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The Doctor knelt on the ground in front of the door, fighting with the length of wire he was trying to use to pick the lock. They’d snuck into the hacienda through the ice house cellars, where all the doors so far had either been unlocked already or old enough that it didn’t matter, and they’d gotten through and on to the next one before Jamie could even finish complaining about how his Doctor would’ve thought to bring the sonic screwdriver he’d invented. This close to the main living quarters, however, someone had evidently decided the house deserved slightly better security, so this particular door was taking somewhat longer.
He hadn’t even been at it for a minute yet, but it felt like longer with Jamie’s eyes boring into the back of his skull. He glanced up at him briefly before returning his attention to the lock, and decided it might all go faster if they were both less distracted.
“You’ve got that look on that means you’re planning on saying something, only first you’re going to spend a good five minutes per syllable thinking it over.”
“Ah, so you do still know my ways,” Jamie said, pointing at him almost accusingly, as if it were some important piece of evidence he’d uncovered.
“So it would seem.”
“But is that because you think about me still, or just because you find it annoying?”
“Only time will tell,” he sighed shortly. “Well go on, spit it out.”
“Well, I—” Jamie stopped himself, not sure how to begin.
“Ah, yes, I suppose I didn’t really give you enough time to get further than that, did I?”
“Fine then.” He crossed his arms defiantly, but there was genuine curiosity in his voice when he asked, “Doctor, what do you think of when you see me now?”
The Doctor turned away from the lock just long enough to look Jamie up and down over his shoulder. It was an awful lot of plaid, more than Jamie had usually worn when they were traveling together. “A picnic blanket?” he suggested.
“Oh don’t be coy. Like I havenae noticed half your coat’s in the same tartan.”
“Is it? I never noticed,” he told the door with a little shrug, grateful the heat had led him to leave it behind in the Tardis. But Jamie was undeterred.
“But am I being daft or . . . I mean, I know time’s passed, and a lot of it, but do you really mean that or are you just being . . . that way you are now?”
“What way?” he asked, pausing, eyebrows knit.
“All clever, and sharp, and brassy. I don’t blame you if you are, I mean, I don’t know what’s happened to ye to make ye that way, so I cannae really judge, but—I tried to ask before but you didn’t really say anything, and Peri was there, and I didn’t know if you’d told her or if it would be alright for me to elaborate myself—”
“Oh, do get on with it, Jamie.” He wasn’t sure which was worse – not knowing what Jamie was on about, or fearing that he did know – but either way, he couldn’t take much more of it.
“Well, what am I to you now?” he asked, his face sincere. “I mean, what do you think of me as? A friend? An ex-lover?”
The Doctor snorted, getting to his feet. “I can’t seem to recall us ever breaking up, unless you mean that time with the daleks, although, judging by the look of you, that’s quite a way back for you, too. You were certainly much younger when you were prancing about Maxtible’s manor playing hero to young Victoria.”
“Well that’s good to hear – I think.” Jamie leaned back against the wall looking thoughtful for a moment, but then he shook his head, determined to keep himself on track. “But what I mean is, am I still your husband?”
“Why? You don’t like what you see?”
“Now I never said—” Jamie pushed himself forward, already defensive, but the Doctor ignored him.
“Oh, I can hardly say I blame you,” he insisted, shrugging indifferently at the floor. “The little raggedy clown I was when I ran around with you is hardly who I am today, so I suppose I’m not really very much the man you made your vows to.”
“Don’t you talk about him – about yourself – that way!” Jamie replied hotly.
“Why not? I’m hardly insulting anyone I’ve not got a right to.”
“Aye well right or not, you’re insulting me. I love that man and he’s you and I’ll no’ hear you dismissin’ him like that. Especially no’ if you plan on actin’ like you care for me at all.” He crossed his arms again and looked away petulantly, but the Doctor remained frustratingly calm.
“There’s no need to get so hostile, nobody ever said you had to approve of every person I’d become, hundreds of years after we traveled together.”
“So I’m not then?” Jamie asked again, clearly bothered but not able to let it go until he had a firm answer. “You don’t think of me that way at all? I’m no’ gonna be angry, mind, even if ye are tryin’ to rile me—”
“Of course not, you obviously don’t want to be attached to the person I am now, or why else would you be asking? And I’m hardly going to try and pressure you—”
“Now look at you makin’ things up and puttin’ words in my mouth,” Jamie rounded on him, properly upset now. “Of course I still want to be married to you, I just don’t want to be showin’ up forcin’ you to care for someone you havenae thought about in ages, and I want to know where we stand. I’ve told you before – I don’t know if you’d remember it, but I’ll say it again when I get back to ye – I don’t want you never to fall in love again, I’m alright with no’ bein’ the only love of your life. I don’t want you to be miserable without me, which is how he always looks like you’ll be any time we talk about the fact that I can only live long enough to be around for ye for a few more decades anyway – but I just wanted to ask,” Jamie finished, imploringly. During his little speech he had paced up and down the area by the door, gesturing emphatically and flinging an arm in that direction any time he mentioned his Doctor. By comparison, the Doctor had stood so still throughout that Jamie hadn’t even noticed him briefly digging in a pocket on the inside of his waistcoat.
“Jamie, catch.”
He flicked his wrist so quickly Jamie might have missed it, but a glimmer of silver arced through the air toward him, and he caught it on instinct before he’d even had a chance to think.
He opened his hand and stared down at the thing in his palm. It was a small brooch, about the size of a coin and made of pewter – hundreds of years ago, Jamie knew. It was cast in the shape of a thistle suspended in the center of a rough circle, and the sight of it brought Jamie up short even after he had identified it.
“This was Kirsty’s,” he said after a moment, still staring at it.
The Doctor nodded. “A long time ago, now,” he said softly.
“She gave it to Polly when they said goodbye on the Annabelle and Polly gave it to me when she thought I was homesick.”
“I know.” He watched Jamie’s face carefully as he picked up the brooch with his other hand, running his thumb over its surface.
He looked up at the Doctor, confused again. “So, do I give it to you then, someday?”
“Does it really matter? What’s mine is yours, after all.”
“So what are you saying?” Jamie asked, guarded. The Doctor was rather sure he’d understood but could also see how little he wanted to risk being wrong.
He sighed. “Well, I suppose I rarely admit it, but I suspect you’ve already noticed that I do often wind up taking your advice, in the end.”
“Eh?”
“Forever, James McCrimmon,” he pronounced, smiling sadly. “My dear, sweet Jamie. Yes, there have been, will be others, but even if and when there are or could be, there’s still always you. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that. I haven’t run out of room to keep any of you in my hearts yet and I don’t think I shall any time soon, either. Love of my life, indeed,” he nodded, eyebrows raised.
“You mean, you do still care for me? Like that?” Jamie looked at him like it was almost too good to be true, and the Doctor laughed quietly to himself at how unjustifiably wonderful Jamie could be to him.
“Do me a favor and don’t mention to Peri that I’ve gone soft, please? Or I suppose, that I’m still soft, if we’re being technical? And remember, from my perspective, this is the first thing I’ve asked of you in centuries, so fair’s fair.”
“Aye,” Jamie breathed, nodding, “fair’s fair if I can ask something of you in return?”
“Which is?” Jamie didn’t answer until he’d planted himself directly in front of the Doctor, but he felt he knew what he was going to say before he spoke.
“Can I kiss you?” The Doctor nodded, slowly allowing his hands to find Jamie’s waist while Jamie brought his own arms up to drape around the Doctor’s neck. The height difference was new, and he felt Jamie rising slightly on the balls of his feet as he leaned in, but he let his eyes fall closed and found Jamie’s lips on faith, his arms sliding up to draw him closer. It wasn’t a particularly long kiss, and it was almost startlingly chaste in its simplicity, just one steady press of Jamie’s lips against his, but even that was nearly overwhelming under the circumstances. When it ended neither one of them made any move to pull apart, so the Doctor couldn’t see anything of Jamie’s expression as they stood chest to chest, only the top of his hair. His arms were still around Jamie’s shoulders when he spoke again. “Thank you.”
“Believe me,” he shook his head, “it wasn’t without its selfishness. I’ve been waiting a while to get to do that again – though not perhaps as long as you might think,” he admitted, stepping back towards the door again and dusting himself down. He didn’t look any more disheveled than he already had from the heat and the running and the sneaking about the hacienda, but he was left feeling so breathless he thought it must have been reflected in his appearance somewhere. He grinned. “And I’ll tell you something else, Jamie. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you since we last traveled together, either. You obviously haven’t done it yet, but you will one day.”
“You mean, I’m going to meet another version of you? Someone who comes between you and my Doctor?”
He nodded. It was a safe enough admission so long as he was too vague to create a paradox. Even if Jamie did wind up telling his younger self, a Time Lord’s need to avoid themself guaranteed that any past and future meetings were born out of some kind of necessity, as a rule, so there was nothing either of them could do to alter their occurrence.
“And from what you told me then, probably a version or two after myself as well. But I’m feeling selfish this regeneration, so I’m glad I got to be the next one you met. The one before me’s an old softie, and if you can stomach me I doubt you’ll have much trouble with the others,” he began to speculate for a moment, before turning back to smile genuinely at Jamie one more time. “It means a lot to me, you know.”
“I’ll no’ pretend I understand half of what you’ve said,” he admitted, shaking his head. He still looked a little dazed, but he was obviously pleased with himself too, and certainly less anxious than he’d been a few minutes ago, so he seemed content enough just dealing with the present for now. He came over to stand at the Doctor’s elbow, and offered him the brooch back with a small smile. He accepted it, aware of what Jamie meant, and pushed down on the door handle, the lock finally giving.
“Maybe not, but you will one day. You’ve always been smarter than you think.” Pocketing his wire and the brooch both, he gestured to Jamie to keep quiet, and the two of them continued on their way.