maybe you don’t deserve to hear what I have to tell you.”

It felt weird to be calling it a relationship after only a few short weeks, but it seemed to fit. He had spent as much time as possible with Chris, having dinner most nights, meeting for coffee to discuss the concert.

And it all just felt so easy, like it was meant to be or something.

Jason stood up a little straighter. “Tell us what? Tell us what?”

Steve had worked with Chris and Genevieve over the last few weeks, hashing out details for the benefit concert. Chris had wanted to have as much sorted out as possible before Steve raised the subject with Jason and Riley, and Steve had to admit that he could see the logic in that, which surprised him.

Steve drummed his fingers on the bar top in time to ‘Wasted Jaime’ playing in his ear, getting lost in the rhythm for a second before Eliza smacked him.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, blushing when he realized the other three where staring at him.

“So, come on, what’s the big announcement?” Justin asked.

Steve took a deep breath. “Well, you know the guy I’m dating works for KCJD, right?”

Never had a bigger understatement been uttered in Riley’s bar.

“Yeah,” Jason said slowly, drawing the word out.

Steve smiled. “Well, the station’s decided to showcase me in a benefit concert next month, and he’s looking for supporting acts. You guys wouldn’t know anyone who’d be interested, would you?”

Eliza squealed.

“Are you serious?” Riley asked.

Steve nodded. “Completely.”

Justin blinked. “And he’s cool with you just bringing your friends along to this thing?”

“Actually, it was his idea. He asked me to ask Jason and Riley to be my opening acts.”

“Not me?” Justin pouted.

Eliza snorted delicately. “Sweetie, you can’t even remember the words to ‘Happy Birthday’. How are you gonna get up on a stage and sing to thousands of screaming people?”

Justin huffed. “Still would have been nice to be asked.

“You and me can be the roadies,” she promised.

Ignoring them both, Steve looked from Riley to Jason and back again. “So? What do you say?”

“Hell yeah!” Jason cried, jumping up and down on the spot.

“God, this is so exciting!” Eliza exclaimed, joining in. “Think you can swing backstage passes for me and Justin?”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t see it being a problem. Most of Chris’s friends will be there anyway.”

Although, now that he thought about it, most of Chris’s friends were his presenters, so of course they’d be there.

Eliza brightened up and pushed away so that she could look up into his eyes. “Will Spirit Boy be there?”

“Of course he will, it’s his station, but you aren’t gonna know who he is.” Steve could feel himself turning red with jealousy as Eliza’s eyes glazed over with thoughts of smoking out Spirit Boy.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Stevie Boy, I’ll sniff him out.”

Steve exchanged a concerned look with Riley but the bar tender just shrugged.

“Listen,” Steve said, getting back to the point, “you guys have to come up with a set list and shit, and then Chris wants you to come down for a meeting. They have to get advertising sorted, so they’ll need all your info for that. Maybe some promotional photos.”

Riley made a face and moved off to serve someone at the other end of the bar and Steve laughed.

“So, who all’s gonna be at this benefit concert?” Eliza asked, leaning over the bar to grab the bottle of Jack Daniels and glasses Riley always had stashed there for them.

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know, actually. Few celebrities I guess, important people from the city. They’re going to be selling tickets via the station’s website come Monday and Chris said they’ll be running some contests for backstage passes and free CD’s and shit.”

“CD’s?” Jason repeated.

“Oh, yeah, they’re going to be selling our stuff at booths, so you’ll need to get some merchandise shipped over to the station, so that they can catalogue what they have and how much the mark-up’s gonna be,” Steve reminded. “The gig’s for charity, but you guys will still be able to make a few bucks.”

Eliza frowned. “You’re not making anything from this?”

“I told Chris I’d donate my proceeds. Seriously, all I care about is the exposure. The shit I could line up from this could stretch on for months, maybe longer. I’ll make more than my money back.”

“You know, this is all pretty awesome,” Riley said, coming back down to their end of the bar, “but what is Chris getting out of all of this? He can’t just be doing it out of the goodness of his heart. You are not that good in bed, Carlson.”

Steve blushed. “The station could get a lot of new sponsorship deals out of this, Ri. I’m not gonna fault the guy for earning a little bit of money for his station if he’s agreeing to promote me as the headline act.”

Riley snorted. “Just making sure that he’s really as invested in this relationship as you seem to be. Couple weeks, Steve, and you’re already in way over your head.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Steve said, his voice rising. “My relationship with Chris has nothing to do with this gig. That’s not what it about.”

Riley nodded and turned away. “Alright, as long as you’re sure. I’m just looking out for you.”

Steve frowned as he watched Riley deal with another customer, wondering why he’d even thought to bring something like that up.

“Don’t worry about it,” Eliza soothed, giving his arm a squeeze. “He doesn’t mean anything by it.” She took a sip of her drink and turned her attention to Jason. “So, what are you gonna sing? You’re gonna sing ‘Hallelujah’, right? You have to sing that.”

Steve tuned them out as Riley’s words swirled around in his head. In his ear, Chris was finishing up his show, playing himself out with what he said was Dave’s – or rather, Angel’s – favorite Spirit Boy song, ‘Track 29’.

Steve knew he should leave. He was supposed to pick Chris up at the station as soon as his show was over.

But he couldn’t make his legs work.

/*/*

The planning for the concert was going well, as far as Chris could see, but he’d mostly left that stuff to Sophia and the rest of the PR team. And Genevieve, who was determined to have a bigger part in it than just sitting back and answering the phones.

She really was wasted behind the reception desk, Chris realized as he looked over the notes she had left for him on his desk. He had no idea what he was going to do with the bubbly brunette, but he was going to have to figure out something if he didn’t want to lose her, and it was looking like giving his receptionist her own show was going to be his only option.

The benefit concert was less than two weeks away, and Chris was getting excited.

Sophia told him in the meetings he had with her every few days that they were on schedule, everything was sorted and all ready for them to just show up on the night.

Chris had met Steve’s friends, the musicians he’d chosen as his opening acts, and listened to some of their stuff, and he had to admit, they were good. He was definitely going to add them to Spirit Boy’s playlists.

The only person he hadn’t seen much of was Steve.

Sure, they hung out, had dinner, drinks. Chris had spent the night at Steve’s on more than one occasion, but it wasn’t nearly as much as it had been during the first few weeks they’d been together, when they’d spent every spare minute together, before Chris got lost in the planning of the concert and hosting Angel’s show while he took paternity leave.

Steve had locked himself in his recording studio, writing new songs he wanted to debut at the gig. He wouldn’t let Chris hear any of the new stuff, and instead told him it was a surprise and he would just have to wait until the night itself, just like everyone else.

Chris tried to believe that that was the real reason, and there wasn’t anything wrong with their relationship.

He didn’t know what he would do if Steve decided they weren’t working.

There was a knock on the door of his office and Chris called for whoever it was to come in, not looking away from his computer.

“Hey,” Genevieve said, poking her head around the door.

Chris glanced up at her. “Hey,” he greeted, his eyes back on the screen, but not before he noticed the tight smile on her face. “What’s up?”

“Um, Steve Carlson called?” she said it like it was a question. “He said he had to cancel for tonight?”

Chris’s fingers paused on the keyboard for a second. “Did he say why?”

“Something about being stuck in the studio all night.”

Chris looked up at her. “And you had to walk all the way down here to tell me that? You couldn’t have called?”

She shrugged. “I wanted to see your reaction to see if what I thought was actually the truth.”

Chris cut his eyes back to the screen. “And?”

“And you’re dating him,” she said confidently.

“So?”

Genevieve closed the door behind her and crossed the room and sat down in the chair in front of his desk. She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “So, last time I checked, he was a guy. Jensen and Jared are the gay guys at this station.”

“Yeah, well, now we’ve got one more.” Chris refused to blush. He refused to feel embarrassed over his relationship with Steve.

Genevieve was quiet and Chris risked a look at her. She was staring at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Wow, you’re actually serious,” she said, her voice small. “Like, you’re really dating him? He’s you’re dating him and everything that entails?”

“I am not telling you anything about my sex life, if that’s what you’re fishing for,” Chris all but growled at her.

Genevieve looked shocked. “You have a sex life with another guy. I don’t know what to do with that information.”

Chris couldn’t help but smile. His sex life was fucking awesome. The best he’d ever had.

“So, if you’re so ridiculously into this guy, why is he calling to cancel on you?” she asked, bursting him out of his daydream. “I’m assuming you had a date tonight?”

“Dinner at my place,” he said with a nod.

“And he bailed.”

“He did not bail. He’s just busy getting his songs ready for the concert. It’s in less than two weeks, you know.”

“I know,” she insisted. “Just seems to me that he’d able to take the time out to have dinner with his boyfriend.”

Chris stiffened at her use of the word. They’d been together over a month, but neither of them had used the word. Neither of them had even tried to discuss their relationship, let alone put a label on it.

It worried Chris a little that he seemed to be so invested yet he had no idea where Steve stood.

Genevieve sighed, like she could see that he was freaking out. “You should talk to him.”

“He’s working.”

“He can take five minutes to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” Chris said with a nod. “Yeah.”

Chapter 4

“Thought you said you were recording?”

Steve looked up sharply from the notebook he’d been staring at for the better part of an hour when the deep voice came from the doorway.

Chris was leaning against the jamb, his arms folded across his chest, looking better than he had any right to look when Steve was feeling like so much crap.

“Actually, I think what I said was I’d be busy at the studio.”

Chris snorted. “Yeah, you look real busy sitting here staring into space.”

Steve looked down at the song he’d been writing, half-finished since his muse had picked up and left the minute he’d called the station to cancel on Chris by leaving a message with his receptionist.

Sometimes his life just sucked out loud.

Chris pushed away from the door to cross the room and lean on the desk beside him and Steve flipped his notebook closed quickly.

“New song?”

Steve nod. “Yeah, it’s supposed to be my closing number, but, uh, my inspiration seems to have dried up.”

They were quiet for a second, Steve staring at the cover of his notebook and trying to ignore the weight of Chris’s gaze as the other man watched him.

“Why’d you cancel on me?” Chris asked finally, after what felt like too long a silence.

Steve laughed, but there was no humor to the sound, instead it sounded harsh and brittle in the hushed quiet of the recording studio.

“Honestly? I don’t even know.”

That wasn’t exactly true. He did know. He just knew his reasoning was completely ridiculous.

“Awesome, so you cancelled for no good reason, well, that’s just great, Steve. Way to make a man feel wanted.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said honestly. “I’ve just…been thinking.”

In fact, he’d done nothing but think since the night in the bar with Riley. He knew he was probably being stupid, but Riley’s words just wouldn’t go away, sitting in the back of his mind, haunting him.

Chris suddenly stood away from the desk. “You’ve been thinking, great. So I suppose this is the part where you tell me that it’s been fun, but, really, you think we’d be better off as friends?”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The silence that greeted the revelation was nothing short of deafening, but neither of them moved to say anything.

Steve risked a look at Chris out of the corner of his eye, took in his shocked expression, and couldn’t help a smile.

“Um, okay…wow,” Chris said finally, his voice a little strained. “You’re falling in love with me and that equates to you cancelling a date how?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting out of this.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Chris’s frown resonated in his voice.

“It’s just something Riley said.”

“Riley? What the hell does Riley have to do with our relationship?”

Steve sighed. “He thought you were only in it for the money.”

“What money? I’m not making any money here, Steve. In fact, as far as I can see, you’re the only one making any sort of profit out of this arrangement, so maybe it should be me asking you that question.”

Steve winced at the accusing tone in Chris’s voice, but he knew the other man was right. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean, because we’re going around in circles here, man.”

“Are you gonna take off when you realize that your little experimental trip to gay town was fun, but not really the place for you?”

And that right there was the whole problem. It was everything Steve had been ignoring and pushing aside since he started this thing with Chris more than a month ago.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Chris to realize that Steve wasn’t what he wanted.

“Wow,” Chris said with a bob of his head. “You really are a son of a bitch, you know that?”

With that, he pushed away from the table and walked towards the door.

“Chris, wait,” Steve called. “That’s not what I…” he trailed off, because, whether he liked it or not, that was what he meant.

“Don’t try to bullshit me, Steve. That’s exactly what you meant.”

“At least give me a chance to explain.”

Chris spun around to face him, and Steve sucked in a breath when he saw the hurt look on his face. He was expecting anger, hatred maybe, not utter devastation.

“Chris,” he said in a pleading whisper.

“Go on, explain,” Chris prompted. “Explain to me how you think I’m gonna dump your ass the second I decide I don’t wanna be queer anymore.”

“It’s not like that,” Steve stared, but Chris cut him off.

“You think this was easy for me, Steve? You think it was easy to just ignore everything I ever thought I knew about myself? Six months ago, I was a straight as they came. I had no problem with gay people, hell, my best friend is practically married to his presenting partner, and so that wasn’t an issue. It just wasn’t something I ever thought I would have to deal with. But then I met you. And I fell in love with you, and I changed everything I thought I knew about myself to be withyou. Being with you is the happiest I’ve felt in a damn long time, Steve, maybe the happiest I’ve ever felt, so don’t sit in your chair and give me this crap about you being afraid I’m gonna go running scared the minute things get serious, because I hate to tell you this, darlin’, but they got serious the second you handed me a bottle of beer at Riley’s.”

“Easy for you?” Steve repeated. “Oh, yeah, I’m sure it’s real easy for you, hiding behind Spirit Boy all the time.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Chris asked, anger flashing in his blue eyes. “I’m not hiding you. All my friends know I’m dating you. Fuck, Steve, even my parents know I’m dating you.”

Steve lunged to his feet. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“Then explain it to me, ‘cause I have no idea.”

“You’re Spirit Boy!” Steve yelled, his rage growing, though he had no idea why. It wasn’t his plan to have a full blown argument. “You are Spirit Boy,” he repeated, slower. “Everyone knows who Spirit Boy is, but I’m the one who gets to be with him, and I can’t even tell anyone! I have to sit, every day, and listen to Eliza go on and on about how amazing you are, how hot your voice sounds when you’re singing, listening while she plans to track you down at the concert so that she can work on getting into your pants. You think that is easy for me?”

Steve watched as all the fight left Chris and he almost deflated before Steve’s eyes.

“I didn’t know you were struggling with that,” he said in a small voice and Steve felt like the worst guy in the world.

Chris backed away towards the door, and suddenly, Steve couldn’t handle the thought of him leaving.

“No, Chris, wait,” he called, but Chris just shook his head.

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you need me to be.”

“I don’t need you to be anything,” Steve insisted. “Please, let’s just talk about this.”

“I’ll, um, I’ll you around, Steve.”

“Chris.”

And just like that, Chris was gone, and Steve had never felt more alone.

/*/*

I think I just broke up with Steve.

The text had been sent for less than fifteen minutes before Chris opened his front door to see Jensen and Danneel standing on the porch, arms laden with beer, chips and ice cream.

“What are you doing here?” he groaned even as he stepped back to let them both in.

“Jay’s working all night,” Jensen said as he closed the door behind him, “so I thought I’d come over and help you drown your sorrows.” He elbowed Danneel. “She was just hanging around so I thought I’d bring her along.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring Alona. She’s been uncomfortably interested in my love life since I started dating Steve.”

Danneel shrugged. “I don’t know where she is. Haven’t seen her since…sometime last week.”

Chris stared at her. “You don’t know where your roommate is?”

“What? Like I’m her keeper?”

Chris just shook his head and dropped back down onto the couch, where he’d been since he’d come home from his confrontation with Steve. If it could even be called a confrontation. He wasn’t even really sure how the whole thing had developed into the madness that it did.

Jensen opened the six-pack he brought and popped the cap on one of the bottles, handing it to Chris. “You wanna tell us what happened?”

Chris chuckled. “I don’t even know, Jen. He bailed on our date tonight, so I went to his studio to see if he was alright, and then we started yelling about shit his friends said, and the next thing I knew, I was leaving.”

“Are you sure you broke up?” Danneel asked soothingly. She was sitting on the floor next to the couch, one hand nursing a beer, the other petting his knee reassuringly.

Chris nodded at her sadly. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“Why?”

“It was my fault. He can’t deal with the fact that he’s dating Spirit Boy, but he can’t tell anyone,” Chris explained.

“What?” Jensen barked. “So he just wants the fame of being Spirit Boy’s boyfriend? Screw that, Chris, you don’t need a guy like that.”

“No.” Chris shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. I think he just wants to be proud of me, you know? Wants me to be proud of myself. And neither of us can be proud of me if I’m hiding.”

Jensen snorted. “Who said anything about hiding? Who’s hiding?”

“I am!” Chris shouted, pushing Danneel away so that he could get up to pace. “And I’m making everyone else at the station hide, too. All because of my fucking insecurities.”

“Honey, you’re not insecure,” Danneel said sweetly.

Chris scowled at her. “Dan, I spend my whole life hiding behind a character I created when I was nineteen. Sometimes I don’t think Chris exists anymore. Like, Chris is the character and Spirit Boy is who I am.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Jensen asked, his tone neutral. “To be allowed to do what you love, to sing, without having to deal with all the other shit?”

“Yeah, well, now it’s looking like that’s not such a good idea.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jensen and Danneel exchange worried glance.

Danneel was the one to ask. “What’s going on?”

“Tim, my manager, he’s been talking,” he said in a rush. “He says it’s time I got my music out of Texas and into the main stream. And to do that, he says I gotta go to Nashville. He said Spirit Boy was cute, at first, but now it’s in danger of ruining my career.”

Jensen frowned. “What does that mean?”

Chris sighed. “When was the last time a recording artist, even a local recording artist, was able to gather such a huge fan following without any publicity? Without performing, putting on gigs and concerts? Tim said that if it wasn’t for the fact that I own my own radio station – if I wasn’t able to promote my own music – then there would be no way I’d have had the success I have now. And you know what? He’s right.”

“No he’s not.” Danneel laughed, but it sounded forced.

“Look at Steve,” he said loudly. “He’s worked his ass off to get to where he is, to find the fans he has. He’s played all sorts of shitty dive bars just to get his music out there, and what have I done? Used my own station to promote my own music and hidden behind a fucking cartoon character while I did it. Fuck, I’m such a selfish bastard.”

Danneel rose to her feet and crossed the room to stand in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Now, you listen to me, Christian Kane,” she said sternly. “You are not a selfish bastard, you understand me?”

“Cowardly bastard then.” He side-stepped her and continued pacing.

“No, not that either. You made Spirit Boy into the most successful radio presenter in the State, Chris.”

“At the expense of myself.”

Danneel made an exasperated noise and pulled at her hair, storming back to the couch.

“Alright.” Jensen took a deep breath and stood up. Apparently it was his turn to try and talk some sense into Chris. “I’m gonna ask you one question, Chris. Just one.”

“Look, I don’t need you to psychoanalyse me. Just gimme some beer and let me wallow in my self-pity for a while.”

“And I want an honest answer.” Jensen continued like Chris hadn’t even spoken.

Chris grumbled under his breath about interfering friends, but he levelled Jensen with a determined look. “Fine. What?”

“What is it exactly that you want?”

“Steve.”

The word was out of his mouth before he even had a chance to think about the question and he could only blink at the self-satisfied look on Jensen’s face.

“Then you have to figure out what’s more important. Steve or your career.”

“Why does it have to be either or?” Danneel asked. “Why can’t Steve just understand that Chris has a reason for doing what he does?”

“Because this isn’t about Steve being tired of Chris hiding behind Spirit Boy,” Jensen told her gently, his eyes still on Chris. “This is about Chris being tired of hiding behind Spirit Boy.”

Danneel huge brown eyes flicked to him. “Is that true?”

Chris shrugged. “Maybe I just want to be Chris for a while.”

/*/*

It was the day of the concert, and Chris was holed up in his office, hiding again.

He had no real reason to be at the station, but being at home, in that huge house all alone, was a little much for him. And being at the venue meant he ran the risk of running into Steve, and that was the last thing he wanted.

If the station’s sponsors didn’t expect to see him at the concert, Chris was pretty sure he wouldn’t turn up at all, but it wasn’t like hanging out at home would give him any sort of peace.

Ever since the disaster he’d made of his relationship with Steve, Chris hadn’t really wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t handle being around his friends, either, because they all just wanted to know how he was and what he was going to do about Steve.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about Steve every single second of the day; it was just that all that thinking still didn’t give him an answer.

The door to his office opened and Jared walked in, dropping inelegantly into the chair in front of the desk.

He was dressed nicely, in a black button down shirt with a white t-shirt peeking out from underneath. Dark blue jeans and black boots completed the outfit, and Chris thought he looked good, even if he was just going to be hanging out in the VIP section all night, drinking free champagne.

“What are you doing here?” Chris asked. He couldn’t even pretend he was working, when he was just sitting in his chair with his feet up on the desk, so he didn’t even bother, just tipped his head back and closed his eyes.

“I have been tasked with getting you to the concert,” Jared said with mock gravity. “It’s apparently a very worthy and important mission, and apparently, I’m the only one who can do it.”

“You mean everyone else is too busy to do it,” Chris deadpanned.

“Well, yes, but it still doesn’t mean that the mission is not important.”

“You guys honestly think I’d skip tonight?” Chris knew his friends meant well, but how they thought he would even think about bailing on the concert was something he couldn’t even fathom.

“If it meant you’d be able to avoid Steve, then yes, we do think you’d bail.” Jared narrowed his eyes. “We know he’s been calling, Chris. He’s been calling the station at least three times a day and he told Genevieve yesterday that you’ve unplugged your house phone.”

“He won’t stop calling,” Chris said, and he knew he was pouting, but he couldn’t seem to help it. “At least I can screen him when he calls my cell.”

“And this is why you need to join the 21^st century and get caller ID at home.” Jared laughed and rolled his eyes. “You have got to be the most technology-phobic man I have ever met. I mean, come on, you still write your songs on random scraps of paper.”

“Hey, I have a Blackberry. And an iPod. What more do you want from me?” he all but yelled, but he blushed as he looked down at the pieces of paper cluttering his desk, all of them filled with the random song lyrics that had been running around in his head for the better part of two days.

“Caller ID!” Jared said just as loudly.

“Go to hell, Jared.”

“Oh, I will, eventually, but not for a very, very long time. I hope.”

Chris couldn’t help but laugh. It was just what Jared did, said the most inappropriate things just to get whoever he was talking to to laugh, or smile or something. It was one of the things Chris loved most about him.

That and the fact that he, of all people, had been the one to tame the wild beast that had been Jensen Ackles.

They were quiet for a while, Chris picking up his pen and going over the notes he’d made on his scraps of paper while Jared just relaxed in the chair, legs stretched out in front of him eyes closed.

“You’re not going anywhere for a while, are you?” Chris asked finally.

Jared smirked, but he didn’t open his eyes. “Nope, not unless it’s catching a ride with you to the gig. Jensen dropped me off here and took his car home. Apparently, he wants to drink tonight, so he’s making Danni pick him up.”

“Oh, she’ll just love that. Have you told her?”

Jared raised a hand and pointed his finger at the ceiling. Chris frowned, not understanding what the hell he was pointing at. Then he heard the voice, Danneel’s soft, altered voice coming through the speakers in his office. The station was played constantly within the building; so much so that Chris often forgot it was there.

Unless he was really listening for something specific, like one of Steve’s songs, which he had to admit, he’d been doing a lot lately.

Now that he was aware of her voice, he could hear that Danneel was wrapping up her show, which meant it was five o’clock and Chris really should be getting ready for the concert.

But he couldn’t make himself move from his chair.

“Alright, it’s time for me to sign off for today, now that I’ve talked everything to death,” Danneel said, the smile in her voice evident despite the synthesizer, “but before I go, I have one last song to play for you guys. And this song is dedicated to someone very important to me, but I’m sure he’ll know who I’m talking about once he hears it. This is Steve Carlson, ‘Take Time to Shine.’”

Jared chuckled. “Sounds ominous.”

Chris nodded, but he already knew who Danneel was talking about before the song started playing.

“Mama told me boy

“She said son they'll come a day

“Be time to stand up tall

“And be times you walk away

“Listen to the world around you but don’t listen for so long

“That you hide your voice and don’t find out where you belong

“I can sometime hear her say

“She said you gotta

“Take time to shine just a little

“So everybody else can see

“You're way too fly to be livin'

“Life givin' up on all your dreams.

“I think you're thinkin'

“Bout what people thinkin' bout you lately

“It’s time you finally see

“That you're the only one who is gonna do

“All the things in life that you wanna do

“You'll find out fast

“It’s a much better way to be

“Why don’t you turn around and live upside down

“You gotta

“Take time to shine just a little

“So everybody else can see

“You're way too fly to be livin'

“Life givin' up on all your dreams.

“Take a step to the right

“Put yourself in the spotlight baby

“It’s time to jump from the gate

“Cause you know if you wait too long

“You'll be singing someone else's song.”

When the song was over, Jared gave a loud snort. “Well, that wasn’t exactly subtle, was it?”

Chris stared at Jared and tried to remember how to make his brain work.

The song was written for him, there was no denying that, the lyrics, the words – everything screamed at him that Steve had written the song about him.

“What are you gonna do?” Jared asked. Chris looked across the desk at him, and saw the slightly amused, slightly concerned look on his friends face and he chewed on his lower lip for a second.

Then he picked up the scraps of paper, the song he’d been trying to write for the better part of two weeks.

Chris smiled. “I think I’m gonna sing him a song.”

/*/*

Steve, Jason and Riley showed up early evening on the day of the benefit concert, Eliza and Justin in tow, and absolutely no idea where they were supposed to be.

The venue – the local junior college’s basketball court – was smaller than Steve had been expecting, but it was still going to house a bigger crowd than Steve had ever played to before. He couldn’t help the nerves that suddenly bubbled up in his stomach.

There were people running around all over the place as the five of them entered the court, but no one Steve recognized.

He had hoped to see Chris before the concert started, or at the very least, Danneel or Jensen, but there was no sign of any of them. Danneel had played his new song that afternoon, and he wanted to know if Chris had heard it, if he knew that the song was about him.

If he’d forgiven Steve for the fight that Steve now knew was all his fault.

Steve had left Chris alone for a few days after their epic fight at his recording studio, but by the end of day two, Steve was literally going out of his mind with worry – even though Eliza told him it was actually because he missed Chris so much it was like he had a hole in his chest – so by day three he was calling.

Chris didn’t answer, though.

He left messages, on Chris’s cell, his home phone answering machine, even with Genevieve at the station.

But by the tone of her voice every time she realized it was Steve calling – again – he wasn’t sure Chris got any of those.

He didn’t hear anything back, and two weeks later, he was going out of his mind.

He handed Eliza his guitar and was just about to tell her that he was going to look for Chris, when Sophia appeared in front of him.

“There you are. Finally,” she said, her voice breathless, like she’d been running around all day.

Apart from Genevieve, Sophia had been the only person at the station Steve had any contact with in the last two weeks. Not that there had been anything pressing that he needed to be involved with, but it still stung that Chris had frozen him out so much he didn’t even know how things with the organizing was going.

Sophia looked down at a clipboard she was carrying. “Okay, I need you guys for sound checks right away. Or, well, whoever’s going first, actually.”

Justin clapped Riley on the shoulder as he stepped forward. “That’d be me. Riley Smith.”

Sophia smiled. “This way. The rest of you can go hang out in the VIP section if you want. There’s drinks and snacks and shit up there.”

“Hey, is Spirit Boy around?” Eliza asked, excitement coloring her voice and Steve had to swallow his groan.

Sophia cut her eyes to Steve before she gave Eliza a tight smile. “I’m afraid none of the presenters will be attending the concert this evening.”

Steve bristled at that. None of them? But Chris had promised he’d be there.

“What about Chris? Is he around?”

This time, Sophia’s smile was more sympathetic. “He’s in a meeting. I’m sure he’ll be along later.”

With that, she grabbed Riley by the arm and led him towards the stage.

“Can you believe that?” Eliza pouted. “The fucking idiot isn’t even going to be here. It’s his fucking station, how lame is that?”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want people like you stalking him and trying to smoke him out,” Steve spat as he marched towards the VIP area, in desperate need of a drink.

“I am not stalking him or smoking him out,” Eliza pouted as she accepted the flute of champagne from the guy behind the make-shift bar in the VIP section. “I just want to meet him, introduce myself. Ask him if I can bare his children. That’s all.”

Steve resisted the urge to throttle her, but it wasn’t easy.

“You don’t even know what he looks like,” Jason commented as he took a sip of his beer.

“I know what he sounds like, even with that stupid thing he uses to alter his voice.”

Steve choked on his beer. Eliza had met Chris on at least three separate occasions in the time he and Steve were dating. There hadn’t even been a flicker of recognition.

Maybe Steve didn’t have to worry all that much after all.

“Can I get three cases of water moved to the backstage area, please?”

The sweet voice carried easily over the din of the VIP area and Steve knew it instantly and turned to see KCJD’s receptionist leaning at the other end of the bar, where the bartender was moving to follow her request.

“Genevieve.” Steve set his beer on the bar and walked quickly to the other end.

“Oh, no.” Genevieve shook her head. “Do not even start on me, man.”

“Please, Genevieve.” At this point, Steve was not above begging. “I just want to talk to him, find out what happened that night.”

“What happened was you stood him up and then he dumped your ass,” Genevieve said. She wasn’t looking at him, like she thought it was some disservice to Chris if she made eye contact with him. Steve couldn’t fault her loyalty.

“It’s the dumping part I’m having problems with,” he told her honestly.

She was quiet for a second, but she heaved a deep sigh and turned to look at him.

“I’ve tried, Steve. I’ve tried every day for the last two weeks and he won’t budge. He’s been locking himself in his office, only coming out when he has to do his show and disappearing back into it when the show’s over. It’s like he doesn’t want to be around people, but he doesn’t want to be alone, either.”

Steve nodded in understanding. “Did he hear my song?”

Genevieve frowned. “I have no idea. I’ve been down here since this morning, setting things up.” Her eyes sparkled. “You wrote him a song? That’s probably the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

Steve blushed.

Somewhere on the stage, Riley’s sound check was apparently underway as he half-heartedly sang ‘Bang Bang’ into a microphone, saving himself for the main show, and Steve was momentarily distracted by him before he forced himself to focus his attention back on Genevieve.

“So what am I supposed to do? Just wait for him to come to his senses?”

“How do you know him coming to his senses wasn’t the reason his dumped you?”

Steve flinched at the implication, and even though he knew she’d only said it to hurt him, he could still see the cringe she couldn’t hide at his reaction.

“I’m sorry, that was…that was uncalled for. You know that’s not what this was about.” She chewed on her lower lip as she contemplated him for a second. “You do know that, right? Him breaking up with you had nothing to do with you being a guy, he never thought of it like that.”

Steve made himself nod at her, but it was an effort. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking that that was the very reason for Chris breaking up with him, even though Chris had denied it so forcefully at the time.

Genevieve put a hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze. “Honey, I would help you if I could, but he honestly isn’t here. He told us he’d be here in time for the concert, but other than that, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Steve sighed. “Alright, but can you…can you call me as soon as he shows up?”

She gave him a sad smile. “No. Because the last thing you need before you go on stage is a confrontation with him if he doesn’t want to be confronted. You just have to go out there and sing like you’re singing just for him and hope he’s listening.”

/*/*

Chris looked up as Genevieve closed the door to the private office he had managed to swing.

Well, he said office, it was really more of a janitor’s closet that had been cleaned out and had a desk and chair inserted. But Chris didn’t really care; he only wanted it so that he could have somewhere to hide out before the concert, where he could freak out in private.

The look she gave him as she perched on his desk was nothing short of scathing.

“I take it he’s arrived, then,” he muttered, turning back to the pages on his desk. He needed to look them over a few more times, just to make sure it was all perfect.

“Would I be in here scowling at you if he hadn’t?”

“I don’t know,” Chris admitted. “You’ve kinda been scowling at me a lot lately.”

“Do you blame me? What you’re doing to that guy is just cruel, Chris. Not to mention what you’re doing to us.”

Chris looked up at that. “What I’m doing to who?”

“US!” Genevieve exclaimed. “Me and Sophia and Jensen and whoever else Steve could possibly run into. You’ve got us all lying for you, Chris, and I don’t know about Sophia, but it’s fucking depressing.” She leveled her gaze at him, completely serious, like she was willing him to understand. “Do you know he’s been calling the station at least once a day for the last week?”

Chris blinked. “He has?” He didn’t know what to say to that.

Genevieve nodded. “Yeah, and I have to pretend to loath the sound of his voice because you told me that Steve was not to be put through to you under any circumstances. I thought it was because he’d been a bastard, and then I find out – from him, I might add – that you were the one to break up with him, for no good reason as far as anyone can see. And what am I supposed to do with that? You’re my boss, and I kinda love my job.”

Chris ran a hand across his face. “Look, I know you think I’m being a jerk-”

“Understatement,” she interrupted.

“But I know what I’m doing here. I think.” He cringed. “At least I hope I do. Jared said this would work.”

Genevieve rolled her eyes. “Well, at least you have a good role model. Four years ago, he was in your shoes, so at least he knows what he’s talking about.” She looked at her watch and hopped down off the desk. “Shit, the guys setting up the merchandise booths should be here any minute, and I have no idea where some of that stuff is. I gotta go.” She hurried off towards the door.

“Hey, Gen!” Chris called after her and she stuck her head around the door frame. “Thanks, for everything you did for the concert. You really stepped up. I’m proud of you.”

He watched the pretty blush color her cheeks and she ducked her head. “Well, um, thanks, but I was just doing my job.”

“Little bit more than that and you know it. You really went above and beyond what was expected of you. You were invaluable these past couple weeks.”

She beamed at him. “That mean I’ve earned myself a raise?”

Chris shook his head with a laugh. “Get out of here.”

She waved and went and Chris was left in the silence of his closet-come-office and the pile of papers he’d been agonizing over.

The lyrics on the pages made about as much sense as they did back at the station.

Which is to say, none.

If Chris was going to follow through with his plan, the lyrics needed to be finished before the concert started. At the very least before Steve took to the stage.

With a deep breath, he picked his guitar up from where it was leaning against the wall and settled it in his lap. He shuffled the pages until he found an almost completed version and gave the clock on his phone a quick glance before he started to play.

Three more hours to get it right.

/*/*

Chris watched from the wings as Steve finished his last song, the same song that Danneel had played on the radio that afternoon.

It was still as amazing as the first time he’d heard it.

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to do this,” Jensen said with a shaky laugh.

Chris spun around to face him. “What? You agreed with this plan, you said it was a good plan!”

“Actually, I think you’ll find that Jared thought it was a good plan, and I didn’t contradict him.”

“Jen!”

“You two are pathetic,” Danneel said with a roll of her eyes.

Jensen laughed. “I’m not the one getting ready to go on stage to sing a song to the guy he loves. I’ve yet to stoop that low.”

“You’ve done in private, though,” Jared said and Chris laughed loudly when Jensen blushed and shoved Jared away.

“No sex for you tonight.”

They started bickering, like the old married couple they were, and Chris tuned them out, turning his attention back to the stage, where Steve was wrapping up the show, thanking his fellow acts and the studio for giving him the opportunity, and Chris knew that his time had come.

Danneel elbowed him again. “It’s now or never.”

Chris nodded. “Are you ready?” He turned to Jensen and Danneel, both of whom had a microphone in their hands, sharing a piece of paper full of lyrics, all set to back him up.

Jared didn’t have a microphone. No one ever asked Jared to sing anything when they were sober.

The red-head smiled at him. “Are you?”

He shook his head. “Not even close.”

Chris pulled the strap of his guitar – already plugged into an amp back stage – and settled it into place just as Steve was ending his speech. He turned on the mic-pack he was wearing and started playing, strumming the first few chords nervously.

He locked eyes with his friends, Danneel, Jared and Jensen all giving him encouraging smiles.

And then he began to sing.

“Livin’ with me, it ain’t easy, well I do it every day, and sometimes even I, I wanna run away.”

The crowd grew quiet, hushed murmurs and nothing more as they tried to figure out who was singing and where the voice was coming from.

“But there you are, you’re trying to please me, and you stand your ground, that’s more than I deserve.”

Chris’s voice waivered as he watched Steve look around the stage, trying to search him out.

“I’ve taken more than I’ve been giving, and I’m taking for granted this life I’m livin’. I don’t know why Heaven above, blessed me with your sweet love. I know I never tell you what you’re worth, that’s ‘cause it’s more than I deserve.”

Jensen and Danneel joined in on the chorus, their voices harmonizing perfectly, making the song into something so much more beautiful than anything Chris originally thought.

But he wasn’t really paying much attention, his eyes glued on Steve as they were, and he took one shaking step forward as he started the second verse.

“It’s just your style to wear a smile, and oh baby you wear it well. If I had my way, I’d dress you in nothing else. So come over here and lay down a little while, ‘cause you right now, oh, you’re more than I deserve.”

The lights of the stage blinded him when he finally stepped out of the shadows, and Steve was off his stool in an instant, coming to stand in front of him, whispering his name.

Someone in the front row gasped, yelled his call sign, and rumblings of ‘Spirit Boy’ filled the hall.

Chris’s eyes ticked to the left, trying to gauge the crowd’s reactions, but Steve grabbed him, one hand on either side of his face, and forced him to look into those blue eyes.

“Ignore them,” he urged. “It’s just me.”

Chris hit the chorus again, Danneel and Jensen in perfect time, and Chris put everything he had, everything he felt, into the song, hoping, begging Steve to understand, to get it.

Steve’s hands were on his neck, thumbs caressing in soothing strokes, and the look in his eyes told Chris he understood perfectly.

The crowd was going wild, screaming his name, Spirit Boy’s name, and it all felt so surreal, like this was a dream, his fantasy come true.

And Steve was right there, sharing it with him.

“’Cause you’re more than I deserve.”

The song ended, Chris strumming out the last notes as if he could make this moment last forever.

And then he realized something.

He could have it. Everything he was feeling, standing in the middle of the stage with Steve, he could have.

All he had to do was reach out and take it.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Steve whispered, but not quietly enough and the words were picked up by Chris’ mic and broadcast to the whole crowd. Chris laughed at Steve’s blush, and the audience crowed, wolf-whistled, and chants of ‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ filled the room.

“We’ll get to that later,” Chris promised.

Steve nodded, then looked deep into his eyes, a concerned expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

Chris licked his lips. “I don’t know. Are we okay?”

“I just told you I wanted to kiss you,” Steve reminded. “I think we’re awesome.”

“Then I’m great.”

Steve cocked his head towards the audience. “What about them?”

“Looks like I came out of more than one closet tonight.”

Steve laughed and took the microphone he’d been using from the stand.

“Ladies and gentleman, allow me to present to you the one, the only, Spirit Boy!”

The crowd went wild, finally able to put a face to the voice they’d been listening to for so long, and Chris bowed and accepted the praise, finally comfortable in the spotlight.

As long as Steve was by his side.

At the left of the stage, movement caught his attention, and Chris and Steve both turned to see the other presenters of KCJD walk out onto the stage.

All of them wearing t-shirts proclaiming their call signs.

Chris snagged Genevieve around the waist, the last one to make it onto the stage, wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hellcat’.

“You planned this,” he hissed at her, one hand covering his microphone.

She beamed at him. “I’m just that damn good.”

He kissed her cheek just as the crowd started chanting, calling for another song and Chris made his way back to Steve.

“Come on, Spirit Boy,” Steve cajoled. “I’ll even back you up.”

Chris huffed a laugh and resettled his guitar, smiling out at the audience, as he finally took center stage, smiling as the words rolled off his tongue.

“So, you’re tired and you’re beat, and you worked all week, and you need a place you can let it go…”

/*/*

Eight Months Later

“Welcome back. You’re here with Hellcat, on KCJD. That was the awesomely talented Christian Kane with ‘Let's Take A Drive’. And don’t forget, for all you fans of the artist formerly known as Spirit Boy, Chris, and his gorgeous boyfriend, Steve Carlson, are currently touring the country. If you want to catch them in concert – and I really suggest that you do – then check out our website for dates and ticket sales. Trust me people; it’ll be the best seventy-five bucks you’ve ever spent.”