Chapter Text
Iren, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Eren, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
Erin: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Iren: playing systemic oppression
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*Eren dies in a game with ships*
Erin: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Erin: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Iren: Legend has it that Eren still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.
Eren: Of course I do.
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*The squad is having dinner together*
Iren: Eren, can you pass the salt?
Eren: *Throws Erin across the table*
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Iren: Sis where did Eren go?
Erin: They got arrested.
Iren: How the hell-
Eren: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.
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Iren: Eren, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
Eren: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later
Iren: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Erin.
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Iren: Where are my fucking keys?
Erin: Iren, Eren is around, can you say it a little nicer?
Iren: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!
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Iren: I told Eren his ears flush when they lie.
Erin: Why?
Iren: Look.
Iren: Hey Eren! Do you love us?
Eren, covering their ears: No.
Erin:
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Iren: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Eren, used to Iren being dumb: Sure...
Iren: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Eren: Okay?
Iren: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Eren:
Iren: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Eren: Archon, that one is a little-
Erin, interested: No, no, Iren, keep going.
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Iren: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Eren: Iren no.
Erin: Mistlefoe.
Eren: Please stop encouraging her.
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Eren: Nice rock.
Erin: Thanks, Iren gave it to me.
Iren: I threw it at you!
Erin: Isn't it the sweetest?
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Iren: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste
Eren: We got spring water
Iren: NO.
Erin: with EXTRA minerals
Eren: it's like licking a stalagmite
Iren: DON'T COME HOME.
Erin: Mmmmm cave water
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Iren, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!
Erin: Moose Tracks is good!
Eren: What the fuck is that!?
Erin: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-
Eren: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.
Iren and Erin: what?
Eren: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?
Iren: You done now?
Eren: Yeah ok.
Iren and Erin: ...
Eren: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?